


High School Is Cruel but Life Can Be Worse

by SpitFire20



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coma, F/F, Going to be a Long Ride, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Soccer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2020-11-07 15:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 150,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20819759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpitFire20/pseuds/SpitFire20
Summary: Every teenager has had ups and downs. Relationships are hard. Family is hard. With a whole life ahead of her, Clarke thought she was starting to figure it out, doing what her mom wanted with her dad's support. But her Junior Year throws her more than one curve ball that she wasn't prepared for. She loses some, wins some, but has to find a way to always carry on.- Try to bear with me guys, this is my first time writing so let me know if you see anything that doesn't make sense. Thanks! Hope you guys like the story. Planning for this to be a long one so buckle up!





	1. Here Comes The New Kids

Clarke grabbed her black leather jacket, her helmet, slipped her backpack on her shoulders and opened the front door. With a look around the house, she smiled and headed out.  


First day of school of Junior year on this summer, August day meant she was already sweating. It was hot outside but perfect riding weather for a teenager and motorcycle. A few clouds, a soft breeze, and Clarke had been dreading school starting but at least today it was looking like a good day. She may not learn anything she doesn’t already know, but the ride will be nice.  


So she locked up the empty house, walked out, and headed down the stairs of their suburban home. The neighborhood was the kind with trees lining the sidewalks, people walking their dogs, children and teenagers smiling and joking at the bus stops as you drove past, and the typical two story, three bedroom and two bathroom houses that typical American families grow up in.  


And Clarke loved it.  


She smiled at her bike too, her sixteenth birthday present from her father. It wasn’t anything special. In fact, it was actually something that most bikers would laugh at but her dad made her a compromise to get her a bike if he got to choose which one it was (Mom was not happy about it). So she got a Buell Blast with black and red paint. Something that’ll drive fast enough to get her places but not to the point to get her in trouble.  


When she had turned sixteen at the time, she wasn’t complaining.  


So she strapped on her helmet, and started the bike, backing out of the short driveway and heading off to school. As usual, on the drive every year, there were new bus routes, new students, old students. Sometimes, the simplicity of it was nice.  


Ten minutes later, she pulled into the school zone and into the parking spot that she had last year. Same old same old. She pulled her helmet off, running her fingers through her blonde hair and looked at the huge two story building that her school was.  


Polis High School. Best school in the country, but maybe she was a little biased.  


“Yo! Griffin is in the building!”  


She turned and smiled at Raven and Octavia, two of her best friends as they jumped out of Raven’s 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air, one she fixed up herself for the past 3 years, since eighth grade when her dad surprised her with it as a Christmas gift. It didn’t run back then and was missing some essential parts, but that’s what Raven loved about it. Her talent helped her fix it up herself and make it her own. That girl loved that car, genuinely.  


They all three group hugged like they didn’t hang out all summer, which was absurd since they saw each other last night. But this is how the years always started, with unnecessary group hugs.  


“So,” Octavia said as they all pulled back. Her dark hair and tanned skin was something that Clarke envied sometimes but she loved her friend just the same. “I know Raven is excited about classes but you’re with me, right, Clarke?”  


“I go to school for the socialization,” Clarke said with a smirk. “We all know the education here is below us anyway,” she chuckled.  


Raven groaned. “Definitely. God, I just want to go to MIT already. Or get to Houston. I need to build some rockets and go to the moon. I need to meet Elon Musk. I need to go to NASA. I want to build a rocket in Texas. I want to blow something up. I want it all.”  


“Texas is a trip you can make on your own,” Octavia chuckled. “I’m not coming with you. That’s not my kind of fun house.”  


“Me either,” Clarke included with a smile. “Love you, but med school is calling my name according to my mother.”  


“I’m just going to go to the military and kick ass,” Octavia shrugged. “Or I could be a cop. As long as I get to shoot something. Maybe I'll be a part of some secret service.”  


Both other girls looked at her with a nod, Raven especially. “Maybe I’ll build cool weapons for you.”  


“And Clarke can fix me up when they explode in my face.” Octavia beamed.  


The blonde one of the group rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to be your personal ER doctor.”  


“Let’s just go inside before we get in trouble on the first day. My mom would kill me,” Clarke said. She fixed up her backpack and looked at her two best friends, two beautiful brunettes that made Clarke be the best that she could be. And she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

\--------------------------------------------------------

The start of school was easy, as usual. Some honor classes with the science courses, Raven ragging on her teachers in her AP courses and proving she’s smarter than them. Octavia being the brat that she is, basically excelling in Spanish class and thinking about taking some kick boxing courses after school. They all had a few classes together here and there. It was simple, there was a routine. Their friends knew their routines too.  


And lunch was the same as it was last year.  


Jasper, the class clown. Monty, the computer genius, he sometimes called himself a hacktivist. Harper, the good girl. Bellamy, the protective older brother. Freaking Murphy, John Murphy… the jerk. He wasn’t always around. He was in and out of the group depending on who he pissed off, which was mostly Bellamy.  


Clarke loved them all though.  


“Still don’t want any improvements on that bike of yours?” Jasper asked as he sat down between Murphy and Monty. “Because, Raven and Monty could hook you up, my friend.”  


“It’s fine,” Clarke rolled her eyes, plopping down between Raven who was on her phone and Bellamy. Octavia still hadn’t showed up yet. “My dad bought it that way. I want it that way. So it stays that way. Stop trying to improve it. It’s fine.”  


“Someone is settling,” Jasper said in a teasing tone.  


“Let her be, man,” Bellamy warned.  


“Alright, alright.”  


“How’s classes going?” Harper asked the group. “Anyone already piss off their teachers?”  
Everyone but Monty and Clarke and Harper raised their hands, all smirking. Harper looked around and rolled her eyes. “Wow. Of course. Why should I ask anyway?”  


“Can’t expect too much from this group,” Clarke laughed.  


“Never.”  


“So, anyone see the new pieces in town?” Jasper asked.  


Everyone turned and looked at him with raised eyebrows. No one seemed to know. “What?” Clarke asked.  


“The new kids. They showed up on my bus ride this morning. They live right by you, Clarke,” Jasper said, pointing at her. “Like, next door, kind of. Where old Jack Johnson used to live. So a few houses down.”  


Clarke frowned. “Yeah, a new family moved in a few days ago but I didn’t see any kids, or whatever. There was a woman and a man that my mom met, seemed kind of stoic though, they didn’t mention any kids.”  


“Well, that’s definitely where we picked them up this morning.”  


Bellamy leaned forward. “What’d they look like?”  


Jasper paused. “Hot. Attractive. Gorgeous. Sexy. Athletic. And that’s just the guy that was with them.” 

Murphy laughed and Monty chuckled as Jasper shrugged with a teasing smile.  


Raven finally looked up from her phone and looked over. “What? Someone say my name? I heard Sexy.”  


Clarke rolled her eyes. “Now she gets torn from her phone.”  


“Excuse me. NASA has an announcement and it’s in my best interest to stay looped in with my future colleagues. Besides, I heard someone was hot, correct?”  


Jasper held up a hand with his pointer, middle, and ring finger up. “Three someones actually.”  


“A threesome? With who? You?” She asked.  


“Clarke’s new neighbors,” Monty interrupted, rolling his eyes. “And Jasper seems to be pretty obsessed at the moment.”  


“I’m not obsessed with them. I’m in love.”  


Bellamy chuckled. “With the guy or the girls?”  


“All three.”  


Raven raised an eyebrow. “So it’s a foursome?”  


Jasper sighed dramatically, head falling to his hands. “In my dreams.”  


Clarke perked up. “Speaking of Jasper’s obsessions, where’s Octavia? She’s normally last but usually here by now.”  


They all looked around a moment until Raven and Bellamy hit Clarke on opposite shoulders at the same time, causing the girl to jump slightly, and pointed across the cafeteria tables. The other entrance had four people, Octavia among them. One male, tall and handsome, two females. Both had brunette, long hair but while one had her hair down with mixes of blonde it with some waves and looked like she’d kill you, the other girl had her hair in a braid to one side like Katniss Everdeen almost. Her clothes, some jeans and v-neck with a jacket and combat boots were a lot less intimating than the leather that the other girl wore. And she was definitely… not unattractive. .  


“There’s O,” Raven stated with intrigued interest.  


Jasper turned and saw Octavia with the three new students. “That’s them!”  


“Shut up,” Murphy hissed as he reached around Monty to slap Jasper in the back of the head. “You moron. We’re trying to stare discreetly.”  


Jasper’s hands went to where Murphy slapped him. “Ouch.”  


“Idiot,” Raven murmured.  


“O didn’t waste time,” Bellamy said, obviously sizing up the one guy in the group. “She’s got those stupid googly eyes with that guy.”  


“And that guy looks like he could kick your ass,” Clarke said with a smirk. “I wouldn’t be going big brother on him anytime soon if I was you.”  


“He doesn’t look that strong.”  


“Ehhh,” Monty said. “I wouldn’t exactly doubt him, Bellamy.”  


Raven raised her hand. “I’ve got twenty bucks on the new kid.”  


“I think Bellamy could handle him,” Harper inputted. “He takes those boxing classes at least.”  


“Thank you,” Bellamy said, giving Harper a high five.  


A few moments later, the three new ones left Octavia and walked down the hallway, and Octavia made her way to the group of friends. She shoved Bellamy and slid between him and Clarke, giving them all a beaming smile and didn’t say a word.  


So everyone stared at her. And stared.  


And everyone waited.  


Until Octavia finally broke. “His name is Lincoln.”  


“Powerful name,” Jasper teased, giving Bellamy a look. “Good luck with a former president.”  


Octavia looked at her brother. “Don’t try to fight him. He’d put you in a hospital faster than you can say ‘don’t mess with my sister’.”  


Bellamy puffed his chest out a little bit. “Well, he better not mess with my sister.”  


“Seriously? I dropped my books, he picked them up, and he walked me to the cafeteria with his sisters. That’s it.”  


“So, those two are his sisters?” Clarke asked, eyebrow raised intriguingly.  


“Yeah, Lexa and Anya. The whole family is built with genes to make them…”  


Raven interrupted. “Gorgeous?”  


Octavia snapped her fingers. “Exactly. Not sure how but they’re all blessed with the gifts from Aphrodite.” Octavia and her Greek geekiness.  


Clarke chuckled, not going to deny that fact. One of the sisters, she’s not sure if it was Lexa or Anya, one of them had a way about her. And that was just based on a quick 10 second distant glance of her looks.  


Because the girl was hot. That was for sure.

\--------------------------------------

Clarke pulled into the driveway of her home later that day, seeing her dad’s car in the garage made her smile. He was in and out of town all the time being one of the major engineers for an international company. It was always difficult when he was away but amazing when he came home. He knew how to make the most of a situation. She beamed as the front door opened up as soon as she got off the bike, her father standing there.  


“I see you haven’t wrecked it yet.”  


Clarke pulled her helmet off, rolling her eyes. “You know I’m obsessed with this thing. I’ve kept her spotless for over a year.”  


“You definitely keep it shiny.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and held his arms out. “Now come give your old Papabear a hug.”  


Clarke rolled her eyes at the dramatics but ran forward and wrapped her whole body around her father. 

He lifted her off the ground and she smiled at how he could hold her like a child and make her feel like a little girl again. She missed him a lot when he was away.  


“How was Canada?” she asked as he set her down. “Did you convince the morons to do what they need you to do?”  


“I fixed the calibration on the machine after they decided to break it and then proceeded to try to fix it after they made the first mistake, made the problem worse, and then blamed tech support so the problem is temporarily fixed until they break again inevitably in the next six months and fly me back up there because apparently everyone in that area of the company is incompetent with computers. They are nice people though. 

Very generous with gifts.”  


“They just like having you up there.”  


“Or they enjoy torturing me…” He paused and smirked. “Like your mother.”  


Clarke rolled her eyes. “How was the plane ride?”  


“Atlanta security is that bad, actually. They have every right to be cautious but it cuts years off of my life, let me tell you. But I’m home now.” He stepped back, spreading his arms wide and beaming with the pearly whites that his dental insurance pays for. “And that means it’s time to party.”  


“Mom would die if you try that.”  


“Probably,” he shrugged. “But what’s life without a little fun and teasing of a significant other? I’m thinking, a neighborhood party this weekend. Invite some of the kids from your school, like a back to school pool party. I’ll grill out, we’ll have non-alcoholic root beer and grape juice so we don’t get in trouble, and,” he snapped his fingers excitedly, “we set off fireworks to end the night or not because we’d get in trouble. Who knows. Soccer, the pool, maybe? Huh? What do you think? I can paint a small soccer pitch in that extra space between the pool and the tree house.”  


For an instant, Clarke was ecstatic. Stoked actually, another party. But then realized something.  


Her new neighbors.  


Her new… hot and attractive neighbors.  


And she knew how her dad just loved to meet people, loved it a little too much. He met them before he flew out earlier, so there was no hiding them.  


“Who – who would we invite actually?” she asked hesitantly.  


“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “The usual crew, and maybe the new neighbors that were your age? The parents seemed nice enough I think.” Dammit. “If it’s cool with you,” he added at her sudden tenseness. He cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. “You… do you not like these kids?”  


She bit her lip as she hesitated. “It’s not that. More like I don’t know them. I haven’t actually met them.”  


“Do they seem off or weird? Like the people that eat all the marshmallows from the Lucky Charms without telling people? Or like serial killers?”  


Clarke rolled her eyes. “Dad, no. It’s nothing bad.”  


“So why’d you tense up like that, sweetheart?”  


“I just don’t know them,” she shrugged.  


“Hence the party!”  


Just then, the bus came through behind her driving past and Clarke paused and turned. Jasper, of course, had the window down from the back of the yellow vehicle and yelled “CLARKY, AND JAKE! JAKE IS BACK! MY MAN! THE TRUE BURRITO KING!”  


Jake chuckled and waved back, whistling at him as the bus pulled to a stop two houses down.  


“I love that kid. He’s hilarious,” Jake smirked.  


“He’s an idiot.”  


“You’re still friends with him.”  


Clarke didn’t respond. Because he was right. She was friends with him. But also because just then, the three new neighbors stepped off the bus.  


The guy came first, Lincoln, his black backpack slung over his shoulder as he looked tall and strong and intimidating. Basically everything Octavia every dreamed of. Clarke definitely didn’t fault her friend’s infatuation with him. She loved Greek mythology and he looked like a tanned Spartan from The 300.  


The next girl was Anya, according to Octavia. She explained who was who over many Jasper questions at lunch. A brooding looking soul, with a scowl but seemed to be closed off because of it. Her dirty blonde/brunette hair still looked gorgeous and flowed as the wind blew around her slightly with the breeze.  


And then Lexa.  


The one that caught Clarke’s attention in the cafeteria. Something about her strong yet soft features really had captivated Clarke and she didn’t mean to stare as they walked up their driveway. Lincoln and Anya talked as Lexa had her hands in her jeans pockets a few feet behind them and seemed to be staring at the concrete as she made her way towards the house with them.  


“They definitely don’t look like serial killers but look like the good kind of trouble,” Jake said teasingly, hitting his daughter’s shoulder lightly with a squeeze of his hand. “In fact, that girl trailing behind the other two seems to be your type.”  


“I don’t have a type,” she shot back with a blush and a warning.  


“You’re right. She’s nothing like Niylah, but you have a look though,” he said high pitched and beamed, backing up towards the house. “And if you keep staring, she’s going to see that look first hand.”  


“Dad,” she threatened, glaring at him as she walked away from him. “Shut up or they’ll hear you.”  


“Ha!” He said loudly, immediately clamping his hand over her mouth and looking over to see if the other three heard them. They didn’t and walked into their new house, out of sight a few seconds later. Jake turned back to his daughter, a mischievous look in his eye. “They’re coming to the party.”  


“Dad–”  


He turned, hand up to cut her off. “Call me Cupid.”  


“Don’t you dare,” Clarke threatened.  


He opened the door to the house, gesturing Clarke inside. “Come on in, sweetheart. We have planning to do.”  


She sighed, knowing how ridiculous her dad is. “I can see why Mom says and acts like she does when you get in these moods. If you embarrass me at all, Dad…”  


“Never,” he said with a bright smile.


	2. Party Time At The Griffins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party goes as smoothly as one could expect from a set of high school hooligans led by one Jake Griffin. Accidents happen. People get embarrassed. But will it be worth it?

Clarke lied back on her bed, staring at the ceiling, hands behind her head as she worried her bottom lip.  


“So,” Raven said from the floor, in the same positioning as Clarke. “Let me get this straight. The hot three musketeers are coming to your party?”  


Clarke nodded. “Apparently, my dad talked to their mom and she was hesitant but then Octavia had mentioned it to Lincoln and he told his sisters to push for it and basically got the okay because he really wants to go to hang out with Octavia. But she said that it took some convincing for some reason. Their mom seems pretty cautious of those three.”  


“Thank you, Octavia,” Raven beamed, throwing a tennis ball up and down playfully. “At least now, I have a chance to go after one of the sisters.”  


Clarke gave her a look. “Do you think it’s weird that they’re all apparently brothers and sisters and in the same grade?”  


Raven thought for a moment. “Maybe they’re adopted. But they do all look kind of a like. Who knows? I don’t care about their actual relations as long as Anya is at the party, honestly.”  


That got Clarke’s attention. “So you genuinely like Anya?” Not Lexa. Thank God. She didn’t want to have to fight Raven for a girl.  


“I mean, I haven’t had a chance to speak to her but yeah, she’s hot. And Octavia said she and Lexa are trying out for the soccer team.”  


“So?” Clarke asked.  


“So, I like watching sports. All sports. Especially soccer. Women’s soccer, actually.”  


Clarke raised on her elbows and looked down at her friend on the floor who was talking out of her ass. “You’ve never watched a game of soccer in your life.”  


“But I know Alex Morgan.”  


“We all do. She’s hot,” Clarke said with an eye roll. “Doesn’t make you some huge soccer fan just because you follow her on Instagram. You’ve never even watched a game from our high school, or any of the games Octavia and I go see.”  


“You watch the boy’s games mostly.”  


“You know that’s a lie. We watch them both.”  


“Whatever. I’m into sports for the girls only at the moment. Boys are dumb.”  


Clarke sat up and threw a pillow at Raven, causing the tennis ball to bounce off against the desk in the corner.  


“Hey, what the hell!”  


Clarke glared at her. “You’re not becoming some huge fake soccer fan so you can drool over Anya from fifty yards away.”  


“Fine, I’ll just date her.”  


“Nice confidence, Johnny Bravo.”  


Raven sat up then, grabbing the tennis ball and leaning back on the floor again. “It’s not confidence when I know it’s true.”  


“Don’t act like some big hot shot. When’s the last time you went on a date exactly?”  


Raven paused. Clarke was worried that might bring up some bad memories actually but the other girl shrugged it off luckily. “Touché. But you haven’t dated since those banging dates with Niylah in the Spring, so I can say the same to you.”  


“I’m also not determined that I’m going to be some badass that Anya falls for. I know I’m not some hot shot.”  


“Maybe not for Anya, but definitely Lexa. And you are a hot shot.” She threw the ball quickly at Clarke, missing a bit from the awkward angle on the floor. “Don’t you forget that. You're a babe, honestly.”  


Clarke grunted once. “I haven’t felt ‘hot’ in a long time. After what Finn did. Then Niylah breaking things off. Doesn’t exactly boost a girl’s confidence.”  


“It wasn’t Niylah’s fault. You guys kind of agreed. You weren’t ready for a relationship with her back then and it scared you. She understood and took it okay I think. You both handled it like adults, I’m proud to say.”  


“Still sucks.”  


“That’s why I love your dad. He knows that. And we could both use a party to boost some confidence.”  


Clarke groaned and covered her face with her hands. “The idea of my dad knowing I’m not ‘getting any’ makes me want to throw up.”  


“But that’s what makes him the cool dad.”  


“It’s annoying.”  


“Don’t lie. You love him.” Raven stood up then and plopped herself down on the bed next to Clarke. “Well, all of our friends, some other random people, and the hotty sisters are coming to this party. So the question is... what are we wearing?”  


“Something with sugar, spice, and everything nice?”  


“Sexy and dressy?”  


“And a little messy?”  


“As long as it comes off easy?” Raven added, smirking and they both burst out laughing together.

\--------------------------------------------  
  


Clarke stood in front of the mirror in her favorite black bathing suit bikini, with a pattern of white (very fake) diamonds along the top part and a zig-zag design with the straps across her shoulder blades and down to her mid back. She felt good, but nervous. Very nervous.  


All week she’d been seeing Lexa here and there in the hallways, but Lexa never fully acknowledged her. And it was killing Clarke. Lincoln said hey once, after Octavia introduced him to the group. He had confirmed that he and his sisters were indeed coming to the pool party, the one that’s today.  


She saw her this morning too, driving to school. She felt Lexa’s eyes on her as she grabbed her helmet, started her bike, and blushed the whole time as she drove off in the wrong direction just to avoid driving right passed her house. Clarke was afraid she’d wreck because she’d already ran into two walls at school just walking and looking at Lexa. Raven definitely hasn’t let her forget those instances.  


How she was going to make it through this party is a question that may or may not be answerable.  


She had a feeling she was going to drown.  


Suddenly, an approving whistle came through her room and she turned to see Raven there, smirking at her with her arms crossed in her own red and simple bikini. She winked once at Clarke from the doorway after looking up and down at her. “You look hot, babe.”  


Clarke rolled her eyes. “You get a hold of this once, Raven. You already handed in your ticket.”  


“That was a fun night. All things considering.”  


“We were drunk.”  


“Still fun despite the circumstances.”  


Clarke chuckled, giving herself one more look over before turning, walking to her bed, and dropping on it. “I’m terrified of tonight. Everyone will be here in like thirty minutes and I’m not mentally prepared.”  


Raven walked in, plopping next to Clarke on her back. “I got the low-down on Lexa’s attire if you want to hear it.”  


“Should I be scared?”  


“She’s into board shorts, so if that doesn’t scream gay then I don’t know what does.”  


Clarke bit her lip. No one had actually said anything about Lexa being gay, yet, but Clarke and Raven had their suspicions. It was a little more than just obvious. The vans that she wears, the flannels, the cut off t-shirt, her athleticism (which means nothing when it comes to sexuality but it sure gave Clarke a show) and the way she keeps her to herself gave Raven and Clarke plenty of room to think and wonder. Although being a lesbian doesn’t mean that you technically have to be introverted but whatever.  


They also had no clue about Anya, much to Raven’s distress. At least, they knew nothing other than what Octavia briefly hears occasionally.  


“So Lincoln won’t say one way or another with either of them?”  


Raven shook her head no. “O said she asked once about Lexa because of something she overheard and he got really defensive. And they just met this week so it’s not like she’s in the place to poke and snoop about his family just yet.”  


“So what’s the plan? We flirt and see if they flirt back?”  


“Absolutely,” Raven said with a smile in her tone. Clarke sighed and covered her face with her hands. The idea of rejection settled into the back of her mind. “We’re both a catch, I’m sure that if they’re into girls in anyway way, shape, or form, we will know by tonight.”  


Clarke groaned loudly. “You’re more confident in your sex appeal than normal today. And I most definitely am not.”  


“I’m always confident, just never interested in that many people. Something about Anya just gets my gears going.”  


Clarke rolled her eyes, dropping her hands. “You and your mechanical jokes, I swear.”  


“GIRLS! Get down here and help us set up!” her mother yelled from downstairs. They both sat up in the bed as her mom continued. “We need drinks and food assistance!”  


“Duty calls,” Clarke sighed, standing and giving herself one more look in the mirror. Hair braided and ready.  


“Here.” She turned as Raven called at her, throwing a black Atlanta United Soccer hat at her. “Put that on. Keep it backwards though.”  


Clarke did as she was told but was hesitant. “Does this look like I’m trying too hard to be bisexual?”  


“Looks like you’re trying to get a point across,” Raven smirked. “And it makes you look like the long haired, blonde version of Ruby Rose.”  


“Really?”  


“No,” Raven chuckled but she winked one last time. “But it does make your boobs look bigger.”  


“Whatever,” Clarke chuckled, throwing a sock at Raven jokingly. “If we aren’t married by the time we’re both thirty, can we just agree to marry each other?”  


“You’ve always been my backup plan, Griffin,” Raven beamed. “Now come on, we’ve got some girls to impress.”

\--------------------------------------------  
  


The party was a success for the Griffin family.  


Over forty of Clarke’s friends from school, some of their friends, and many of the family showed up bringing food and drinks with them. Everyone already ate almost all of the hotdogs and hamburgers that her father had prepared and now the adults were enjoying their beers, the teens were playing around in the pool or in the backyard where a miniature soccer game had started up, and there were nothing but smiles all around.  


Except for Clarke, who still hadn’t managed to talk to Lexa.  


The first time she tried, they were all getting food and Clarke was walking past her and was just going to ask if she was having a good time, but she backed out and kept talking to Monty as they walked inside.  


The second time, Lexa was in her blue, green, and black board shorts and black bikini top, standing by the pool talking to Anya while drinking some of the punch that Clarke’s mother, Abby, had made. And she was almost done with the drink and Clarke was just going to ask if she wanted some more and introduce herself. But she didn’t and kept talking to a group from her intro anatomy class.  


The third time was a few minutes ago as the soccer ball got kicked in Clarke’s direction and Lexa ran towards it. They had a very small and brief few seconds of eye contact until Jasper came and grabbed the ball, blocking Clarke’s view and throwing it at Lexa as she jogged back her towards the small, backyard field that Jake had made up a while back for Octavia and Clarke to mess around in.  


So she’d failed. Over and over.  


Now, she sat on the edge of the pool with her feet in the water, back to the soccer field so she could ignore the way that Lexa’s muscles and abdomen tensed and moved as she had no shirt on while playing. It should be illegal to look that good. Board shorts and a bikini on tanned skin was a weakness for her apparently.  


And she was just contemplating it, watching as her friends all enjoyed the party when she heard it.  


“Heads Up!”  


She didn’t catch on, and she felt the soccer ball hit her with full force in the back of the head. She fell forward, mouth open in surprise as she went under, swallowing half the pool as pain moved through her skull. Luckily, she wasn’t in the deep end, caught her footing quickly enough and stood, breaking the surface of the pool. What felt like a gallon of water flooded out of her lungs though as she started coughing and choking and squinted as her head pounded from the ball. She rubbed at her eyes and opened them just as she heard –  


“Jesus, Anya. You’re supposed to be good at this sport. What the hell?” The voice was much closer than Clarke thought it would’ve come from, despite the water in her ears.  


“Sorry!” She heard Anya yell from further back. “Is she okay?”  


“Probably not, you moron.” Finally Clarke got her bearings and her eyes cleared out from the chlorine water and her lungs free of water as she opened her eyes and breathed. Lexa was squatting by the side of the pool, right where Clarke previously sat, small beads of sweat dripping down her face and neck onto her cleavage from her bikini top and Clarke blamed the headache and the water in her eyes for staring. Lexa waved her hands in front of Clarke’s face. “Hey, Clarke, you there? Feel like you have a concussion? Are you dizzy?”  


She coughed one last time, rubbing one eye as she shook her head, trying to get the water from her ears too. “Um, yeah. I’m fine. Was that….”  


“Anya made a stupid pass and kicked it way too hard. She practically drilled you with the ball. But don’t worry, she’s definitely going to get what’s coming to her, I promise.” Lexa gave her sister a glare before turning back to her with a small, apologetic smile. “Goalkeepers aren’t real soccer players anyway.”  


Clarke smiled back softly, trying to focus on anything other than how pretty Lexa was. “Thanks.” She quickly tried to fix her hair, realizing that she probably looked like a mess now as Lexa smiled down at her.  


Suddenly, Abby was by Lexa’s side, squatting down as well. “Clarke, are you okay? I told your father that field was a bad idea.”  


“Yeah,” she mumbled, instantly rubbing her head as a cover for the staring, and she glanced at her mother quickly. “Although my head is killing me. Seems fit I get hurt at my own party.”  


“You may need to ice it,” Lexa stated.  


Abby looked at Lexa for a weary moment and then back at Clarke. “I agree.”  


“I’ll be fine, really,” Clarke groaned, moving to get out of the pool and then she got slightly dizzy and slipped back in so as not to fall.  


But Lexa reached out and grabbed her arm before she fell under completely again. “Hey, I’ll help you out and get that iced, alright? Come on.”  


She held her other hand out and Clarke took a deep breath to calm herself before reaching out and letting Lexa pull her up. And she pulled her up so easily. So… so easily. Before Clarke knew it, her feet were on the ground and Lexa’s hand was still wrapped around her bicep, holding her steady. “Still okay?”  


“Yeah,” Clarke mumbled and looked up at her mom. “I’m going to lay down on the couch inside.”  


“Here,” Abby said, holding out a towel and Lexa let go of Clarke as she wrapped it around her shoulders. “I’ll get the ice pack.”  


“And I’ll help you inside,” Lexa said, leaving little room to argue as she kept one hand on Clarke’s shoulder and followed her inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Any soccer fans out there? Let me know what you guys like!


	3. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check it out, Let me know what you guys think :)

They didn’t really speak until Clarke was settled. Luckily there was music to cover the silence. Abby gave Clarke the ice pack, and Lexa gently grabbed it and held it against Clarke’s head around the back. She was gentle, so gentle, and Clarke closed her eyes and hissed as the cold hit her wet hair. Then she realized.

“My hat–”

“Monty grabbed it,” Lexa said, holding the ice pack still, pointing behind her to the hat on the towel. “I didn’t really peg you as a soccer fan, honestly. The hat caught me by surprise.”

She raised an eyebrow at her with as much of a smirk as she could muster. “Why so surprising?”

“You didn’t seem like a sports kind of girl.”

Clarke turned her head slightly, immediately meeting Lexa’s gaze. “And what kind of girl did I seem like, exactly? Have you been watching me?”

Lexa swallowed, her eyes widening and obviously thrown off by the question. She seemed to mentally back track the conversation, and Clarke saw that her eyes went from the worried that had been there for the last ten minutes to… Concern? But not concern for Clarke.

And Clarke suddenly felt bad for asking.

“That was a stupid question. We don’t even really know each other,” Clarke said quickly, trying to backtrack the conversation herself away from flirting on a first meeting. “But, um, thanks for helping me, anyway. I appreciate it.”

Lexa relaxed a little at the change of pace. “No problem. Although I am sorry that my sister chose that exact moment to suck at the sport that she’s obviously got natural born talent in. Guess that’s why she’s a goalkeeper.”

“We all make mistakes, right?”

“Right,” Lexa said. “And Anya made hers and she’ll regret it. Promise.”

“You’re pretty adamant about going to defend my honor?” Clarke teased.

Lexa fixed up the ice pack again on the back of Clarke’s head, taking a few seconds to answer. “I have a feeling that if you’re not caught off guard, you can defend yourself easily enough.”

They made eye contact quickly and suddenly there was another person, a particular person that Clarke loved and hated in that moment.

“Clarke! Babe, are you okay?” Raven said quickly, dropping her hand to Clarke’s shoulder as she rounded the couch and plopped next to her. Lexa pulled back suddenly and Clarke turned, wincing slightly as she did. “Monty told me what happened. Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, Raven,” she said with a little more bite than normal with her friend. “Lexa was helping me out.”

“Oh,” and then Raven’s eyes really widened. “Oh! Oh shit, my bad. I just – Monty told me you got wrecked and fell in the pool–”

“I wasn’t wrecked.”

“– and I got worried. Sorry. Your mom check you out?”

“She and Lexa agreed that icing it would be fine, which we were in the middle of quietly doing without you screaming in my ear.”

At that, Lexa seemed to realize she wasn’t anymore and moved the ice bag back to Clarke’s head.

“Right,” Raven said slowly, extremely and agonizingly slow. “So, you’re in good hands. I mean, Lexa’s hands – not good hands. Not that your hands aren’t good to be in. I just – okay, yeah. I’m going to go.” She paused. “Do I have permission to bitch out Anya for doing this to you? Any chance to talk to her, I’ll take.”

Lexa chuckled once. Both girls turned to look at her, a slight blush on her cheeks. “Be my guest. I’d love to see someone put her in her place. I’m getting bored of doing it over the last few years.”

“Perfect. Let me know if you need anything,” Raven said, kissing Clarke’s cheek and Clarke rolled her eyes at the action. “I have to go bitch out a very attractive woman that could probably kill me so wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Clarke and Lexa said together as Raven ran off outside.

Lexa was quiet a moment. “She’s interesting.”

“That’s my best friend for you.”

“She definitely cares about you a lot. If I didn’t know she liked Anya, I would’ve thought you two were together.”

“We’ve been through a lot together. So we’re really close. I love Octavia too and people call us the three musketeers or whatever they come up with but Raven and I have always just been a little closer.”

“Hmm,” Lexa hummed, nodding once.

They were quiet for a moment before Lexa spoke again. “Anya is like that for me, but I’ve never kissed Anya before, for very obvious reasons.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “How did you–” She paused when Lexa gave her a look. “Never mind. You’re right anyway.”

“Was it a one-time thing with Raven or…?”

Clarke did not want to discuss something like her hook up with Raven before her problems with Niylah. She was worried that might lead to the Finn conversation since that’s what started it. But she and Raven had kissed other times, like during spin the bottle or truth or dare, but she really wanted to talk about that with Lexa? That was information that a lot of people at school didn’t even know.

“I don’t mean to pry,” Lexa said, dropping the ice pack. She reached behind her, grabbed the now still wet ATL United hat and placed it gently on Clarke’s head. “Just wondering if you and Raven are a thing but that’s not my place. I’ve just never lived in a place with so much… affection.”

Clarke pursed her lips at Lexa’s choice of words. “What do you mean?”

“Anya and I were in a boarding school for a short while since our birth parents weren’t huge fans of us. Well, fans of me.” Clarke kept that information in the mental bank. Birth parents. Very specific wording. “And boarding school is different in Europe. Strict. Stick to the rules. Bad consequences for any kind of PDA.” Lexa shrugged at Clarke’s stunned expression. “I’m pretty sure my parents at the time found the worst place that they could send us to on purpose. That place was basically stuck in the 20’s. We were barely allowed to dance with other humans at dances, much less kiss openly or call each other ‘babe’ for whatever reason.”

“Raven has had some tough times, she likes to show affection when she feels it so people know that she cares.”

Lexa nodded. “That’s going to take some getting used to I guess.”

Clarke smiled. “You planning on sticking around a while to find out?”

She shrugged with a smile as well, avoiding eye contact as she answered. “Maybe.”

Interesting. “So you moved here from Boarding school?”

“Anya and I did. Lincoln is our adopted brother.” Adoption, okay. One point to the brain bank of Clarke. “A good friend of Anya’s back where we used to live before we were shipped out. I knew him but they did a lot of extra stuff outside of school together, having the same friends group. His mother and father took me and Anya in and adopted us a few months ago, pulled us out of the boarding school and brought us here when Gustus got a new job this summer with the police department. Upgraded to a salary and a little more desk work than he likes but he wanted it. I can never thank them enough for going at my parents like they did, getting us out of there. But needed it.”

“For a new start of sorts? What happened to your parents if you’re legally, you know, not theirs anymore?”

Lexa bit her lip and thought for a moment, hearing the yelling coming from Anya to ‘Relax, Reyes’, from right outside the glass doors. “I actually have to get back and make sure Anya and Raven don’t get into any more trouble. There’s only one ice pack, anyway,” Lexa said with a nervous chuckled. “Think you can take it from here?” she asked, holding the ice pack to Clarke.

She nodded, instantly regretting it from the pain, and grabbed the ice pack from Lexa. “Thanks, Lexa.”

“No problem, Clarke. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll survive. Should be just a small concussion so I should make it until tomorrow.”

“Good to know,” Lexa said, giving her a small smile. “So, I’ll see you back out there?”

“Yeah.”

Lexa’s smile widened just slightly more and she stumbled backwards towards the back door again, moving a little clumsily and giving Clarke one last look before sliding out the door to the backyard.

That’s not how Clarke pictured their first interaction, especially with how bad her head hurt, but she’d take it. Concussion and all.

\----------------------------------

Clarke and Lexa didn’t interact much more after that. Clarke recovered and made it back outside after a short time, and the soccer game and pool fun continued easily enough. Some of her friends occasionally asked and double checked on her so she was always around other people, getting pulled into different games and conversations.  
But that didn’t stop her from staring at Lexa any chance that she got.

She contemplated the conversation, about the boarding school and Lexa’s view on affection. It makes sense. She never saw Lexa and Anya hug, pat each other on the back, they barely smiled at each other. Except while playing soccer and they were still pretty physically distant. They only gave each other the occasional high five. Lincoln was much more on hugging, smiling, affection in general, always grabbing his sisters and teasing them.  
Clarke wondered how badly that boarding school had to be to make Anya and Lexa like that. Because they weren’t dark. They were just guarded, even with each other sometimes.

She just found it curious, very curious.

“That was quite the rescue earlier.”

Clarke turned to her dad. He was leaning against one of the tiki torches, an unlit cigar in his mouth with a knowing smile on his face. “That’s our new neighbor, right? Ms. Heroic who ran over and pulled you out of pool? Your super-secret crush you don’t want to talk about?”

“Her name is Lexa,” Clarke said with an eye roll. “And yes, but don’t make it so dramatic. Her sister hit me with the soccer ball first.”

He rolled his eyes at her. “I failed as a father. Didn’t you ever hear not to turn your back on the ball? I had to have told you that at some point.”

“When I was seven. It’s been a while since I actually played.”

“Ugh, I have definitely failed as a parent.” Jake reached up and took the cigar out of his mouth, giving his daughter an expression with a twinkle in his eye. “Aside from that though, she seemed… very concerned about your wellbeing. Any flags come up about that?”

Clarke blushed and crossed her arms, turning to stand beside her dad instead of face him. They both looked over the backyard and yet again, her eyes landed on Lexa as she pointed at Anya to pass the ball to Lincoln. “She’s sweet.”

“She is. And…”

“Kind.”

“And…”

Clarke groaned. “Dad, that was our first interaction. Come on, stop pushing.”

He shrugged once and wrapped his arm around Clarke’s shoulder, his other hand holding and twisting the cigar playfully. “Seemed like hell of a first impression.”

“Stop playing Cupid.”

“I never play about my daughter’s lack of intimacy. Raven told me everything.”

Her eyes widened and she glared at him. “Okay, no. I’m leaving.”

And she walked off as he laughed, circling around the pool and spent the next hour talking to Raven (who was surprisingly chill about the Lexa conversation and not so chill about Clarke’s accusations of her and her father), hanging out with Octavia and playing around in the pool with her other friends. Gradually, people started leaving, one family after another as the sun set, as the backyard started to light up with the porch lights and pool designs that her dad had spent years working on. Clarke always loved her back yard in the summer. It had her dad written all over it with how bright and eccentric it was. The small fireworks he set off between him and Raven were classic them too. Some things will never change.

Raven slid next to her, giving her a big hug and wrapping her hands around her waist as the last few people started to gather their things. “I think your dad would call this a success.”

“Right,” Clarke agreed. She rubbed the back of her head. “With only one accident that occurred to his only daughter.”

“And I hope you’re okay,” said another voice behind them.

They both turned to Lexa, Lincoln, and Anya walking towards them. Raven dropped her hand from Clarke’s waist quickly, almost too quickly. The blonde noticed Lexa’s eyes follow the movement but didn’t comment on it.

Clarke was surprised to find that the question/statement came from Anya’s worried expression. “It hurts a bit but I’m getting there.”

Anya gave her a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, again.”

“Are you?” Raven asked sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

“It really was an accident, Reyes. And I don’t need another lecture.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “You should feel honored to get one of my lectures.”

“There’s too much estrogen here right now,” one of Clarke’s favorite people said.

Octavia came up after her jabbing statement, grabbing Lincoln and he said his goodbyes quickly as Octavia pulled him out of the backyard and into the house. Lexa looked after them, one eyebrow raised.

“She knows that she produces estrogen, right?” Anya asked, pointing after them.

Raven shrugged. “She’s awesome and all, but she can barely handle me and Clarke for too long. Poor girl is built to have testosterone for company.”

“Good thing she’s straight,” Clarke chuckled. Lexa’s eyebrow quirked up at the statement as Raven wrapped her arm around Clarke again with a laugh.

“Unlike some people I know.”

Lexa’s eyes widened but Anya spoke quickly instead. “Sorry, again, Clarke,” she said. “Really. I was kind of trying to hit a hard pass when I got bad footing and you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

She tightened her arms around Raven as the other girl chuckled. “Pleeeaaaase, Clarke is the story of wrong place, wrong time.”

“Let’s not bring that up right now,” the blonde shot back.

“Which time?”

Clarke shoved Raven gently, pulling away to see Lexa eyeing the interaction with interest. She stepped back, pointing teasingly at Raven before looking at the sisters. “So, you guys heading home too?”

“Think so.” Anya said. “Lexa already asked your mom about clean up duty already and did what she could before Jake yelled at her.”  
Clarke looked around and sure enough, most of the plastic cups and plates were at least in the trash, which was tied up in a pile, the chairs were stacked by the house, and Clarke wondered how she didn’t notice it before.

“You didn’t have to,” Clarke said, giving the girl in question a thankful expression.

“Yeah, she did,” Anya chuckled. “She can’t help it. It’s built in her brain to please pretty girls.”

“Shut up.” Lexa hissed and grabbed Anya’s arm hard and with tension, pulling her towards the house. “We’ll be seeing you guys okay?” Suddenly in a hurry to leave.

“Absolutely,” Raven said with a sultry tone. Clarke smacked her shoulder. “I mean, at school. Yes, at school.”

Lexa smiled more relaxed at that, even shyly with a chuckle, Anya giving Raven a look as well that went up and down. Lexa then shoved Anya in the right direction quickly. “Bye Clarke.”

“Bye Lexa.” She responded, watching as the sisters made it in the house and were gone.

Raven burst out laughing after a few silent seconds of Clarke staring. “Well, that was adorable.”

Clarke punched her shoulder much harder this time. “Shut up and get to work.”

Raven laughed and beamed. “Yes, Ms. Griffin.”

\-----------------------------

Clarke dropped her helmet in her locker like she’s done countless times before, putting it up on the hook and slid her jacket off to place it there as well. She reached into her bag, grabbing her gloves out and putting them up when Raven was at her side an instant later, leaning against the locker.

“So, good weekend?”

“You were there for my whole weekend.”

“Not Saturday morning.”

“You’re point?”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Friday was a big day for you so I let it go on Saturday because I didn’t want to push but I’m going to push now and say did you happen to talk to Lexa at all this weekend?”

Clarke shut her locker, reaching for her bag to throw it on her shoulder. “No, I didn’t. She was… occupied, I guess.”

“Well, of the three of us, Octavia is succeeding with her sibling of interest and he said that some sisters kicked ass yesterday at some of the tryouts for the soccer team. She’s sure to make the team. And Anya is one hell of a keeper I think.”

“You think?” Clarke laughed insultingly. “You. Don’t. Watch. Soccer. You probably don’t even know who Hope Solo or Brianna Scurry are, do you?” Raven opened her mouth but Clarke cut her off. “Don’t answer that with some smartass comment.”

She closed her mouth.

“Thank you,” Clarke smirked. “Now, are you are going to bug me about my crush or get to first period before you get detention?”

“You got detention again?” Octavia said as she appeared, draping her arm over Clarke’s shoulder with a squeeze of a side hug before letting her go again.

“No,” Clarke answered. “And that was freshmen year. One time. This one on the other hand,” she said, pointing towards Raven.

And the raven haired girl held her hands up. “I confess. I will go to detention for many things. And many more to come I’m sure.”

“Try not to within the first month,” Octavia said and then she smirked. “But Lincoln told me Anya likes girls that bend the rules so…”

Raven beamed. “Good to know.”

Clarke fixed up her bag one more time on her shoulder. “You’re ridiculous. And I’m leaving.”

She took off, ignoring the cat-calling from Raven as she made her way down the hall with Octavia right next to her. They had their first class together, like they almost always had oddly enough. It gave her some time with the more athletic one of their trio without the brains getting in the way.

“So, Raven told me about Lexa after the party. And she seemed pretty concerned about you when Anya hit you.”

“It was an accident.”

“Maybe. But there were many people there worried about you. None of us sat there with you for ten minutes with ice on the back of your head.”

“She was being nice.”

“No, Raven is nice. Lexa was being, dare I say it,” Octavia paused, “Sweet. She was being sweet. And concerned for someone who she’d really never spoken to at all, but she spoke a lot with your dad that night so I’m sure he put in a good word for you.”

Clarke stopped. “My dad talked to her?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No, God no,” Clarke exclaimed and then lowered her voice as one of the football players passed and gave her a look. “He teased me. All. Weekend. About getting hit in the head and how she acted. But he didn’t tell me he talked to her other than to try to invite her to the party because I looked at her once last week, one time. Uno times. She was in the driveway just getting off the damn bus and he just got home and he… I swear, if he told her anything–”

“He won’t,” Octavia said instantly. “He’s a good dad. He teases but he’s not going to do something you don’t want him to do. If it doesn’t help you at least.”

“He stresses me out. He left this morning for Texas for the next week so at least I’m safe until he’s back.”

“You stress me out when you do this thinking thing,” Octavia countered back. “So why don’t you just stop, relax, and enjoy the fact that your dad actually likes someone you’re interested in.”

Clarke glared at her as they paused outside first period. “That’s the scary part.”

“It’s not a bad thing.”

“Debatable. That means I’m in for endless torture and jokes.”

“We just have to get your mom on board now,” Octavia said, worrying her bottom lip.

That got a sigh out of her. “Good luck with that. My mom doesn’t even like me.”

\------------------------------

Clarke pulled her bike into her driveway after school later that Monday afternoon to find the bus a few houses down dropping off the hot neighbors again, starting off this week just as the last.

She slid her own helmet off just as Lexa stepped off the bus and looked in her direction.

With a nervous smile, Clarke waved.

Lexa waved back and then pointed to her head, a question in her eyes.

_How’s your head?_

Clarke moved her thumb parallel to the floor and gave a shrug.

Lexa chuckled, shaking her head as Anya turned and said something that Clarke couldn’t make out. Lexa immediately shoved her sister forward, pointing the house and the two followed Lincoln who was glued to his phone.

With a blush on her face, Clarke made her way into her own house, dropping her bag, helmet, and jacket by the front door and yelled, “Anyone home?!”

“Kitchen!”

Abby was standing over her computer, a cup of coffee in her hands as she read what was probably another peer reviewed article about the medical field that Clarke would have to read in the future as well. Part of her was excited about that. Part of her thought that her mother pushed her to be excited about but she let that slide for now.  
So the daughter of the doctor stepped up next to her, glancing at an increasingly long title and big words that she didn’t understand yet. “Looks fun.”

“It better. It’ll be your job for the rest of your life to interpret some of this stuff.”

“Thanks for the heads up. Good to know I have a choice and all that.”

She gave Clarke a knowledgeable look, reading for a few more seconds before closing the laptop and relaxing into the bar stool, turning to face her daughter. Her expression was serious, not playful. “How was school?”

“Good.”

“Classes?”

“Easy enough.”

“Raven still showing off?”

“As usual,” Clarke answered. She knew Raven found her mom hot so she immediately wanted to change the subject. “Did Dad make out to Texas okay?”

Abby nodded. “Safe and sound. Says that he’ll be there for a few days minimum but he can’t leave until the project is done. Being a perfectionist is a gift and a curse.”

Clarke nodded. “And speaking of perfectionists, when does your shift start?”

“Two hours,” she sighed, looking down at her watch on her wrist. “Twenty four hour shift so I won’t see you until tomorrow afternoon–”

“And you’ll probably be exhausted,” Clarke finished. “I know the routine Mom. I can make some dinner if you want. Lasagna?”

“The Stouffer’s kind from the freezer?”

“That’s the only kind I can make.”

Abby gave her daughter a small smile. “Thank you. I’ll see you then. But for now, I have to shower and mentally prepare myself for this shift with Dr. Jackson. It’s just the two of us, so go ahead and pray.” She stood, giving Clarke a small hug, unlike the ones that she shared with her father. “There’s twenty dollars on the table by the front door if you need it for gas or food. Just don’t go crazy with Raven’s ideas, alright?”

“She funds her own stupidity,” Clarke promised. “I stay out of it until the show starts.”

Abby nodded as she walked off. One thing was for sure that Clarke knew. Her mom was quiet around a lot of people but at least she loved Raven and Octavia. She definitely approved of those two, and Clarke was more than thankful for that. Sometimes, she thought that Abby loved her friends more than her daughter.


	4. To the Moon?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient everybody! I enjoy the comments too, I just get busy and I'm not always able to respond, and then I forget but I see you! Thank you! Hope you enjoy the next chapter.

Some weeks into school and Clarke was enjoying Junior year. Octavia, Raven, and herself hadn’t gotten into too much trouble yet, although Raven did almost set off a hydrogen gas explosion in the chemistry lab after school last week to “show you guys what we learned in school today” with that stupid little smirk that means trouble.

And the rest of the gang was doing well. Murphy hit on Octavia once though and Bellamy punched him so he once again was casually out of the group. Monty and Harper were going strong from their summer fling, Jasper was making jokes to get through school, and Bellamy was constantly glaring at Octavia and Lincoln as if to be a protective brother.

That pair was getting along well. Octavia said that not much had happened physically, much to her disappointment. Seems like Lincoln is quite the gentleman. But there were plenty of coffee dates, a few dinner and movie dates. Clarke was happy for her, so was Raven. Octavia hadn’t had much in the dating life with Bellamy scaring everybody off. Lincoln wasn’t scared easily though.

  
And Lexa and Anya were in and out, always in their own world since Lincoln was mingling with Clarke’s friends a little more. He sat with them at lunch three times so far, much to Octavia’s delight. He was kind of quiet, but made appropriate jokes and insults to keep the rest of the group happy about him. He definitely handled Bellamy’s glares and shots with precision too.

  
But Clarke just wished she’d be able to talk to Lexa more.

With soccer season starting up next week, she wanted a more validated reason to go to the games or Raven and Octavia would never let her live it down.  
Other than the occasional “Hey”, and the “How are you?” questions, the conversations never really got deeper than that. Lexa acknowledged her every time though. Through smiles or waves. She even asked about Clarke’s bike before, and listened as Clarke spoke highly of her father.

  
They all left school on a typical Wednesday, Raven promising to come over with some good news later that night. Clarke wanted to know but she waved her off, wanting to tell them both privately and as a group. Octavia promised to be over later and ran off after Lincoln and Anya towards the fields for practice, and that’s when Clarke noticed Lexa was missing.

  
“She’s struggling in biology I think,” Raven said as she walked away, turning with a smirk. Of course Raven always knew what Clarke was thinking. “Anya said she was having trouble during the genetics portion and was going to talk to Mr. Johnson about finding a tutor. I told her it was a good idea.”

  
Clarke was about to throw on her helmet by her bike when she froze. “What?”

  
“Yup,” Raven beamed. Stopping and facing her completely.

  
“I’m the tutor,” she said, pointing to herself in shock. “I’m the biology tutor. Shit, Raven, he’s going to…”

  
Raven faked surprise. “Did I forget to tell Anya that? Drat, I must have. Whoops.”

  
“Raven.” Clarke warned and shoved her friend. “Come on. You’re joking.”

  
“I’m sorry, it slipped my mind.”

  
Clarke put her helmet on her bike. “Between you and my father, I’m surprised I haven’t just been shot with a red arrow in the chest.”

  
“I’m working on it.”

  
Clarke sighed. “So what… do I go in there or wait for Mr. Johnson to tell her? Is this supposed to be awkward?”

  
“You can storm in there like some hot heroin for her rescue.”

  
“I doubt she needs rescuing.”

  
Raven shrugged. “But she does need help,” she practically sang the words out as she turned and walked off towards her own car. And Clarke hesitated, unsure what to do when she finally talked herself into it and turned towards the school.

  
“Might as well,” she mumbled, fixing up her bag and walking back into the school.

\---------------------------------------------

  
The school emptied out at lightning speed within fifteen minutes of the last bell. It always amazed Clarke how quickly it got quiet, how calm it got. Sure, there were always a few students that hung back, teachers that had work to do, school teams that gathered in certain rooms or the cafeteria. But it was much more calming than the dramatics in the morning.

  
So she quickly made her way through the hallways to the science wing, heading towards Mr. Johnson’s room just as the bathroom door opened.

And Niylah walked out.

Niylah, who was the first girl that Clarke ever felt feelings for.

Niylah, who helped her through everything with Finn.

Niylah, who protected her feelings and cared for her.

Niylah, who Clarke screwed over when she shouldn’t have.

Someone who Clarke pretty much avoided since school started. Even though Niylah was never one to hold a grudge for it. And they were fine at the end of last year. But after summer, Clarke thought too much. And that made it weird.

“Heyyy,” she said with obvious awkwardness as she skid to a stop in front of the taller and more athletic blonde.

Niylah’s manicured eyebrows raised in question. “Clarke,” she said slowly. She always spoke like she was seductive and quiet and it’s one of the reasons Clarke was drawn to her at first. And she had a slight accent since she moved here three or four years ago. Another reason she was attractive. “You’re still here? Didn’t you leave with Raven?”

Until sudden and complete panic had set in, yes, she had originally left. “I, uh, I’m on my way to Mr. Johnson’s room.”

“Why?”

Clarke paused. She hadn’t actually thought of a legitimate reason why she would storm in there other than... “I’m the tutor.”

“So are you headed there to be tutored or to tutor someone else?” Niylah cocked her head to the side in amusement.

“Is that an innuendo?”

Niylah smiled and chuckled with amusement in her eyes. “Never, Clarke.” She stepped forward and put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “You tutor whoever you want to tutor. We made where we stand clear, did we not?”

Clarke swallowed. “We did.”

“Good,” she smiled and gave Clarke a wink. “I’ll see you around then.”

And she walked off. Clarke watched her go for a moment before shaking the interaction from her mind. The last time she was that close to Niylah, the older blonde had kissed her goodbye on the front steps of Clarke’s house. At least she knew they could still bicker despite everything that went down between them. There was a comfort in knowing Niylah was such a forgiving person.

“Clarke?”

“Jesus!” She yelled as she jumped, realizing that she was caught off guard yet again.

Lexa held her hands up as Clarke turned to her quickly. The brunette had a shy smile on her face. “Not quite, just me.”

“Just, warn a girl next time, alright?”

“Sorry. What are you doing in the hallway anyway?”

“Well…” She looked behind her one more time to see that Niylah was very much gone. “You know what? Doesn’t matter. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, talking to Mr. Johnson,” Lexa said, pointing to the door behind them down the hall. “I’m, um, struggling a bit.”

“In Biology?”

“With the genetics portion,” she corrected, rubbing the back of her neck in a gesture that Clarke found adorable. “And everything else about it. And, funny to see you here, he mentioned that you were the biology tutor and could help me. Surprise, surprise, from the daughter of two geniuses of course.”

A small burst of pride came over her. “Absolutely.”

“Great,” Lexa beamed. “So tonight?” she asked quickly.

Clarke’s eyes widened and she paused for a second. “Tonight?”

“Tonight,” Lexa repeated with a small smile. “Unless you’ve got another concussion to recover from that I don’t know about.”

She could barely think honestly, and she knew her dad was gone and her mom was working so… “Um, no. You can come over tonight if you want.”

“I know it’s short notice.” Lexa’s smile continued to grow. “But the test is Friday so I can’t tell you how helpful this is. Anya keeps making fun of me since it’s in our genetics to, well, to be bad at genetics. And I need to do well or Coach is going to kill me. So your place?”

Clarke paused a moment, thinking again. Her mom was gone. Check. Her dad was flying into town again later tonight. Check. And Raven was coming over.

Shit. But she quickly said, “Yes,” With more enthusiasm than necessary anyway.

“Great!” Lexa beamed.

Yeah, great. Totally great.

The two cupids were going to probably show up in one way or another as Lexa and Clarke were alone.

This could be nothing but great, right?

Yeah. Great.

\---------------------------------------  
  
Clarke finally finished organizing her room and making sure that everything was as it should be when the doorbell rang. She glanced at the clock. 5:15, right on the dot. Lexa really was punctual apparently. How she showered so quick after soccer practice was impressive.

She ran downstairs and through the living room quickly before coming to a stop to check her hair in the mirror (God, she was being ridiculous) and fixed up her t-shirt (as if that made a difference) and then finally opened the door.

Lexa, dressed in her black pants, vans, and a white t-shirt smiled at her with freshly showered hair that smelled like sandlewood. “Hey,” she said, holding up a paper bag. “I brought food.”

Clarke quirked her eyebrows.

“Octavia said you like burritos,” Lexa shrugged. “Well, that your dad is the Burrito King but you’re accepting of them. And your mom is at work so I figured… I’d feed you since you’re helping me.”

With a chuckle, Clarke nodded playfully and stepped aside. “Well, I definitely appreciate it. Come on in. We can eat and then get started.”

Clarke was happy that Lexa kept the conversation about neither school or soccer. She asked a few questions about Jake, like what exactly he did for work and why he had to travel so much, so it was easy flow. Although she was careful about talking about her time in boarding school or too much about her past. She said enough to keep Clarke from probing too much and it wasn’t anything that was super dramatic or juicy. Just… stuff.

Easy going, simple to talk about, calm and relaxed conversation. It was actually kind of relieving. Lexa was anything but awkward, even when she’s squeezing a burrito with salsa running down her hand and sour cream on her chin and nose. Clarke reached over and gently took a napkin to it, causing Lexa to blush a ‘thank you’ in her direction.

When they finally finished eating, Clarke shoved all of the wrappers and plates in the trashcan or dishwasher and just as she closed the door, the house phone rang.

Lexa looked over at it, quirking an eyebrow. “It’s your dad.”

“Of course it is,” Clarke rolled her eyes at his timing. “Toss me the phone?”

Lexa did.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, how’s it going?” There were all kinds of background noises, so Clarke assumed he was still at the airport about to fly out. “Your mom home?”

“She’s working overnight tonight actually.”

“Octavia or Raven with you then?”

She paused, watching as Lexa reached for her bag on the floor and started to pull some books out. The blonde bit her lip for another second before sighing and turning towards the backyard, back to Lexa. She dropped her voice slightly. “No, Lexa is here.”

Then, her dad paused. “Neighbor Lexa?”

“We’re just studying,” Clarke emphasized.

“Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?”

“Dad,” Clarke growled warningly. “She needs a tutor for Biology.”

“Well that’s not helping your case at all as far as I’m concerned. For all I know, biology could be code for–”

“Can you – God, can you get your head out the gutter?”

“Just trying to help you out darling, that’s all. You kids having fun doing… whatever you’re doing.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and glanced back at Lexa once, seeing her already flipping through pages in her book, seeming to not hear the conversation. “We. Are. Studying. So stop it,” she said one more time.

“Right,” he chuckled. “Bye baby, let your mom know I called if she asks. I’ll see you soon.”

“Will do. Love you.”

Finally, she hung up and turned back to Lexa, walking over to sit down. “I hate my dad.”

“He’s just a little light hearted for his age,” Lexa said she sat down. “From what I’ve heard and seen, he sure does love to tease you though.”

“He lives for that sort of thing,” Clarke groaned as she sat down across from Lexa. “I think he wanted kids just to make them miserable.”

“Are you miserable?”

The other girl paused momentarily, then realized Lexa was serious. “Um, well, no. Not really. I mean–” that’s when she had the epiphany. Whatever happened to Lexa’s parents was obviously not good. So here Clarke was complaining about her kiddish father who makes fun of her because he loves her too much. So she turned apologetic instantly. “I guess he loves me so much that I forget to feel grateful and just start complaining.”

And that brought a smile to Lexa’s face. “Sometimes I feel like that about Anya. She drives me crazy but I know she’d take a bullet for me.”

“Sounds like an appropriate sister.”

Lexa smiled, dropping her eyes to her hands for a second before looking back up. “Do you ever wish you had a sister?”

“I consider Raven my sister. Aside from a few more intimate than necessary moments.”

“A biological one then,” Lexa teased.

Clarke shrugged. “Maybe. But I love my life. I love Raven and Octavia. I don’t have a thing to complain about, even though I obviously try to from our earlier conversation,” Clarke chuckled.

“We all have bad days.”

This girl was too sweet. Good Lord.

And then… the doorbell rang.

Lexa turning, raising an eyebrow. “Are you expecting someone else?” She looked to Clarke quickly before looking at the door across the foyer.

“Raven, maybe Octavia,” Clarke answered carefully. “Is that alright?”

Lexa took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, sorry. Just some bad experiences at boarding school after being caught off guard, ya know?”

Another doorbell ring.

“I’m sorry. She had some news to tell me and Octavia today.”

“It’s fine. You could’ve told me. We could’ve planned this tutoring for later.”

Then, the door busted open.

“CLARKE GRIFFIN! YOUR GIRL IS GOING TO THE MOON! AND THE FACT THAT YOU’RE IGNORING ME IS–” Raven stopped her rampage when she turned towards the kitchen and saw Lexa sitting, Clarke standing, and both looking at her with wide eyes. “It’s totally okay. Lexa, hi, what are you – what are you doing here?” She did not pull off secrets well, especially with the beaming smile on her face.

The darker haired girl at the table pointed towards Clarke. “She was going to help me in biology.”

Raven smirked. “I bet she was,” she said, winking at Clarke.

“It’s for the genetics portion,” Clarke glared.

“Great topic,” she continued teasing.

Lexa quickly changed the topic, much to Clarke’s appreciation. “So, Raven, you’re going to the moon?”

“OH!” she squealed quickly, her face starting to glow. “I got an internship with NASA! They want to fly me out there over to see the place and show me around one weekend on October. Like Fucking NASA wants me!”

“That’s awesome,” Lexa said with a smile.

Clarke’s reaction was more… dramatic.

She screamed and ran to her friend who jumped in her arms. The brunette spun the other girl around quickly in a few circles, both continuing to yell in excitement.

“That’s great, babe!” The soon to be space pilot set her down and Clarke kissed Raven on the cheek, then wrapped her up in her arms again. “Holy shit! I know you applied for it months ago, I didn’t think you’d get it.”

Raven pulled back and glared at her. “Thanks for the confidence.”

“You know what I meant. College students apply for this thing.”

“And you still doubted me?”

Clarke chuckled, shoving her gently. “I’m proud of you, alright? You’re amazing.” She hugged her one more time. “But seriously, that’s the big news you mentioned? That’s huge news.”

“I’m kind of nervous,” Raven said with an honest nervous smile. “But super excited too. I meant to wait for O, but she texted me that she’s with Lincoln and will be over later. You snooze, you lose.”

Clarke hugged her again. “You’re going to be great. My dad should be flying out for Chicago around then. If it’s close enough, maybe he could help you, schedule close enough to find your gate and plane and stuff.”

“I wish you could come with me. I think it’s around the time of you know what. I don’t know the details yet fully though.”

They both paused momentarily when they realized what weekend it could land on. “Octavia is going to be fine with you missing the anniversary for this. It’s more our thing anyway. Don’t worry about it. So I’ll take care of her while you’re gone, alright? We always take care of each other. And you need to do this.”

Lexa coughed and both girls turned to see her standing with her bag in hand. The atmosphere of the room took a different turn, and Clarke was sure that Lexa felt it. “Um, should I go?–”

Raven immediately interrupted. “No, you sit your pretty butt back in that seat so Clarke can help you graduate.”

Lexa frowned and slowly sat back down. “Um.”

Clarke put her hand on her shoulder for reassurance. “Lexa, it’s fine.” She dropped it then, giving Raven a look too. “Sorry you had to see that crazy interaction.”

“I’m leaving but we will celebrate later. I’ll call Octavia too so you don’t have to expect… company,” Raven said, kissing Clarke’s cheek one more time and winking at Lexa. “Bye babe. Bye, Lexa. Take care of my girl for me!” She said, yelling as she walked out the door and shut it back again.

It got quiet very quickly and Clarke turned to Lexa with an apologetic shrug. “So Raven may become an astronaut which is cool.”

Lexa had one armed draped over the back of the chair and turned as Clarke walked back over and sat down at the table. “Will I ever get used to how… close you two are?”

“Probably not,” she teased, reaching for the books. “Sometimes even Octavia seems weirded out. But that’s probably because she knows that we’ve slept together before.”

Lexa’s eyes shot wide open and she practically choked. “WHAT? You actually slept together? I just thought…”

Clarke laughed, loud and quickly before shaking her head. “I was in a weird place of heartbreak at that point. You’ve asked before and I hesitated to tell you just cause it’s a long story that I don’t want to get into. We’re just friends though.” She opened up the book and got out her pen. “You ready to study now?”

With a deep breath, Lexa shook her head to try to clear her thoughts apparently. “Um, yeah. Yeah. Just no more surprises, deal? I can’t handle anymore.”  
Clarke bit the end of her pen as Lexa looked down at the book, twirling a pen in her hand as she searched for a starting spot.

“Deal. Let me just text Octavia really quick.”


	5. Crash and Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few weeks of getting to know the newbies leads to a dramatic end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is so late! It's a longer chapter, hopefully that makes up for it. Thank you to the people leaving comments! Let me know if there is anything I can change or improve, or what you like or don't like. I don't always get a chance to respond to the comments but I definitely read them. Without further adieu, this chapter was fun to write but it was hard to be happy with it which is another reason it took so long. But enjoy!

Clarke woke to something tapping her on the shoulder. She thought for a moment she imagined it, but then she realized that it was real and she slowly opened her eyes.

It was dark except for the lamps on both sides of the couch that laminated the living room. There were biology books still open on the coffee table, but only the ones that belonged to Clarke was left. And a half drank cup of cold coffee next to them that indicated how much time had passed. The steam was gone from the drink, sitting there looking all sad and depressing. Clarke focused on it as she started to come back from dream land.

“Clarke.”

She turned to find her mom smiling down at her. Looking around, she noticed that there was a blanket along her body but she didn’t remember grabbing one. Then she looked at the clock.

One in the morning.

“Lexa’s mom called me on my way home. She got home about two hours ago but Lexa said that you fell asleep and she got the blanket for you from the closet before she left. She tried to wake you, but apparently you were stubborn.” Abby chuckled briefly. “She’s sweet. And your dad’s plane was delayed, so he’ll be back later this morning. There was a storm. It was a slow night so Jackson agreed that I needed to come check on you and be a mom.” She paused for a moment. "That was a lot of information but hopefully you got it."

With a yawn and a stretch, Clarke sat fully upright the way she should, rubbing her eyes with one hand and still trying to get her bearings. “So… Lexa left?”

Abby chuckled. “Yeah. You fell asleep on her while you were waiting for her to finish the practice quiz,” Abby repeated. “And if she needs more help, I told Indra to make sure she calls and gets with you before her test Friday.”

Clarke groaned with the sleepiness. “You aren’t trying to set me up either, are you?”

Abby sighed, rolling her eyes at her daughter. “I want the girl to graduate. If it were up to me, you wouldn’t date anyone, boy or girl, until you’re thirty.”

“You want me to die alone.” Clarke glared at her mother.

And Abby huffed in disbelief. “I want you to make good grades.”

“I can do that and have a sex life.”

“Okayyy,” Abby uncomfortably said, reaching down and helping Clarke to her feet. “This is how I know you’re still half asleep. You never talk relationships with me.”

“You never asked.”

Abby shrugged one shoulder. “Some things are better when they’re left unsaid. Now let’s get you to bed.”

\--------------_________________--------------------  
  
Clarke waited by her bike after class on Friday, biting her lip as she watched the students pass by. Raven already left, saying she had NASA stuff to do. Clarke was sure that excuse was going to be used for the next month at a minimum. Octavia had waved from across the parking lot earlier with Lincoln at Bellamy’s car and Clarke waited as she looked for Lexa, wanting to ask about the test.

And finally Lexa and Anya made their way out the side door of the school. And Clarke smiled as Lexa seemed to be in a good mood. Maybe the test went well?  
Lexa glanced over to see Clarke. Her smile widened and she broke apart from Anya with a nod. Clarke met her halfway.

“How’d it go?” Clarke asked.

Lexa beamed. “I got a 93. All thanks to you.”

“That’s amazing!” she beamed, having to shove her hands into the pockets of her jeans. She knew Lexa was tentative with affection, so she had to try to keep her hands to herself with how glowing the darker skinned girl was. She wanted to hug her. That was how everyone she knew was, but she had to hold herself back for Lexa’s comfort.

“You saved my ass on this test. Coach said I need to keep my grades up but Biology is definitely not my strong suit. But Mr. Johnson even seemed to be impressed.” Lexa’s smiled stayed steady as she said this last part. “You, Clarke Griffin, work miracles.”

“I fell asleep on you on our first session,” she chuckled with the reminder.

Lexa did too. “It just made me figure some things out on my own. Only helpful. And you cleared everything up quickly last night, so thank you.”

“That’s not a cover up that Mr. Johnson would be happy with.”

“Probably not, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“I didn’t realize you were such a rebel,” Clarke teased, pulling her hands from her jean pockets and crossing her arms teasingly.

Lexa shrugged one shoulder. “You’ve got some things to learn about me then.”

“Like what a badass soccer player she is,” Anya stated when she showed up behind Lexa, throwing her particular soccer bag on Lexa’s shoulder causing the girl to buckle in surprise. “Which won’t be the case if we don’t make it to practice on time.”

“We’ve got ten minutes, it’ll be fine.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “You were the one complaining about not getting your touches right. So let’s go. Practice now. Flirt later.”

She grabbed Lexa by the back of her shirt, pulling her. The other girl protested with a blush that Clarke noticed easily. “Hey, I can walk on my own, you know.”

“Then prove it and let’s go. I want to get some saves in before practice too. And I need you focused for that.”

Lexa turned and gave Clarke and apologetic look as she was pulled away. The blonde just waved her off and smiled, giving her a look that showed she didn’t mind. “Congrats on the exam!” she yelled though, seeing Lexa wave back and nod before she and Anya took off down the pavement towards the practice field.  
And her phone dinged.

_That was cute._ – Octavia

Clarke looked up, finding Octavia still at Bellamy’s car (a silver Toyota Camry that she borrowed sometimes), smirking in her direction.

Clarke just flicked her off.

\----------------______________________---------------------------  
  
“So Raven is flying out Friday, the twenty-eighth, right?” Jake asked, tossing the box of Cheezits into the grocery cart.

“Touchdown!” Clarke smiled as they banked into the buggy, holding her hands up in the classic football way. They both laughed. Then Clarke grabbed the cart again, following her dad down the aisle. “Yup, heading to Texas.”

“At least I’ll be able to show her around past security. Her flight is booked in domestic around the same time, right?”

“She said it was at 12:00 AM sharp. You fly out at 12, right?”

“12:05 actually so perfect timing. She want me to drive her?”

“Her dad wants to, feeling adamant about it and all. Protective father wants to watch his daughter go be spectacular and whatnot. They mentioned something about maybe following you though so they know where to pull up to. He tried to look up parking and got confused about the maps.”

He smiled over his shoulder at her. “That’s fine. Can’t say I blame him about wanting to drive his daughter though.”

Clarke grabbed some spaghetti noodles and tossed them into the cart. “The only downfall is the day after. It’s the anniversary of Octavia and Bellamy’s dad.”

Jake turned, his face going sad. “He was a good man. Raven hasn’t seen Octavia on that day, has she?”

Clarke shook her head. “Part of me is glad that she’ll be gone. It’ll be me and Octavia and Bellamy again. Raven is closer to me than to Octavia anyway. We’re the three amigos, obviously, but I’ve got a closer bond to both of them than they have to each other I think.”

“You’re the glue,” he smiled, pointing at her proudly.

“That’s a good way to put it. And speaking of that dreadful day, I need coffee flavored ice cream, brownie mix, and vanilla vodka. Go ahead and add that to the list for the future trips.”

Jake gave her a look but let it slide. “It’s the only time of the year you girls are allowed to drink, remember that. I do not approve of this bad behavior.” He winked.

“As if I don’t disobey that rule occasionally. It’s a good reason. Spiked ice cream gets us through this thing, Dad.”

He reached for the ice cream, holding it up and Clarke nodded and set it in the cart. Gotta try it before hand, right? “I’m aware you hide the drinking sometimes. I’m not an idiot,” he chuckled. “But don’t tell your mother. She’ll lose her mind.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “She’s definitely not as forgiving as you.”

“She’s more by the books. That’s why I love her.”

“You love her cause she probably kept you out of jail in your youth.”

“Once or twice,” he smiled, turning and throwing the whipped cream at her. She caught it and dropped it dramatically in the cart. “But I’m sure Lexa could keep you out of trouble if you let her. Or get you into it, whatever you prefer,” he mused.

Clarke blushed, hating herself for that. “Shut up.”

“Your mom told me how you helped her with her first test, that she passed. I wish I hadn't had to fly out again that next day. Damn work emergencies.”

“Yup.”

“So, what next? She need help on the next one?”

“No,” Clarke lied. They studied together occasionally now, but Lexa technically didn’t really need tutoring all the time. Just sometimes. That was Clarke’s excuse, at least. “She’s doing great. And before you ask, I did help her but she didn’t really need it. She just needed some help in the right direction is all.”

“Too bad. She doesn’t need to pull an all-nighter or anything, huh?” he teased.

She groaned and turned, leaving the cart. “Father, I hate you. And I’m leaving.”

He chased her quickly and grabbed her arm, laughing at her. “Honey, I’ve been gone. Give me a little something. Your mom doesn’t ask and gives me nothing. So here I am.” He held his arms out. “I’m an honest father, asking his honest daughter,” he smirked and leaned forward a little. “Is she a good kisser?”

Clarke groaned. “Dad, I don’t even know if she swings that way,” she lied.

“I’ll bet you twenty bucks that if you kiss her, she’d swing that way. She'd swing like a baseball bat at a fast ball.”

“God! Dad!” Clarke shoved him, and her scream got a look from the old lady down the aisle. Clarke apologized with a wave before glaring back at Jake. “There was studying and talking. That’s it. And then she passed her test, I said congratulations. You were there for some of that, you know that’s it. Nothing else. So stop being gross and acting like it’s more than it was.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll get it out of you.”

“There’s nothing to – Ugh,” she walked back to the cart and turned towards the alcohol. “Grab the vodka for the weekend. And get me a pack of beer.”

“The anniversary isn’t for another–”

“For me, not the anniversary. I need it to get through this conversation.”

Jake shook his head with a funny smile. “Fine. Beer, yes. We’ll wait to get the vodka closer. I don’t want your mother to find it and kill me,” he said with a fake and pointed expression. “And I want that information as soon as something happens. I want to vicariously live my teenage years through you.”

She wanted to smash her head in the wall. “Of course, Dad, you’ll be the first to know.”

\--------------_________________-------------------------------  
  
Clarke stumbled out of her house that following Monday morning with tired eyes. She didn’t get much sleep for no reason in particular. Watched some videos on YouTube, didn’t feel tired, and finally crashed forcefully around two in the morning.

So she yelled a goodbye to her dad, her mom yelled something to her about grades, and stumbled out and down the stairs with her jacket and muffin in hand.  
With a mouthful of muffin, she jumped on her bike since she was running late and kick started her bike.

Only it didn’t start.

Clarke froze. “Oh, no,” she mumbled, swallowing her food and tried again. It didn’t’ start. Just sputtering noises. “No, baby, come on. Don’t let me down.” Still, it disagreed and she groaned, dropping her head to her handle bars. “No, baby. You were doing so good.”

Obviously, the bike wasn’t going to respond.

She tried some more. Failed. Eventually, she decided it wasn’t going to improve at all. She was screwed. She had no idea how to fix a bike. She’d have to let Raven know, which she’d get a lecture for about how it needed upgrades anyway.

Either way, she still needed to get to school. Bike or not. Clarke slid off and was on her way into the house to get her dad’s help when –

“Hey, Clarke!”

She turned, finding Lexa jogging down the street with her backpack on. Clarke was so shocked for the moment and so tired, she dropped her muffin.  
And Lexa slowed as she approached, walking up and picking up the muffin with a smirk. “You, uh, dropped your muffin?”

Clarke frowned, pointing down the street stupidly. “The bus already came through.”

Lexa, who had held the muffin to Clarke, dropped her hand slightly at Clarke’s confusion. “Yeah, I missed the bus. Couldn’t sleep so I went for a jog this morning and didn’t realize that the route I took was a few miles longer than I expected.”

“Miles?” Clarke asked incredulously.

“Four, actually.”

“Don’t you have practice this afternoon?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you not die?” Clarke wondered aloud.

Lexa shrugged, fixing up her bag on her shoulder in the process. Then, she looked to her hand and smiled. “Lots of muffins and bananas?”

Clarke then realized and she took the muffin back as Lexa handed it to her. It was covered in small pebbles from the driveway but whatever. She’ll grab a new one. “I – right. Um, how are you getting to school?”

“Well, I was going to jog–”

“It’s another three miles,” Clarke said as if Lexa didn’t already know that much.

And Lexa snapped her fingers like she had an idea. “Yes, I know that. And I then I saw you run out the same time I did and well… I was hoping for a ride?”  
She actually looked nervous, like Clarke would say no.

Because she badly wanted to say yes.

But her bike was calling it quits at the moment.

And her dad would NEVER let her live this down.

But she needed his help to get it started.

And her mother is just… awkward.

So their options of transportation were limited.

“It’s not working,” she finally said, pointing to her bike. “It won’t start. I may need Raven to tweak the starter or something but right now, we’re both stranded.”

Lexa bit her lip, an act that Clarke was drawn to for a moment before she snapped herself out of it. “What about your dad?”

Clarke groaned. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

\-----------____________________------------------------  
  
“So this was oddly good timing,” Jake said with a smirk as he peered through the mirror of the Black Jeep Wrangler at his daughter in the backseat. They backed and turned down the street, Jake just smirking as he got their short journey started.

Clarke and Lexa had squeezed their way into the back of the vehicle. The top was up, so the wind wasn’t blowing in their faces like crazy and Lexa seemed to really admire the whole thing. Except for the massive piece of electrical equipment hanging out in the front seat. Hence why the girls were stuck in the back.  
Clarke was worried this short drive was still going to be too long of a time in the car with her father.

“It was,” Lexa inquired, giving Clarke a look as well, “I wasn’t looking forward to the second run of the morning with our practice being mainly fitness this afternoon.”

Jake’s quirked an eyebrow. “You must be quite the athlete, Lexa. A lot of good attributes in an athlete. Stamina. Focus. Flexibility.” He smirked at Clarke again.

She flicked him off in the mirror.

Lexa didn’t notice. “When I was growing up, my… dad told me that if you’re going to do something, be the best or don’t bother.” She said it so casually that Clarke actually felt slightly bad for the girl. “It’s one of the few things he said that stuck with me I guess. I train more than anything, needing a scholarship and all for college.”

Clarke watched as she tightened her jaw. “You don’t look too excited about the prospect of college.”

She shrugged. “You’ve seen firsthand what my academic talents are.”

“I think you just need a little push in the right direction and you’d be brilliant.”

Lexa gave her a look. “And I’m sure that if you went on a jog or two you’d be a pretty good athlete.”

Jake laughed. “Last time Clarke touched a soccer ball, it hit her in the back of the head.” Lexa laughed. Clarke glared at both of them. And Jake continued with a smile. “Then, the last baseball left a massive hematoma on her leg. And don’t get me started when she tripped down the stairs one time running from Abby because she thought it was a good idea to spray paint the hallway as a mural. At least your talents picked up over the years in the art department.”

Clarke reached forward and punched her dad in the arm. “I hate you.”

It didn’t even phase him. “Love you too, sweetie.”

“At least I know your punches aren’t athletic,” Lexa teased, looking like she was trying not to laugh.

Clarke turned to her and swung.

But Lexa caught her hand with her own, a smile on her face. “And you obviously are defensive about it.”

Jake reached back and Lexa hit his hand with a high five of sorts, dropping Clarke’s with a smile on her face. They were apparently on the same team. Double teamed. Great.

“You both suck,” Clarke pouted and crossed her arms. “You athletes are all the same, picking on the liberal artistic and other… whatever.”

“Lexa and I aren’t bullies,” Jake said with fake offense. “We protect the weak and the needy.”

“So now I’m weak and needy?”

“That punch didn’t really pack too much,” Lexa chuckled.

Clarke scoffed and turned away from both, seeing they were finally at the school. She stayed quiet as Jake and Lexa teased her (Lexa being surprisingly open) and immediately opened the door when they parked. She took off, Lexa yelling something at Jake as Clarke ignored them.

Halfway to the entrance, Lexa caught up.

“You don’t have to be so pouty,” the dark haired girl said with a smile as she came up beside Clarke, walking side by side, her hands on the straps of her bag. “Your dad just likes to have fun. It’s hard not to tease you when he starts it.”

“Good to know. After everything I’ve done for you, I thought we were friends.”

“We are, even though you fell asleep on me when I was in desperate need of your help,” she teased.

Clarke opened her mouth, closed it, and then sighed. “That was one time. And you only get to make fun of me for it one time. So pick it wisely.”

“I choose now since you’re so butt hurt at the moment.”

“You passed your test anyway. I think I did my job.”

Lexa held her hands up as they made it through the front doors. They were ten minutes late. Everyone else was already in class.

“Alright, Clarke. Truce?”

The way she said her name did something to Clarke. She turned their backs to their prospective hallways and Clarke gave Lexa a look for a moment before she smiled. “Fine, but only if you get lunch with us today, alright? Anya too.”

“Raven would love that,” Lexa chuckled.

Clarke beamed. “For the record, I would to,” she said backing up and turning down her hallway, not hearing Lexa’s words in return smiling all the way to her first period.

And Octavia gave her a look but she shrugged it off, happily ignoring her teachers until lunch time.

\------------________________-------------------------  
  
After the first invite, Anya, Lexa, and Lincoln had made it a point to sit with Clarke and Raven’s group at lunch in the coming weeks. The sisters still kept to themselves, sitting at the edge of the table and chiming into the conversation occasionally but Lexa and Clarke exchanged many glances and words here and there. Overtime, they all started to rearrange, Clarke sitting next to Lexa. Raven sitting across from Anya. Octavia and Lincoln gravitating towards each other.

And it was entertaining for everyone.

Bellamy challenged Lincoln to arm wrestling and lost.

Raven got verbally burned by Anya more than once when she tried to instigate the girl.

Jasper got a look from Lincoln when he commented on how attractive Octavia was one day and cowered into his turtle shell.  
Murphy had said something when he was finally allowed back and Anya not so gently grabbed his shoulder in his pressure point and told him to kindly fuck off. He hadn’t really come back since.

And Harper, Monty, and the rest of the group didn’t change, seeming to enjoy the new attendees but not having a huge opinion, which Clarke was happy about since Lexa and Anya weren’t exactly the most open people.

Jasper did call each and every one of them ‘hot’ at least 4 times every lunch though. Every. Single. Day.

But things changed a bit on that Thursday when the three siblings showed up before the rest of the group. Raven and Clarke were the only ones sitting so far and Lexa dropped right next to Clarke, Anya next to Raven, and Lincoln in his usual spot waiting for Octavia.  
Lexa smiled at Clarke, turning to her lunch. “Classes go okay?”

“Yeah. You?”

“I’m hanging on at least.”

“So, Raven,” Anya sultry said, “I heard someone is going to Texas for some badass NASA trip.”

“Aww, you’ve asked about me.” Raven smirked, twirling her fork with finesse. Anya rolled her eyes. “I like your adjective though. Badass, spectacular, incredible. Call it what you want but either way, I’m going to be famous.”

“Someone is confident,” Lincoln chuckled, sipping from his Powerade bottle.

“Not confident. Intelligent. It’s not my fault that I was born with the looks of Angelina Jolie and the brains of Elon Musk. NASA recognizes my abilities.”

Anya scoffed. “You think you’re as hot as Angelina Jolie?”

Clarke shrugged. “I’d agree with that.”

Anya glanced at Clarke and frowned as Lexa coughed quickly, adverting her gaze to her food. Anya glanced at Lexa and then back at Clarke. “And you have a qualified opinion on this based on your acute interactions with pretty women?”

“You called me pretty,” Raven said with a teasing gaze towards Anya.

The other girl flicked her off.

Clarke figured it was best to just let everything out. What’s the point of hiding anything as simple as attraction so she said, “I’ve slept with girls before, Raven included. So yes, I having some experience and Raven is a solid nine point five out of ten.”

Anya’s jaw dropped.

Lincoln chuckled and raised his hand for a high five from Clarke over Lexa.

And Lexa just stared at her food. Clarke thought she heard something along the lines of ‘Oh my god’ come out of Lexa’s mouth but it was too quiet to make out.

Then, Raven smirked. “For the record, Clarke isn’t exactly a pillow princess either. She knows how to make a girl smile under the sheets.”

“You’ve got talents of your own, babe.”

“Not like you did when you–”

“Can I just interject for a second,” Anya said, waving her hand. She’d yet to take a bite from her lunch. Her eyes kept darting back and forth between the two of them wildly. “I mean, I knew you two were close. But no one ever said that either of you were… I mean, you slept together. Like actual sex, right? Like…. Sex like sex.”

“What are you? Fourteen?” Clarke asked.

Anya frowned. “Just answer the damn question.”

“Yes,” they said simultaneously.

“And now you’re in a purely platonic friendship, right?”

They answered together again. “Yes.”

But Clarke continued. “I was going through a rough time after a breakup. Raven too. We helped each other out.”

Anya stuck her lip out. “Helped you… with an orgasm.”

“Can you stop probing about this,” Lexa said, glaring at her sister. If looked could kill. “Jesus, you don’t need details.”

Anya looked insulted. “Um, yes I do. This is interesting. It explains why Octavia is the way she is, why these two are so close, and Clarke are you gay?”

Lexa dropped her fork, causing everyone to look at her. “ANYA!”

“Lexa, it’s fine,” Clarke chuckled, almost putting her hand on Lexa’s leg but then paused and turned back to Anya. “I guess I’d label myself as bisexual? But, I mean, girls are more appealing anyway, especially recently.”

Anya nodded. “I can agree with that.”

“Can you?” Raven quirked an eyebrow in interest.

“Yo!” Jasper yelled as he crashed next to Clarke on the opposite side from Lexa, coming in too fast and shoving Clarke into her. The blonde glared at him as everyone else joined and she and Lexa separated slowly. Harper, Monty, and Bellamy took their spots around the table. “What are we talking about?”

“Clarke’s lady lovers,” Raven smirked.

“You included?” Jasper said, shoving Clarke playfully, again, and she bumped into Lexa, again.

Clarke nudged him back as she answered. “Anya asked.”

“You tell her about Niylah?” he asked, getting a slap to the back of the head by Monty. “Ouch!”

Lexa was in the process of biting her sandwich when she froze, slowly turning towards Clarke who was now sitting wide eyed and not ready for this conversation. “Niylah? Soccer Niylah?”

Clarke actually didn’t want to mention that in front of the group but she was already down the rabbit hole. Her head hung a little lower as she spoke nervously. “Um, yeah. We, uh, we hung out last spring and winter-ish for a bit, post-season but I watched a few games before hand with Octavia. We got kind of close I guess.”

It looked like Lexa was having trouble processing all this new information. Clarke wasn’t sure if she should be worried about that or not.

But Anya just kept going. “So, Niylah and Raven obviously are opposites. Do you have a type, or?...”

Jasper said under his breath, “Lexa would be her type if – Oof!”

Clarke elbowed him hard.

“Alright, enough of Clarke’s sexuality. Back to me and the important stuff,” Raven chuckled. “Listen, Clarke,” she said, trying to change the subject before Jasper lost a head, “your dad was talking about throwing a dinner tonight for me before we both leave tomorrow.”

“He mentioned burritos, tacos, and beer cheese dip on the back porch,” Clarke nodded.

“Burrito King! More the merrier?” Jasper asked with a smile. “I love your dad’s Mexican food.”

“And your mom’s cheese dip,” Monty chimed in.

Harper shushed them. “Guys, you can’t just invite yourselves for free food.”

“Sure they can, it’s Clarke’s dad,” Raven said. “And it’s my party. So yes, the more the merrier. Which means you three,” she pointed to the siblings, “are coming tonight after practice.”

Octavia dropped next to Lincoln at that exact moment, dropping a kiss to his cheek. “Where are you stealing my guy after practice?” she asked.

“You’re coming to my going away party and everyone at this table better show up or your all jackasses.”

“A going away party?” Octavia chuckled. “You’re leaving just for the weekend,” she said. Clarke kept a close eye on Octavia as she spoke. She saw the little bit of worry in her eyes but she covered it well. It was going to be a not so great Saturday but this wasn’t their first rodeo.

“And I need a dinner party thing,” Raven explained. “So you’re all going to be at Clarke’s eight o’clock.”

She pointed to everyone and they all agreed, Jasper winking at Octavia as he did. Octavia rolled her eyes. Anya chuckled and nodded and they all jumped into their own conversations.

But Clarke turned to Lexa and quieted her voice as she spoke. “You sure you’re okay with this? You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“And miss a chance with your dad?” She said, staring at her food and avoiding eye contact. “No way.”

“Good to know you like my father more than me,” she rolled her eyes playfully.

Lexa smiled at her. “You’re growing on me, though.”

And that made Clarke blush. “I hope so.”

\-------------------________________-------------  
  
Everyone arrived just as Jake finished the food, her mom finished up the dip and toppings, and they all made their way outside in the early autumn air around the two pool tables on the back porch. Umbrellas and smiles and laughter all around.

Clarke really enjoyed herself. She noticed Raven was too. And she was spending quite a bit of time conversing with Anya. Octavia and herself teased Raven every chance they got, and they even managed to get Raven to blush once or twice. That doesn’t happen very often. Jasper ended up shoving Bellamy into the heated pool that Jake hadn’t had a chance to shut down in the October air. And Lincoln immediately picked him up like he was a ragdoll and dropped him in as payback. Bellamy gave him a thumbs-up too, surprisingly and they both exchanged a nod. For anyone dating Octavia, that’s basically a stamp of approval.  
Once the sun was long gone and dinner was cleaned up (Lexa helped until Jake dragged her back out of the kitchen) almost everyone had settled outside with their feet in the pool talking and relaxing.

Raven had put on one of Clarke’s bikinis, draping her top portion over the bottom of a pool float while Clarke in her more scandalous one piece bathing suits with red roses along the bottom laid on said float, looking down her body at her content friend. The cold air and warm bath-like pool water made her skin get goosebumps constantly.

“So, Raven, when do you leave tomorrow?” Monty asked, kicking his feet in the water.

“Around Noon.”

Jasper sighed dramatically. “Lunch won’t be the same without you.” Monty kicked water at him at his sarcasm.

“And you’re coming back Sunday?” Monty asked.

“Yup, just in time for school that I probably no longer need.”

“Cocky ass,” Jasper said, kicking water at them.

But some of it splashed on Clarke, who looked at him with daggers in her eyes and flicked him off.

Octavia met Clarke’s eyes a moment later, sadness in them. “We’re hanging out Saturday, right?”

Clarke gave her a look. “Is that even a question?”

“What’s Saturday?” Anya asked. Raven, Octavia, Clarke, and Bellamy all exchanged looks and just as Clarke was about to answer –

“WHO WANTS FIREWORKS!?”

Jake busted through the backdoor with a giant rocket looking thing that made Clarke’s eyes widen in fear.

And Raven jumped in excitement. Knocking the float over and Clarke into the pool in front of everyone. Water flooded her over head to toe, and she kicked to get back up to the surface.

Once again, suddenly an arm was around her bicep and she was pulled up to her head above the water. Lexa above her, looking down at her with a smile. Clarke coughed, clearing her eyes with her free hand and Lexa dropped her other so Clarke could fix her hair. Everyone had pretty much gotten out of the pool by the time Clarke found her bearings, Anya and Jasper both grabbing one of Raven’s hands to help her out and they all walked a little further back, buzzing about whatever monster firework Jake had bought. Clarke pretended not to notice Anya staring at Raven’s back end as she happily bounced towards Jake.

She got distracted easily enough when Lexa smiled down at her. “You having a sense of de ja vu too?”

“Without the headache at least,” she said as she wiped her eyes to get the chlorine burnout of it. “Do you mind?” She reached up with her hands.

Lexa nodded, squatting down and grabbing Clarke’s hands in her own. She gently and way too easily pulled Clarke out of the pool again. It really did something to Clarke when Lexa showed how strong she actually was.

They steadied each other and Lexa immediately pulled her hands away as soon as Clarke had her ground. “So, your dad likes rockets?” she asked, pointing to the group of teenagers and adult acting like a teenager.

“Yeah, he’s always been more of a child than me I think.”

Lexa shook her head slowly. “How on earth does your mom tolerate him? She’s, I mean, you know, of course, but she seemed so serious and he’s… just not. I never would’ve pictured them to like each other, much less be married.” Lexa looked back at the house where Abby was sure to be in the kitchen with a frown while staring down at some medical documents. “They’re just… odd, no offense.”

“None taken. My mom can definitely be a bitch,” she said. Lexa’s eyes widened at her and she shrugged. “I know she cares, but she doesn’t show it well. He’s definitely more comfortable to talk to than my mom. But they balance each other out pretty well,” she said sadly. She crossed her arms over herself, realizing how exposed and cold she was suddenly and Lexa noticed, quickly grabbing a towel and handing it to her. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Lexa smiled. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Clarke nodded, fixing up the towel around herself as the cold started to hit her more.

“Your mom. Is she just that stoic or is it the job or what?”

“She’s always been more closed off, I guess. I’ve always wanted to follow her steps and be a doctor but part of that is because she just played operation with me as a kid and always talked about saving people. I just wanted her to be proud, and that got harder after she found out about Niylah earlier this year. My dad was the one that took me to birthday parties or to Six Flags, on trips, things like that. I know they both love me, but it seems like it’s harder for my mom. So she’s just very different, wanting what’s best for her kid and staying focused on that rather than making memories.” Sometimes, she appreciated it. But a lot of times Clarke really wished that her mother loved her as much as her dad did.

Lexa gave Clarke a sympathetic look. “My dad was similar to that. My biological one. He wanted me and Anya to be exactly what his picture perfect children were designed to be.”

With hesitation to ask, Clarke spoke anyway. “I’m guessing you didn’t follow the steps he wanted?”

Lexa scoffed. “Not even close. My mom was probably more upset than my dad was in the end.”

“Are. You. READY?” Jake yelled with his hands cupped around his mouth for emphasis, getting cheers from everyone. Lexa and Clarke shrugged and walked over to the group just as Jake handed Raven the lighter. “Would you do the honors, Raven Reyes, future astronaut and world leader?”

“Is this not illegal?” Lincoln asked with amusement. “The one at the party last time was… a lot smaller than this.”

“Lincoln, my boy,” Jake smirked and walked over to him, gripping his shoulder in a fatherly gesture. “It is absolutely illegal. But I know people.”

“Like my dad?”

He nodded once. “Like your dad. Now, let’s continue.”

Raven took the lighter and walked towards the massive fireworks. “I’ve had an ongoing thing with law enforcement. This won’t be my first incident if I get caught.”

Clarke watched Anya smile proudly and look Raven up and down. She smirked. Maybe Anya really did like the bad ones. Raven just liked to be a prankster, but maybe Anya was into that too.

Or she just liked the idea of Raven in hand cuffs.

Clarke shook that thought out of her head.

“Alright, Raven!” Jake called, getting encouragement from the rest of the group. “Let the world know who’s going to the moon in the future.”

“Hell yeah!” she yelled, leaning down and lit all the fireworks that Jake lined up. Explosions that were loud, bright, and burning flew into the air, blowing in colors that decorated the early night sky all across the neighborhood.

And it didn’t take but ten minutes for the police to show up with questions.

Raven handled them with way too much experience.

\--------------____________________----------------------------  
  
_9:15 - Just left the house. Your mom is going to be working in the ER for a twenty-four hour shift and just made it there too. If you need anything, there’s $100 on the nightstand by your bed. Anything Octavia needs, she gets. Love you and see you soon, kiddo. Vodka is hidden in the bottom cabinet by the fridge –_ Dad

_9:38 – I know we’re still on the way to the airport and following your dad makes it easier and I haven’t even gotten on the plane yet but I’m freaking out. I’m stoked, and more than capable of this, but dammit I’m going to be in a room full of geniuses. I’ll finally feel like I’m around equals, no offense, babe. I’m just – God, I’m freaking excited!_ – Raven

Clarke smiled at her phone with both test messages and leaned over in class, showing them to Octavia as their teacher lectured towards the end of the their first period.

Octavia chuckled at Raven’s. “God, she’s such a mess.”

“You think she’s going to get there and her mind is going to go blank?”

“I think she’s going to take more selfies than she’s allowed and try to fly a multi-million dollar piece of equipment that she doesn’t have clearance for,” Octavia said with a smirk. “She’s getting arrested for sure. Two times in a twenty-four hour period would be a record for her.”

Clarke chuckled under her breath and nodded.

Then the school bell rang.

“Alright, have a good weekend everyone, we will continue this next week,” their teacher said, waving round like she really didn’t care.

The two best friends got their stuff together and headed out towards Clarke’s locker. She dropped her bag and Octavia leaned against the door as Clarke messed with her lock.

“You’re still coming over tomorrow, right?” Octavia asked.

“As if I would ditch on that day of all days. Come on, O. We’ve spent this day together for almost ten years.”

She sighed, dropping her head against the metal. “I know I’ve been getting better with it, but it makes me mad that his death still affects me. I mean, my dad died over a decade ago. A plane crash. It’s not like I knew him that well and yet, here I am. Dreading tomorrow like it just happened yesterday. Normally I’d have a mental breakdown by now so at least I’m doing better in that department.”

Clarke reached down and squeezed Octavia’s hand briefly. “It may get easier, but it’s never going to be easy, O.”

She nodded. “I hate feeling so weak about this.”

“Bellamy going to be with us?”

“He’s hanging out with Echo, his new beau. They met a few days ago and he said he wants a ‘distraction’,” she said with air quotes with her fingers and an eye roll.

“Lincoln?”

Octavia bit her lip and shrugged. “I haven’t actually told him that it’s the anniversary. I feel like that’s a lot to ask of someone I’ve known barely a month. I want him to know, but I don’t know how to bring it up. He knows my dad isn’t in the picture, just doesn’t know why.”

“Would he want to help?” Clarke asked, dropping the right books into her bag and closing her locker.

“I don’t know, maybe. He’s sweet but I don’t want him to see me so depressed. It’s a day I just want to drink with my friends and forget it happened. I mean, I feel better this year than the last and the one before that. I feel stronger, but I’m worried that if I have a break down, it’ll freak him out.”

“He’s going to find out sometime, right?” Clarke asked, draping an arm over Octavia’s shoulder. “Why not when I’m around to soften the blow?”  
Octavia sighed, seeming to contemplate it.

“I know you don’t tell many people outside the group, but so far it looks like you want him in the group long term,” she continued. “And you trusted him pretty quickly. I think that’s something to think about.”

And that’s when she noticed the three siblings heading their way.

Clarke dropped her arm from Octavia as Anya said something and broke from the other two, heading down the side hallway with a wave to Clarke. She waved back, frowning a bit as Lexa and Lincoln approached. But she shrugged it off. Maybe she wanted to get to class early or something.

Lexa smiled at Clarke as Lincoln wrapped his arms around Octavia and took her off the ground. Both the other girls chuckled and Clarke gave Octavia a look that said ‘don’t be afraid to tell him’.

The brown haired girl nodded. She wasn’t sure when, but Octavia would tell him at some point and that was good enough for Clarke.  
Lexa stepped next to Clarke, giving her a shy look. “So, your dad flying out to Chicago today?”

“Yup, he and Raven texted me. They’re both on their way to the airport.”

“You going to miss them this weekend?”

Clarke shrugged. “Of course, but my dad is gone all the time. And Octavia and I have plans, so.”

“Right,” she nodded. “I heard those were top secret. Lincoln asked me if I knew anything which means he knows nothing.” She gave Clarke an interested look.

“Do I want to know?”

“It’s not my place to tell,” Clarke shrugged one shoulder.

“So, same table at lunch?” Lincoln asked, kissing Octavia’s cheek with a cheerful smile as he asked the question.

Clarke beamed. “Every day.”

\------------------------____________________---------------------  
  
The basic rhythm continued at lunch, who sat near who and what the basic conversations were about during the lunch hour. Monty, Jasper, and Harper always ended up in their own things. And with Raven gone, Anya was more into the conversation with Lincoln and Octavia today than normal.

Which left Lexa with Clarke because Bellamy was off with Echo at another table across the cafeteria. And Clarke as fine with that. It’s about time he got serious about someone. And if he’s spent more than one night with them, that’s serious.

“So you coming to our game next Wednesday? It’s one of the best teams in the league, going to be a good game,” Lexa asked with hopefulness in her eyes and a blush on her cheeks.

Clarke bit her lip and gave Lexa a teasing glance. “Well, that was adorable.”

“Shut up,” Lexa rolled her eyes. “Octavia is going. Figured you were too, ya know? You’ve come to the other ones too, right?”

“Of course I am. I go to all the soccer games.”

“But, you used to go for Niylah?” Lexa mumbled, turning to her food and shoving a grape around the bowl with her plastic fork.

That was when she was still dating Finn. Before she was good friends with Raven. Before she realized that her attraction to women was a legit thing and that she had been doing absolutely nothing about it. For the longest time, she just admired Niylah from a distance, thinking she was like every other female that had a “girl crush” that wasn’t real. But then she came about her senses.

Thank God for Raven and her help.

And Niylah.

And hopefully Lexa if Clarke can ever get the balls to just do something about it.

For now, she’d just have to stick with watching her actual crush play soccer from a distance and suffer through the lunches with Lexa so close and so far.“I didn’t know Niylah during the season. I mean, I knew of her but had never really spent time with her. And I wouldn’t focus too much about it.”

“Why not?” she asked a little too quickly before looking away again.

“Have you… talked to Niylah?” Clarke asked hesitantly.

Lexa tensed up momentarily before looking at Clarke guiltily.

“Ah,” Clarke said with a single nod. “She told you that she broke up with me.”

“She told me that it wasn’t much of a relationship.” Lexa dropped her fork and looked around the table. Everyone was in their own other conversations with the buzz of the cafeteria. “That you were exploring and you two got on really well. But it wasn’t… real?” She ended it with a confused-like question.

“I was in a bad place, a weird place. She and Raven helped me get out of something that I didn’t know I was falling into. Niylah was important to me in the time that I needed her to be and then we went our separate ways,” Clarke said. “We’re still friends and she knows I support her in her sport and whatnot but it’s not like we’re texting buddies or anything. Most of the time I’m just awkward around her because I don’t know what to say.”

Lexa took in every word and looked away briefly like she was contemplating something. “So, could we be texting buddies?”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “You trying to ask for my number?”

“As politely as possible,” Lexa smirked. “Seems weird that we’re friends but we don’t have each other’s number, yet, don’t you think?”

Clarke bit her lip and shook her head playfully before nodding, holding her hand out. “Give me your phone.”

With lightning speed that made Clarke laugh, Lexa yanked out her phone and unlocked it, handing it to Clarke. She punched in her number, called it and was in the middle of typing in her name when she heard her name behind her.

She turned in the bench of the table, spotting the principal of the school behind her, arms crossed and a frown of worry on his face.  
Clarke handed the phone back to Lexa slowly. “We’re allowed to have our phones out at lunch now, Mr. Jaha.” Clarke said.

“I know, Ms. Griffin. Can we talk in private?” Principal Jaha asked, stepping aside and holding his hand out for her to move towards the hallway.

Lexa frowned. “For what?”

The principal sighed. “I really need to speak to Ms. Griffin alone.”

By now, everyone around the table had dropped their own conversations and was watching.

“Did Clarke do something?” Harper asked.

“She’s finally in actual trouble?” Jasper smiled.

“As if, she probably won some science medal with Raven they didn’t mean to get,” Monty chuckled. “Or did too good on a test so they’re accusing her of cheating. Smart ass Griffin kid.”

Clarke noticed that the principal didn’t have any humor in his face. Which that was normal, but this was a whole new level of stoic. “Mr. Jaha, what’s going on?” she asked with a frown.

He sighed, closing his eyes and pinching his nose. “Ms. Griffin, please, just come to my office.”

She slowly stood up and nodded, finally sensing that something was seriously wrong. Lexa seemed to ask if she was okay with her eyes (since when could they silently communicate?) Clarke didn’t answer the other girl and moved, squeezing Octavia’s shoulder as she walked passed and told her to stay put. Octavia was about to try and follow, Clarke put a stop to that quickly.

Without a word, she followed Jaha into his office and he shut the door quietly. With a hand, he asked her to sit down. She did. Her heart started to speed up gradually as Jaha took his seat, clasping his hands together and looking like he was struggling to find the words.

“Not that I’m not loving the suspense, but what’s going on?” she asked. She always got sarcastic when she got nervous, and Jaha was making her nervous.

He took a deep breath. “Clarke, there was an accident.”

“An accident?”

“Yes, your father–”

Clarke heart sunk immediately. “Did something happen to my dad’s plane? Did it crash–” she jumped up, hands going to the desk. “Jaha, what happened to my dad?”

Jaha held his hands up slowly. “Clarke, your father never made it on the plane. And… I’m not supposed to disclose this information to you but neither did Raven.”

She frowned, freezing as the first tear came from her eyes. She let it fall, a thousand possibilities running through her head. “What… what do you mean?” her voice barely a whisper.

He rubbed his hands over his face, still sitting like Jaha had lost all of his energy. “Clarke, your father was going straight through a traffic light when a tractor trailer wasn’t paying attention. He ran the red light and, well, your father-”

“Which hospital?” She demanded, grabbing her bag.

He shook his head and stood quickly. “Clarke, I can’t allow you to just drive off school property in the middle of a school day. Not like this. You’ll hurt yourself. Just sit down.”

Her eyes turned dark as one more tear fell. “Which. One?”

“Clarke–”

“You can either tell me or I’ll leave and drive until I figure it out myself.” She said with a scary calm voice. She knew that her voice didn’t match her eyes though, the tears burning and cooling as they slid down her face.

He sighed and dropped his head in defeat. “Your mother’s.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! And hopefully I can update again in less than a week with some interesting content. Thanks!


	6. Creeping Up to Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the initial shock of information, Clarke tries to figure out the who, what, when, where, and why of the events that brought her to the hospital. And some friends take the brunt of her emotions more than others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for always being patient! Holla at me and let me know what you think :)

She hated lockers. She hated the long hallway. Why was her locker so far from where the parking lot was? She just needed her keys and she needed to leave, to get to the hospital as soon as possible before her mind took her to a very… very dark place.

She was a few feet from her motorcycle with unsteady legs, shaking hands reaching for her keys blindly in her pocket, not even sure why she shoved them in there in the first place. She finally got them out, dropping them twice. She was getting frustrated, the tears worsening. The second time, she stumbled when she stood and a hand wrapped around her arm and yanked her back.

“Don’t stop me, Jaha, I’m not–”

Octavia was there, eyes red with unshed tears as she looked like she’d seen a ghost. She didn’t look like she was trying to stop Clarke, but the look in her eyes told Clarke all she needed to know. Octavia’s hand tightened around Clarke’s arm as she took a shaky breath.

“Jaha said Raven… and my dad… there was an accident…” the blonde asked, her voice shaking.

Octavia’s jaw clenched worriedly as she nodded once. “I know. Your mom just called me a few minutes after Jaha took you. She’s going into surgery with Raven. She needed neurological attention. And she knows you. You’d drive in a state like this and you’d get yourself killed on that damned motorcycle, sent to the same hospital that your dad and our best friend is at. She wanted me to make sure you and I both get there. Safely. So give me those keys,” she reached forward and yanked then from Clarke’s shaking hands,

“Now follow me, your mom didn’t have much time to explain everything and I didn’t get much on your dad. I’ve got a car coming if you can just–”

So many words and only one thing mattered to Clarke. Because as soon as she slowed, she started thinking. And that’s the last thing she should’ve done. She froze, her heart racing with possibilities and looked Octavia dead in the eyes. The blur from tears made it hard for Clarke to focus but she tried to keep her voice audible as she asked with a broken voice, “O, do you think I’m going to lose my dad? Like you lost yours?”

The sadness and sympathy in Octavia’s eyes told her everything she needed to know. And yet, she knew nothing at all.

Maybe that’s why she was suddenly so tired, so exhausted, so heartbroken.

There wasn’t enough energy in Clarke’s body to do anything. Clarke stood, frozen, seconds from a mental breakdown. Her mind running at over a thousand miles per hour. A truck, hitting both her dad and Raven and Raven’s father. How cruel can one world be? One this weekend of all times? Was there a deity that hated her and her friends?

They didn’t deserve this.

She’s not sure what happened. She just realized that her knees buckled under the realizations that her dad was in an accident. Her best friend was in an accident, the same accident. The idea was so far-fetched, so oddly improbable that she had to keep repeating it to keep a level-ish head about it. But it was too inconceivable to actually process. She doesn’t have details, whether they’re critical, ICU, no idea. She wasn’t sure she wanted details, honestly. All she knew was that she knew nothing but the words ‘accident’ and ‘surgery’, and her body couldn’t handle it and she collapsed, eyes closed as tears fell in waves and her breath left her.

And arms caught her, bringing her down to the sidewalk slowly. She wasn’t sure who. They were strong, broad. Felt like Bellamy, maybe Lincoln. Just as quickly as they caught her, they set her down and a softer, slimmer but still strong set held her close. Clarke turned, throwing her arms around the neck of the person holding her, not giving a damn who it was. They tensed up momentarily before the arms tightened and pulled her close. The smell of sunshine and rain filled her senses. Something real and it kept her grounded.

She broke down. In the middle of the school parking lot on a Friday afternoon at lunch time. She heard voices but couldn’t pick them out over the shed of her own tears and cries. It was like her ears couldn’t process anything but white noise and her inconsistent breathing. She zoned out, wishing she could zone back in at the cafeteria and pretend none of this ever happened.

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there in the arms of someone and cried. Honestly, it could’ve been ten minutes, could’ve been two hours. By the time she was done, she felt so tired that she could pass out and was still unable to bother even pulling herself away from the comfort of the shoulder that her head leaned against, the neck that she cried on.

“Lexa, get her up, Dad’s here.”

Clarke finally tuned in, realizing that Lincoln was there. One arm stayed around Clarke’s abdomen as the other steadied her. And Clarke pulled away as Lexa, who she’d cried on for God knows how long, helped her up to her feet. The girl’s eyes were on her protectively, worriedly.

Lincoln’s father who was apparently in the K-9 unit for the police (she thought he had more of a desk job? Maybe that changed, she didn’t remember him having a dog) had pulled up in his SUV, stepping out quickly and coming to her. “Come on, Clarke, I’m taking you to the hospital. Lincoln, Octavia, you two get in the back.”

He pulled her towards the front seat and Clarke barely registered Octavia tossing some keys to Lexa and saying “meet us at the hospital, let Anya and Bellamy know what’s going on too. The others can come after school” before Clarke was settled in the front seat of the police vehicle.

A hand reached over her shoulder from the backseat and she turned, finding Octavia with sad eyes and she reached up, grabbing O’s hand and dropping her head against it.  
“You’ve been there for me, whatever happens, Clarke. I’m here for you.”

She just nodded. Her voice felt too hoarse to speak as Lincoln’s dad hit the siren and sped out of the parking lot towards Ton D.C. Hospital. Where Clarke’s worst nightmares might be coming true.

\----------------------------------------  
  
Eight hours later, everyone was in the waiting room as they did just that, waited.

Clarke hadn’t said a word. She didn’t even sit in a chair. She spent a lot of time crying at school before Lincoln’s father made it to drive them here so now she was like a ghost. She started at the floor, counting the tiles again and again, over and over, as the beeping of monitors and the sounds of footsteps went in one ear and out the other. She tried to focus on the trivial in order to not think about what her parents were doing, what Raven was having done, what was going on behind these hospital walls to her friends and family. But it wasn’t working. She still felt broken.

She tried to get Lexa and her family to leave but Lincoln refused to leave Octavia who had teared up some but stayed stronger than Clarke, keeping a very close eye on her other friend. And Clarke felt her gaze the whole time, dropping her head and wrapping her arms around her legs when she felt everything get overwhelming.

The whole group was there and then some more by this time. Monty, Harper, and Jasper had come and gone at least. Raven’s mother was in the corner with Octavia’s mom, both talking in hushed tones and Octavia’s mom kept a comforting hand on Raven’s the entire time, giving tissues when needed. And the others were scattered around the room.

Everyone would ask her every once in a while if she needed anything, but no one really pushed. Well, everyone but Lexa. She stayed quiet and was currently absent. Lincoln sent her to get some food for everyone from across the street. Clarke found herself missing the girl’s presence. She’d cried on her shoulder for the better part of twenty minutes. At least she thought they were closer now, if anything.

But as the minutes pass, her anxiety crept in along with her exhaustion. It was almost eight o’clock and a few of the nurses had come out to talk to Clarke about her dad but nothing was certain and they never told her much. He was still in ICU, planning to get out of surgery soon from what they said and Raven was still in surgery with her mom. A back injury. One that could paralyze her if not done properly.

But her mom would do it properly. She had to.

The more she thought, the more her heart sank to her stomach.

The doors opened soon after and Lexa strolled through with Moe’s food bags. She passed them out to everyone quickly, getting a nod from her siblings and a small smile and a thank you from Octavia and the moms before turning to Clarke. When the upset and quiet blonde noticed the look Lexa gave her, she stared back at the floor.

And Lexa walked over with a bag but Clarke didn’t look up at her. And the brunette dropped next to her on the floor, so that caught Clarke’s attention but she felt too tired and drained to really acknowledge her. The carpet patterns were an easier distraction, following the same stitches over and over.

Lexa just pulled out her phone, sending a text or two without a word and taking a sip of her drink loudly. So. Loudly.

The silence was deafening to Clarke, and the crunching of food, the soft sobs, the sniffles of noses was amplified too. So she cleared her throat, feeling how sore it was from crying before asking in a low and broken voice to the only person close enough to hear her, “There are chairs, you know?”

“You should take your own advice,” Lexa said, dropping the drink down and pulling out a large burrito and some salsa from the bag. Just one. And Lexa proceeded to take a bite of the burrito and raised an eyebrow. “You want a bite?”

Clarke didn’t mean to, but she was sure she looked annoyed, defensive, and utterly aggravated. “I can’t stomach anything right now.”

“I figured you’d say that. So I didn’t buy you anything.”

“How nice of you,” Clarke said with an eye roll, shooting a headache to the back of her head and she groaned. The tears she’d shed made her head feel swollen and heavy, and she was sure that there was more to come.

“But you need to eat something. At least a chip or two.”

Clarke rolled her eyes angrily. “Don’t sound like my mother right now.”

Lexa swallowed a bite of food before speaking. “Clarke, your mother is the woman that’s going to make Raven walk again after a terrible accident. She’s like superman. A terrifying dark superman,” Lexa gave her a somber look. “And your dad. He’s going to be fine, Clarke. He’s not going down unless he wants to, and he sure as hell doesn’t.”

She sighed, closed her eyes as she felt them start to burn and put her head back against the wall, the headache showing its ugly face again at the back of her eyelids. “You don’t know that.”

“I think I know him well enough to know that Jake Griffin doesn’t go down easy.”

“What’s easy about a truck hitting you at sixty miles an hour?”

“Clarke–”

“I’m just saying that you don’t know anything,” she snapped at the brunette, avoiding her gaze. “Okay? You don’t. None of us do. At this point, I don’t think it’s actually up to him.”

Lexa was quiet a moment before putting her hand tentively on Clarke’s leg, just above her knee in a comforting gesture. She opened her eyes slowly, reaching up to brush a tear away as she looked at the girl next to her. When they finally made eye contact, Lexa said in a soft voice, “Your dad has a pretty badass daughter. That doesn’t happen by chance. That’s from an example. He’s going to make it through this.”

Her head dropped in defeat momentarily before she looked back up, staring ahead as she spoke. “We always thought the world of Octavia’s father, thought he was the strongest guy in the world when we were kids. He was awesome, was in construction and would always tell us about these cool buildings that he’d design and help construct. It always seemed so magical how he could take nothing and make something amazing from it.” Clarke took a shaky breath and looked down at the hand on her leg. She didn’t realize how hard she was breathing until Lexa’s hand moved and grabbed hers, squeezing it in a silent communication to continue. “He… he died in a plane crash. Tomorrow is the anniversary.”

Lexa was quiet, not saying a word.

“And we thought he was invincible. Since then, I’ve learned that no one is, not even my parents.” She looked away from the tanned hand holding her own and into Lexa’s eyes. “So I’m not quite as optimistic because I know how cruel the world can be.”

“The world can be cruel, Clarke. I know firsthand, but it doesn’t mean that good things don’t happen either. Take it from someone whose parents disapproved, practically hated me actually and kicked me and Anya out into a boarding school so they didn’t have to look at us.” The girl gave Clarke a one shoulder shrug at the look of sympathy. “That felt like rock bottom, honestly. It wasn’t a paradise school either. Things were shitty. But Lincoln’s parents are the best family we could’ve asked for. And everything worked out.” She squeezed Clarke’s hand. “And your dad, he’s going to do everything he can. And in my book, that’s a guy that’s equivalent to Superman. So have some faith, okay?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at Clarke.

With a heart that felt like every beat was painful, Clarke nodded once and looked away from the strong gaze of the girl next to her as she still felt upset.  
“It’s hard to have faith until I have something concrete.”

Lexa bit her lip and the light in her eyes faded a bit. “Sometimes, you don’t get something concrete and you just have to believe, otherwise you drive yourself crazy just trying to survive, not really live. And faith in people, there’s not a good life without it.”

Clarke really considered the words. She had small ideas of the hardships Lexa had been through and the girl that came out on the end of those was a strong, beautiful girl. She wanted to be able to say that about herself and she knew right now… she probably looked broken, pull of pain and hatred. That’s how she felt. She hated the truck driver that hit her father, that pushed his car aside and rammed into Raven’s in the perpendicular road by the traffic light. That sent raven, Jake, and Raven’s father to hospital.

Raven’s dad was dead on impact. The thought of telling raven when she woke up…

Clarke took a shaky breath and pulled her hand away from Lexa’s. “Try telling that to Raven when she realizes that her dad died trying to get her to the airport. She’s going to blame it on herself.”

Lexa frowned. “What?”

“Yeah, he’s gone. Just like that. She’s never going to talk to her dad again.”

She heard how dark and distant her voice sounded, how hoarse it was from the crying. There was no point in beating around the bush. The world was cruel. She could be too.  
“She’s like that,” she continued. “It’ll be her fault because it was her NASA trip. She’s not going to be the same in any way, shape, or form.” Clarke reached up, wiping at the tears. “Tell me, Lexa, how am I supposed to look my broken friend in the eye and break her heart into a thousand pieces?” Her voice was getting louder now, getting more frantic as her mind races and her words spoke. “How am I supposed to look my friend in the eye and tell her that she can’t walk because my mom couldn’t fix her and her dad won’t be able to help her because he’s not even alive? Huh? How am I supposed to do that? Faith? Cause that’s not going to be enough! So tell me! What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

And she lost it. The waterworks from school started back. Lexa looked shocked for a few moments before she realized that Clarke was getting hysterical, that her breathing was beginning to get shallow and rapid. That it was similar to a very distressed panic attack.

So she grabbed the girl’s shoulder. “Clarke, you need to breathe, okay, calm down.”

“No! Don’t – don’t even, I don’t – you can’t–”

“Lexa,” Octavia said, sliding to the floor in front of Clarke in a hurry. “Move over.”

She did in a panic, sliding over as Octavia slid between the girls. Clarke felt her arm wrap around her shoulders and she leaned against Octavia, the hands rubbing up and down her arm and the ‘hush’ and the ‘shh’ coming from Octavia’s gentle but strong voice.

The rolls had definitely reversed.

Soft whispers and the instructions to “Count to ten” over and over finally got Clarke’s breathing to even out over a few minutes. Her head was pounding, her eyes burning. Octavia’s hand rubbed the same, consistent circles on Clarke’s right knee, something to help ground her where she needed to be.

It took a few minutes, but the physical touch helped Clarke finally relax enough to get her bearings again. Panic attack averted. Kind of. Very rarely did she or Octavia have panic attacks, but they both knew how to deal with it. Normally, Clarke was the one bringing Octavia out of it. But she felt bad, now thinking about what she just said. Some deep breaths later, she was about to apologize to Lexa, Jackson walked out.

Dr. Jackson, Abby’s best work friend and practically Clarke’s fake uncle, walked over in scrubs, his hair ruffled from the hair nets they have to wear in surgery. The blood had been cleaned off of him and squatted down in front of Clarke, face clear and stoic. She reached out instantly, grabbing around his neck and pulling. He let her, arms wrapping around her as she calmed down for a few more seconds while hugging him.

Then she pulled back and asked the hard question. “How – how is…”

He nodded, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear before placing a hand on her shoulder saying, “Your dad had a ruptured spleen, 3 broken ribs, a lot of bruising, and a small fracture to his left tibia that we have casted. He’s got a concussion, some hemorrhaging in his brain, and we’ve got him on every monitoring system we have. The MRI’s aren’t horrible but they’re not great. Some of the glass punctured through in different areas, we’ve stitched everything we had to.” He let go of Clarke’s shoulder and placed them on her face, getting her to really focus. “Clarke, your father is going to sleep for a long time, days, maybe weeks. I’m… I’m not sure. There’s no way to know, honey. And we’re going to keep a very close eye on him and keep him as pain free as possible. A feeding tube is in place and the IV is running just fine. But I think he’s going to make it, okay? At this point, it’s up to him.”

“You think?” she asked, feeling like a five year old with a scared heart. “You don’t know? What the hell, Jackson?”

He nodded. “I think. I don’t know, okay? I think. There isn’t anything certain right now, but I promise you that we are going to do everything that we can.”

She took a deep breath as she tried to relax. Octavia let out a breath next to her as well.

And Raven’s mom stood from her seat. Her eyes were red from the tears. Octavia’s mother stood with her, holding her hand as they approached. “Jackson, what about…”  
He turned and stood, Clarke standing too which made Lexa and Octavia follow. Half eaten food forgotten. All eyes from friends and family were on him.

He looked around, making eye contact with Raven’s mom last. “Mrs. Reyes, she suffered a break to her L- 1, L-2, and L-3 vertebrae, all of which was putting pressure on her spinal cord. From what I’ve gathered, Abby has placed plates and stabilized everything as best as she can. Other than some bruising, a concussion, and joint stiffness, that was Raven’s only major injury. The car hit on Mr. Reyes’ side so Raven didn’t’ get the brunt of the damage. Abby’s plan was to stabilize the spine as best she can and keep Raven still until it heals up enough to test her. We’re going to attack the inflammation as best we can to relieve her spinal cord as quickly as possible.”

Mrs. Reyes brought the tissue she was holding up to her eyes again before asking. “She had mentioned paralysis. Jackson, is my baby ever going to walk again?”  
Jackson sighed. “We won’t know until Raven either does or doesn’t. At this point, it’s a waiting game for everyone.”

\-------------------------------------  
  
Clarke stood in the middle of her room with a sick feeling in her the pit of her stomach. The bottle of vodka had been opened, half of it drank as the clock was starting to push past midnight. Her mother wasn’t coming home. She was going to sleep in the on-call room and be ready for anything that needed attention regarding Jake or Raven. Clarke was both grateful and upset about that. She wanted her mom to be ready for anything but she didn’t want to be home alone.

And Octavia wasn’t going to let her. She had talked to Raven’s mother and her mother. Mrs. Blake was going to stay at the house with Mrs. Reyes. Bellamy and Echo were going to hang out there as well in case either woman needed anything. Bellamy always tried to be strong on the anniversary of their father’s death. Now that the death of Raven’s was there too, Clarke was sure that he was determined to be useful to both women, to do anything he needed. He was good hearted, and she hoped that Echo recognized that fully, despite the reputation he made for himself.

So Lexa and Anya had talked to their parents and they were both ready to do anything Clarke or Octavia needed, luckily living only a few houses down. Lincoln wanted to stay but didn’t want to intrude on the best friends, so he gave Octavia kiss before leaving Clarke’s house, telling them both to call him or his sisters instantly if they need anything.

Lexa had even drove Clarke’s bike home, which Clarke found out she drove it to the hospital in the first place. She was normally defensive of who drove it, but she was actually thankful instead of worried. She never doubted Lexa didn’t have the abilities to drive such a laid back bike anyway.

She had faith in that at least.

With a sorrow gaze out the back window, Clarke grabbed the bottle of vodka and took another swig. Her head was starting to get dizzy, which she was grateful for. She needed the fuzziness. Needed to be able to forget, even for a little bit.

Octavia walked into Clarke’s bedroom from the bathroom, sweatpants and tank top ready, wet hair falling behind her back. She snatched the bottle, taking three giant gulps and swallowed.

“Well, it’s midnight,” was all she said, handing the bottle back to Clarke.

The blonde took another gulp. “This day just got ten times worse than usual.”

“Between all of our dads, yeah.” Octavia plopped on the bed, rubbing her eyes as she lied on her back before flopping her arms out too, staring at the ceiling. “Your dad, my dad, and Raven’s. October 27th and 28th are not days I want to repeat every year.”

“My love for Halloween is slowly fading, for sure,” she agreed, dropping next to Octavia and setting the bottle on her nightstand. “I thought I was going to lose my dad tonight.”

Octavia turned her head to her friend. Clarke met her gaze and she could tell that the set of eyes she was looking at were glossed over. She wondered how hers looked in return. With how light she was feeling, she imagined it was close to identical.

“I heard Lexa’s conversation with you before Jackson came out,” Octavia said. “Before you basically blew up on her and had a panic attack. Nice job by the way. Really smooth.”

Clarke groaned and rolled on her stomach, burying her head in her arms. “Was I as mean as I think I was? I'm scared to know.”

“No. But you weren’t a ray of sunshine either.”

"I’m just – God, Octavia, I’m so mad. I’m so mad at that truck driver, at people trying to help, at the system, at Principal Jaha–”

“Why Jaha?”

“I don’t know, just because. I’m just mad. And upset, and angry, and hurt, and I’ve never felt so broken, Octavia.” She lifted her head again, looking at her friend. “And I’ve never had a panic attack like that before. How do you do it? We always drink our worries away this time of year but God, O, you do with such grace and poise. Like a badass.” Clarke rolled again, back onto her back and gestured to herself. “I’m a fucking mess.”

“I was also seven, Clarke,” Octavia said. “I wasn’t even sure what was going on. And by the time I was old enough to truly understand that my dad was dead, not just gone, I had gotten used to it. He’d been gone my whole life. He was a pilot, I mean, he wasn’t back and forth every day. He was gone for days or weeks at a time. So when he died, it felt like just an extended trip.” She put her hand in Clarke’s and squeezed. Clarke had a moment of de ja vu with Lexa’s hand in her own. “And I didn’t have that close of a relationship with my dad as you do. I was always a momma’s girl. Bellamy was a daddy’s boy. He was the one that got hit, and you helped us both through it. And now, I’m here to help you. It still hurts, but after tonight, I’m starting to realize that I need to get over it and be there for you now.”

Clarke sat up, staring out the window from her spot on the bed and stood, pulling her hand from Octavia’s. “I’m supposed to help you through this weekend.”

“I’m older, I’ve grown up. I get what I said early about still hating the fact that I miss him. Yes, I miss my dad. Yes, it sucks and sometimes it hurts worse than others, but this was always something that just brought us closer together. I’m still upset, obviously, but I’m more concerned about Raven and Jake right now than I am about my father’s death anniversary.”

Clarke shrugged one shoulder sadly. “But still.”

“But nothing.” Octavia stood and moved to turn the lights off, leaving on lamp on her side of the bed on. “We are going to get comfortable, cuddle, let the alcohol do it’s job, and go to sleep, and tomorrow, we see Raven. Understood?”

Clarke let Octavia help her settle in without a word. She turned her back to her friend and they were never huge on cuddling other than tonight, but Octavia slid behind Clarke and wrapped her up like a protective momabear trying to shield away the winter, trying to push everything away.

The alcohol helped at least. Clarke’s eyes were heavy from crying and slight intoxication. She closed them quickly, her breathing evening out.

“And you need to talk to Lexa tomorrow,” Octavia said softly in the darkness, her breath pushing Clarke’s hair a little. “Okay?”

Clarke was too tired to really register it, but she nodded once. “Okay.”

And just like turning off a light switch, she was out and in dreamland.


	7. Donuts, Coffee, and Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following day, Octavia and Clarke try to deal with the situation but Clarke ends up dealing on her own. Well, not technically on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are patient, so thank you! I hope you enjoy this one because it was fun to write too.

The morning was hard. She and Octavia had woke up with slight headaches but Lincoln and Lexa had already been to Dunkin Donuts and brought back coffee and bagels with no questions asked. Both girls were thankful. The look Lexa gave Clarke as she handed her the drinks and food was enough to tell Clarke that she didn’t require an explanation from yesterday. The blonde had managed a smile at Lexa in thanks without any words and took everything to the kitchen. She was glad that Lexa didn’t ask questions. Clarke’s throat was hoarse from the alcohol and the crying. She was still exhausted, even with the coffee in her system. It burned her throat with a sweet sensation every time she swallowed, evidence of the tears the day before.

The other three were inside finishing up their food and drinks and Clarke had walked to the back porch, listening to the birds sing about the sunlight and watch as the wind brought the trees alive.

The back yard was her father’s doing. So gorgeous and organized and perfect for a young family.

She wondered if he’d ever be able to enjoy it again.  
With a deep breath, she dialed her mother’s phone number and sat on the hammock in the corner of the fenced in yard beneath the old tree house. Another creation of her father’s.

“Hey, sweetie,” Abby said with a soft voice. She sounded tired too. Clarke could mentally picture the bags under her eyes and the fourth cup of coffee in her hand.

“How’s dad?” God, her own voice sounded horrible too. So broken and sore.

Abby took a moment. “No change. They’re keeping him under a medically induced coma for a few more days and I have a conflict of interest so you know I can’t change anything that Jackson is doing. And what he’s doing is for the best. I just hope he doesn’t stay in a coma like state and eventually gets to a minimally responsive one. We’re worried he might go to the other direction which… won’t be a good one, honey.”

Not exactly good news. “Well, then what about Raven?”

“I can tell you that I did everything I could under surgery, honey,” Abby said with a heavy sigh. “We’re going to try to wake her up this afternoon and I know you want to be here for that but I think Raven’s mother needs to be here. Only her.”

Clarke sighed, closing her eyes a she rocked with the wind. “Mom, Raven would want me to be there.”

“And if she needs you, I’ll call you. But I want you home. I don’t want to worry about you eating or doing something stupid while I’m trying to work, okay?” Clarke started to argue but her mom cut her off again. “I’m serious. I need to focus only on work, honey. I need to be here one hundred percent for everyone here. I can’t do that if I’m worried about you passing out in the lobby.”

In defense, Clarke stated, “I’m not a kid anymore, Mom.”

“I know, but I’m still your mother. And I want you home, okay?”

With a heavy sigh, Clarke nodded, not that Abby could see it.

“I’m going to take that silence as a yes,” Abby continued. “If Raven wants to, I’m going to let her call you if she’s up for it. But she’s going to spend all but ten minutes a day sleeping for the next week or so. I don’t want you expecting anything. Understand?”

“Yeah, got it.”

“Good, now get some rest. Did you and Octavia get something to eat yet?”

Clarke thought back to the good gesture of Lexa and Lincoln with a small, barely there smile. “Yes. Lexa and Lincoln got us some stuff from Dunkin and brought it by.”

“Good, I like that girl.”

“Mom,” Clarke groaned.

“Let her take care of you if she wants to, Clarke. That’s an order.” Abby paused for a moment and Clarke was quiet as she heard someone yell for Abby in the background. “I’ve got to go, sweetheart, but please let Lexa do whatever you need her to do. I have a feeling it’s not out of obligation if she wants to help.”

“I know. I will,” Clarke stated, her eyes opening and she wiped a single tear away that tried to escape.

“Thank you. I love you.”

That was a first. Her mom normally just hung up and her father was the sentimental type. But Clarke nodded nonetheless. “You too.”

\----------------------------------  
  
Octavia and Lincoln had talked about going out for a bit later that day. The girls had sat down and discussed that as long as Clarke was okay with Lexa, Octavia really wanted to get some one on one time with Lincoln and discuss the anniversary deal. Since O’s revelation that she was better than she was all those years ago, Clarke practically force her out the door with her soon to be boyfriend hopefully. Clarke was happy that Octavia was doing so much better, but now it was her turn to get her act together.

  
So that left Lexa on the couch, reading a book that Clarke didn’t recognize as she came back from the foyer. She watched Lexa momentarily, before taking a seat on the adjacent couch.

Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, Lexa lowered the book and glanced over at Clarke who was leaning on her knees, hands clasped and staring out the window. “So, Octavia wants to tell Lincoln about her father today?”

“Yeah, we spoke about it last night a little but she decided this morning I think. Apparently she does a lot better with it than I initially thought, even more than she really thought actually. Part of me wonders if she did it to make me feel better, as weird as that sounds.”

Lexa nodded once. “Well, she’s a strong girl.”

With an agreement on that, it got slightly quiet before Clarke finally took a deep breath, taking Octavia’s advice. “I’m… sorry for blowing up on you yesterday. I know you were trying to help.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not. I mean, you were right. Raven and my dad are – they’re alive, at least and I should’ve had more faith and not taken everything out on you.”

Lexa sat up as the conversation turned serious, dropping her book on the coffee table. “I’ve never lost a parent physically, but I’ve lost mine emotionally. It’s not easy, no matter what form it is. When my parents sent us to boarding school, Anya and I weren’t in a good place. She took my side in the fight and got sent with me, so she kind of blamed me. We fought a lot, I punched her a few times, she’s kicked my ass too. We wrestle and spar now because it came kind of a tradition.” Lexa shrugged one shoulder at Clarke’s shocked look. “But we made it through. Everyone does grief and pain differently. You were mild last night compared to me. When I get really upset, I throw things. Sometimes sharp things. Sometimes punch things, so your verbal boxing was fine. You needed it.”

Clarke frowned. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Lexa clasped her hands together, mimicking Clarke’s stance on the couch. “I have a feeling I know what it is, so yes.”

With a curiosity, Clarke stood and moved to the cough next to Lexa. She kept a respectable distance between them and hooked on foot under her butt as she turned towards her friend. “Why is that your parents sent you off, exactly?”

Lexa took a deep breath. “At my old high school, there was a girl. Costia. She and I… we were closer than I let my parents know. They thought we were friends, strictly friends, and they approved for the longest time because Costia was smart, wanted to go to Harvard to become a lawyer or head to NYU for dance or was even thinking of Columbia. She had aspirations, was talented and beautiful. My parents thought she was a good influence on me considering I was never a straight A student outside of English and History. So they loved her.”

At the pause, Clarke dared to speak, seeing Lexa so vulnerable. So she asked softly and carefully, “We’re you two… together?” The question Clarke had been wondering for weeks was now out and about.

Lexa nodded once, turning her gaze from Clarke. "Yeah, um, we were. She was my first... girlfriend." The blonde swore she saw a hint of fear or worry. “My parents caught us one night in my room. Anya was out with her friend and normally warned me if our parents came home early. So they walked in and saw Costia looking more bare than she should’ve and me on top of her and–” she shook her head at the memory. “They called both of us a lot of names. Cussed a lot. My dad put his hands on Costia to kick her out, and I lost it. The hatred in his eyes probably reflected in mine and I swung. The fist fight broke more than one mirror, a few doors, a lamp or two, his nose. My mom got Costia out of the house and she told her parents who were just as unhappy as mine was. When Anya came home, she took my side and next thing I know, we were sent off to England. That was last year, right around this time. Anytime I tried to contact Costia, it was the wrong number or the email was changed. I never really got to say goodbye. To her, we probably just disappeared.”

The pain in Lexa’s voice was obvious. Clarke had never seen her so vulnerable so she slid over a little bit and put a tentative hand on Lexa’s knee, similar to how the brunette did last night. “And Anya knew Lincoln’s family?”

Lexa nodded. “Anya knew Lincoln through school before we had left, they were really good friends and he has a good heart, so they worked it out. His parents are suckers for a charity case too,” she said with a joking smile. “Indra talked my parents into giving up custody, and being a lawyer she did it quite persuasively, and after about six months at boarding school, we finally made it here once all that bullshit paperwork was finished. Lincoln gave everything up for us to come here, moving away from our old school and all our friends, and I’ll definitely be forever grateful for that, for his whole family. They literally packed up and moved their lives for us, to make us comfortable. ” She finally met Clarke’s gaze again and gave her a shy smile. “So now you know.”

Clarke gave her a smile in return. “Now I know.”

A comfortable silence fell over them and Lexa reached down, grabbing Clarke’s hand and turning it to intertwine their fingers. Clarke looked down, her face heating up as Lexa did that.

“So, can I ask you about Niylah?”

Clarke groaned. “Oh, the horror story,” she chuckled, using her free hand to cover her face as she smiled.

“Come on.” Lexa pulled Clarke’s hand from her eyes. “I told you my secret.” She wanted to sound playful but Clarke could hear the nervousness in her voice.

“It wasn’t much of a secret,” she teased.

Lexa blushed but rolled her eyes. “I’d much rather have the spotlight on you now that I’m red as a tomato.” She looked down at their fingers, squeezing playfully. Clarke's heart swooned. 

"But do we really have to talk about Niylah?"

Lexa pouted. "Fair is fair."

  
“Ugh, fine,” she said, playfully pulling away from Lexa and shoving her shoulder lightly. “You’re so pushy.”

“Oh, well, I’m sorry,” Lexa shot back with a bit of joking attitude. “My teammate knows things about you I don’t. That bugs me.”

“Niylah doesn’t know much, trust me.”

Lexa’s eyebrows quirked up at that.

With a feeling of maybe regret, maybe not, she spoke. “We had an extremely… physical relationship.”

That statement hung in the air as Clarke watched Lexa process. It could’ve been taken multiple ways, and realization seemed to dawn on Lexa gradually until her eyes finally widened. “You were… like, sex buddies?”

Clarke groaned at the name. “I hate that but yeah, basically. But don’t make it sound so dirty.” Lexa gave her a look. “Okay, so long story short, Raven was dating a guy named Finn from another school. And turns out, I was too. We didn’t hang out much before we found out he was cheating on both of us with each other. We barely knew each other existed and we’ve gone to school together for a few years. We were just that different. She hung out with Monty and Jasper and Harper. I knew Jasper because we've road the bus together for years but we never connected us all as friends until this shitshow. I mean, I was friends with Bellamy, Octavia, you know. But this all happened around Christmas last year. Finn took me on a date, Raven saw and busted into the restaurant and caused a huge scene, and I took her side,” She smiled at the memory, despite the sadness in it. Seeing Raven like that was just interesting. “I found Raven drunkenly walking the streets of town the next night and brought her home-"

"That fast, huh?"

She shoved Lexa's shoulder again with a laugh. "Come on, don't judge our life choices."

"Okay, okay," Lexa laughed. "As much as I hate where this is going, continue."

"So anyway, Raven had said her parents were going to kill her if they saw her like that. That drunk. So my dad kept her a secret and I took her to my room. I snuck up some more alcohol, we drank our sorrows away. That’s when you know what happened.”

Lexa had a puzzled look on her face. “Great, so I know about you and Raven. But how does this get to Niylah?”

Clarke held up her finger. “Wait for it,” she said, pushing her hand to Lexa’s mouth to keep her quiet. “And stop interrupting.”

She nodded and Clarke dropped her hand to continue.

“It was a belated party for the boys soccer team on their State Championship before the break. A few weeks into the New Year. The girls had gotten third in the state so we were all celebrating. Octavia wanted to go and Raven and I had become friends by then so I drug her along. Niylah was there and said she recognized me from the games we went to. I recognized her. We didn’t talk much and did a lot more other stuff. Basically, the next months were sex and ignoring everything Finn related. We didn’t talk much, ever. And now I still feel bad how we ended things when I see her, even if she handles it so well.”

“So then she broke up with you?” Lexa asked.

Clarke glared. “I told you to hush.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Lexa said, holding her hands up in surrender.

“She wanted something more and I wasn’t ready or in a good place. We were in my bed one night, my dad on a trip and my mom at the hospital. She told me that if I couldn’t be more emotionally available, then she couldn’t keep doing it. And… well, I couldn’t. I was still brokenhearted after Finn, although that ship has sailed. But we talked and parted ways as friends. And that’s that.”

Lexa was quiet until Clarke finally rolled her eyes.

“You can talk now.”

“Thank you. So, have you dated anyone since?”

Clarke shook her head. “It was about six, seven months ago and honestly, I haven’t even kissed anyone since Niylah. She was the second girl I’d been with, Raven and my one-time thing included, and I guess I’ve just been happy being by myself for a while. Finn is out my head, and Raven and Octavia are the ones to thank for that. I’ve kind of had to discover myself on my own.”

Lexa nodded. “And do you think you succeeded?”

Clarke nodded. “I think so. My dad had helped me too, talked me through a lot.” Thinking of him made him tense up and she fought the tears to continue speaking. “For a while, my mom had been iffy about my sexuality. She always saw me with a prince charming.”

“Your mom doesn’t approve?”

“She cares, but she’s fine,” Clarke shrugged. “She’s just more old fashioned but seems like she’s getting more open to the idea. But it’s still weird. She’d rather I dated guys when I’m twenty-five than experiment when in high school. Granted, she doesn’t want me to experiment at all but she holds her tongue now.”

“Why do you think she’s coming around though?”

“Not sure,” Clarke lied. She couldn’t tell her that even her mom and dad were rooting for Lexa and herself. Jake was always ridiculous, but hearing her mom approve was new. Clarke didn’t want to scare the girl off. She didn’t even know if the feelings were mutual. “I think she just wants to have a relationship with me like my dad and I. And she knows that until she accepts me, it won’t happen.”

Again, the tensing when she talked about him. Her father, the guy in the hospital in a medically induced coma. The guy that’s been through all sorts of stuff with her, that’s talked her through everything she ever needed help with.

Her father that she’s still terrified to lose.

Before she could wipe at the tears falling, Lexa had beat her to it and had her thumb rubbing across Clarke’s cheek. Their gazes met and Clarke took in a deep breath, feeling Lexa’s fingers run over her skin.

“They’re both going to make it just fine, Clarke,” Lexa insisted. She moved her hand to cup Clarke’s cheek, forcing the eye contact. “Your relationship with your dad isn’t stopping anytime soon.”

She nodded, closing her eyes and leaning into Lexa’s hand before opening her eyes a moment later. “I thought you weren’t big on physical affection?” she asked, trying to change the subject but genuinely curious.

Lexa tried to pull away but Clarke grabbed her hand before she could. They both paused, unable to pull away from the eye contact.

“Maybe,” Lexa said softly and slowly, “Just maybe, you bring it out of me a little.”

Before she could say anything back, her phone rang. Both girls jumped at the sound, and Clarke reached for her phone as their hands separated and the eye contact broke.

It was her mother.

“Mom, is everything okay?” She instantly jumped up, worry coursing through her veins. She literally just talked to her earlier.  
“Yes, it is.” Her mother sighed. “Just giving you an update. It’s Raven. I wanted to tell you that she woke up, but she’s already asleep again. There’s no progress with moving, but she wanted to tell you to, and I quote, ‘not be a moping mess and get out with Octavia this weekend’. Although that’s a lot of drugged up translation so that might be a fifty percent Raven quote.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and smiled. She saw Lexa relax and stand up, shoving her hands in her jean pockets as she watched Clarke.

“So, when can I come see her?”

“Come by after school Monday. Not today, not tomorrow, Monday. I want her resting as much as she can this weekend. Anya already demanded to be here, and I figured I couldn’t even stop her from barging through the place so that’s the only visitor I’m allowing. Besides, Raven was very enthusiastic about her presence and I’m not interrupting that.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’m saying okay but you know I’ll probably storm over there by tonight with an army, right?”

“I have no doubt. So fine, I tried to keep you away. But now I just need a nap so do what you will.”

“Yeah?”

“You can come see your dad if you want. But if I know Raven, she really will hurt herself if you’re here and she’s awake. So you can swing by on the way to dinner or something, okay? But only for a moment. I’m not letting my daughter stay more than an hour. You did enough time here yesterday.”

She took in a deep breath. “Okay. Tonight?”

“Sure, I’ll be here. And bring Lexa. I want to talk to her, get to know her if she’s going to be with my daughter. Well, not with but around, you know? I’d hope you’d tell me if you – you know what I mean. Alright? ”

Clarke looked over at the girl who was watching her closely. She smiled and Lexa smiled back. But she wasn’t going to argue with her mom in front of Lexa, so she just nodded. “Okay.”

“Great. Fine. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

And she hung up, dropping her phone in her pocket before turning to Lexa fully. “My mom said I can visit my dad. I’m off limits from Raven’s room when she’s awake.”

Lexa chuckled. “Can’t say I blame her for making that rule.”

Clarke threw a wadded up napkin at her and Lexa chuckled. “Also, you have to come too.”

“Why?”

“My mom wants to talk to you.”

Lexa froze. “About what?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke shrugged, avoiding the truth easily. “But it should be interesting.”

“Am I going to get yelled at?”

“Lectured,” Clarke corrected. “It’s different.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holla at me with anything you liked or related to. Thanks guys! Another chapter will hopefully got up later this week.


	8. Costumes and Curfews?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for always being patient. Here it goes.

A little less than two weeks passed. Raven got stronger but was still unable to walk. The days passed with her stuck in the hospital. She went through exercises with a therapist at the hospital but Clarke and Octavia could tell it was taking a toll on her mentally. She wasn’t a fan of the wheelchair. Abby had talked about a few things that may help, medically or physically but they were just idea at the moment as she did basic physical therapy. Clarke and Octavia kept their fingers crossed though.

Jake still hadn’t woken up. They weened the drugs off but Abby had to sit Clarke down and explain that it wasn’t a medically induced coma anymore. They didn’t know if Jake was going to wake up but he was stable, they’d keep him monitored. That was terrifying for Clarke, but much better than the alternative. She’d spent many hours sitting by her dad’s bed, talking to him, holding his hand and observing the tubes, IV lines, and monitors connected all over him. Lexa, Octavia, and the rest of the group visited on and off too, offering their best to Raven and their concerns for Clarke.

And in the meantime, the soccer team had been undefeated, both of them. So there’s some good news.  
“SHOOT IT!” Octavia yelled, screaming at the top of her lungs as Luna, the best forward that the girl’s team had, got a break away and beat the keeper from a perfect through ball pass. She slammed the ball into the back of the net as Lexa, who had made the initial pass, ran to her and they embraced in all smiles and yells from the rest of the team.

“And the first goal of the night! Number 18, Luna Caster!” The announcer yelled, lighting up the stadium.

It was half full, as usual, but it was loud. So loud.

Clarke and Octavia hit high fives, smiling as they both settled down, the game kicking off again.

“She’s good,” Octavia said.

“That’s why she’s one of the captains, Octavia.”

“Not Luna. Lexa. That pass, she had to beat two players and curve that right to Luna’s feet. Lexa is good, really good.”

Clarke rolled her eyes with a smile. “I’m pretty sure I can see that with my own eyes. You don’t have to keep saying it like I’m blind.”

“Just saying.”

“It’s every game with you,” Clarke chuckled, nudging her friend. “You don’t see me pointing out how good Lincoln is when he plays.”

“Because I’m already dating him. Maybe I’m trying to get you to see the point I’m trying to make.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, dropping her elbows to her knees as she focused on the game. The passing of their team was always incredible, so focused and talented. Niylah and Lexa were a duo that was unstoppable, and with Luna at the top of the triangle, they were a scoring machine.

Yeah, Clarke had noticed. She’d noticed every game, every day.

“I’m taking Raven’s spot, per se,” Octavia continued. “You and Lexa have been spending a lot of time together. Coffee shops, tutoring sessions, dinners after practice. You guys are obviously into each other. So what’s the deal?”

“We’re friends, O,” said Clarke. “Just friends. We’ve talked before but–”

“But what?”

“I don’t know. She’s helping me through everything with my dad and Raven, but no one, like I don’t know. Made a move?” She turned her face up as she talked, realizing how she sounded. “I mean, she hasn’t had the best dating past. I don’t want to push anything. That’s all. There’s enough going on.”

“I doubt she’d be upset,” Octavia said with sarcasm.

“Octavia! Clarke!”

They both turned to find Gustus in his police uniform, no K-9 unit badge. Clarke had asked about a dog, and Lexa explained that his car was under maintenance the day of the accident which is why he borrowed a spare K-9 unit truck. Just a good ole officer, no attack dog. Alongside him was his wife, Indra, looking like a stern lawyer but seemingly happy to watch her daughters play.

Clarke waved and smiled at them and said under her breath to Octavia, “Don’t say a word about me and Lexa,” Clarke said under her breathe. “Or you’ll regret it.”

The other girl chuckled. “As if they don’t already know.”

\------------------------------------------  
  
Clarke leaned up against the fence, watching as one by one the players came out across the field to their families from the dressing room. Some smiled at Clarke, telling her how great Lexa did and she blushed every time she didn’t expect it. She knew the team was close, but she didn’t know what they said to each other, especially about her. But they all teased her and Lexa as if they were dating. Which they weren’t.

And every time she saw Niylah and Lexa talking, she got slightly nervous. No, there were no hard feelings between the two blondes, but that doesn’t mean Clarke tensed up sometimes.

Like now. She finally saw Lexa come out of the dressing room, Anya right beside her and Niylah on her other side her. Anya said something and turned towards the parking lot like she had somewhere better to be, probably going to see Raven. She saw Clarke and waved.

With a wave back, Clarke’s eyes moved back to Lexa and Niylah. They were talking quietly and enthusiastically. She watched as they animated their hands and smiled. Niylah said something and Lexa burst out laughing, wrapping her arm around Niylah’s shoulders and rubbing her head like a little sister. Niylah chuckled and shoved her back.

And that’s when they both looked over and noticed her. Lexa’s smile widened. Niylah’s hesitated only for a split second but she nodded in Clarke’s direction and they both walked over.

“Good game,” Clarke said. Lexa jumped the fence easily and athletically, and Clarke stepped into her embrace lightly for a quick hug, smelling the sunshine and sweat. It should’ve been gross, but it wasn’t. She looked over at Niylah. Hugs were something a little more common lately. “You both really are the glue to the team.”

“Don’t tell Luna that,” Lexa chuckled.

“Anya would take an offense too, little ‘Miss Never Gets Scored On’,” Niylah chuckled. “She does realize they have to get through us first, right?” she asked at Lexa.

“As if anyone can do that?” Lexa beamed, reaching for a high five from Niylah, releasing herself from Clarke.

“Exactly. Oh, Clarke, since you’re here. Since you’re both here,” she continued, pointing at the two of them. “I’m having a party tonight. Both teams, a few friends from everyone. Luna is setting up the house and it’s a costume party. Call it belated from Halloween, a little early for Thanksgiving combination. You two have to be there.”

Lexa hesitated. “We have school tomorrow.”

Niylah just gave her a look and raised an eyebrow. Then she looked at Clarke with a look that said ‘is she serious’?

“We’ll be there,” Clarke chuckled. “I’ll make sure of it.”

“But–”

“Perfect!” Niylah beamed. She gave Clarke a smile and patted her on the shoulder before walking past to her friends, heading to the parking lot.

Lexa frowned, leaning against the fence with her back to it and her arms crossed. “I don’t even have a costume.”

Clarke shrugged. “I’ve got some stuff.”

Lexa’s lip turned up. “You say that like you’ve got an entire stash of random stuff lined up.”

“Raven and I have done some pranks over the last few months,” she said. “Some costume related. I’ve got one, you can look like a badass commander or something. It’ll be great!”

Lexa didn’t seem quite as thrilled.

“You’re going,” Clarke demanded playfully, grabbing Lexa’s hand and tugging her. “Now come on, we’ve got a party to get ready for.”

She was going to take Octavia’s advice. Something was going to happen between them. Tonight.

\-------------------------------------  
  
“You convinced my sister to dress up for a party? Like Halloween, get drunk and dance in a costume party?” Anya asked through the phone, smirking as she sat in the hospital bed by Raven. “You, my friend, are talented. She hates dressing up, so much more than she hates biology class.”

Raven beamed. “That’s my best friend.”

“It’s just a small party,” Clarke said. She had her phone propped up on her night stand, facing her so she could see the two on FaceTime as she looked through her closet. “Niylah said it wasn’t going to be a whole lot of people, maybe forty or so. Mostly players and a few friends.”

“But she has to dress up,” Anya repeated.

“At least its badass,” Raven chimed in. “I mean, that was my costume. It basically makes you look like you could lead an army. Even Niylah will be giving Lexa looks.”

Clarke froze and turned to glare at her phone. “First of all, I don’t need my ex-lover to look at Lexa in any way other than ‘teammate’.”

Anya chuckled. “Relax, Clarke. Lexa only has eyes for you.”

“Even though you two won’t acknowledge it,” Raven groaned. “It’s killing us. Octavia complains about it every time she visits.”

“What like you two didn’t make us all suspenseful,” Clarke shot back.

Raven pretended to be offended. “First of all, my dramatic speech about being close to death and realizing the important things in life, that was romantic as shit.”

Anya chuckled and kissed Raven’s cheek. “It was cute.”

“Thank you. So Clarke, you need to get your shit in order. Lexa likes you. Everyone knows it. Hell, even you know it. Cats out of the bag.” Raven paused and seemed to think for a moment. “Or lesbian out of the closet?”

Clarke finally found the costume box and drug it out of the closet. “I’m just worried about making the first move. You guys know Lexa. I don’t want to do something to scare her off. She’s’… tentative.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Weeks ago I would’ve agreed with you but if I see her give you puppy dog eyes one more time I think I may kill myself. Just kiss her tonight. One kiss. See what happens.” She looked over at Raven. “Agreed?”

“Agreed,” Raven nodded once. “So get yourself into that rebel, leather, refugee costume and get over to her house with her costume. It’s already eight o’clock, time is running out.” Raven then seemed to have an epiphany. “Oh! And wear the lacy black underwear.”

Clarke jerked her head and glared. “Raven! That’s not happening.”

“You have lacy black panties?” Anya chuckled, draping her arm over Raven’s shoulder as she laughed. “No way. Lexa would die if she saw those, like literally die.”

“I sure did when I first saw them,” Raven smirked.

Anya froze and then looked at Raven with a question in her eyes. Raven just gave Anya a look. “Oh, shit. I forgot you slept with Clarke before.”

“The underwear really did me in.”

Clarke finally stood, grabbing her phone and saying “Goodbye, guys” and hung up before Raven could get in another final word. She spent the next few minutes getting everything together, halfway through getting dressed when her phone dinged.

_Do I need to come over or are you coming here? I’m showered and just not sure what to do now. – Lexa_

Clarke chuckled. She really was just ridiculous and cute all at the same time. She looked at the costumes before her and decided she really didn’t want to drag those down the street.

_Meet me at my house? – Clarke_

_Be over in five. Although I hate you for making me do this. – Lexa_

_It’ll be fun! I promise. And I’ll make you hot, like more than usual  - Clarke_

_You think I’m hot? – Lexa_

_Just get over here, I want to see you in this costume immediately – Clarke_

_Yes, ma’am – Lexa_

She smiled, stripping of her t-shirt and shorts before thinking about what Raven had said. God, did she really want to indorse Raven, she’d never hear the end of it. She slid open her underwear drawer, staring at some of the lace and colors from Victoria’s Secret. She stared for a few minutes before she shook her head, rolled her eyes and closed the drawer back.

Don’t be ridiculous, she told her herself.

She had managed to get her pants on, fix up the boots with the outfit and checked her phone to see her mom texted as well.

_Hey, sweetie. I’m staying until the morning. Dr. Carmichael had an emergency. So have a good night! Love you – Mom_

Clarke smiled. “No curfew,” she said to herself. “Now it’s a party.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short and I'm sorry but let me know what you think! :)


	9. Commander Lexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY HAS THIS BEEN SO HARD TO WRITE. I hope you guys enjoy this extremely late, aggravating, and frustrating chapter. The content shouldn't have been that hard, but it was sooo difficult. I don't know why. So sorry, but let me know what you think so maybe my frustration can be justified. :) Thanks!

“YOU MADE IT!”

  
Lexa and Clarke were barely through the door of Niylah’s parent’s mansion when she was bombarded by a flying Octavia. Clarke did her best to stable herself as she laughed with Octavia’s arms and legs koala’d her, wrapping around her playfully.

Clarke dropped Octavia to the ground. The other girl had obviously had a bit to drink already in her batwoman costume. Lexa and Clarke were an hour late, of course. So they had to catch up.

Well, Clarke had to catch up.

“So, the party is a hit?” Clarke chuckled, holding Octavia’s hips to steady her.

“More than,” she smiled sloppily before giggling at nothing. Lexa laughed once at her antics, getting Octavia’s attention. “Commander Lexa, you look hot.”

Instantly, Lexa blushed. “Um, thanks.”

“Much better than Raven wearing that. You look like a true commander. I’d follow you to war, Captain,” Octavia slurred slightly, draping an arm over Clarke. “I’m sure Clarke would too.”

“Captain and Commander are two very different things,” Lexa said with a chuckle.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if Clarke called you either, would you?”

“Okay,” Clarke interrupted, gently nudging Octavia to Lincoln as he walked up. He caught her easily and she happily nuzzled into his side. “You going to be able to take care of her?” Clarke asked.

“I haven’t had any,” Lincoln said, holding up one hand and two fingers. “Scouts honor.”

“You were never a boy scout,” Lexa said.

He shrugged. “Maybe, but you look like a legit commander though. Looks good.”

“She’s hot, isn’t she?” Octavia smirked, and Clarke rolled her eyes again. Unable to continue to hear her friends push this, she grabbed Lexa’s hand, relaxing when the other girl didn’t put a fight to the touch, announced they were going to get drinks, and moved past her tipsy best friend and into the house.

They spent the first hour talking to teammates of Lexa’s, meeting up with Niylah and that actually went pretty smooth. It was odd a little that Lexa and Niylah were such good friends, despite the Clarke circumstances. But then again, it couldn’t be awkward if there wasn’t anything going on.

Maybe that would change soon.

They got split up a few times, getting dragged to different groups of people. Luna came up to Lexa with a smile, doing their little handshake and talked about the game a minute before someone called her into a different conversation. Sometime later, Clarke and Lexa managed to get two other girls on the soccer team to play some beer pong, which Lexa was surprisingly good at. She was trying to limit herself to two drinks though, causing Clarke to drink the rest. Luckily, it took more than a few beers to get her going.

But mostly, Clarke was just happy that Lexa seemed to be having fun. She had smiled most of the night, talking to multiple people. Clarke’s head was barely fuzzy, but it was fuzzy enough that she let her guard down, watching Lexa as she talked or drank and did anything really.

After an hour or two, Clarke was starting to think that this particular costume was a bad idea. Because Raven looked good in it. But seeing Lexa like that did things to Clarke’s emotions, more on the dirty side.

Clarke had spent a lot of time braiding it into different patterns. She remembered their conversation about make-up as she gently used her hands to outline the war paint along her eyes. Each piece of clothing just made her more attractive: From the shoulder pads, to the drapes to the fake knife on her hips and the sword along her back. She looked just… god, she looked hot.

So, freaking hot.

Clarke wasn’t sure that the alcohol was going to let her keep her hands to herself.

They had found themselves outside on the back deck, two beers in hand, with Emori (another one of Lexa’s teammates) and she was very impressed with the costume.

“You seriously need to dress me next time,” she said, pointing between the two. “I mean, you pull yours off well, Clarke, but Lexa, you look like you were born to rule a whole freaking country.”

“Maybe I am,” she smirked, leaning against the railing on the porch and took a sip of her drink. “Or at least a high school soccer team.”

“I’m definitely voting Commander Lexa for Captain next year.”

With a proud smile, Lexa looked at Clarke and that’s when Clarke felt it. She wanted to talk to Lexa, privately, and she grabbed her hand to do so. “Emori, if you don’t mind, we’re going to…”

She looked between the two and got the message. “Right, I’m just going to go, somewhere else,” She said and immediately walked off.

Lexa, for once, looked confused. “What was that about? Everything okay?”

Clarke chuckled. “Just follow me.” And she did as Clarke pulled her. Through the party, down the stairs, out the lower level back door and into the backyard of Niylah’s place. She walked past the fire pit with Lexa in hand, flicking Octavia off as she smirked at them from Lincoln’s lap on which she sat. And finally, she was past all the music and the noise and the people.

There was a hammock between two trees and Clarke moved for them, never dropping Lexa’s hand and the squeeze that Lexa gave it only encouraged her more, more than the bit of alcohol in her system.

They plopped down on the hammock rather unceremoniously, Lexa laughing as Clarke almost missed entirely. Luckily, Lexa managed to keep hold of her hand and pull her up and after some awkward and tipsy maneuvering, they settled in with Clarke leaning back on Lexa’s shoulder with the shoulder pad and drape, their clasped hands between them.

Lexa brought Clarke’s hand closer, her other tanned one coming up to play with Clarke’s fingers. And her heart instantly warmed at the action. She scooted slightly closer.

After a few seconds of chuckling and hand holding, Lexa asked in the darkness, “So, you pulled us away from everyone?”

“Yeah,” she answered shyly, suddenly nervous. “I mean, I just wanted to spend some time with you.”

“We’ve been spending a lot of time together lately,” she said. Clarke wondered if Lexa had as much to drink as her but she sounded steady. “Not that I mind,” she continued quickly. “I like spending time with you.”

“I’d hope so,” Clarke said.

Lexa turned Clarke’s hand, tracing her wrist a little with her index finger before turning it back around and linking her fingers with Clarke’s again. “You know, your hands are so soft,” she stated, not an ounce of slurring or fuzzy in it. “I’ve wanted to hold them for the longest time.”

Clarke took a moment to process those words before her eyes widened but she tried not to breathe too heavily or sound shocked. “Really?”

“Please,” Lexa scoffed. “As if you didn’t know God, Anya says I’m blatantly obvious about it.” She groaned at herself.

That caught Clarke off guard and she scooted back, her eyebrows furrowing together. “Are you being as blatant as I think you are?”

“Maybe,” Lexa chuckled. “You didn’t let me stop after two drinks during beer pong so anything from here on out is your fault.” She chuckled as Clarke rolled her eyes. “I know I was closed off and whatnot when I first started school, but you really are tempting, and not just in that jacket.”

All of Lexa’s words hit Clarke at once and she sat up in the hammock, looking down at Lexa. Her hand pressed against the other girl’s abs as the other held herself up and steady and she blushed but Lexa kept her hand there, smiling at her. Her fingers running along Clarke’s wrist.

“I’m just – I’m sorry,” Clarke spoke incredulously. “Am I dreaming?” She closed her eyes, using her hand on Lexa’s abs as support as she pinched the bridge of her nose with the other. “I’m dreaming. I have to be.”

Lexa looked away shyly a moment before running her fingers up and down Clarke’s arm. “You remember when I mentioned that you and Raven were super touchy, that it was odd to me?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, not sure where this was going.

“That’s how it was with Costia,” Lexa explained. “Every time we were alone and around each other, we had to touch each other. It was magnetic, honestly. But I think it was because it was so new. It was exciting. First relationship and all. And anytime I was allowed to, I touched her or kissed her or just had to be near here. When I saw those first few interactions of you with Raven, I was jealous and confused. Especially when you said that you two weren’t dating,” she explained. Then she shrugged. “And then you said you slept together and that started a whole new ray of things and hearing what you and Niylah did just–”

“Is there a reason we’re talking about exes?” She interrupted.

Lexa gave her a look to stay quiet.

“Fine, continue with the speech.”

“Don’t be rude,” Lexa shot back with a twinkle in her eye, flicking her in the arm playfully but holding it when Clarke tried to pull away. Her hand went back to Lexa’s stomach, and Clarke stared momentarily, feeling the abs below her flex with the sway of the hammock.

“Lips are sealed,” she said finally.

“Good,” the commander grinned. “Basically, Clarke, after Costia I always thought it would be weird to hold someone again, or kiss someone, or even like someone. I had a lot of consequences from that relationship. And then, watching Anya and Raven, it made me want that back.”

“Want what, exactly?”

Lexa grinned cheerily. “A relationship.”

Clarke’s heart stopped. “A relationship?”

“With you.”

“Like dating?” she asked with a head tilt.

Lexa’s eyes sparkled at the question with amusement and cheer. “I mean, yeah. Preferably. If you want. Which it’s totally up to you.” Her voice got more insecure as she spoke until she broke eye contact and looked down instead.

Clarke’s hand fisted the shirt that Lexa was wearing in anticipation. This night was not what she was expecting. She thought she’d have to take charge. To really get into things. To kick start this thing off. And here Lexa was, laying it out on the table immediately.

“Are you asking me out?” she asked, looking down at Lexa’s lips as her hand kept a tight grip on Lexa’s shirt.

Lexa’s eyes stayed downward. “Yeah.”

“You don’t think we should do, like, a test run or something?”

Lexa bit her lip and looked up. Clarke mimicked it.

“You sound like Raven.”

“She grows on you,” she shrugged.

“Is your idea of a test run my idea of a test too?” Lexa asked.

Clarke smirked. “Let’s find out.”

Lexa slowly sat up. Clarke’s hand never moved. And their eyes never strayed from either the other’s or their lips. They turned, Clarke’s hand never straying but Lexa sat up and moved hers to Clarke’s cheek. They sat with their legs dangling on the edge of the hammock, facing each other, Lexa’s hand on Clarke’s cheek and Clarke forgot how to breathe.

“Are you nervous too?” Lexa asked breathlessly.

Clarke’s lip curled up and she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Lexa’s. “God yes.”

“Good.”

And then she kissed her.

\--------------------------------------------- 

  
It had been months since Clarke kissed anyone. Part of her was nervous that she was going to be that thirteen year old girl again that didn’t know what she was doing. Another part was worried that Lexa wouldn’t think she was very good. And the last part of her was so excited that she couldn’t think much more.

Because Lexa’s lips were soft. And her touch was gentle. And Clarke was more than welcome to take whatever the other girl was willing to give.

Lexa tilted her head to the other side as they broke contact for a moment, but it was right back as she turned. Both hands came to Clarke’s face and she leaned back. The blonde happily followed.

Soon, Lexa lied on her back, Clarke half on her, half leaning on the Lexa’s right side as they maneuvered in the wobbly hammock. She felt Lexa smiled against her mouth, causing her to smile back.

“How long,” Lexa said between kissed, her hand running through Clarke’s hair, “Do you think a test run should last?”

Clarke smirked against her lips again, pulling at her bottom lip playfully. “Until we’re satisfied.”

Lexa’s right hand moved down Clarke’s body to her hip as they continued kissing, and when she squeezed Clarke’s hip and the blonde jumped, Lexa laughed against her lips. “Are you satisfied?”

She pulled back to glare at Lexa playfully. “You think you’re funny?”

Lexa showed her teeth with a gleaming smile. “I think you’re ticklish.”

“You’re such a child.” Clarke slapped her shoulder playfully.

“This would be illegal if that’s the case.”

“Don’t be an asshat.”

Lexa looked jokingly offended. “You kiss your mom with that mouth?”

“No.” Slowly, Clarke leaned in and shook her head, her nose bumping Lexa’s in the process. “I’d hope that I only have to kiss you.”

“Only me?”

“It’s up to you if it stays like that of course.”

“Good,” Lexa whispered, and she pulled Clarke closer, their lips reconnecting.

Somehow, Clarke replayed the last ten minutes in her head over and over. They were both drinking, but there was no stumbling, no fuzziness and disillusion. This was real. Clarke was kissing Lexa. In Niylah’s backyard of all places but she wasn’t mad. She didn’t care about that. Hell, location had nothing to do with it. Clarke didn’t care if they were in a junkyard or a jail cell as long as Lexa was kissing her like she was.

“We’re going to get a lot of shit about this at school tomorrow,” she said, mumbling against Clarke’s lips as her fingers danced over her skin. “Like, all kinds of shit. Anya wouldn’t stop texting me about making a move all night after the game. Especially when she heard of the party.”

“I’m okay with it.” She pulled back, looking down at the girl before her. Party forgotten behind them. “Are you?”

“More than.”

\-------------------------------------  
  
Anya and Lexa had practice after school that Friday, so as the last bell rang Lexa gave Clarke a kiss in a secluded corner of school, told her she’d meet her at the hospital to see Raven and her dad, and took off toward the soccer field.

Meanwhile, Clarke pushed Raven’s wheelchair down the hallway of the hospital towards the PT wing. Another day of therapy, of trying. Clarke really hoped Raven would get somewhere today. She could tell that the attempts with no results were killing her friend’s morale.

So was the lack of information.

“I. Want. Details.” Raven stated, unable to turn and look at Clarke who pushed from behind. “And it’s not fair that Octavia knows stuff that I don’t.”

“The last place I want to talk about this is not at the very hospital that my mom can show up out of nowhere. I don’t exactly want her overhearing anything.”

Raven gasped. “So there are juicy secrets that Momma Griffin cannot be aware of?”

“Some,” Clarke smirked.

That caused a groan from the girl below her. “You’re mean. What if I make a deal with you?”

Clarke smiled at a nurse as they passed and pushed Raven into the PT wing, lots of machines and injured people working on different things and going back and forth with weights and trials.

She parked the wheelchair in the usual spot by the wall, a therapy table next to them. “What kind of deal?”

“Come here.”

She walked in front of Raven and squatted in front of her, putting her hands on both of Raven’s knees. “Should I be worried?”

Raven held her hand up. “If I make progress today, you tell me everything?”

“Everything?”

“Every juicy detail.”

Just then, the physical therapist, Kyle Wick, in his blonde hair and built glory strolled up. “Hey, Reyes, hurting at all today?”

“Oh, you know, there’s nothing like a little pain to remind you you’re alive.” She said with a joking tone, but Clarke saw what most people wouldn’t. The pain. Not physically, but for her dad.

Clarke moved to Raven’s side, placing her hand on the girl’s shoulder with a supportive squeeze.

Wick, as he told everyone to call him, gave Raven a sad smile. “Well, I’ve got a surprise for you today.”

“Really?”

“I’ve got a buddy in biomechanical engineering,” he said. Then he held his hands up. “Give me one second.” He ran off. Clarke and Raven gave each other a look and a shrug before he came running back, hands behind him. Clarke thought maybe this was what her mom had mentioned but she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

“What’s that?” Raven asked, pointing to the cloth black bag.

“I was talking with Dr. Griffin,” he said slowly, nodding to Clarke. “And she talked to my buddy, and he designed something that we both think is going to help you get mobile again. Get you back home and back to school full time.”

He pulled the bag from around his hips and pulled out a…

“Is that a brace?” Raven asked.

Clarke frowned.

He held it up, all straps and metal. It looked like it fit from ankle to her hip. And then Clarke noticed that there were two.

“So,” he said, holding a brace in each hand. “The idea is that these will take a lot of the weight from your legs as you stand, basically using your hips more for stability than your knees. Will you be able to walk without crutches or support? Probably not anytime soon, but we’re hoping that the exact design of these will help your body restore itself by using your body but not overworking it.” He smiled lie he was nervous and shrugged. “What do you think?”

Raven looked… concerned? Clarke kept quiet as she watched her friend process everything. “So, what’s the plan with those today?”

“Make them fit,” he said quickly, and then he shrugged on shoulder. “And determine how you feel. And then make you stand.”

“Just stand?”

He nodded. “Just stand up. No railings or help. After that, it’s up to you.”

She glanced over at Clarke. “What do you think?”

“You have a better idea?” she shot back, eyeballing the braces and then back to Raven. “Personally, I don’t have a PH. D or a doctorate in Physical therapy, no idea how biomechanical engineering works, and I think you’ve not had any progress you’re happy with so,” she gestured to Wick and the braces, “if you want information on my date last night, now is your chance.”

“That’s mean,” Raven grumbled.

“We had a deal,” Clarke shrugged, squeezing her shoulder and winked at her. “Right? All you have to do is make progress, any kind of progress.”

Raven sighed, looking back at Wick who looked like a kid holding up a project in front of his parents and seemed worried about what they’d say. Finally, Raven nodded once. “Alright, Wick, let’s get this shit going. I’m ready to walk out of this hospital.”

He beamed. “Perfect, alright, Reyes. Time to party.”

\---------------------------------------  
  
Lexa knocked on the door to the hospital room and Clarke turned, smiling as the girl held up a cup of coffee.  
Clarke reached out. “Give me.”

The dark haired girl closed the door and stepped inside. “Pushy much?” she shot back, leaning down where Clarke sat and kissed her cheek. Clarke instantly blushed and when Lexa pulled back, she noticed and tensed. “That was okay, right? I mean, no one is around so I just figured…”

“Yeah, absolutely,” she said, smiling up at her. “You just surprised me, that’s all.” She never expected affection from her unless behind closed doors, but she’d take it. Lexa visibly relaxed at Clarke’s statement and reached behind her, pulling up a chair next to Clarke. The blonde took a sip of the coffee, moaning slightly as it hit her throat and the caffeine felt like it instantly kicked it.

Lexa chuckled. “Good?”

“Great, how was practice?” she asked, looking over the steaming cup as she took another sip.

“Not too bad. Coach took it easy on us. He did have a talk with me, Luna, and Niylah after practice about the whole party thing but since we were all sensible, no one was hung over, practice actually went well and I was in a particularly good mood, he said he’d let it slide.”

“A good mood, huh?”

“Yeah, not sure why,” she said, giving her a side eye. “Something about a pretty blonde liking me back, maybe?”  
Clarke blushed again. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Lexa just smiled before turning to the person in the bed before them. “How is he?”

The mood instantly changed.

Jake Griffin still lied in the same bed that he landed in a little less than month ago. Wires hooked up and beeped through monitors around his bed. IV’s connected through his hands and arms, providing liquids and nutrients. The cast on his leg had been changed last week to x-ray, and it was healing, but the muscles were weakening the more he lied there. The nurses had been particularly careful with his case, considering Abby Griffin would have someone’s head if they didn’t.

But it wasn’t exactly progress. He never had much of a change, good or bad. The bruising around his body was now a yellow instead of the deep purple they used to be. The stitches around his arms and face were taken out last week too so they were starting to heal up. Regardless, Clarke couldn’t talk to her dad. Couldn’t ask his opinion, couldn’t see his eyes and have him smile back at her.

She didn’t realize that she hadn’t answered until Lexa reached over and grabbed her hand hesitantly. With a shaky breath, she set her coffee down and slid her chair over more, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “I miss him.”

“I know,” she whispered back. “But I heard Raven made some progress today. Anya about squealed when she got the text on the way here. Indra almost wrecked the car.”

“Wick and my mom had brainstormed and knew a guy who could build some braces for her,” she explained. “She managed to stand with her hands on these handlebars along a walkway thing. She tried to take a step but she started to fall so Wick caught her and told her to call it a day. But it’s the first time she’s been fully vertical in a long time.” Clarke wiped a single tear from her own eye and snuggled more into Lexa’s shoulder, wrapping her arm around Lexa’s and retaking her hand. “I was just glad to see her so happy again. She lit up like a kid in a candy store until the pain hit.”

“That’s great,” Lexa said softly.

“Yeah, she’ll be heading back to school soon I think, just before Thanksgiving break,” she said, closing her eyes briefly and enjoying the closeness. Then she pulled back, turning serious and looking Lexa right in the eyes. “So, we didn’t really talk fully last night.”

“Okay?” Lexa set her coffee down on the table behind them, turning more toward Clarke. “I think I was pretty clear. I think you were very clear.”

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully. “I’m serious.”

“Alright,” Lexa nodded once. “Seriously, and honestly, I like you. And the crap I got today was bad enough but I can handle it if I get to kiss you at the end of the day. Although I about punched Murphy after second period just to get my aggravation out and even Anya almost earned herself a black eye but, worth it.” She smiled, cocking her head to the side with a spark in her eyes. “So I’m hoping that this is actually a thing.”

Clarke felt her smile forcing its way through no matter how badly she tried to keep it down. And then she giggled, legit giggled.

Which made Lexa’s smile beam. “I’m really hoping that’s a good thing. I mean, even Niylah stopped me today to give me a high five. If Niylah is cool with it, I mean…”

“Not that I was looking for Niylah’s approval, but I’m glad we have it,” Clarke chuckled. She leaned forward and gave Lexa a very short, very chaste kiss. Lexa hummed into it before Clarke pulled away. “But my mom.”

Lexa bit her lip and frowned slightly. “You think she’d care?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve been getting mixed signals from her recently, but I just want to tell her on my own time,” Clarke said. “Okay? My dad was more excepting of my… fluid sexuality is guess. She’s not good at accepting things when you spring them on her. You have to ease her into it or she’s like a time bomb.”

“Yeah, of course.” She reached forward and grabbed Clarke’s hand. “Just curious, what exactly are you going to tell her?”

Clarke knew where Lexa was going, the pleading and vulnerable look in the brown eyes that stared at her. So she decided to be honest. Fully, one hundred percent honest. “I’d like to tell her that we’re going to try dating.”

Lexa seemed very satisfied with that answer. “So I have permission to take you on a date? A real date? Like how Raven and Anya get to do things and kiss and whatnot? Well, as much as they can at least.”

Clarke’s eyes rolled at Lexa’s antics. “I’d have to say yes.”

“Will you, then? Will you go on a date with me?” She pleaded.

As if Clarke would say no. “Hell yes.”

Lexa leaned forward, kissing Clarke’s cheek, much to Clarke’s disappointment. But her cheek lit up like a match just touched it, and she felt both of her cheeks start to burn.

“I have one question. Well, more like a statement I hope you’re ready for.”

Clarke frowned. “Okay?”

“I’m – I mean, I know you know that the whole idea of PDA is something I’m not comfortable with after everything.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So,” Lexa said softly, dropping her head slightly and taking a deep breath. “I want to kiss you. And touch you. Of course I do. But in public, I mean, I don’t– this is a little different if we’re kind of out of the public eye but at restaurants and school, I’m not sure if I can, I mean, not sure what I’d be okay with if we–”

“We do what you want to, okay?” Clarke said quickly, cutting the other girl off. “I’m not going to throw you against the shelves at Publix if you don’t want me to.”

Lexa chuckled and gave her a look. “If it’s an empty aisle, I don’t think I’d mind,” she smirked.

She looked away at the blushing, back to her dad. She wished that he was here to share the news. He was the parent that was invested in her friendships and relationships. He wanted to know. He wanted to be a part of her life as much as he could, as if he knew his time was running out.

“You think he’s ever going to wake up?” Clarke asked, the mood turning dark.

She felt Lexa reach over her shoulder and pulled her into her again. Like Clarke had leaned on Lexa so much in the last month. So, so much.

“He will,” Lexa said, squeezing her shoulder. “He has to.”


	10. New Rules From Momma Griffin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! 2020 better not suck or I'm going to be upset.

“You think I’m ever going to go to space now?” Raven asked, tossing a ball up and down from the comfort of Clarke’s bed on a Sunday morning. It wasn’t the first time she asked Clarke a question like this. Her braces were on the floor now, unhooked from her whenever she got comfortable somewhere although they still had trouble getting them on and off, and she looked strong but helpless all at once since coming home this weekend.

It was those questions that reminded Clarke that her friend wasn’t the confident girl she used to be.

It also wasn’t the first time that Clarke and Octavia weren’t sure what to say either.

The hopefully future doctor was at her desk, looking through her history homework with Octavia on her butt on the floor, back to Clarke’s desk beside her. They both looked at each other briefly before Clarke shrugged one shoulder.

Raven continued before both of them had a chance to speak. “You don’t have to answer. It was rhetorical. I know my dreams are crushed anyway.”

Octavia frowned. “Raven, you know that’s not true. You can go to the moon if you want to. NASA is crazy to say no to you.”

“They still offered you that weekend in the spring, right?” Clarke added, scribbling down World War II information for the test coming up next week. “When you’re better?”

They both heard a thump as the ball hit the floor.

“They said they did, but that doesn’t mean I’ll go.”

That was the first time they’d heard about this. Clarke dropped her pen and turned. “Excuse me?”

“What?”

“What do you mean you won’t go?” Octavia asked, book in her lap forgotten as she looked towards the girl on the bed.

Raven shrugged.

That was unlike her. Yes, it’d been a little over a month now since the accident. She was able to stand and hobble with something to lean on thanks to the brace over the last two days, but the fact that she was so hesitant to do something this amazing made Clarke nervous. Raven never hesitated. She thought this improvement would help, not make Raven more scared.

So Clarke stood, walked to her and slowly plopped down next to Raven. The girl had her hands over her face, looking upset. Clarke pealed one away, finding a shy and extremely pained expression under them.

“Raven,” she said hesitantly, squeezing her hand. “What’s going on?”

The girl slowly opened her eyes, rubbing with her free hand as she took a shaky breath. “What if I never fully heal up? They can’t take a gimp to the moon. No matter how smart you are. Stephen Hawking certainly never did and he was a genius.”

“You’re not a gimp,” Octavia immediately stated with sternness.

“Have you seen me walk recently? The wobble and shit. The cane? You couldn’t have missed it. It’s more than obvious. Looks like I’m walking on a tight rope. I sound like a one legged pirate.”

Clarke placed her hand on Raven’s wrist to get her attention. “Raves, you should be happy because you’re walking.”

“Yeah, whoopdie-do,” she said with a strong sarcasm. “I can barely do what other humans do without a problem. I’m such a badass.”

At that, Clarke flicked her in the ear. Hard.

“Ow!”

“Who the hell are you and what did you do with Raven?”

The dark skinned girl glared up at her friend as she held her ear with a scowl. “I can be upset, you know.”

Clarke scoffed. “I can too. But you don’t see me pouting all day long about the fact my dad is still in the hospital. Octavia hasn’t exactly had it easy with us so focused on everything outside the anniversary, you don’t see her bitching about it.” Raven’s frown turned more apologetic but she didn’t speak. So Clarke reached back over, grabbing her hand and squeezing with a more friendly and reassuring tone. “You lost your dad and a lot of physical abilities and that’s not going to be easy to get over, Raves. It’s not easy to deal with and of course you need these moments of panic and anger to get it out. But honestly, I’m more excited about the fact that one of my best friends is finally coming back to us. Yes, my dad hasn’t improved, but we both know he’d be pissed if he saw all of us just crying in my bed room over all of this. I do my best to be okay because he'd want me to be.” She glanced over at Octavia who still sat on the floor, watching the other two. “Am I right?”

“I can say with absolute certainty,” Octavia said, standing up, making her way to the bed and to the other side of Raven, “That Jake would be more than furious about the current conversation. And besides, we have each other to help us through the crap that’s happened, especially recently. That’s why we’re friends, that’s why we’re here.”

“So if you want to bitch about not going to the moon–”

“–we’re going to remind you that they sent dogs up there at one point–”

“whether it’s true or not–”

“–because you’re Raven Reyes and you can do whatever the hell you want because you’re a badass. We’re a team of badasses.” Octavia winked at Clarke as she finished their tag team rant. They both high fived and turned to the pouty girl lying down.

Raven rolled her eyes but Clarke’s heart relaxed when she saw a small smile form on her friend’s face. “You two can’t team up on me like this. My dad died and I can’t walk.” She wiped her eyes of a tear that fell through.

“Sure we can, because guess who’s coming back to school tomorrow,” Octavia beamed, pinching Raven’s cheek playfully before the girl swatted her hands away.

“That means the dream team is back together in the halls.”

“Kicking ass and taking names,” Clarke beamed, high-fiving Octavia.

“Team Gay Brigade walking the halls for the first time,” Raven said with a slight joking tone. She slowly sat up and both friends watched as Raven struggled but got up quickly, all things considering. “That’s going to be our new name.”

“I can’t exactly relate,” Octavia chuckled.

Raven glared at her. “You’re ruining my vibe.”

“Sorry I have a boyfriend?”

“Hmm,” she mumbled back, “Better.”

“Anyway,” Clarke interrupted, wrapping her arms around Raven and Octavia did the same, squishing into a group hug. “I’m just happy you’re back.”

“So I can watch you and Lexa make out in the hallway?”

“As if,” Octavia rolled her eyes. “They’re so secretive. Acting all platonic and shit.”

“She’s cautious. We haven't exactly been together long,” Clarke defended, shoving them both lightly before standing and heading back to her book. “Besides, I was never a big PDA fan anyway, Niylah did it just because she’s Niylah and had an image to uphold with certain people. I went along with it. Lexa’s had some different experiences so we’re just, keeping it to ourselves.”

“I will bring out the inner lesbian in her,” Raven stated proudly. “I swear it.”

“She’s plenty gay,” Clarke chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

\-------------------------------  
  
“Maybe we should slow down. I mean, this is a little fast, don’t you think?” Clarke gasped, barely able to catch her breath.

Lexa smirked at her. “I can go faster.”

“I don’t think I can actually handle faster. My heart is about to pound out of my chest. I feel dizzy.”

“That’s because you won’t relax. If you just let me lead and follow me and stop thinking so much–”

“I’d love to but God, it’s really hard to keep up with you.” She took a few quick shallow breaths, unable to really catch her breath. “Why do you have to be so fit and physical?”

“Perks of being an athlete,” Lexa said without a problem. “Get used to it.”

“It’s going to kill me. Can’t you just stop for a moment and let me catch my breath? I'm dying here.”

“Clarke, if you stop focusing and just stay with me step for step, you don’t even have to think about how tired you are or–”

“I can’t do this, Jesus, Lex.”

“Just another mile, come on. You said you could keep up with me.”

Clarke couldn’t though, so she hit the brakes. Her hair that was up in a pony-tail had been hitting in the face and she swatted at it, pressing on the breaks as her legs slowed and she coughed trying to catch her breath. Her hands went to her knees, attempting to help her steady herself.

With realization, Lexa stopped her jog ahead of Clarke and turned. They had made it maybe a mile into the jog that she assumed Lexa intended to be about four or five miles.

Already feeling it, Clarke just dropped to her butt and fell backwards onto the grass by the sidewalk, arms out as her chest heaved with gasping breaths. The sun was warm on her skin, the wind an odd contrast to it but she closed her eyes as she felt her own heart try to beat out of her chest.

And then, the sun warmth was gone and she opened one eye to see a smiling Lexa, hair back with a tank top in all her athletic glory, looking down at her.

“Wipe the smug smirk off your face.”

Lexa didn't do as asked. “I won the bet though, right?”

“Because you cheated.”

“The bet was that you keep up with me during my morning jog. That was it. It’s not my fault that you didn’t ask questions about when, where, or how long.”

Clarke threw and arm over her face, letting out a long and exaggerated groan, lifting one leg and feeling it tense as she moved. “I still claim you cheated.”

“I would never cheat on you, Clarke.”

She held up an exhausted thumbs up, to which she heard Lexa laugh at. “Not what I meant but that’s good to know.”

“Do you need some water?”

“I need a new set of lungs.”

“Your mother would be very disappointed in your athletic health.”

“She’s disappointed about a lot of things,” Clarke said, moving her arm from her face and dropping it to her side, turning to her right to look at Lexa through the sunlight. “Besides, I’m athletic enough for the important things.”

Lexa arched an eyebrow. “Very cheeky, Clarke Griffin.”

“You’re more than welcome to find out about my bedroom athletics.”

With a laugh, Lexa dropped down to the grass, hands around her knees as she smiled down at Clarke. “Is that a suggestion or an invitation?”

“Both?” she said with a heavy breath, turning her head to look at her.

Lexa rolled her eyes and looked away. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You have no idea.” She coughed as she sat up, groaning as well in the process. Basically making noises that were far from attractive. “But, I know you want to go slow which I’m totally okay with so don’t take any of these statements from me too seriously because I really couldn’t care less about sex. My blood is just rushing and I can’t think because I can’t breathe.”

But Lexa didn’t reply and Clarke instantly got worried. Sometimes, she spoke without thinking and although this may have not been a problem in the past, she’s worried there were things about Lexa she still didn’t know that set her off sometimes.

So she sat up slowly, looking at Lexa as she stared straight ahead, worrying her bottom lip. “Lexa? You still with me?”

“Your relationship with Niylah was about sex.”

Clarke frowned. “But it wasn’t much of a relationship. You know that.”

“I don’t want that with us,” she said instantly. “But I’m worried about having a similar relationship like the one I had with Costia either. Not, worried actually, just, I don’t know. More worried that you don’t want one.”

Clarke’s frown deepened. “What… what kind of relationship was it?”

“We were caught by my parents the first night that she agreed to have sex. But we never made it. We were close when they walked in.” She took a deep breath, shaking a little. Clarke wanted to reach out but she held back instead, wanting Lexa to get everything out without any interruptions. “I’ve never been that close with someone, mentally and physically. And you know why I’m hesitant with PDA and I joke a lot, a whole lot, about sex and anything sexual but the truth is that I have no experience with it.” She shrugged once, looking down. “I’m a virgin, in all aspects of the word. Costia and I didn’t have your typical teenage relationship.”

“Why were you hesitant to tell me?” Clarke asked.

“Anya doesn’t know,” Lexa answered quickly. “She thinks Costia and I had been at it multiple times. But we always stopped, never went all the way. And when we tried, we didn’t get a chance to finish, per se.”

The first person Lexa trusted, was Clarke? Not only to talk about it but to experience it with? That made the blonde feel some type of way. She knew they were close, knew Lexa trusted her with a lot. But that was a bomb dropped, and not in a bad way. She had no hesitation in reaching out and wrapping her hand around Lexa’s sweaty bicep, squeezing gently. “I don’t care, Lexa.”

“I know,” she answered, dropping her eyes to the floor. “But you know, I figured you should know now. If we ever get to that point and I have… questions.”

“Lexa, look at me.” The brunette turned and their eyes met for a moment before Clarke squeezed her arm one more time. “I don’t care. I don’t care how much experience you have, how long it takes. I only care about you and whatever you want, okay?”

Lexa smiled shyly, looking down at Clarke’s hand on her arm before covering it with her own and lacing their fingers together. “This morning jog took a turn for the worst.”

Clarke leaned her head on Lexa’s sweaty shoulder as she chuckled. “I’m sorry I’m making it so difficult for you to keep your sexy ass figure.”

“Hey, if I end up gaining thirty pounds, it’s your fault. You’ll be the one missing these abs, not me.”

“Shut up,” Clarke chuckled, shoving her slightly and she groaned as she stood up, stretching as Lexa followed suit. “You and your abs can kiss my ass. I’m going home.”

She turned to leave and Lexa laughed loudly, following behind her. “So since my morning run has been so rudely interrupted and you lost a bet and secrets have been spilled way too early in the morning, I think we need some coffee.”

“Agreed. We’ll talk about your cheating over some breakfast.”

Lexa scoffed. “I didn’t cheat!”

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Clarke said, shoving Lexa back playfully and taking off towards their houses. “But last one back buys the coffee!”

Lexa gave her a head start, but she still beat her. And Clarke didn’t seem to mind, actually.

\----------------------  
  
“So, you and Lexa have been spending a whole lot of time together over the last few weeks. Especially since the accident.”

Clarke looked up from where she was holding her father’s hand to see her mother in the doorway, smiling down at her. It was the day before Thanksgiving, school got out yesterday and it was a cold but early morning that Wednesday. Lexa, Anya, and Lincoln were helping their family to set up for Thanksgiving at their house, so Clarke wanted to take the time to see her dad.

But she didn’t expect her mom to have time to check in on her, much less ask questions.

Because truth was, they had been spending a ton of time together. Before the kiss they did, but after it was much more.

She squeezed her dad’s colder than normal hand, leaning down to place a kiss to it before she answered her mother. “I’ve been helping her study a lot for biology, Mr. Johnson said she was struggling last month and her grades can’t start to slip with post season and the playoffs coming up,” she said, not technically a lie.

“It’s just a lot of time to spend only on studying. Has she been struggling that much?”

She went the honest route this time. “No, but I do like to spend time with her.”

She heard the click of her mother’s shoes as she walked towards Clarke, grabbing the extra chair and pulling it beside her, closer to the foot of the bed. Her white coat draping over the front. “Clarke, honey, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?”

“I do.” She didn’t.

“I’ve been working a lot, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve left you alone, especially with your dad… well, I’m sorry. But I want to talk.”

Clarke nodded once. “If you’re worried about how I’m dealing with all of this, I’m fine. I promise.”

“It’s not just that,” Abby sighed. Her hands clasped together in her lap out of the corner of Clarke’s eyes. “I don’t want you to have a relationship and keep it from me.”

Clarke’s eyes darted to her mother. “What?”

“Raven, honey,” Abby said with a small smile. “She was talking to Anya and I overheard by accident last week during one of her therapy sessions. I’ve been hoping you’d say something to me but here we are. You know I’m okay with it, right?”

“No, actually. I don’t?” She honestly didn’t know if her mom would be fully okay with it. She’d been good about showing a good face but she’d heard private conversations with her father before, how Abby had said she wants Clarke to have a normal life. How being gay would make things harder for her and Abby didn’t want that.

She felt her mother’s gentle hand run through her hair.

“Honey, I love you. And I’m happy for you.”

“Are you though?”

“Excuse me?” Abby frowned. “Clarke, what do you mean?”

“I know it’s not what you wanted,” Clarke said softly but with a hint of hurt in her voice. “When I started dating Niylah, I know you and dad had conversations about what’s best for me, how being with a girl will make my life harder.” She took a glance to her mom and saw the regret in her eyes. “Lexa and I are close, we’ve done some dates, simple stuff. I just didn’t know how to bring it up without dad here.”

“I didn’t want you to think that my opinion in the spring would change how I feel about you, sweetheart. But we all know your relationship with Niylah wasn’t conventional in more than one way.”

“Oh my God, Mom, I’m not talking about this with you,” she said, scooting her chair away and blushing at her mother’s words.

“Clarke, it’s fine. You’re young, I get it.”

She shoved her hands to her eyes and groaned. “I’m going to throw up.”

Abby rolled her eyes dramatically. “Honey, relax. Your father teases you all the time.”

“But he’s dad,” Clarke said, pointing to her father. “And you’re always, like, the bad cop. We disagree and argue, that’s our thing. You try to keep me on the straight and narrow, literally.”

Abby rolled her eyes at Clarke’s emphasis on the word ‘straight’, choosing to ignore it. “Just because I don’t agree with you and Raven about setting off fireworks in highly populated areas or egging the principle’s house… it doesn’t mean I’m the bad cop. I just don’t want you in jail. No parent wants to pay bail, mainly because its expensive.”

Clarke shrugged one shoulder but could see her mother’s point, and the joke did bring a small smile to her lips. Over the last few weeks, her mother was gone a lot but she was trying, really trying to connect with her. So Clarke bit her lip and threw herself out on a limb unlike what she would normally do.

So she sighed and said, “I get it, Mom, I promise. Got it.”  
Abby reached over, squeezing Clarke’s shoulder and pulling her to her in a side hug. It was kind of awkward over the chairs of the arms. “I’m going to do my best okay?”

“Don’t be weird around her,” Clarke begged. “Please.”

“Of course not,” Abby said with playful hurt in her voice. “I’ll be perfectly normal, Clarke.”

\----------------------  
  
“So, your mom just hugged me?” Lexa said as she opened the door to Clarke’s bedroom, shutting it behind her and dropping her bag to the floor. She looked at Clarke with an odd expression on her face. “And it was way longer than it ever should have been. Like… a funeral hug? Like how they last so long it’s uncomfortable? Have an explanation for that? Kind of felt like she was frisking me more than hugging me, actually. It was weird. Is that just a pre-Thanksgiving thing or?...”

Clarke looked up from her spot on the bed, back against the wall, John Greene’s latest book in her lap.

The darker skinned girl looked beautiful, as usual. Dark jeans, boots, white t-shirt with a thicker jacket that she was currently shrugging off and draping over the computer chair. With a smile, Clarke watched her a moment before her smile grew and she said, “My mom heard Raven and Anya talking. She knows that I, well, that we,” she paused, realizing she wasn’t really sure what they stood as, “um, we’re kind of kissing and stuff.”

Lexa’s eyes widened and she froze halfway to the bed. “What?” She glanced back at the door before looking back at Clarke, a fierce blush appearing. “Uh, can you repeat that, please? Cause I’m pretty sure you just told me that your mom is fully aware that we – oh my God.”

Clarke dropped the book, shrugging one shoulder. “She overheard Anya and Raven talking about us last week.”

“You’re joking.” Lexa’s eyes almost blew out of her head. “She’s known for a week?” Then she groaned like she had an epiphany. “I saw her when she was leaving for a shift last Sunday and told her I was just dropping something off.”

“And then you made out with me for thirty minutes,” Clarke shrugged, smirking slightly. “She probably read right through you.”

“Great.” Lexa dropped to the edge of the bed, putting her head in her hands. “She’s going to plot my death with untraceable medical drugs. My coffee is going to be the death of me. That's how she poisons me. I can already see it.”

Clarke scooted forward, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s shoulder from behind and kissing her cheek. “Relax. I talked her last night at the hospital and she’s cool with it. I think she is at least. Sounds like she’s trying, but the occasional eye roll and side comment is still getting on my nerves. I don't even think she realizes some of the stuff she says, even about us.”

“Really?”

“She teased me about it. And she said she’d be totally normal. It was odd but she seemed genuine. But this is Abby Griffin we’re talking about so you never know what’s an act and what isn’t. It’s uncharted territory for both of us.”

“She’s never hugged me before. I liked that kind of thing. We just had the nod of understanding. No touching. No unnecessary communication.”

“Kind of normal,” Clarke corrected, pulling away as Lexa turned to her, tucking one foot under her butt. “Was it weird?”

Lexa’s lip turned up playfully with a nod. “Honestly, it was like hugging your dad in your mom’s body. I was uncomfortable with how happy and joyful she was. I kind of miss the military version of her. She kept me on my toes.”

Clarke nodded with a chuckle, falling back on the sheets and staring up at the ceiling. “So, definitely weird?”

“Definitely.” Lexa smiled. “But, I’m glad she knows. I think. I hope there aren’t going to be restrictions or anything.”

Clarke raised one eye brow and looked at Lexa with a light in her eye. “Only if you plan on getting me into trouble, Ms. Woods.”

“Always,” she said softly, turning slowly and positioning herself over Clarke as the blonde lied backwards on the bed, Lexa’s arms on either side of the girl’s head as she hovered over her. Clarke reached up, fixing Lexa’s hair to one side before grabbing her shirt and slowly pulling her down. Their lips connected for two seconds before –

“LADIES,” Abby yelled, knocking on the door and opening it.

Lexa panicked, trying to move off of Clarke gracefully and quickly but she lost her hand placement and… Thump! Right to the floor.

All things froze as Clarke made eye contact with her mom. Abby looked from Clarke to Lexa to Clarke again before pointing to the door that she had her hand on the handle. “How about we start with the door open policy? Alright?”

Clarke couldn't believe this. “Mom, seriously? Stop. You said you wouldn’t be weird.”

Lexa jumped up, straightening her shirt and she nodded quickly, too quickly. “Yes ma’am, absolutely. Door open, not a problem.”

“You’re a liar,” Clarke said with annoyance, directing her glare at her mother.

“I am not,” Abby said before looking at her daughter and giving her a stern expression. “Don’t try anything.” She shared the pointed expression with Lexa who nodded at her. “Also, Happy Thanksgiving. I’ve got to check on Jake and a few other patients at the hospital before dinner tonight.”

“Okay,” Clarke said impatiently.

“Don’t try anything, Clarke,” Abby repeated, pointing at her daughter who just gave her a glare and a look. “Just because you can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean policies change.”

Clarke’s eyes shot out of her head. “Mom!”

“Just laying the rules,” Abby stated with her hands raised. “I’m leaving now but keep it PG.” She turned with one last look at Lexa before leaving

And Lexa finally started to breathe again when she heard the front door close.

“Relax,” Clarke sighed, settling back against the bed in her original position with her back against the wall, grabbing her phone to answer a quick text to the group chat. She did her best to act cool for Lexa’s sake. That could’ve been worse, at least, and maybe Octavia and Raven would get a kick out of that scenario. Either way, best to let the darker skinned girl contemplate all of that in peace for a minute. And sure enough, Lexa followed after Clarke a moment later, dropping back on the bed and lying next to her, looking up at the bedroom ceiling.

Then, Lexa turned her head stared quietly for a moment at Clarke who pretended not to notice as she looked at her phone but she finally spoke. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’ve been doing well with the stuff about your dad recently. And your mom, I mean, you guys look like the talk went well. She even joked a little. Not a lot, but for her that was quite a bit. Even if I thought I was about to shit myself.”

“She’s trying. So I appreciate that much. And it’s Thanksgiving, I have to be nicer today.”

“If I had parents that tried to change for me, I’d do more than just appreciate it.”

That got Clarke’s attention, and suddenly she felt the need to be defensive. She looked at Lexa, who was now playing with the ring on her finger and was very fixative on it. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Lexa frowned, “Just that your mom is trying.”

“I’m not being bitchy to her. I was nice.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t,” Lexa said, sitting up and moving and crossing her legs to face Clarke. “You probably could’ve been a little more… Clarke to Jake, though. Keep the voice down, maybe.”

“She’s–” Clarke pointed to the door, trying to find the words. “I mean, she just, she’d never do that. She doesn’t talk about things. That’s how we work. We casually acknowledge stuff and she always knocks. Always.”

Clarke sighed exasperatedly. “I mean, what was that? She just barged in here knowing she was on her way to work just because you were up here.”

“She’s trying to play both parenting parts. She just wants to talk and be in the loop. It’s going to take some getting used to for both of you.”

“Well, I’ll talk when Dad wakes up.”

There was a moment when Clarke closed her eyes, dropping her head against the wall and then she felt Lexa’s hand on hers, turning it and lacing their fingers together. They didn’t hold hands much, especially with Lexa’s PDA thing that Clarke respects even though sometimes she really wants to ignore it. So any time that Lexa reaches for her, Clarke greedily accepts it. Physical touch between them, no matter how small always brought the other out of a headspace. It was grounding.

“You can stop with the eye rolls and go from there, okay? I’m not saying you have to be best friends. But your mom is trying, and I know you are too but just… relax around her some more,” Lexa said. Her thumb gently rolled over the back of Clarke’s hand, back and forth.

Clarke settled lower, dropping her head to Lexa’s shoulder. “I hope you realize why they like you so much.

My mom would absolutely love to be a part of this conversation. On your part at least.”

“Just think about it, okay?” Lexa said, squeezing her hand. “She is trying for your sake. You said it yourself.”

“Can we just start the biology project now?” Clarke cuddled in closer, her other hand coming up around Lexa’s waist as she settled against the other girl.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this on a holiday break. But fine. My bag is on the floor by the now permanently open door and you’re slightly holding me hostage.”

“Oh, well, then I guess we need to take a nap first, right?”

Lexa chuckled, shaking Clarke gently in the process. “My run this morning was pretty tiring. I could go for a power nap.”

“Perfect,” Clarke suddenly yawned. She knew Lexa was comfortable in all aspect of the word but Clarke was pretty sure that she could cuddle Lexa for a week straight and not have to do anything. So she situated herself, pulling Lexa with her until she was on her side, head on the pillow. She grabbed Lexa’s hand, forcing the other girl to be the big spoon as they situated themselves.

“The project is due start of next week though so we need to work at some point I guess. Since you made me haul all my shit over here in the first place.”

“One hour.”

“Thirty minutes,” Lexa shot back, her breath brushing against Clarke’s hair as the blonde closed her eyes at the feeling. "I didn't drag my stuff over here to fail my project. It was your idea."

She smiled to herself and laced their fingers together, pulling them close to her chest. “We’ll see.”


	11. Holidays and Semi Finals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient! You're comments, although I constantly forget to respond, are very helpful and I'm grateful for those that leave thier opinions. I read all of them, just sometimes can't respond at the time.

Thanksgiving came and went easily enough. It was a little hard for Clarke to have it without her dad’s comments on how to properly cook a turkey, burning the first one, feeling bad about buying a second and ending up with tofu and vegetables instead of being responsible for the death of another little turkey. And then buying some steaks and potatoes. But this year, Lexa asked her to come to her family’s, Abby thought it was a great idea instead of it being just the two of them, and they both made it through dinner after Abby’s visit that morning at the hospital to check on everything.

Clarke had never been so thankful that she had Lexa, otherwise Thanksgiving would’ve been much lonelier.

Anya was determined to make sure Raven was okay too. First holiday since her dad had passed away. After the dinner, she had left, saying she was going to stay at Raven’s and nobody minded. The way that their adopted parents let the daughters take care of Clarke and Raven only made Clarke realize why Lexa appreciated them so much. Indra was sweet, stern of course, but sweet when she needed to be.Those rules the lawyer put in place were not to be messed with though. And Gustus was the kind of support someone would want in their corner in every circumstance.

During the break, they did a lot of double and triple dates with the rest of the Woods’ siblings. Lincoln and Octavia joined for the movies and dinner stuff, but Lexa and Anya did a lot of double planning intentionally to get the two best friends to spend time together too. And it was nice. Raven was getting used to the braces, moving for short periods of time without the cane. She could stand on her own. Even made it through those school days and is hoping to finish out the semester physically without a problem.

She was making huge progress on her own and even Abby was overly enthusiastic about it. The braces were miracle workers right now.

Raven was proud of herself, but she was still hurting and Clarke could tell. So she’d always check in, make sure her best friend isn’t talking herself down as she struggled physically sometimes. She knew Raven always wanted the most, wanted to work for everything, and she was working more to just be able to make her own coffee in the morning than she ever thought she’d have to.

But aside from families and school, Clarke and Lexa were doing great. Although, they hadn’t talked about what exclusive little detail that Clarke wasn’t sure how to bring up.  
How to determine if they were exclusive or not. If they were girlfriends or just dating. And honestly what the difference even was. Many people knew of them, but there wasn’t a label. Clarke wasn’t sure if there needed to be one. But she kind of wanted to announce that Lexa was hers. Call her protective or whatever.

Clarke just wanted to know what boundaries she could push. They’d only done a lot of kissing, cuddling, early high school stuff. And Clarke would never care about those things as long as Lexa was comfortable. And sometimes, Lexa would seem like she was ready to push forward, reaching for Clarke’s shirt or biting her ear, esc. And then it’s like she’d realize what she’s doing and somehow divert the subject. Never panicked. Never worried, just never ready either.

And she didn’t know how to ask.

And surrounded by her friends, now definitely wasn’t the time.

“Who’s going where for Christmas break?” Monty asked, popping a carrot in his mouth as they all sat around their lunch table at school. Octavia, Lincoln, Anya, Raven, Harper, Jasper, Lexa, and Clarke. With a few missing here and there.

“Off to Colorado we go,” Jasper said, half excited but half upset. “Except my freaky cousin is coming to go skiing this year. She’s so creepy.”

“She’s twelve,” Monty shot back.

“And she just pops up out of nowhere all the time. At the worst times! Like a freaking make-out session gets interrupted by a twelve year old throwing spit balls at you from outside the window,” he pouted, staring down at the table.

“That’s oddly specific,” Octavia stated while trying to hold back a laugh.

Raven couldn’t hold it back and just let it loose. “What a creep.”

“Jasper or the kid?” Lexa inquired.

Clarke smiled at that statement.

“You all can suck it. Her name was Maya and I loved her, okay?” he argued, throwing a grape in Lexa’s direction. She caught in the air quickly though, smirking at him as she flicked it back and it hit him in the face.

“Don’t mess with an athlete, Jordan.”

He rubbed the liquid juice off his nose, rolling his eyes and glaring at Lexa before she glared back playfully and he quickly looked away.

Even if she was pretending to be intimidating, that’s what Clarke really liked about her. She knew how soft Lexa could be but also how strong she could be too. Regardless of how quiet she still was, there were moments that Clarke saw and it showed how Lexa was getting more comfortable around the group. It always made her smile to herself and she could tell Lexa noticed when the girl reached over with her right hand, dropping it to Clarke’s knee with a squeeze and a smirk. They were sitting close enough that she knew nobody could really see that, but she definitely felt it along her whole body.

Clarke’s heart always stopped when she did those kinds of things.

They were relationship kind of things. Sweet, gentle, caring. Surprising considering Lexa’s view on PDA and her past experience with it but if she doesn’t want to hold Clarke’s hand but can sneak in a touch like this here and there, the blonde wasn’t complaining. Clarke wasn’t sure how to bring up the relationship part though. They had fun when they we’re together, but they’ve had a ton of serious talks about too serious subjects. Clarke didn’t know how to bring it up when they were actually having fun.

“Monty, you’re heading out to see your grandparents, right?” Clarke asked, trying to ignore what Lexa’s hand on her leg did to her heart rate.

“Yup, two weeks.”

“It’s a long two weeks,” Harper groaned, leaning her head on Monty’s shoulder. “But my parents luckily planned a trip to New York. I guess New Years at the Big Apple can’t be too bad.”

“I’ll spend most of it in my bed,” Raven said with a shrug. “I’ll trade you.”

Harper gave her a sad look.

But Anya leaned over and kissed her cheek. “But I’ll be with you.”

“You guys are sickening,” Lincoln stated, finally speaking up.

Lexa, whose hand still hadn’t left Clarke’s knee leaned over towards her as the others started bickering. “Question,” she whispered.

Clarke chuckled at her antics but leaned one elbow on the table to turn towards her more. “What kind?”

“Hopefully the good kind.”

“Okay, shoot.”

Lexa smirked. “What are you doing Friday?”

“Well, I have school I think.”

“I mean after.”

“Like at night?”

Lexa tilted her head back and forth like she was thinking. “Maybe. I was thinking after my practice.”

“Well, I’m not sure,” she shot back playfully, tapping her chin like she was considering her options. “What exactly do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know if you know about this of course, but the semifinals for the State Cup are Saturday.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“That means I’m going to be pretty busy starting this weekend with training and games.”

“Uh huh,” Clarke mumbled, not actually sure what Lexa was leading towards.

“And school is out a few days after the finals next week.”

“They are.”

“So I was thinking I’m going to need some good luck.” Lexa raised her eyebrow in Clarke’s direction, quietly leaning forward some. It wasn’t much to the unknown eye, but Clarke could tell this was closer than what Lexa was normally okay with.

Clarke looked around the cafeteria, noticing that none of the other kids seem to be paying attention. Lexa’s hand was off her knee now and Clarke missed her touch but she didn’t argue, just leaned her head on her hand as her elbow rested on the table and playfully smiled at her. “Good luck, huh?”

“Call me ridiculous, but yeah, good luck. And you’re my good luck charm so…”

It was hard to stop her smile from growing at Lexa’s words. “You’re such a romantic, Lexa Woods.”

“Don’t ruin my reputation,” she shot back, smiling softly. “So, Friday, it’s a date?”

“It’s a date.”

“Hey! You two,” Raven called, pulling them back to their attention of their group. Lexa pulled back quickly but not too quickly, making it look casual. Raven had narrowed her eyes at both of them. “That looked like you guys are planning something.”

“Back off, Reyes,” Lexa said with a twinkle in her eye. “You’re not invited.”

She frowned.

“It’s a party of two,” Clarke winked.

At that, Raven raised her hands in defeat and a beaming smile on her face.

\---------------  
  
“Are you nervous?”

Lexa shrugged as she juggled the soccer ball back and forth, one foot to the other foot and back without letting the ball touch the floor. She was counting in her head, Clarke noticed. Although the number was well over one hundred and a bead of sweat was starting to form along her braided hair. She had been quiet, just talking with Clarke casually as she focused more on the ball than the blonde.

But Clarke didn’t mind. It was pushing midnight. The Semi final game was tomorrow night. If the team won, they were heading to the final game on Thursday in the big city of Atlanta and Clarke couldn’t be more excited. The boys were out, unfortunately. The Elite Eight round they lost in overtime with the golden goal rule and a very well placed corner.

That didn’t stop the girls from rubbing it in either.

With an artist type gaze in her eyes, Clarke watched as Lexa continued to focus on the black and white soccer ball as she controlled it up and down and then, suddenly, Lexa grabbed it out of the air and turned, hitting it as hard as she could as it flew over the trees along the back yard.

And Clarke’s mouth dropped open and her eyebrows lifted up teasingly. “You do realize that people live back there, right?”

“We all have one acre.”

“I think you can kick further than one acre with all the pent up energy.”

Lexa let out a deep breath, still watching where she kicked the ball though it was long gone through the trees. “I just felt like I had to do that.” Slowly, she turned and made her way towards Clarke, who was sitting on the grass with her hands holding her up behind her and her legs stretched out. Lexa plopped next to her, mimicking her position for a few seconds before collapsing, covering her face as she lied on the grass on her back.

For a few moments, Clarke just looked at her. Then, finally, she decided to speak. “Is it nerves? I’ve never seen you like this before a game. You’re normally so stoic.”

Lexa didn’t answer.

Clarke frowned. “I feel like I should have an idea what to do in this situation but I don’t. Tell me what to do. ” She felt slightly guilty at her cluelessness.

Slowly, Lexa pulled her hands from her face and dropped them behind her head instead. She stared at the sky, the almost winter cold causing goosebumps on her slightly sweaty skin of her arms. And of course, Clarke noticed.

But she didn’t comment on that. She stayed quiet and moved to lie down parallel next to her, keeping quiet for a few moments until Lexa finally spoke.

“Anya is asking Raven to wear her jersey tomorrow.”

Clarke frowned at the tone she used. “And that bothers you?”

“No.”

That sounded more nervous than anything. “I mean,” Clarke said slowly. “That’s her girlfriend. It sounds about right if she wants her to wear her jersey during the game. It’s the first one Raven gets to go to since the accident, and it’s the semifinals.”

“I know,” Lexa sighed.

Now Clarke was very confused. She sat up, turning and she slid over towards Lexa. The tanned girl looked at her and let out a deep breath, sitting up as well. Silently, Clarke positioned herself over Lexa, draping her legs over the athlete’s own as they sat perpendicular across each other. Clarke’s head dropped to Lexa’s shoulder then, breathing her in.

And Lexa seemed to relax in her grip and silent comfort. “You’re sweet, you know that?” She kissed the top of her head.

“Cause that’s the dream adjective every girl wants to hear,” Clarke teased.

“And pretty,” Lexa continued, and Clarke felt her press another kiss to her hair. “And funny, and kind. And compassionate. And gentle. And heartwarming. And your mom loves me so…”

“You’re hilarious.”

“Good adjective choice.”

“Okay, seriously though,” Clarke said, squeezing herself closer to Lexa. “What’s wrong? You’re talking and dodging more than normal.”

“It’s, I just, ugh,” Lexa groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “I feel so slow.”

“Slow? You’re one of the fastest players on the team?”

“Not slow like slow, but slow like – like I don’t – I don’t know.”

Clarke pushed herself up, placing one hand on the grass behind her and the other on Lexa’s stomach, feeling her abs flex under her touch as she grabbed at Lexa’s shirt and gently messed with it. She watched Lexa’s eyes close as she relaxed. Tanned hands tightened in the grass behind her as she focused on Clarke’s fingers in her shirt. “Use your words, Lexa. What’s going on?”

With a deep breath, Lexa spoke with her eyes closed. “We’re dating, right?”

Oh shit, the question. Clarke smiled even though Lexa’s eyes were closed. “Right. Yeah.”

“Like, dating for real?”

“Yes, we’re dating.” Clarke heart felt more full by the second. Her smiled widened as Lexa’s eyes opened to see hers too.

“So if I wanted to call you my girlfriend, I can?”

Clarke beamed. “God, yes. I’ve been waiting to talk about this.”

Lexa’s looked at Clarke with intensity. “Really?”

“Not to be a possessive ass but yes.”

“It’s not possessive,” Lexa smirked, “It’s attractive.”

“It’s attractive that I want you all to myself?” Clarke chuckled.

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s arm and gently pulled her. With calm and gentle touched, Lexa maneuvered Clarke until she straddled her, hands on both side of the brunette’s face until she was hovering over her, blonde hair draping to one side and smile on the darker girl’s face. “Everything you do is attractive to me.”

“Say things like that and I may not be able to control myself.”

Lexa’s facial expression stuttered slightly, running her hand through Clarke’s hair as the other settled on Clarke’s hip. “I know we haven’t pushed many boundaries and that’s partly my fault.”

“It’s not a fault, Lexa,” the blonde corrected. “I’m not upset about it.”

“I know but–”

“Hey, good luck charm or not,” Clarke teased, putting her finger over Lexa’s lips, “I will wait for whatever you want me to wait for. Just being with you in any way is good for me.” Clarke didn’t want to admit that being intimate with Lexa made her nervous too. “You’ve helped me through so much this last month. I don’t want to push you into anything. I’m fine with our pace. I just like being with you, no matter what that entails.”

“Thank you,” Lexa mumbled around Clarke’s finger, kissing a knuckle with a smile.

Clarke smiled back, moving her hands to hook around Lexa’s neck as her now-official-girlfriend’s other hand moved to the other side of her hip, lifting her shirt up slightly and tracing patterns on the skin of her hip. She noticed this is something Lexa likes to do when they’re pushing boundaries of intimacy. So she let her, dropping her head to Lexa’s foreheads pressing together and she finally kissed her softly.

For a few seconds, they just let their lips move back and forth softly, no pressure to it. And eventually, Clarke smiled into the kiss as Lexa squeezed her sides teasingly. The blonde shook her head at the brunette but kept her eyes closed, their lips connecting here and there.

Finally, Lexa’s hands moved from her hips to her shoulders to her face, cupping it lightly and pushing Clarke back enough to look at her in the eyes.

“That enough good luck for you?” Clarke asked, cocking her head to the side lightly. “Girlfriend?”

Lexa’s lips turned up and she beamed. “That sounds nice.”

“Feels nice to say.”

“I have one more question though,” Lexa announced, bringing Clarke back down to her for another kiss which Clarke easily obliged.

“Shoot,” she mumbled against the athlete’s lips.

“Will you wear my jersey tomorrow to the game?”

Warmth spread through Clarke’s chest at the question and she felt Lexa’s nervous but tried to kiss them away with a slightly deeper movement of her lips, biting Lexa’s lower one and pulling on it. “Can’t have Raven and Anya being cuter than us, can we?”

Lexa smirked. “Absolutely not.”

\-----------------------------------  
  
Clarke sighed as the ref called for halftime, dramatically dropping back against the bleachers behind her that were empty. Raven sipped her hot chocolate, raising her eyebrow at her friend.

“There’s still forty-five minutes left, relax.”

“They need a goal.”

“And your girl will get you one. But my girl is keeping this game alive by keeping the other team off the board. So calm down. They know what they’re doing.”

Clarke glared at her and looked over towards Octavia and Lincoln, sitting to her right. “Can you please tell Raven that there is more to this game than stopping goals from getting scored?”

Octavia chuckled. “Let her have the little bit of knowledge that she’s attained. All Raven is concerned about is how hot Anya looks diving across the goal and yelling the team. Goalkeeper is the only position she understands.”

“It is a turn on for me,” Raven shrugged.

Clarke groaned, covering her eyes with her gloved hands and dropping the back of her head as she dramatically spread out across the bleachers.

It was cold for that Saturday night. The wind chill was slow but definitely enough to make her shiver when it occasionally came through. Lexa’s jersey was on over her sweatshirt that also happened to be Lexa’s, Raven in a similar outfit with the jeans and boots to match. Octavia and Lincoln just decked out in school colors for support, both painting their faces with Anya and Lexa’s numbers on their cheeks.

Lexa had waved at her before the game but then it was focus time. She never looked up in the stands, only focused on the ball and her short talks with Niylah and Luna when the ball would go out of the field. Clarke loved how determined she was.

“When they win tonight, who do they play?” Raven finally asked, hand reaching down to mess with her brace as she tugged at it with a frown.

Clarke sat back up, dropping her elbow to her knees as she stared at the now empty field with the teams in the locker rooms. “I heard it was Mountain Academy.”

Raven turned to her quickly. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“You think he’ll show up?”

“Probably, just to cause trouble,” she grumbled, noticing that Octavia and Lincoln weren’t paying attention so she dropped her voice a little more, scooting a little closer to Raven. “And if the game is going to be in Duluth, it’s only like fifteen minutes from his house. He knows I’m a soccer fan. He’s definitely going to be there just to cause trouble.”

“Does Lexa know?”

“She knows I dated Finn, knows that’s how you and I became friends and that he cheated on the both of us. But she doesn’t know that he still tries to contact us every once in a while.”

“Last he texted me was about a month ago, right before the accident.”

Clarke scrunched her forehead. “Wait, really? You didn’t tell me that.”

“I deleted his number but he texted me with a congratulations on the NASA trip.” She yanked her phone out of her pocket, scrolling through her messages before finally finding it and showing Clarke. “See?”

_Hey, Raven. I know you still hate me but I heard about the NASA trip in the paper. Congratulations. I’m sure you’re going to be great._

“He changed his number?” Clarke asked, realizing that the number was different. “Wait, you kept the text?”

“Obviously. I showed Anya.”

“How did he find out about the trip?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

She nodded in understanding. Any communication with Finn wasn’t at the top of her own priority list either. “So Anya does know?”

“I told her last week when she had questions about him. Took me a while to get the courage to talk about it.”

Clarke nodded once. “Did she get mad? About you keeping the text?”

“More protective than mad. Especially with my inability to walk like a normal human, she’s real nervous that one day he’ll show up and I won’t have anywhere to run, so to speak. Maybe literally, actually. I don’t know. Her mind gets going when she’s protective and comes up with crazy circumstances.”

“I’m glad she knows then.”

“What about Lexa? You think she’ll freak if he shows?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke said with a shrug. “She had told me before that when she gets real mad, she and Anya have legitimately fought each other. Apparently that happened at the boarding school a few times. But I’m not sure what she’d do for sure. I’ve never seen her, like, that mad honestly,” She sighed, rubbing at her temple a moment as she contemplated the possibilities. “But she doesn’t know his school so if they win tonight, I probably need to warn her.”

“Although I’d kind of like to see the Woods sisters kick his ass, ya know?”

“Definitely,” she smirked, chuckling and shaking her head as she pictured it.

They got quiet for a moment, Clarke running through multiple scenarios in her head of the possibilities for Wednesday night if they make it to the Finals. She didn’t realize how nervous she was until Raven put her hand on her knee, stopping the bouncing and nervousness as she got her attention. “Relax. Just watch the game.”

“Okay,” Clarke sighed, dropping her head once and looking back up as the teams came out, the announcer starting to get the crowds attention. “Okay, got it.”

“Good?” Octavia asked, leaning over at the look on Clarke’s face.

“Good,” she insisted. “Just thinking too much.”

“How about you think about Lexa’s cross as she’s inevitably going to get an assist from the game winning goal tonight, Huh? And about the celebration afterwards.”

“What’s an assist?” Raven asked, leaning forward as much as she could without being painful.

Octavia and Clarke exchanged a look and rolled their eyes.

\-----------------------------------  
  
“I. Am. Exhausted.”

Clarke looked over at the freshly showered Lexa who lied face first on the bed, her arms along her side and her head into the pillow. There were a few bruises along her legs that her athletic shorts didn’t cover, especially near her shins and her tank top had rode up a little, exposing her lower back and a bruise on the left side there.

Leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom in her own t-shirt and boy short pajamas, Clarke just smiled at her girlfriend. “You probably clocked fifteen miles tonight during that whole ninety minutes. Can’t say I’m surprised you’re not dead. You didn’t stop moving the entire time. Niylah seemed just as exhausted.”

“I can’t feel my legs.”

“The ice bath after the game help?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. I’m too tired to know. I’m too tired to think,” Lexa groaned, turning her head directly to the pillow and mumbled into it something that Clarke couldn’t hear as well. Her eyes were closed in exhaustion.

But Clarke laughed nonetheless, walking towards Lexa and sitting down next to her, stroking her hands through her damp brown hair. “Anything I can do to help?”

“I think I need to sleep for a week.”

“Sorry, but you only get about thirty-six hours before school Monday morning. And then we get to look forward to finals.”

Lexa shook her head. “I don’t want to study.”

“You don’t have to study now. We can look at the biology stuff later. Mr. Johnson said you’re doing well so don’t stress about it. I was mostly talking about your finals for the championship though.”

“Can't think. The party wore me out.”

Clarke smiled at the back of Lexa’s head, trailing her hands down her hair to her shoulder, tracing the outline of her tank top.

The after game victory party went pretty well. It was chilled out, mostly players and others with friend groups thrown in here and there. But while a few people went over the top, a lot of players were so tired that they only stayed an hour or two to socialize before leaving.

And Lexa and Clarke definitely left early when the blonde realized that the brunette was basically falling asleep on Niylah’s couch with an untouched underage beer in her hand. Lexa didn't drink much, especially with all of next week coming up. Clarke wouldn't have been surprised if that was actually Gatorade that she poured into a beer can to please Niylah.

With Abby at the hospital overnight, that led them here to Clarke’s room. Lexa had showered at her house and Indra told her to be home by midnight with a teasing smile on her face before she left.

That looked to be problematic now though. Clarke didn’t think Lexa could make it the two blocks to her house with how exhausted she looked. The poor girl had zero energy left in and out of the two of them, there was no way Clarke would be able to carry her. Not that she minded letting Lexa stay over. It was for her own well-being, of course. She made a mental note to text Lincoln or Indra before falling asleep if that was the case. God forbid they don’t keep Indra in the loop at least. That was top priority, Rule Number One. 

No sleepovers without discussion first. Or parental supervision. 

  
Clarke squeezed Lexa’s shoulder on instinct for comfort and earned a moan that she was definitely not expecting. Her own eyes widened and she yanked her arm back. “Lexa?”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, one hand coming up to cover her face as she turned towards Clarke, peaking through her fingers to look at her tiredly. The look was more adorable and attractive than it should’ve been. She felt her heart freeze for a moment and squeeze with that expression on Lexa’s face.

Clarke smiled and ignored the feeling in her chest though. “Are you that sore?”

“Yeah, actually,” she nervously laughed. “The ice bath helped but god, I’m sore.” She moaned the words, Clarke figured accidently. “God, I’m so sore everywhere.”

“That’s erotic,” she teased.

Lexa glared at her and Clarke just chuckled.

“Kidding, I’m kidding,” the blonde insisted, pulling her hands up in defense. “Would you want me to give you a massage? Would it help?”

Lexa audibly moaned again at the thought and Clarke blushed. Then Lexa blushed. “Okay, as weird as that noise just sounded, a massage sounds better than literally anything in the world right now.”

Clarke’s blush turned to a smile. “Okay, well, relax then.”

She did instantly and Clarke smiled as she looked at Lexa for a moment before putting her hands on the bare shoulders where her tank top didn’t cover. She pressed down and Lexa’s audible groan was louder than she expected. Her hands moved over her shoulders, pressing on muscles that her mother had taught her about as she tried to release the tension along her girlfriend. She pressed and knotted and moved her hands one bicep, then another, then along her forearms and downward towards her hands. She moved slowly, so as not to scare her as she straddled her girlfriend, legs on either side of Lexa’s hips and sat down on the back of Lexa’s thighs.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked softly, eyes closed as she felt the pressure in the new position. “What are you doing?”

“It helps the angle, trust me, just relax.”

She did as Clarke’s hands returned to her shoulders and moved downwards.

“Can I lift your tank top up a little bit?” Clarke asked, grabbing the material but waiting for Lexa’s assurance. With a nod of approval, she slowly lifted the shirt to her bra line and her hands went to work along the tense lumbar muscles above her short line, pressing and dipping as Lexa’s soft noises of approval were one of the only things heard in the room. Clarke was actually grateful for her mother for once, the lectures about muscles and soreness and blah blah. Even some of Raven’s therapy lessons were put to good use.

After a few minutes, Lexa tiredly lifted her head and looked back at Clarke who stopped her hands instantly. Lexa just smiled though. “Can you do that to my legs? They hurt the worst.”

“Yeah,” Clarke said instantly. She leaned forward and kissed Lexa’s temple, watching as the other girl’s eyes closed. “Whatever you need.”

She slowly slid down her body after that, doing her best to loosen up the muscles along all of Lexa’s body, especially her calves. The loud moan Lexa released when Clarke first worked on her right calf should’ve sounded sexual but the blonde just smiled at her, knowing and feeling pride about the fact that she was helping her girlfriend so much. If Lexa needed this, Clarke was more than ready to give her whatever.

A few minutes later, Lexa’s whole body was like a limp noodle. She slowly reached blindly, pulling Clarke forward. She obliged, falling to the bed beside her and turning into Lexa, lifting herself on one elbow and looked down at the mess of brown hair and soft smile. Her hands couldn’t stop themselves from twirling a piece of the perfect, damp brown hair between her fingers.

“Thank you,” Lexa whispered, opening her eyes and turning slightly towards Clarke, reaching up to brush a strand of blonde hair behind her ear in a mimicked manor. “For the support and the massage.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Yeah, but I want you to know that I’m comfortable around you.” Lexa looked downward, grabbing Clarke’s hand to her stomach and entwining their fingers tighter, staring at that. “Honestly, the idea of you doing that scared me at first but God did it feel good.”

“Yeah?” Clarke blushed.

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, pulling Clarke’s hands up to her mouth and kissing them lightly. “We need to protect these things. They work miracles.”

“My hands?”

“Absolutely,” she said, kissing her fingers one more time. “I feel like a million dollars right now but I also feel like I’m about to pass out,” she groaned, letting go of Clarke’s hand to stretch her muscles out dramatically. Clarke’s eyes drifted down to her abs as they flexed.

“I want you to be comfortable around me,” Clarke whispered, watching as Lexa’s lean muscles moved and she situated herself again but turning now, mimicking Clarke’s position. “But I want it at your own pace. It just makes me happy enough that I’m getting a chance.”

“As if I could’ve ever said no to The Clarke Griffin.”

She blushed under Lexa’s intense, but exhausted gaze and chuckled as the other girl almost immediately yawned too. “Tired?” she asked.

“Almost to the point I’m dead,” Lexa mumbled back, already tucking her arm and closing her eyes.

But Clarke nudged her. “Hey, turn the other way.”

Lexa frowned. “What?”

“Just do it.”

She did but not before giving Clarke a very tired and confused look, one that Clarke found adorable. Once Lexa’s back was to her, Clarke moved forward, situating one of her legs between Lexa’s and sliding her left arm under the brunette’s pillow. Her right came around, grabbing Lexa’s hand as her back pressed against the blonde’s front.

“Oh, gotcha,” Lexa yawned, tucking herself against Clarke.

“This okay?”

With a nod, Lexa claimed, “More than okay. Although now I’m too comfortable and I don’t think I want to leave this bed.”

“I don’t want you to either. I’m sure your mom won’t mind.” She thought about moving to text her but didn’t want to leave this position of Lexa’s warmth.  
Apparently Lexa didn’t either as she mumbled “She will but I hope not too much.”  
“Go to sleep, Lexa,” she kissed the back of the girl’s head, already feeling her body go limp from sleep. She'd move and text Indra and her mom when Lexa was asleep. “I'll talk to them. Just relax.”

But she was already asleep, and Clarke followed suit quicker than she could think about how beautiful Lexa was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it! Let me know what you think :) Finals coming up hopefully next week!


	12. Calm Before The Match

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN SO LONG! Sorry guys, I have a lot of family stuff going on with some hard diagnosis but writing let's me escape all of that. I just haven't had a chance to escape recently. Hope this makes up for the month of no news!

Clarke woke to the smell of coffee, hair in her face, and warmth in her arms. She cuddled closer, realizing that Lexa was still there, not wanting to leave just yet. But her arm was asleep and her body was tight, begging her to stretch her limbs before they cramp up. So slowly, she kissed the back of Lexa’s head who hummed in her sleep and Clarke slid out of bed as gently as she could. Lexa must have been exhausted still because she didn’t even budge, just wrapping the sheets around her more and breathing deeply.  
Clarke slipped on Lexa’s sweatpants that she had brought over beforehand, throwing her hair up into a bun on her head and opened her bedroom door. She followed the coffee scent down the hall and the stairs and into the kitchen, only to freeze when her mother met her gaze over a cup of joe.

And Indra sitting at the kitchen table, her hands before her and her stern lawyer expression upon her dark stoic face.

Clarke gulped. “Um, good morning.”

“Clarke,” her mother said, putting her mug on the counter and walking towards the kitchen table. “Sit down.”

She hesitated. “Can I get some coffee first or–”

“Sit, Clarke,” she instructed and Clarke didn’t hesitate this time, moving to the head of the table and taking a seat between to the two woman on either side. Bad cop was out and it looked like bad lawyer was too based on Indra’s expression.

“Are those my daughter’s sweatpants?” Indra asked with a harsh tone.

Clarke gulped, nodding once.

Abby sighed, dressed in her everyday attire and dropping her hands to the table. “Clarke, you know the rules. We went over this.”

“She came over after the game. She was tired. She fell asleep. That’s all that happened,” Clarke defended, rubbing at her sleepy eyes to try to focus more. “I meant to text you but I forgot,” she lied, “and fell asleep too.” She hoped that sounded believable.

“Sleepovers with anyone you’re dating, girl or not, are not allowed here unless myself or your father – unless someone is home. You know this,” her mother pressed. “We’ve made some exceptions but this is not acceptable.”

“It wasn’t like it was planned or we were trying to sneak around, I swear,” she looked at Indra. “She went home after the party, took a shower, and just came here for the intent of being here for like an hour. But she fell asleep, swear to God.”

“Clarke,” Her mother said sternly.

Indra sighed, holding her hand up and Abby remained quiet. “I’ve known Lexa for a very short amount of time but she opened up to us quickly, she’s very honest. I don’t think she’d do this intentionally, so I understand. But she is still my daughter for all intents and purposes, and she, Anya, and Lincoln all live under the same rules. I stay in the loop, period. You and Raven have been lucky but I can change some rules and start to put my training to good use if you try to take advantage of me.”

Clarke understood then why Indra was such a good lawyer. She saw it from all angles but she was sure that her stern expression could rip even the best prosecutors a new one if she wanted it to. So Clarke knew better than to speak, keeping her mouth shut and her hands clamped over each other under the table.

“Lexa is a quiet girl,” Indra continued, “She’s hesitant and she’s been through a lot. I’m assuming you know why she and Anya are here with us, correct?” Clarke nodded once. “Her life hasn’t been easy for a teenager like her. And when she started to see you and hang out with you, I was torn. Happy and worried. I didn’t know you Clarke,” she defended when Abby almost spoke up on her daughter’s behalf. “I still don’t very well, honestly. Only what my kids have told me. But Lexa cares for you, Anya trusts you with her, and Lincoln has nothing but good things to say. Even Gustus has good words the few times he’s spent with you,” She smiled as Clarke relaxed visibly. Then she turned hard again. “But do not, under any circumstances, try something like this every again with my daughter, understand?”

Clarke gulped. “Yes ma’am.”

“Good,” Indra smirked, giving her a single nod. “And if you do, don’t get caught,” she winked. Abby rolled her eyes and Clarke’s widened before Indra’s stoic expression was back. She almost thought she’d imagined that last sentence. “At least send us a text so I don’t wake up with a daughter not in her bed. I know a lot of good people to call, but I know some bad people too that owe me some favors if you cross my rules again.”

Abby rolled her eyes, yet again, but a small smile formed at Indra’s fake threat.

“Yeah,” Clarke chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her head. “I really am sorry.”

Abby crossed her arms now, looking at Clarke. “And don’t think that just because my schedule is crazy that you two can get away with stuff. I want that door open, I want text messages. I want to be told anytime Lexa is here.”

“Got it.”

“And also,” Indra said but her voice had taken a more kind and gentle tone. “Thank you for taking care of her last night. My husband was out on patrol and I was working in the home office late on a large case, so it’s nice to know that Lexa was in good hands.”

Clarke blushed, thinking back to the massage and Lexa’s comment about her hands. She kept that information to herself.

“Just, again, keep us in the loop,” she finished.

“Understood,” she said once, fidgeting in her seat. “So, like, can I get some coffee now or?...”

Abby chuckled, nodding her head in the direction of the mugs. “Sure, we made extra for Lexa.”

With that, Clarke jumped up, grabbed the coffee and ran to her room as quickly as she possibly could.

\---------------------------------  
  
“Mmm, I smell coffee,” Lexa groaned and stretched from her spot on Clarke’s bed, turning in the sheets, to find Clarke dropping both coffee cups on the bedside table.  
Her face when they made eye contact made Clarke swoon. It was like Lexa forgot where she was momentarily but seeing Clarke made it a thousand times better, her eyes lighting up and a blinding smile forming on her face. When she stretched,, like a kitten with her hands over her head, sleepily eyeing Clarke from the depths of the blonde’s bed… Clarke felt her heart strings tighten on their own accord.

“Hi,” she said softly, still smiling up at the blonde.

“Hey,” Clarke smiled back, sitting down and turning, wrapping her arm around her own leg as Lexa slowly sat up against the headboard. “Feel better?”

“A little tight but so much better.” She blushed visibly, causing Clarke’s chest to continue to tighten with how adorable Lexa was. “Thank you for last night. Although Indra is going to be pissed.”

“Already talked to her,” Clarke said.

“What?”

“She’s downstairs with my mom. I got the lecture and settled everything.”

Lexa looked shocked. “You already talked to Indra?”

“Yes,” she answered slowly.

“My Indra? Stoic and hard momabear?”

The blonde nodded.

“Huh,” Lexa bit her lip, drawing Clarke’s attention to it. “Was she okay?”

“Pissed, but I think I talked her down. I just explained how tired you were and that we didn’t mean to stay overnight without telling them. And they seemed okay. I didn’t even have to mention the A plus you’re going to make in biology thanks to me.”

“She’s always been kind of protective of me.”

“I know, and she has good reason but she doesn’t have to worry about me,” Clarke said, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Lexa’s blushing cheek.

The darker skinned girl reached up and touched her cheek as Clarke pulled back. “Should I be worried about you?” she teased.

Clarke leaned forward again. “Never.” But just as she went for a kiss, Lexa turned away. Clarke frowned instantly, worry settling in her stomach. “Wha – are you okay?”

“Morning breath,” the other girl chuckled with a shrug.

“I don’t care,” she stated, reaching forward and grabbing Lexa’s chin, pulling her mouth to hers and they both smiled into the kiss, Lexa almost laughing into it. But Clarke kissed her lips quickly and pulled back with a smile.

Lexa’s blush had gotten even worse and she ran her fingers through her tangled hair, looking away from Clarke nervously in her sleepy state and settling on the coffee. Clarke found her nervousness charming. “So, coffee?”

Without a word, Clarke grabbed the mugs and sat parallel to her girlfriend, handing it over. “I like good morning kisses, you know. Deal with it,” she said over the rim of her cup, taking her first swig.

Lexa chuckled into her coffee. “Good to know.”

“And also, we need to talk.”

With a tenseness, Lexa lowered her coffee. “About what?”

Thinking so much about what Raven said and not wanting to interrupt their morning, Clarke decided against all reason and wanted to tell Lexa exactly what was necessary. About Finn, the game Wednesday, about the odds of him being there. She didn’t want Lexa to be surprised and this wasn’t a conversation to have right before the game or during the week. It was going to be time consuming for Lexa between studying and practice. So she bit her lip and turned towards her girlfriend.

“Well, here’s the thing…”

\-------------------------------------

Clarke made her way out of the house with her helmet in hand, thick leather wind break and beanie on as she was ready to embrace the cold yet again for another ride to school that Thursday. Just as she made it to the bottom of the steps, she saw Lexa and her siblings walking out of their own house. The girls in their soccer jerseys to advertise the game, Lincoln in the school colors.

Their eyes met over the extra house between them and she waved. Lexa immediately smiled, dropping her bag to the floor, saying something to Anya as the girl chuckled and looked at Clarke, and Lexa took off running over from her driveway to Clarke’s.

She made it just as Clarke set her helmet down on the handle bars and Clarke was surprisingly caught off guard when Lexa grabbed her, both hands on her face, and pressed her lips to the blonde’s in a quick second of a heated kiss.

Clarke took it in and was smiling when Lexa pulled away, shaking her head as Anya whooped from their driveway.

“What was that?” Clarke asked with an eyebrow raised.

“A good morning kiss,” Lexa said. “We so rarely see each other before we get to school with the bus route timing and the PDA thing doesn’t apply so much to my family and you told me about your good morning kiss thing Sunday and–” Lexa shrugged and her hands opened and closed nervously along Clarke’s jacket. “This was the first day since that I’ve been able to apply it.”

Clarke didn’t realize she was smiling so much until Lexa’s hand came up and her thumb slid across her lips once. “You’re cute.”

“Please don't say that out loud.”

“Still cute,” Clarke said, leaning in one more time and flicking Anya off behind Lexa’s back for the second sound of unneeded encouragement.

“I’m not cute,” she groaned. “So I’ll see you at school?” Lexa asked, pulling back and grabbing Clarke’s helmet, fiddling with it in her hand.

“I’ll be there.”

“And the game?”

“As if I’d miss the finals. I have to be there to cheer my girl on.”

Lexa beamed. “You need my jersey again? You know, to tell Finn to back the hell up?”

Clarke played with the bottom of the current jersey that Lexa was wearing, twining the material between her fingers. “You’d have to pry it off of me to stop me.”

“Maybe someday I will,” Lexa joked back but Clarke heard something more seductive in her tone.

And it turned her on. “You just let me know when and where, beautiful.”

“Alright,” Lexa said, stepping back and letting Clarke take her helmet instead. “Enough teasing. God, it’s too early for that.”

“You started it,” Clarke said, holding her hands up defensively and turned to her bike, swinging her legs over it as she fixed up her gloves on her hand and her visor helmet over her head. “See you at school?”

Lexa was biting her lip when Clarke looked and she smiled under the full face helmet. “Yeah,” the athlete said, visibly looking Clarke up and down. “I’ll meet you there.” She backed off as Clarke started the bike and with one last glance at Lexa, she rolled out of the driveway, ignoring the thumbs up she got from Anya.

\-----------------------------------  
  
The sound of Raven’s cane caught Clarke’s attention down the hallway of teenagers as she slipped her books into her locker, looking to her right and finding her friend using the wall and cane to make her way over. Clarke smiled at her, Raven smiling back until she finally stopped next to her.

“That was in record time,” Clarke teased, looking at her watch. “Five minutes early, in fact.”

“Shove off,” Raven said, shoving the blonde’s shoulder. “I’m here, aren’t I? My last final is tomorrow, nothing these teachers are going to say is going to tell me anything I don’t already know so I’m not exactly in a rush to show up.”

“I definitely understand how you’re feeling,” Clarke sighed. “My English final had to be turned in yesterday, and everything but AP Psychology final is done. And I’ve learned nothing in the past few weeks that I didn’t already know.”

“Which we’re both going to pass with flying colors so that means,” Raven said, smiling more as she spoke, “We can focus on our girls tonight. You think they’ll win?”

“God I hope so. Lexa passed her biology final with almost a perfect score yesterday so she’s able to focus on just the game too. Should be interesting.”

“And Finn?”

Clarke sighed, finishing up in her locker and closing the door. “I spoke to Lexa about him this weekend so she knows what to expect. But we’ll have Lincoln and Octavia with us and Lexa told Lincoln to keep an eye out.”

Raven smirked. “We have a bodyguard.”

“With your smart mouth, you need one anyway,” Clarke shot back. “But I really hope that Finn just realizes that trying tonight is a stupid night to try something.”

“Who do you think he’s going to go for first?”

“He texted you last,” Clarke pointed out, dropping her shoulder to the lockers and turning towards her friend fully. “Let’s just buddy system it tonight, alright? You go for the head, I’ll kick him in the nuts if we have to. Deal?”

Raven chuckled. “Deal. But I’m going to have to disappear some during half time.”

With a frown, Clarke asked, “Why?”

“Monty is helping me with a project of sorts,” Raven sneered. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Does this project involve booms and bangs and police?” she glowered at her friend.

Raven was just avoiding eye contact with a beaming smile and laughed to herself. “Maybe, but hey,” she continued, meeting Clarke’s warning gaze again, “It’ll be fun. The teams and crowd will love it.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“I can’t any more than I already am,” she pointing to her legs that were still covered in the braces. “That’s why Monty is doing the heavy lifting and I’m the one just pointing him in the right direction. I’m the brains. Harper isn’t thrilled, of course.”

Clarke crossed her arms and shook her head lightly. “You know, with whatever you’re planning, I’m sure your dad and mine would be proud.” Mentioning them was always difficult sometimes but like Clarke, Raven is doing better. Much better. But Clarke saw the look in her eyes when she said it and reached out to her friend, holding her biceps with a squeeze of encouragement. “Really, he would.”

“He used to always tell me to be smart enough to stand out but not stupid enough to get caught,” she chuckled, reaching up and pulling a tear from her cheek as she smiled sadly at the floor. “It’s kind of ridiculous that thinking about him still hurts.”

“It’s not been two months, Raven. I don’t think we’ll ever fully get over what happened. No amount of time is going to make it hurt less. Look at Octavia.” Clarke pointed out. “And with Christmas coming up, it’s going to be hard for all of us. But let’s just focus on what we know, alright? That our girlfriends are going to win a championship tonight and you’re going to do your best not to get caught with whatever you’re planning.”

“What are you planning?” The voice came from Anya as she wrapped her arms around Raven from behind, kissing her cheek lightly with a smile no her face.

Lexa slid next to Clarke but was far less affectionate of course, just giving her a brief, caring smile. “Do we even want to know?” the other sister asked.

“It goes boom,” Raven announced.

Anya had a proud look in her eyes. “Does it?”

“Should I be scared?” Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded. “Always be scared when Raven has a plan for something that goes boom.”

“But it’s going to be awesome,” her genius of a friend defended. “No one will get hurt unless birds are flying above the field. And that’s just free dinner for the coyotes. It’ll be fine.”

Anya and Lexa exchanged a look before Lexa shook her head and said, “Nature will forever break under Raven Reyes, huh?”

“Yes,” Raven said, winking at Lexa before turning to her girlfriend who dropped her arms from around the limping girl’s waist. They kissed briefly, during which Clarke felt slightly envious about it but they quickly pulled apart. “Anyway, it takes me longer than the average student to get to class so I’ll see you losers at lunch.” Anya reached down, grabbing Raven’s backpack and throwing it over her shoulder with her own before they both turned and walked away.

Lexa watched them go to. “Despite the explosions, Raven is good for Anya.”

“I’d say Anya is good for Raven too,” Clarke insisted, still watching as they walked until the crowd of students made it hard to see, then Clarke turned to her own girlfriend and smiled up at her, crossing her arms and leaning back against the lockers. “So, are you still feeling as cheeky as you were this morning?”

Lexa’s eyes sparkled but she glanced around too nervously. “It’s a hallway full of our classmates, Clarke.”

“Just asking. No big deal, you know that.” She said, biting her lip and looking up at her girlfriend who eyed her with a lip bite of her own. “But, you know, if you ever wanted to kiss me at any random time for good luck or whatever, I mean, you’re more than welcome to.”

Lexa shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans and groaned, moving next to Clarke and hitting the back of her head on the lockers. “You’re mean.”

“Adorable actually,” she corrected.

“I will need some good luck, though. It’s a tough game coming up tonight.”

“How can I assist?”

“Meet me after school behind the bleachers near the concessions? We don’t have to be at the venue until six and we don’t have to be in the locker room until four so that gives us thirty minutes before hopping on the bus for you to tell me how amazing I am.”

“At soccer or making out?”

Lexa turned her head and smirked. “Both?”

Clarke’s heart leaped in her chest. “It’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! Thanks!


	13. We Are The Champions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling myself this week apparently. This chapter came quick!

There was something about Lexa having her hair down that really made Clarke want to constantly run her hands through it. Or, there was something about Clarke pulling Lexa’s hair out of the braid as she was pushed against a pole under some bleachers at a high school stadium that made her feel some type of way. Either way, at this point in life, she was more than happy with where she was momentarily.

In fifteen minutes, the girl’s team was getting on a bus and heading towards the venue in Duluth for the State Championship and Clarke was going to be hitching a ride with Lincoln, Octavia, and Raven in Bellamy’s truck. But Clarke was too in the moment to be thinking about the next few hours.

Because right now, her girlfriend has her lips on her neck and her hands on her hips holding her steady against the pole of the underside of bleachers and without it, Clarke was sure that her legs were going to buckle and fall to the floor. She’d always had a soft spot for things like neck kisses, but Lexa was always so gentle and protective at the same time that it made her knees weak. She had to cling to Lexa’s shoulders or she would’ve actually hit the floor.

“You know, I'm loving and hating this jacket in this moment,” Lexa mumbled into Clarke’s neck, hands slipping under the blonde’s shirt so her cold fingers touched light skin above her jeans.

She jumped and shivered for more than one reason, feeling the goose bumps spread across her skin from head to toe. The cold of Lexa’s hands were welcomed on Clarke’s suddenly heated skin. Her hands went to Lexa’s face now, pulling her back up until their lips connected in urgent but still gentle kisses. Lexa never spoke much when it came to their ‘girlfriend sessions’ as Raven called it, and when she did, it always did something for Clarke. Made it more real and brought her back to earth because it was very easy for Clarke to be very distracted.

And every time Lexa did that thing with her tongue in Clarke’s mouth… Let’s just say that the noise that came from Clarke’s throat wasn’t exactly parent friendly.

Lexa smiled against Clarke’s lips as she realized, again, what she does to the blonde. “Want to come on the bus ride with us?”

“I don’t think your coach would appreciate you making out with your girlfriend in the backseat.”

“Let’s call it… motivation.”

“Is this Lexa Woods, star midfielder of Polis High School saying she wants to make out with her girlfriend in the back of a fully packed school bus?” Clarke hummed with approval, biting Lexa’s lip with her teeth and pulling as the other girl teased back in the same way. “Sure sounds like PDA to me.”

Lexa chuckled, nipping back at Clarke’s lip. “You’re right. It’s a bad idea.”

“The worst.”

“I’d hate for others to see you like that.”

“Totally a bad idea,” Clarke agreed, her hands pulling Lexa closer by the biceps. “We’re more modest than that.”

She cocked her head to the side at the blonde with a smirk on her lips. “Maybe I just want you all to myself.”

“You won’t catch me arguing with that. So kiss me like you mean it, Woods. You need all the luck you can get, right?”

Hands moved over clothes and lips kissed harder and harder under the bleachers. They heard the bustle of the school in the background as students started to leave the property, but Clarke’s mind could only focus on Lexa. She was excited for this game, but she really and truly didn’t want Lexa to leave. The thought made her fist her hands in her girlfriend’s athletic jacket and yank her even closer, Lexa grunting slightly at the force. Just as they started to get heated, more heated than they should considering location under some bleachers in the cold winter air, Lexa’s phone went off in her pocket.

“Ugh,” she groaned, kissing Clarke one more time and the blonde felt it to her toes before the brunette pulled away. She reached down with one free hand, the other going to grab Clarke’s as they separated and she pulled her phone out, frowning. “Anya.”

“Time to go?” Clarke asked, sliding closer to her on pure instinct, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s one and leaning into her side.

“It was time to go five minutes ago,” Lexa confessed, a slight blush forming on her cheeks. Clarke wondered if that was because of her or because of the cold.

She squeezed her hand, lacing their fingers together and leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder. “Can’t have you missing the bus.”

“It wouldn’t look good to the team,” Lexa added.

“Probably not.”

“But the players would understand, I think.”

“Would your coach get mad?”

“Oh yeah. Furious.”

Lexa looked up from her phone after finishing the text back, sliding it back into her back pocket before smirking at Clarke, and wrapping her arms around her in a warm hug. Clarke sank into it, sliding her arms back around Lexa’s neck, twirling a brown curl around her fingers as she buried her face against Lexa to hide from the cold.

And for a moment, they just held each other in the slight quietness of an empty stadium.

Then, Lexa chuckled, shaking her head. “You know, Clarke, you caught me off guard.”

“When?” she asked, suddenly confused.

“That day when you fell in the pool a four months ago at the back to school party your dad threw,” she said, her voice softer and even though her dad was in the conversation, Clarke was proud of herself for not faltering in her smile. Because despite the head injury, she remembered that day almost perfectly.

“Was it the black bikini?”

Lexa laughed loudly at that, shaking her head but smiling. “I can’t say no, but I definitely can tell you that it was hard to focus on anything but you during that soccer match. And honestly, I was already looking at you before Anya hit you with the ball.”

“It was the Atlanta United hat, right?”

“Absolutely. It did me in.”

Clarke leaned upward and kissed her quickly. “Well, I’ll make sure to wear it tonight and distract you.”

“For the championship game? That’s just mean, woman. My college future could rely on this very game. Distraction can’t happen.”

“I’m warning you,” she retaliated. “You can’t be caught off guard if I’m warning you.”

“You can tell me exactly what you’d do and say and when and you’d still surprise me all day, every day,” Lexa honestly confessed, reached up and grabbing Clarke’s face with her hands. “You keep me on my toes, Clarke Griffin.”

“There’s more where it came from too,” she kissed her again and smiled when Lexa smiled. “But I can’t show you now because you’re going to be very late.”

“Right,” she mumbled, staring down at Clarke’s lips and then meeting her gaze again. “I’ll walk you to your bike?”

“You sure you have time?”

“They’re not going to leave me,” she said confidently, turning and grabbing all of their bags as Clarke slug hers over her shoulder as well. Almost automatically, Lexa reached for Clarke’s hand and gave it a squeeze once before grabbing her duffle bag then, and they started walking.

Clarke gave her a sideways glance though. “So you’re confident that they’ll wait for you.”

“Very.”

“Really? Thought your coach was going to be furious?”

“Anya said that she’d slash a tire to slow them down as long as it was for a good reason. Coach never has to know.”

Clarke fixed her bag on her shoulder as she pictured Anya doing just that. “Does making out with your girlfriend count as a good reason?”

Lexa pretended to think and then shrugged one shoulder. “It’s good enough for me.”

\------------------------------------

Raven, Clarke, Lincoln, and Octavia finally dropped down on the bottom set of the bleachers near the entrance, Lincoln’s parents making sure that everything was good before going to get hot chocolate for the whole group. Bellamy dropped them off and immediately left to find Echo who was apparently coming to the game but the two never joined the rest of the group. Probably making out somewhere much warmer than the here. It was cold, very cold, but the blankets, jackets, gloves, and hats were going to do their damnest to keep their group warm.

Despite the cold, Clarke’s knee was bouncing for more than that reason. She was nervous. Nervous for her girlfriend to play well. Nervous that Finn would make an appearance. Nervous because she was wearing a jersey with Lexa’s number over the sweatshirt and she was worried what others would think in terms of her girlfriend. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute.

Not even the wink that Lexa shot her slyly from the field before the whistled made her relax. But her body could only stay tense for song long before it called it quits.

Eventually, Clarke leaned back and dropped her arms across Octavia’s legs behind her, settling between her legs as Raven leaned back against Lincoln in the same way. The four of them were cuddled up to stay warm, doing their best not to freeze as they watched the game of the year. Clarke only hoped that everything happened the way that they wanted it to. She wasn’t sure how to deal with a pouty Lexa yet, and she didn’t want to learn after losing a championship.

“You and Lexa sealed the deal yet?” Octavia asked in Clarke’s ear.

She jumped out of her thoughts and frowned, tilting her head back at her friend. The ball had gone out of the sidelines so she wasn’t going to miss anything as she gave Octavia her attention. “What?”

“You’re wearing her jersey again. Her favorite hat is upon your head.” She wiggled the black Atlanta United snapback for emphasis. “The wink earlier. I figured the deal has been sealed.”

“O, come on,” Clarke groaned, slapping her friend’s leg. “No, actually, we haven’t. Not that it’s your business.”

“You slept with Niylah the first night you guys hung out.”

“Thanks to being under the influence. And look where that got me.”

“Ooo, are we talking about sex?” Raven said over the crowd, leaning over Lincoln’s leg who just looked at them and chuckled to himself, shaking his beanie covered head at their antics. “I want in.”

“No, we’re not,” Clarke stated.

Octavia nodded. “We are. And we’re trying to figure out why Clarke hasn’t done it with Lexa.”

“She’s not exactly the ‘jump in bed as soon as possible’ type, guys. I mean, you’ve seen us on dates. And there’s nothing wrong with the speed we’re taking it. I just let her do her thing.”

Raven nodded. “She’s definitely not handsy.”

“I think I’ve only seen you guys kiss once,” Octavia chimed in. “The girl doesn’t even get drunk enough to make out against a wall in front of pedestrians like the rest of us. You guys hid in a hammock in the woods, away from preying eyes. You suck for that, by the way. Still upset over here that I missed the big love confession.”

Clarke ignored the jab. “I’m going to ignore the weirdness behind that. And besides, they’re in season, she can’t just get hammered like the rest of us,” Clarke insisted, dropping her hot chocolate to the bleacher seat and rubbed her gloved hands over her face. “But God, she really knows how to get a girl going and not finish if I’m being honest.” This was opening a can of worms but oh well, she’s down the rabbit hole now. And if Clarke was being honest with herself, she wanted to talk about her sexual frustration with someone. Anyone.

Raven’s mouth dropped open and then she beamed with excitement. “Excuse the fuck out of me. Tell me more.”

“Nope. I’m going to sit with Monty and Harper,” Lincoln announced, moving Raven off so he stood and kissed Octavia quickly. “Text me when you’re done talking about my sister’s sex life. I’ll be right over here.”

Octavia nodded with a joking smile and Raven moved slowly to the vacant seat, looking down at Clarke from her new spot next to Octavia. The blonde sat up, turning and glaring at her now slightly taller friends as they looked at her intently.

_They’re really not very supportive_, Clarke thought to herself. _They’re like vultures with gossip_.

“Spill,” Raven continued, wrapping her arm around Octavia’s for warmth, cuddling close, braced legs out in front of her.

Clarke got defensive. “Why do I have to spill the beans? You spill it.”

“Anya is great at sex,” she said confidently.

“She looks like she’d be good at sex,” O added.

Clarke shot a look to Octavia. “You’ve thought about Anya in bed?”

“Lincoln is good at it. Figured it ran in the family. Genetics and all that.”

“Lexa and Anya are adopted,” Clarke stated.

Raven nodded. “Which is good news for you. Cause if Anya knows how to get a girl off, I’m sure Lexa knows a thing or two. Besides, she even adapts well to the whole accident and slight paralysis thing,” Raven added with a dreamy look in her eye. “Like really, really well. It’s a talent. Weird positions, but it works.”

Octavia took a minute and then looked sideways at Raven. “Does she do that thing where she takes her tongue and–”

“Oh, the swirl thing?” Octavia nodded curiously. “Yeah, she did that the other night at the–”

“Okay,” Clarke said, throwing an extra blanket at both of her friends. They laughed as they uncovered themselves. “I get it. But can we just watch the game that we came to see? Please? I’m waiting for Lexa to be ready, end of story. Moving on.”

Laughter, so much laughter at her and Clarke felt herself go red from the cold and embarrassment. She covered her face again with her gloves. She thought she wanted to talk about her situation with Lexa, she was wrong.

“You used to talk about sex all the time, Clarke,” Raven said, flicking her friend in the shoulder and the blonde flicked her off in return. “I’m just saying, I’ve seen what you’ve got going on under there. You and Lexa can take your time and I’m sure whatever happens, it’s going to be great.” She nodded once to her friend, and grabbed her hot chocolate. And casually shook her head over the cup as she added, “But me and Anya will be having sweet victory sex after this game so-”

“You’re such a jerk!”

“Oww,” Octavia said, grabbing her knee where Clarke tried to punch Raven and very much missed. “Wrong person, asshole.”

“The game, the whole reason we’re here.” Clarke waved in front of her, pointing to the field where the teams were fighting and kicking back and forth. “Can we watch that?”

“Sure,” Raven leaned her head on Octavia, shivering slightly. “On a real note, are we all going to Niylah’s victory party this weekend when they win? Because Drunk Anya gives the best sex.”

Clarke groaned loudly and stood. “I’m going to sit with Lincoln and the others too.”

\---------------------------------------

Long story short, Raven and Monty set off some fireworks on the field after the win of the Championship game with the sounds of sirens hacked through the speaker system. It resulted in them getting arrested after trying to ‘run’ from the cops. Raven couldn’t run from anything, obviously. Lincoln’s dad bailed her out easily enough feeling a duty to take care of her. They got a minor offense of some detention at the start of next semester. And Anya proclaimed she was in love with a very dramatic kiss through the window of the back of the cop car where Raven sat with a triumphant smile on her face.

In other news, finally… The tests are done.

School is out.

The everyone was on a high going into the Christmas break.

Lexa and Luna were on even bigger highs being the two that scored during the game getting praise left and right from students and teachers. After the game, they were practically celebrities as they approached the crowd from the locker rooms. She knew Lexa had a beautiful smile, but it really didn’t compare too much else in the world when she beamed it at Clarke with a medal around her neck and a ring soon to come in.

And Clarke was right up there with them until her mother got a hold of her the day of Niylah’s party, ready to burst Clarke’s bubble.

“What do you mean, we’re leaving?”

Abby continued drying off the dishes from breakfast as she rolled her eyes at her daughter’s attitude. “Your grandmother wants to see you and she’s coming into Atlanta this weekend. We’re all going to drive to Savannah together for a few days.”

Defensive, Clarke’s heart started to race angrily. “What? Why?”

“What do you mean, why?” Abby shot back. “She’s family and she wants to see you. Christmas is coming and it’s time to spend with family, Clarke.”

“She can see us here,” Clarke gestured wildly around her in the empty feeling house. “What’s wrong with where we’re at? There’s plenty of empty space, in case you haven’t noticed how quiet it is around here.”

Abby ignored the jab. “Nothing is wrong, but her sister lives in Savannah and–”

“So she can see Great Aunt Margie this weekend and come back after. I have stuff to do, Mom. I have plans,” she begged.

Abby dropped the towel and turned towards Clarke who was pouting at the kitchen table. “We are going. End of discussion.”

A permanent frown was starting to form on her face. Of all the weekends, it had to be this one. First weekend out. School party. Not to mention Lexa had been particularly… suggestive the last two days since the game. Not that Clarke ever expected anything in particular, but there was a moment yesterday when they were at Lexa’s house in her room that Clarke replayed over and over again.

_She sat on Lexa’s bed as the other girl tried to find a good place for the Championship medal to hang around her room. The brunette and blonde were both dressed comfortably in t-shirts, yoga pants or shorts, and hair down as Clarke lounged around on the bed and eyed Lexa in her quest to find the perfect spot._

_“Here?” Lexa asked, draping the medal lanyard over the top of the wall mirror near her bathroom door, letting it fall from the top of the hook. “Too conceited?”_

_“To see a championship medal at eye level every day and be reminded that you technically got the game winning goal at the state championship game?” Clarke smirked as Lexa eyed her playfully. “Absolutely not conceited. I’m sure you’ll wear the ring as a reminder for the rest of your life too.”_

_“Rude, but probably true. I can’t wait for the rings to come in,” she chuckled, taking the medal down and they bickered about a few more spots before she finally decided to hook it on one of the book stoppers on her book shelf, letting it easily drape over the covers of written stories._

_She moved onto the bed, slipping behind Clarke and pulling her back until they were back to front, her legs encaging Clarke in a safety net that she never knew she needed. “It looks good,” Lexa whispered, draping her head on Clarke’s shoulder._

_“Yeah, it does.” With a comfortable sigh, she slid more in Lexa’s embrace, feeling the strong arms of the soccer player warp around her abdomen and pull her close. “You deserve every bit of it, too.”_

_“I guess a few cancelled dates for some more practice was worth it.”_

_“You guess?”_

_“I mean, I would’ve liked to be kissing you instead sometimes,” Lexa mumbled, moving Clarke’s hair to one shoulder as she gentle placed her lips on her neck. “Especially when Anya was being Anya, yelling and screaming, or when Luna told me to pick it up. I would’ve much rather have been right here,” she said with one last kiss, “With you.”_

_It was times like that when Lexa knew exactly what to say, knew how to hold her and kiss her that made Clarke’s head either go to the stars or straight to the gutter. And with all the comments from Raven and Octavia, Clarke really wished she didn’t think like she did but God if she wasn’t feeling a little bit frisky._

_She didn’t realize that she was lost in her own thoughts until Lexa’s finger touched her chin and turned her head towards her._

_“Hey, earth to Clarke, are you okay?”_

_“Yeah–” she quickly cleared her throat when she heard the musky sound and coughed once. “Um, yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just, you know, thinking.”_

_Lexa cocked her head to the side worriedly. “Care to share?”_

_She wasn’t really sure how to put into words what she was feeling, what she was thinking. Lexa was beautiful, strong, kind, gentle, funny. Clarke felt a lot of her, stuff she felt for Finn didn’t even compare and the attraction to Niylah seemed basically nonexistent sometimes when she thought about how much she cared for Lexa instead._

_She bit her lip, sinking down a little as she pressed her head to Lexa’s shoulder. “We’ve been doing this for a few months, right?”_

_“Well, yeah,” Lexa said. “If you’re referring to the whole kissing thing,” she added with a sarcastic and joking tone._

_Clarke laughed, blushing a little. “Yes, the kissing thing.”_

_“So, yeah. Two months, why?”_

_“So, I guess I’ve just been thinking about us, ya know? And I guess my friends have been asking me questions I don’t know how to answer and I get kind of defensive.”_

_“Defensive of what?”_

_“Not defensive, really, but – like – confused.”_

_“You were defensive, now you’re confused. Now I’m confused,” Lexa confessed. If it wasn’t for the tanned girl’s finger running circles over Clarke’s hip, the blonde wouldn’t feel so flustered and could probably think straight but here she is, babbling. “What are you trying to say, Clarke?”_

_“Octavia and Raven have been making comments. And some of the team.”_

_“What kind of comments, exactly?”_

_“Nothing bad,” she answered quickly. “But more of questions – best friend questions sometimes – about their friend’s relationship and–”_

_“Can we make an agreement, right here and now?” Lexa asked, moving her hand to Clarke’s and lacing their fingers together._

_Clarke swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.”_

_“Our relationship is between us. Not Raven and Octavia. I’ve already had to fence off Anya so I know that it’s not easy and if you want to talk to them about clarification of something, that’s okay. But Anya has been asking me if we’ve slept together too, so can we just be our own pace, please? What they don’t know won’t hurt them. And that's a big step... one I don't think I'm ready for.”_

_Every word helped Clarke relax but she also tensed until Lexa finished. It was so on point. It was so exactly what Clarke was going to say. It was what she expected. And she was surprised that Lexa nailed it on the head. Unless._

_She sat up quickly and turned in Lexa’s arms, straddling her hips now as she looked down at the beautiful girl. “Did Lincoln talk to you?”_

_“Guilty,” she nodded with a small smile. “He told me about the conversation at the game yesterday. Plus, I kind of expected that sort of thing out of Raven. So don’t worry about it. I don’t want you to feel pressured–”_

_“It’s not that,” she almost yelped out, and then Clarke took a deep breath as Lexa startled. “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to. God, I want to–”_

_“You do?”_

_“So bad,” she confessed. “But I know that everything with you and Costia was tricky and I’m more worried about you not being ready. And you're not. I know that. I'd be lying if I told you it didn't cross my mind though.”_

_Lexa paused, breaking eye contact and looking down towards bed sheets. Her left arm was still around Clarke’s hip, playing with the edge of her t-shirt, but her other hand moved to pick at the sheets. “Honesty hour?” Clarke nodded when Lexa made eye contact again but she broke it when she spoke. “It terrifies me. Because I know Niylah and the girls on the team talk about their…experience. I joke with them. I cover it well so nobody knows that I’m like… not, you know. But I don’t want to screw it up. It’d be, like… my first time and I guess I just don’t want to make a fool out of myself.”_

_“You won’t,” Clarke insisted, moving her hands to either side of Lexa’s face and she leaned in, kissing her quickly for reassurance. “You absolutely will not screw anything up or mess up. And it’s not something we’re going to do until we are BOTH ready and secure, okay? I don’t care if that takes three weeks, three months, or three years. I did a little bit of sleeping around for a time,” she mumbled without pride, “And I don’t want it to be just a mess for us. And I don’t think it will be because I care about you way too much.”_

_“Yeah?” Lexa asked like a lost puppy._

_And Clarke was eating up every bit of it, kissing her pouty lips because her body couldn’t stand not to. ”Yeah, and teenage hormones aside, you’re hot enough that it wouldn’t take much for you to get me off.”_

_Lexa’s eyes widened almost comically and Clarke had to hold in a laugh as Lexa’s eyes darted down her body and back up immediately. “Um–”_

_“It’s a joke,” Clarke stated as she laughed, pulling their lips together again. “Just a joke.”_

_“So,” the words came out against Clarke’s lips. “You’re, like… horny?”_

_She smacked Lexa in the shoulder playfully and finally, the mood lightened up as Lexa shoved her back._

“You do realize that the celebration party for the team is tonight, and you’re trying to drag me away from it,” Clarke continued to argue with her mother, frowning in her direction towards the sink. She tried to get her head out of the gutter with her girlfriend. Reality at the moment sucked though and she wanted to relive that private moment in Lexa’s room.

“I know, but your grandmother hasn’t seen you in over two years and she’s flying back out to California next week so we don’t have much time to spend with her.”

“Who’s fault is that?” Her grandmother never really made an effort, actually.

Abby whipped around. “Excuse me?”

Clarke wasn’t backing down. “You know my girlfriend got the game winning goal? That they’re state champions. The best of the best? Winners?”

Abby sighed, dropping her head down between her shoulders. “Honey, I know. But missing this party is not the end of the world.”

“You’re taking away from my rights as a stupid kid in High School America. I should have my rights to make bad decisions.”

“Don’t play like this is some tragedy,” Abby shot back, turning and crossing her arms in her motherly stance, staring down her daughter. “I know what happens at this little celebratory parties. I’m not an idiot.”

Instantly, Clarke blurted out, “You’ve got to be kidding me, right? It’s not like Lexa can get me pregnant.”

Abby audibly groaned, throwing her head back. “Clarke, don’t try to piss me off.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You get to piss me off!”

“I’m your mother!”

“Well maybe I want my father!” she jumped up as she yelled it, and Abby’s eyes instantly lost all of their fight.

They stared at each other for seconds that felt like they turned to minutes. Clarke instantly regretted the statement but God, her mom had been on her case recently more than normal. And frankly, she just didn’t give a damn.

Eventually, Abby sighed and made her way to the table. She sat down adjacent to Clarke silently, folding her hands down and took multiple deep breaths before looking over at Clarke.

But they didn’t make eye contact. The youngest of the beautiful brilliant Griffin women stared at the table but she felt the heat of her mother’s gaze next to her.

“Clarke,” Abby said in a hushed tone, “We need to start considering the idea that your father… may not wake up.”

She was already shaking her head before her father finished. “I’m not leaving here this weekend. For Lexa. For Dad. If he wakes up and realizes we’re not here–” she covered her face with her hands. “Mom, this weekend means a lot to me. Did you forget about Dad’s birthday?”

Abby dropped her head to the table and sighed. “I was hoping to get you away from here for that date. I don’t want you spending all this time at the hospital and I was going to try to distract you.”

“I’m your daughter, Mom,” Clarke stated. “I can’t be distracted. The Griffin family doesn’t get distracted. We’re too smart for that.”

“We haven’t talked about it yet.”

“We barely talk about anything other than school, Mom.” She finally turned to her mother who looked as upset as Clarke felt. “You only ask about Lexa out of what you think is a requirement. You had seemed interested at first but we know that was just an act. Dad is the last thing we talk about because you shut down on me and just run off to the hospital. I’ve gone days without even seeing you because of your ‘long hours’,” she used the finger air quotes. “We were never big on communication, Mom. But my grandmother that doesn’t ever come around or call or ask about me and she is not a good enough reason to take me away from my girlfriend or my father, especially right now.”

Abby eventually nodded once, rubbing circles over her temples like she had a headache. “My mother can be a pain in the ass, can’t she?”

“Like her daughter,” Clarke pointed out.

“Like my daughter too,” Abby shot back, and they both finally had small smiles and the mood had been lifted some. Clarke was just glad that it was a short and pointed conversation. She wasn’t leaving. Period. “Guess there’s a reason that I haven’t seen my own mother in a long while. I don’t want us to have that kind of relationship. I’m sorry.”  
It wasn’t words she heard often so she was happy to actually hear them this time. Shocked, but happy. “Yeah, well, I am too.”

“Even in a coma, you tell your father more than you tell me,” Abby pointed out. “I’ve heard you talking to him on the days I’m there. Even with Lexa there, you just talk and talk and talk.” Abby sighed, her eyes turning sad. “You and I are good at teasing each other sometimes, honey, but we really don’t… talk. I think my few conversations with Lexa are more successful than the ones between you and me in the last few years. But I think it’s just because the poor girl is scared of me a little bit.”

Clarke shrugged one shoulder slowly. “Honestly, Mom, if it wasn’t about medical stuff, my grades, or research papers, I didn’t know how to bring it up. You’re not easy to talk to.”

“Well, can we bring it up now?” The urgency, worry, but love in her eyes made Clarke’s heart hurt for her mother. She knew that they didn’t have a good relationship, but she also thought it was more understood than it was apparently. So she nodded to her, looking at her expectantly. “How is Lexa, since she’s going to obviously be stealing my daughter’s attention this weekend?”

“So you’re letting me go to the party?” she asked hesitantly.

Abby sighed, and nodded once. “I’ll talk to my mother and see if Aunt Margie can manage to come here sometime in the next few days instead. Can’t say I’d be hurt if they couldn’t manage.”

\--------------------------------------------

Clarke and the rest of the party cheered as the ping pong ball sailed across the table and landed in the cup in front of a disgruntled and frustrated Octavia and Lincoln.  
Luna and Anya smirked, Anya giving the other girl a high five as Lincoln drank the beer and dropped the cup beside the other five, staring at their last standing cup. The girls had been killing it, winning by two cups so far, and they joked about adding a beer pong championship to the rest of the trophies. The teasing from Raven was only making Octavia red with frustration and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh as she sat next to Lexa on the couch, watching the show.

All night, she was trying her best not to throw herself at Lexa. But God, she looked amazing tonight. Under the black athletic coat she took off earlier showed a sleeveless black shirt with triangle designs that cut halfway down her sides, showing off her sports bra and some of her abs on display if she raised her hands or moved too quickly. The jeans were low, showing skin anytime she jumped to high five Niylah during their own game of beer pong earlier. And her hair, loose and flowing with every smile that she turned in Clarke’s direction. She was gorgeous, and Clarke was having trouble keeping her hands out of the skin that was on display.

So she settled against Lexa instead, sneakily sliding her hand in the slit of the shirt along the girl’s abdomen, smiling in their own little world when she felt rather than heard Lexa’s sharp intake of breath. They met eyes and Lexa opened her mouth to speak when a hand fell on Clarke’s shoulder instead.

She looked up, yanked her hand off of Lexa quickly, and saw Niylah, a smile on her face as she tilted her head towards the door. She was obviously hoping Clarke understood over the loud pumping of music currently happening in the garage around them.

She stood, giving Lexa’s hand a quick squeeze and followed Niylah out into the dark of the front yard. Cars and trucks littered her driveway and some out onto the street. The place really was huge, honestly. Niylah’s parents let her live comfortably for sure.

They finally settled on the bench next to the front porch, dropping side by side. Clarke watched as Niylah took the last bit of her beer and dropped the solo cup on the floor, figuring she’ll just pick it up later.

“So,” Clarke said slowly, feeling slightly loose but not quite tipsy yet. “What’s going on?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what?”

Niylah leaned back, taking a deep breath. “About Lexa, about Thursday at the Championship game,” she started, and then sighed. “And about Finn.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Excuse me?” For a moment she forgot Niylah knew, but of course she knew. She was around for that hot mess of a relationship disaster. She helped Clarke through a lot of it.

“He was at the game but I’m guessing he had the sense of mind not to talk to you or Raven during the whole thing. I’m sure Lincoln had a part in that,” she said, turning so she could face Clarke. “But he came up to me afterwards on my way to the parking lot.”

“What the hell did he want you for?”

Clarke hadn’t realized that she was getting defensive but she definitely was. And angry. And upset. She and Raven kept a close eye the whole game but nothing ever turned up. She though that Finn was being smart for once.

Apparently not.

Her fists tightened and she squeezed her hands together in her lap as she contemplated a numerous about of possibilities.

But Niylah answered before she could think too much. “He was drunk,” she started, “So I didn’t get much information that made sense. He asked about you, said something offensive about being gay of course, something else about me making you gay, and then something about Raven’s accident, asked if she was okay, and then one of his friends showed up and dragged him off before one of the administrators noticed him drunk at a school function off property.”

Clarke took it all in, staring at the bushes, trees, and large lawn in front of her with the night sky giving her a cold chill as the wind brushed through softly. She didn’t even pay attention to the cold, her brain going into overdrive.

The only question she could think off came tumbling out, “Did you tell Raven?”

“And have Anya chase him down and kill him? Fat chance,” Niylah joked. Clarke smiled, despite the circumstance of course. “We need her on the team next year, not in jail.”

“Good point.”

“But I figured you deserve to know. We’ve always been honest with each other. Despite everything else.”

Clarke nodded in agreement. Things were never easy or simple between Niylah and herself, but she was definitely honest, all things considering.

“I don’t want this ruining the party,” Niylah said sternly, dropping her arm over Clarke’s shoulder and giving her side hug. “But I thought as your friend, a good friend I like to think, that you should’ve known.”

Clarke leaned into Niylah, dropping her head to her shoulder. “Thanks for the heads up. And thank you for letting me decide on when to tell the others.”

“There’s one other thing.”

Clarke leaned back away from her, giving her a curious look. “What is it?”

“You gotta help Lexa out.”

Clarke frowned. “What?”

“The poor girl is dying from sexual tension and she doesn’t even know that’s what it is,” Niylah teased, jumping up as soon as she said it while laughing.

With a slack jaw and a shocked expression, Clarke slowly recovered as Niylah teased her. “Fuck off, Niylah. We’re taking our time. You know that.”

“I’m just saying, if you forgot how to satisfy a girl, I can give you some pointers.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped as she shoved a laughing Niylah, causing the other girl to almost stumble out of the seat. She caught herself though.

“Screw you,” Clarke glared. “You’ve obviously been drinking too much.”

“Jasper’s party elixir,” she shot back with a smile. “And I’m definitely joking, I know what you can do,” she teased, holding her hands up in defense as Clarke was ready to throw a punch. “In all seriousness, tell me everything. I get some from Lexa, but come on, I have questions. The poor girl thinks it’s weird because of our past relationship but you and I are friends. And as friends, I feel like I have a right to ask questions.”

“Is it weird that you want to know about my relationship?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “But still. Spill the beans. You look happy. I want to know what she has that I didn’t.”

\------------------------------------

“What did you and Niylah talk about?” Lexa asked, leaning up against Clarke from behind and asking the question directly in her ear.

The question, plus the feeling of Lexa so close and the bit of alcohol in her system made her blush deeply. Lexa, being so intuitive even in her own intoxicated state, noticed immediately and moved to stand next to Clarke, giving her a confused expression.

“Was it something I said?” The drunken concern in her eyes was endearing.

“Maybe,” Clarke admitted. She looked behind them, at all their friends having fun, celebrating the state championship for the team and throwing back alcohol at different drinking games. Niylah always knew how to throw a party, but there was something to be said about the enthusiasm as a victory party. And there was a certain way that Clarke may or may not have wished to celebrate said victory with her girlfriend, but she wasn’t about to ask, mention, or push it.

Clarke’s hands went behind her grabbing the counter and she jumped up until she was sitting, slightly taller than Lexa now, the dark haired girl looking at her with an adoring expression thanks to her slightly dilated pupils.

“You’re blushing pretty hard from a very simple question,” Lexa pointed out, draping an arm over Clarke’s knee, using the other arm to drink from her own solo cup with who knows what in it. Jasper made that concoction tonight and Clarke hadn’t dared try it. Lexa and the rest of the team definitely did. ‘It’s for the celebration’ Jasper had said. And everyone who was slightly intoxicated went along with it.

“Some questions don’t have simple answers,” she answered over the loud music.

“Your blush tells me something though.”

“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”

“That Niylah said something about us,” she answered triumphantly, pointing at her with her eyes slit. The pupils were dilated and there was something cute and attractive about Lexa trying so hard to be steady for her.

Clarke focused on the statement, not the looks of the girl in front of her. “Yeah, well, we had a good talk. She’s just being Niylah. Don’t worry about it.”  
“I always worry about you.”

That caused another blush and Clarke noticed the seriousness in Lexa’s eyes. She reached down, cupping the girl’s face and smiling at her. “You’re cute when you’re drinking and protective, you know that?”

“I’m athletic,” she corrected, shoving Clarke’s hand away and frowning. The blonde just laughed, leaning back against her hands as her feet kicked, watching her girlfriend defend herself. “I’m the future commander of the soccer team. I can’t be cute. I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s called being badass. Strong. Painfully good at my sport and having others bow to my greatness.” She stood with her arms out, a big smile on her face. “I mean, I am a Champion. C. H. H. A. M. P. I. U. N.”

“That’s not how you spell Champion, babe,” Clarke chuckled.

With a frown, Lexa looked up as she thought, mouthing to herself and counting on her fingers. Eventually Clarke couldn’t take the cuteness, reaching forward and grabbing her girlfriend’s shirt, pulling her forward so she stumbled between her dangling legs, looking up at her.

“If you don’t stop being cute, we’re going to start having giving these people a show because I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you.”

“I’m not cute!”

“You are,” Raven said as she passed, Anya next to her with her arm around her waist to help her stay steady. “Adorable.”

“Completely,” Anya added.

Lexa pouted at them but didn’t do much else before turning and falling back into Clarke, grabbing the blonde’s arms and wrapping them around her chest, holding her close as she leaned back against her.

It was more affection than Clarke was used to, even for a tipsy Lexa. But this is past tipsy. This was drunk Lexa.

And drunk Lexa was more affectionate.

Clarke kissed her cheek quickly before tightening her hold and leaning over her from behind. She felt Lexa take a deep breath before relaxing even more in Clarke’s embrace. Her legs tightened around the other girl’s abdomen protectively. And in that exact moment, she felt her feelings grow even more for the sweet, nervous, athletic, kind, gentle, caring, and passionate girl in her arms.

“I’m not cute,” she mumbled one last time with more defeat in her voice than necessary.

Clarke smiled to herself and shook her head. This girl was something else. “Cute or not, I still like you.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do.”

“But… like-like, or just like?” she asked, looking backwards, basically breaking her neck to look at the blonde.

That was just another cute and amusing things she’s done. Clarke kissed her forehead and nodded. “Both, babe.”

She smiled, looking back forwards and grabbing Clarke’s hand from around her, linking their fingers and kissing the blonde’s hand gently. “I like you too.”

\-----------------------------------------

Clarke closed the door behind her, finally taking a deep breath when it became quiet. She sighed, walking down the stairs and running a hand through her hair, making her way to the kitchen. She tugged at her overly long t-shirt that belonged to Lexa, smiling at the smell and tucking her the back of it in her black sliders that she sleeps in.

“How is she?” Octavia asked, munching on chips from her spot on the couch by Lincoln, who was currently sleeping while cuddling a pillow with his shirt off and lying on the floor. Clarke gave him a sideways look, he really was ripped for a high schooler. Abs and all.

Anya and Raven had already headed up to bed, both feeling just tired more than anything, despite Raven’s sexual attempts and jokes. Luckily, Lincoln’s dad was working late tonight and Indra was out of town for a meeting with a client that apparently was facing some white collar crimes. They all decided not to ask questions.

She dropped down next to Octavia, feeling the time of two thirty in the morning as her eye lids started to fall. “She’s fine. I think she passed out before she even hit the pillow. Whatever Jasper made really through everyone for a loop. I barely managed to get the Aleve and water in her system before she hit the hay.”

“Tell me about it,” O nodded, pointing to her unconscious boyfriend passed out on the couch now. “He had two cups and he may as well had twenty. What did Jasper even put in there?”

“I don’t know, but Lexa isn’t allowed to drink anything like that ever again.”

“Come on, it was cute. She was all cuddly and kissing and stuff. I know you secretly loved it,” she pointed out, nudging Clarke with a smile. “Don’t lie to me. Everyone noticed it. And no one had an issue with it. So she can stop freaking out about it now.”

“I did love it,” she chuckled, rubbing her tired eyes. “But I also like being able to kiss her and her be able to keep up. She stumbled and I think she bruised my lip. I was bleeding at one point.” She touched her lip for emphasis, feeling a slight swelling on the inside of her bottom lip.

“Lincoln and I head butted because his depth perception was off too,” Octavia agreed. She reached up, rubbing the spot just above her hair line with a wince. “I mean, it was rough. And then he wouldn’t stop apologizing. I'm sure it'll be swollen or red tomorrow, like I ran face first into a door.”

“Good to know our significant others are just stumbling idiots.”

“Yeah. But I love it.”

“Me too.”

They both smiled at each other, leaning back into the couch even more and the quiet was nice. Clarke closed her eyes, feeling sleep chase after her quickly. She needed to get back upstairs to Lexa’s bed soon or she’d be sleeping on the couch with Lincoln.

But Octavia spoke before she got the strength to stand.

“And by the way, don’t listen to the others.”

She peeked and eye open. “About what?”

“You. Lexa. Sex. Any of it. Don’t even worry about it. Don’t even listen to me. I never should’ve been asking and pushing you about it. I’m an ass. We’re all assholes.”

_What a development_, Clarke thought. This was a conversation that she normally had with Raven. She and Octavia talked but Clarke thought she was too tired for this deep of a conversation at the moment. And even with the sleepy thoughts on the brain, she found herself saying, “You don’t think it’s weird?”

“Why would it be weird?”

“I feel like everyone thinks we’re going slow. Like we’re being watched. It’s creepy. It’s weird.”

“Don’t listen to the team and God forbid to listen to the horndog Raven,” she told her, dropping her hand to Clarke’s knee and squeezing with reassurance. “You and Lexa have something real. Don’t blow it by… well, blowing her.”

Clarke tilted her head. “That was crude.”

“Raven,” she shrugged. “I heard her say it once and my filter isn’t one hundred and ten percent right now either. Just take your time. Let her be there for you and vice versa. I know you, and if you’re taking it this slow it’s because Lexa needs it to be. Don’t push her and don’t feel like you need anyone’s approval.”

Clarke squinted her eyes accusingly at her friend, as best she could in her own delirious state. “Niylah talk to you tonight?”

“Yup, told me to stop pushing it, but I think she skipped trying to lecture Raven because she knows that’s pointless. She just wanted one of us in your corner.” Clarke nodded, taking all of Octavia’s words in with a thoughtful expression. “And let Lexa be there for you tomorrow.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Octavia said. “We’ll all be with you at the hospital. But whatever you need, just ask Lexa. That girl wants to be there for you, Clarke.”

The blonde took in all her words and eventually, she nodded a few times tiredly before letting a long and drawn out yawn.

“And she probably needs you to be there for her.”

“Right,” She whispered tiredly, looking over at Lincoln when she stood. Octavia shook her off with a gesture that said ‘I got him, go’ and Clarke did, grabbing two Gatorade bottles from the kitchen and heading up to Lexa’s room.

The room itself was simple. Dark brown walls, simple furniture and white sheets. The Championship medal still hanging from the mirror. A ceiling fan with carpeted floors and a door leading to the joining bathroom towards Anya’s own room. The room was so Lexa that she felt safe just within its walls, not just with her girlfriend there. So Clarke slipped inside, making her way to the bed.

Lexa was still passed out, lying on her side away from Clarke in the queen sized bed. Somehow, Clarke had managed to get her out of the clothes from the party but not into anything else other than some of her boxers. No shirt or bra made it on that beautifully sculpted body and Clarke hesitated at the thought. Would Lexa feel exposed? She was beautiful, but Clarke was worried that she’d wake up and feel embarrassed because Clarke saw what she did. Then Lexa turned, mumbling for Clarke in her sleep and that made up her mind. She slowly moved the covers and slid inside, but she barely managed to lie back before Lexa moved more, draping her leg and arm over and snuggling close.

She hummed in her sleep, her forehead pressing against Clarke’s shoulder and the blonde took a sharp intake of breath as she felt her girlfriend push up against her, naked torso and all against Clarke’s t-shirt.

With a smile on her face, she kissed Lexa’s hair, feeling the sleep take over her as well with the warmth flushed against her bringing her to the perfect ending of a pretty damn good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long one with little to no grammar checks so let me know if you found anything. Also, thanks for reading! Catch ya next time!


	14. Unhappy Holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))) ONTO THE NEXT CHAPTER

The headache was there but it was light as Clarke felt consciousness rush back into her brain. She felt the tightness of all her muscles, felt how heavy her body seemed to be, like her cells were twice as dense as necessary. And it was hard to truly focus on it as her brain struggled to fire neurons as they properly should. Why does alcohol make life so much harder the next day?

She stretched her arms hard above her head, moaning loudly in the quiet room along the satin sheets. Despite the slight headache, she slept better today than she had since before her father’s accident. She smiled at the thought, then frowned at the idea of today being his birthday, then groaned to herself as a rush of emotions flooded her tired system. Sadness. Worry. Confusion. Regret. She was petrified to start the day, but she knew that she eventually had to get it started, to see her father. She’d hate herself if she stayed hold up in this room so she slowly opened her eyes, turning to what she expected to find as a sleeping Lexa.

But there was no one around her.

With a sudden worry, she looked around Lexa’s bedroom, wondering how in the world that girl managed to get up before Clarke, especially without Clarke noticing. Checking Lexa’s alarm clock, it was almost nine o’clock. It was early for Clarke's terms. Where did Lexa go? 

Searching for answers, she rolled to her right, grabbing her phone. No text from Lexa or anyone else. Instead of getting the day started, she decided to scroll through Instagram to replay the night before. So many party pictures, posts, and laughable quotes that were more ridiculous than they should’ve been. She grabbed the Gatorade from last night, the last of it going down Clarke’s throat a few minutes later, still scrolling through her phone when the bedroom door opened.

Lexa strolled in, shorts and a black sports bra, hair up in a pony-tail with sweat running down her body. Clarke froze, jaw slightly agape as she made her way in, dropping her phone and headphones on the desk and turning, smiling as her eyes met Clarke’s. The blonde’s first thought went to the dark side of the bed as she watched the sweat drop down Lexa’s chest, picturing the naked torso from last night and she blushed at her girlfriend.

“Morning,” Lexa said, moving to the side of the bed and she leaned in, her lips pressing against Clarke’s, the taste of mint on her lips from previously used toothpaste. They pressed harder, moving Clarke to her back as the slowly glided to the sheets. Clarke was acutely aware of the sweat pressing against her through the clothing of Lexa’s shirt that she wore to bed, the heat that her girlfriend’s body radiated after a morning run. Even if it was a dehydrated, hangover cure (one that Clarke envied but knew that it would never help herself). She should've known that's where Lexa was anyway. 

After a few moments of soft kisses, Lexa pulled back, her hands on both sides of Clarke’s shoulders, looking down at her with kind and gentle eyes. Clarke felt completely taken by the expression, like she could barely think. Finally, she realized that she never answered Lexa back. “Good morning.”

“So what’s the verdict on sweaty morning kisses?”

“Approved,” Clarke smirked, pulling Lexa back again and Clarke felt this kiss to her bones. Something about a tired, sweaty Lexa reminded her of her girlfriend with a beaming smile on her face and a Championship medal in her hands, a Champion ring soon to be on her finger, and that did something to Clarke. The headache faded more and more every second that Lexa’s lips attached to her. Athletes may like runs and workouts for hangovers, Clarke apparently just needed her girlfriend to kiss her. Preferably a naked girlfriend but she threw that thought from her mind before she took it too far.

But the kiss didn’t last forever like she wanted it to, and Lexa pulled back, the smile fading. That was when Clarke heard the sounds of pans coming from the kitchen downstairs and the smell of coffee in the air.

She looked towards the door. “Everyone’s awake?”

“Octavia and Lincoln,” Lexa corrected. She had pulled back but she hadn’t moved off of Clarke yet. The blonde was definitely content about that. “They’re making strawberry pancakes with chocolate sauce and bananas, brewing some coffee, and I heard something about the possibility of whipped cream.”

There were multiple things Clarke’s mind went to about putting whipped cream on, pancakes wasn’t one of them. But she smiled nonetheless.

Clarke’s hands ran over Lexa’s forearms, feeling the goosebumps that formed in the sweaty path and she loved how Lexa’s body reacted to her like that, even with the shine of the sweat. “Anya and Raven?”

With her head cocked, Lexa shrugged. “I haven’t heard much, so I’m assuming they’re still in bed too.”

“I’m not waking them up.”

“Me either,” Lexa chuckled, kissing Clarke once more and she stood, much to the blonde’s disappointment. “I don’t want to know what we could potentially walk in on.”

With complete attention, Clarke watched as Lexa moved about, getting clothing that could only mean that she was going to shower which Clarke wished that she could join but she wouldn’t dare ask. She remembered the conversation with Octavia and the one with Niylah. So she sat up and settled on just biting her lip and staring at her girlfriend.

“So, Octavia talked to me before I came up here.”

“Yeah?”

“She mentioned that it was your dad’s birthday.” Lexa paused, holding up a shirt and bra so far and turned from the dresser to look at Clarke. The worry and stress was apparent in her eyes. “You didn’t tell me that before.”

“I was kind of stressed about it,” she answered shyly. “And I didn’t want it to ruin the party last night. It was something that could’ve waited.”

“You know that I want to be there for you. And you’ve had weeks to tell me about it.” Lexa was obviously taking this to heart, not that Clarke ever meant for it to be like that.

“I was going to tell you. I already talked to Octavia about it and I was going to ask you to come with me today. My mother almost made this weekend a shit show by trying to take me away from it, so I don’t want to go anywhere without you today. I don’t want you to think I tried to hide it.”

Lexa nodded, biting her lip. “So, you want me there?”

Clarke pulled her legs into her chest, giving her girlfriend a soft expression. “I always want you with me. Good, bad, and ugly.”

Those words must have hit home, because a ray of emotions passed over Lexa's face. There were almost to many to really catch, but Clarke caught one specifically. Surprise. Clarke’s heart skipped a beat and she bit her lip, giving the darker skinned girl a once over with sparks in her eyes.

“You’re charming, Clarke Griffin,” Lexa teased, finding her composure much to Clarke’s disappointment. She finished grabbing the rest of her clothes and turned towards the bathroom that connected to Anya’s room.

Clarke watched her go. “And you’re cute.”

“I’m not!”

“You are!”

They both laughed as Lexa playfully glared at her and closed the door.

Clarke fell back on the bed, smiling as she curled around Lexa’s sheets. Then she figured she’d have to get ready for the day at some point. Because today was her dad’s birthday. And she had a strong group around her ready to help her take it on when she went to see him. She was dreadign that part.

Then the door suddenly opened again, Lexa’s head poking out. “By the way, don’t think I’m not aware I woke up almost naked. You didn’t try to take advantage of me, did you, Ms. Griffin?”

Clarke blushed and went to answer when Lexa just laughed at her, closing the door again. The image was already back in the blonde’s brain though, distracting her again from the horrors of the day to come.

\-----------------------------------------

Clarke sipped at her coffee, looking down at her father as she’s done so many times before in the past months. Today was harder though. They should be flying in a biplane or driving out to Gatlinburg or on the beach in Savannah for the weekend, getting away from the Christmas hype of town. It was just a few days away and this will be the first time in Clarke’s life that her father doesn’t barge in with his Santa Hat singing songs with a milk mustache.

It was going to be harder and harder the more she thought about it.

Her mom was never the festive one of the two. She put out some pumpkins for Halloween, had a small mailbox banner that said Happy Thanksgiving. Sure, she put up a Christmas tree but she just moved the small one from their bedroom that Jake always put up to the living room so she didn’t have to spend all the time putting up the large one. She was busy. She didn’t have time to decorate. There were no lights outside the house. No Rudolph in the front yard. She had been so focused on school and Lexa’s soccer games that she hadn’t realized so much was different until she finally slowed down. She really only had her mom right now. And it scared her to think that wasn’t enough.

And nothing slows down life more than sitting in a hospital room.

Except for Jake. Life seemed to push too quickly for him.

Clarke couldn’t help but notice things every time she visited. His color was getting paler. He’s lost some muscle, his hands were skinnier than they were months ago. Clarke hated to watch as her father seemed to become… weak. He was anything but that. The bruises were gone now, but that didn’t stop Clarke’s heart from freezing when she looked at him sometimes. It was getting harder and easier at the same time. Like coming was a routine now but it was a routine that hurt every single time.

She sighed, dropping her head to her Dad’s shoulder and putting her hand on his chest. She could still feel a heartbeat. She wished that he’d just move his hand and hold hers, give her an encouraging squeeze. Anything. A sign of life. 

The decorations around the room did little to lighten the move as well. Some balloons, banners with Happy Birthday and smiley faces around the walls. Her friends that were practically family did everything that they could to brighten her up for the day. And Lexa did absolutely everything she could to distract Clarke until they finally got here, and she followed every single instruction that Clarke gave, knowing exactly what Clarke needed.

Even now. She had ushered everyone outside with a kiss to Clarke’s head to give her the privacy that she needed. With some words, they all managed to agree to going to Raven’s therapy session for the next hour down the hall, giving Clarke some time by herself.

And that was thirty minutes ago.

When suddenly a knock came at the door and it slowly popped open. The squeaking of the door was so loud as Lexa walked in, but the second set of footsteps made Clarke turn with a frown. Her mother in her doctor uniform was right behind her, both looking slightly… uncomfortable. No, not uncomfortable. Nervous, like they’re walking on eggshells.

Clarke turned in the seat to give them a quick glance before immediately turning back to her father. She felt Lexa standing behind her, dropping a hand to her shoulder as her mother moved to the other side of the bed, Jake’s chart in hand.

Nobody spoke, but Clarke could feel the tension. She knew what the staff had been saying for the past month or so. The coma had lasted longer than the average time period, making brain damage more plausible if Jake ever woke up. And that’s a big IF at this point. The thought of what could happen now scared Clarke, and she’d pushed it out of her head for so long. Suddenly, Lexa’s hand on her shoulder was more than welcoming as she reached up, gripping Lexa’s wrist like it’s a lifeline. Her thumb traced over Lexa’s watch, anchoring her to the ground.

“Clarke,” her mother said softly, staring at Jake’s chart with sad eyes. “I’m going to be blunt with you.”

She glanced up to her mother briefly before rolling her eyes to hide tears trying to force their way out. “Like you’ve ever beat around the bush before.”

Abby’s face turned to a frown. “You know I don’t like this any more than you do. He’s my husband, Clarke.”

“And he’s my father.”

“This isn’t a ‘my horse is bigger than your horse’ fight.”

“I know, but at least I know Dr. Jackson is doing everything he can to help Dad. I’ve heard you talk to some of the doctors. You’re just trying to come up with excuses to pull the plug,” Clarke fired, feeling the heat rise. A few times she’d heard the doctor’s in the conference room discussing it, even the head of the hospital giving ideas and Abby shot a lot of them down due to success rates. Some could make things worse but isn’t that worth the risk if it means they’re doing something to actually get her father to look back at her? She had been scared to come at her mom with the information, but she couldn’t stop herself. The emotions of the date made her mouth speak before her brain could catch up.

Abby dropped the chart to the bedside table, her eyes turning dark. “That’s not what’s going on. Don't put words in my mouth.”

“Really? You mean that the proposal from Jackson and Williamson about that treatment they’re doing in New York doesn’t spark a little interest at all? You’re not even considering options that you didn’t come up with first.”

“That treatment is dangerous, Clarke.”

She stood quickly, feeling Lexa’s hand fall from her shoulder as she did. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’re dangerously close to losing Dad anyway.”

“This could leave him brain dead,” Abby shot back, leaning forward with her arms crossed. “His coma would never recover if something went south. That would be like a vegetative state which doesn’t have a good prognosis. He’d be unfixable.”

“So are you just going to let him sit here and rot instead? He may never wake up!”

“I’m trying to find the best options, not the first one thrown at me, Clarke. That’s how you be a good doctor.”

“What happened to staying off the case because of bias?”

Abby scoffed. “You don’t know how this hospital runs, Clarke. I’m not on the case, Jackson is covering your father. I’m just–”

“Taking over, as usual. Because God forbid you let Jackson do anything. How about you let him be the doctor he needs to be because he’s not afraid of a little risk.”

“He’s not afraid of risk because the thing he loves most in the world isn’t in danger at the moment.”

Clarke couldn’t help but get defensive. She mimicked her mother’s stance of power posture. “You act like he doesn’t let Nathan go off to Iraq. Or work as a firefighter when he’s home. He watches Nathan take risks every day of his life, and he’s not afraid of watching it happen. If this was Nathan,” She said, pointing at her pale father, “he’d be doing everything he can to fix it! To save him! Not hiding in a board room waiting for the perfect fucking solution!”

“You think I’m waiting for perfect? Nothing in life is perfect and I’m the last person that you get to think is naive. I’ve watched perfect and plausible go down the drain every day of work, Clarke. I’m not a moron.”

“Maybe not, but you’re a shitty mother and an even worse wife. If Dad could hear this, he’d be more than disappointed in you.” She dropped her eyes in frustration, watching defeat come across her mother’s face. “So screw you, Mom. Take a risk or you’re going to lose more than just Dad.”

And she left. Lexa reached out for her but Clarke dodged her and shoved the outstretched hand aside, not wanting to be touched or messed with. She wanted to be alone.

“Clarke–”

“Stop, Lexa,” she demanded as she stormed towards the door. “Just leave me alone.”

That’s all she wanted. She wanted to be… alone.

\------------------------------------------

Everything that happened around Clarke was miserable after that conversation. She shut Lexa out at first and then couldn’t stop herself from pulling her back in just to ignore her again, be cruel to her. Nothing over the top, but she’d be too pushy when they were kissing, or get mad at simple stuff. She’d even kicked Lexa out once when she changed the channel on the TV because Clarke wouldn’t tell her what she wanted to watch. It was ridiculous, the blonde knew that, but she couldn’t stop it. She was lashing out at her and Octavia and Raven because her mother wasn’t around to take her feelings out on. She knew it wasn’t fair. But she was doing it anyway.

She was hurting. And she was going to take it out on everyone. But Lexa never quit, never stopped caring to Clarke’s surprise. In fact, it took three days for her to smile again. And that was because of Lexa.

Because of Lexa on Christmas Day. And a simple gesture.

Clarke hadn’t spoken to her mother since the fight on her dad’s birthday, but that was due to both of them. Her mother was evasive, working overtime. Clarke had also dodged her every chance she got, hiding out in the backyard or timing her mother’s off times to being with Lexa. But being with Lexa hadn’t felt like it the last few days. Clarke was in a darker place, she felt it. The high of the championship was over. Darker days had shown its face. She drew some, listened to some music. But most of it was darker things, obscured lines or music with very little meaning, meant to numb the mind. She knew she was falling into a hole, falling fast, and thanks to Lexa, maybe she’d get out of it.

Her mother signed up for the Holiday shift, naturally, so Clarke woke up alone in her bed early Christmas morning with a bad gut feeling that made her groan with mental pain. No happy waffles from her father singing Christmas carols. No Santa hats. Just a big, empty house.

But she smiled when with a picture text from Lexa later after she stared at her ceiling. It took a few minutes to get the strength to even look at the beeping noise, but she did. Her girlfriend sent her a picture full of Dunkin Donuts coffee with a bagel and cream cheese against Clarke’s doorframe with a question mark and a smile emoji.

And Clarke couldn’t help but drag herself out of bed in her boy shorts and t-shirt to pad down the stairs, popping open the front door.

Lexa stood a few steps down the stairs, a shy expression on her face with a lopsided smile in her beanie, large black Columbia jacket, and sweatpants with boots in the light quarter inch dusting of snow that covered the Georgia ground. A white Christmas. One of her father’s favorite things. She even wore a freaking Santa hate on top of her perfect, braided hair.

Clarke reached out, taking the coffee and bagel and gesturing to the house, silently inviting Lexa in and out of the cold. The girlfriend dropped her jacket and boots in the foyer and followed Clarke to the couch where they turned on the early morning news for background noise to cover the silence.

Sitting side by side, Clarke stayed quiet as she ate and drank, running her hand through her nappy, early morning blonde hair and they sat quietly for a few minutes, Lexa being the good girlfriend whose presence was offered whenever Clarke wanted it. And she definitely appreciated it. Completely. Lexa seemed to be the only thing that Clarke could fully lean on, especially now. Octavia was busy with Lincoln and her family, couldn’t always be there for Clarke. Raven, well, she had her own issues of course.

So she had Lexa.

Thank God for Lexa. She didn’t deserve the soccer super star.

After drinking the last of her coffee, Clarke leaned back and fell against her girlfriend, head going to Lexa’s shoulder as the strong athletic arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. Clarke felt safe in this embrace every time she settled into it.

Still, Lexa said nothing. Clarke couldn’t have been more grateful to her either. She didn’t need words all the time. Her mother always wanted her to talk. When she wasn’t ready, Abby would press and ask questions. It was suffocating. That’s why she liked her Dad. He’d distract her as much as he could if she was upset, never pushing or asking questions. And Lexa got that. She waited, never pushed and was just there.

So she turned after a few minutes, giving Lexa’s face a good close look. She scanned the tanned complexion, the one raised eyebrow, the small upward smile on the right side of her lips, the few freckles along her nose, the dark irises that always drew her in.

Finally, Lexa spoke. “What is it?”

Clarke didn’t answer. She didn’t feel a need to. She felt a need for something else.

Without hesitation, she pressed her lips to Lexa’s, tasting the coffee that the other girl had drank that morning. They kissed shortly before Clarke needed more and she pushed Lexa back slowly, turning until the darker skinned girl was on her back, Clarke straddling her.

This is what she needed. Forget whatever day it was. It was just another day of grief, another day of struggle, and Clarke needed a distraction.

She needed her girlfriend.

Lexa kissed back as heatedly as Clarke gave. Her hands running up Clarke’s sides and slipping beneath the shirt. That feeling of want flooded into Clarke’s system, running through her veins again. It was so foreign every time she felt like this, every time Lexa drove her instincts like this. She’s felt it a few times, in their most intimate moments. This primal need to be distracted but also to be encased with nothing but Lexa because the girl had a way of captivating Clarke without realizing it. Everything she did drew Clarke in a little more and more. The blonde wasn’t even sure Lexa knew how encompassing she was, but Clarke saw it. Clarke felt it. In every kiss and every touch. The image of Lexa on that drunken night of Niylah’s party popped back into her, half naked glory and Clarke pressed more against her at the image.

Lexa’s hands followed the goosebumps up Clarke’s spine, tracing the curves like lines of World Cup Soccer ball that should be protected and worshipped. Niylah always treated her like her current favorite pair of cleats that she’d throw away eventually, although that may not be completely accurate since Clarke broke it off with her. And to Finn she was just another video game that he’d finish with and move on, which is exactly what he did to her, Raven, and who knows how many others. Raven doesn’t count.

But Lexa. Lexa was unique. Lexa was different. There was one individual detail that pulled her apart from the others.

And it was that Clarke was slowly falling in love with her.

The realization made her pause in their make-out session. She didn’t mean to, but she did and of course Lexa noticed and gently pushed her back to look into her face properly. And Clarke just blushed.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

That wasn’t something she could answer simple. Her Dad wasn’t better. She was having real deep mental realizations about her girlfriend when was flushed under her against the couch and Christmas morning was not the time to deal with everything all at one. This was not the time to say any of that, was it?

So she faked a smile and leaned back down to kiss her. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Clarke just wanted to kiss Lexa and not think about anything else, even how much she liked it. Was that so much to ask for?

Apparently.

Lexa dodged the kiss, frowning and pushing back on Clarke’s shoulders to look up at her worriedly. “Um, kind of hard not to. I’ve worried for quite some time now. You haven’t been the same since your dad’s birthday.”

“Can’t we just kiss and pretend that things outside of this lonely house don’t exist,” Clarke begged.

“Umm, no. You haven't been yourself, Clarke.”

She didn't want to talk about this. “I just want a distraction right now.”

“And that’s great and all but I’m not meant to be here to be a just a distraction,” Lexa argued, moving to sit up and Clarke moved back, feeling the mood drop within seconds as Lexa stared at her deeply. “The last thing I want my girlfriend to call me on Christmas of all days is just a distraction. It’s not exactly confident boosting.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Ehhhh, she kind of did actually. That was the bad part. 

“But you said it.”

“You’re more than that to me, Lexa, you know that,” Clarke stated with as much feeling and care as she could muster. Her arm draped along the back of the couch and she gently reached for a strand of Lexa’s hair. The girl let her, crossing her legs and linking her own fingers together. Clarke felt like she was closed off from her so she continued to talk, one of the things she could do.

“And I’m sorry. I was just thinking, that’s all. And my thoughts got away from me about other stuff.”

“When we were kissing?” Lexa’s eyes showed how hurt she seemed.

“Yes, but it’s not because of that.” She did her best to think of damage control.

Lexa grabbed her legs and brought them up to her chest this time, curling in on herself a bit. It felt like a barrier between them. Clarke’s heart dropped. “All I wanted this morning was time with my girlfriend. I brought you coffee and breakfast and you’re barely even focused long enough to kiss me like you actually care? I just want to help you. You have to be mentally present for me to do that. And lately, you haven’t been. And I get it, Clarke, but you have to help me here.”

Clarke let out an exasperated breath, running her hands over her face. This conversation took a turn for the worse. Now was definitely not the time to dig into her realizations.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled quietly, not sure what else to say. She looked down, fiddling with the material of her sweatpants. “I know I’ve not been the best… girlfriend recently–”

“It’s not that at all,” Lexa surged forward, grabbing Clarke’s face in her hands and pulling them together until they made eye contact. “Clarke, I care about you. And I’ve tried to do whatever you need to help. I’ve stayed quiet, been here when you needed me but I never pushed and never asked. Despite with your friends told me you need, I waited for you to tell me first.”

“I know–”

“I just don’t want to be diminished to just some girlfriend that you make out with as a distraction,” she claimed with pain in her voice, dropping her hands from Clarke’s face. “I get this is high school but some of us are more mature than that.”

But Clarke reached forward, grabbing her shirt before she could pull away. “That’s not what I was doing.” She didn’t realize she was crying until a tear fell out of her eye, flowing down the right side of her cheek. And Lexa reached up with one hand, brushing the lone tear away. “I might lose my dad,” she said with a small, destroyed voice. “And my mom is fighting against treatments to help him because she’s just… she’s so scared. So, so scared. And she doesn’t get that her lack of confidence freaks me out!” she dropped her head to Lexa’s chest, closing her eyes as the burn flowed through each tear that fell. “I’m going to lose my dad. And God, Lexa, you’re the only thing that can get my mind out of this dark place. Please, just…” she sniffled, feeling Lexa’s arms around her and pulling her in. “Help me.”

“I’m here,” her girlfriend whispered back. She felt lips press to her hairline as the tears came spiraling out. “I’m sorry. I’m here though, I promise. I’m not going anywhere. Good, bad, and ugly, remember? I’m here.”

And there, on her lonely couch in the big house, Clarke cried to her girlfriend on a cold Christmas morning.

Not exactly dreamy.

\------------------------------------------

“She’s just had a rough few days. I don’t want to push her for anything… I know, I’ll be home for dinner with the family and everyone but I don’t want Clarke to feel like she has to socialize, that’s all… No… No, okay? No. I’ll ask but if she doesn’t want to come, then she doesn’t. No one is coming to break down the front door to drag her out. You don’t know what she’s been through so if she wants to stay here – No! Dammit, Anya. I don’t care what Mom says… Look, I’ll talk to her, alright? It’s not been an easy first Christmas for us so can we not make this more difficult than it has been already. Please? I’ve got Octavia and Raven breathing down my neck for answers and honestly I don’t know what to even do right now so just give us some space... God, thank you… Yes, I’ll be over. Yes, I’ll tell Clarke. Just tell Mom to cook enough in case she comes over and I’ll bring back leftovers if she doesn’t… I will, okay. Bye.”

It was quiet momentarily.

“Jesus,” Lexa mumbled. And Clarke watched from the couch where she was supposed to be sleeping. Lexa’s conversation had woken her up from her quick, cried out nap and her girlfriend had left her with the couch pillows and blankets for company. Now, Lexa sat on the unlit fireplace, staring down at her phone and she sighed loudly, rubbing her hand over her face.

The stress lines and anguish along her perfectly chiseled features were caused by Clarke, and Clarke resented herself for it.

She took a small breath, slowly sitting up and the blanket slid down to her legs. “Lex?”

The other girl lifted her head, putting on a fake smile. “Hey, you’re awake.”

“I heard the phone call, Lexa,” Clarke yawned, getting straight to the point. “Anya wants us to come over?”

She sighed, looking down at her phone again and setting it beside her to give Clarke her full attention. She leaned forward. “Are we going to talk about it first?”

“About it?”

“Come on, Clarke,” Lexa said with an eye roll. “It’s our first big fight. And it ended with you crying yourself to sleep, literally. You actually cried until you passed out. I thought that was just a myth that people did but I watched you pull it off start to finish. That’s not okay.”

She broke eye contact to stare at the floor. “Definitely not proud of that one.”

“You know that I don’t mind that it happened. You needed it – the rest at least. But we need to talk,” Lexa said with care in her voice. If it wasn’t for the soft tone, Clarke would’ve continued to stare at the floor but she looked up into those brown eyes across the coffee table instead. “You know, my first fight with Costia was about intimacy.”

Something new about Costia? Clarke’s attention spiked. “Um, Lex, you don’t have to–”

“We fought because I was scared about everything that involved kissing, touching, or moving forward in a relationship of any kind. Our first major fight was when she wanted… well, something from me that I was scared of giving and she kind of lost it. We fought for a week before I finally gave in and then, well, that’s the night my dad caught on and they all found out and Anya did the thing and–” she cut herself off, rubbing her eyes and then continue, “Look, the point is that couples fight over all kinds of stuff. I just don’t want to fight about the fact that I can’t tell if my girlfriend likes me or not.”

Clarke frowned with concern and guilt. “Lexa, I never meant to–”

“I know you care about me and I care about you,” she interrupted. “And you like me. And I like you. But using me to make out with so you don’t have to think about the fight with your mom about your dad... That wasn’t exactly a high point for me, Clarke. Especially on Christmas.”

The messy blonde dropped her head in her hands. She knew Lexa was right.

“I want to make it up to you,” Clarke said as a start. Apologizing was over it at this point, so she decided to try a new approach. “And show how much I do care about you. I’ve been a shit head the past few days and I know that and I want to start by giving you your Christmas present.”

Lexa quirked an eyebrow in interest and shock. “Honestly, I didn’t think you’d give me a Christmas present with everything you’ve been through.”

Of course Lexa could find a way to be okay with that because she’s too sweet for her own good. But Clarke wasn’t allowing that. She, Raven, and Octavia went shopping a few weeks ago and Clarke found absolutely nothing that Lexa would’ve wanted so she came up with another idea. And she knew, well she’d hoped, that Lexa was going to like it.

So she stood, feeling Lexa’s gaze on her as she walked through the living room upstairs to her bedroom, grabbed the envelope and made her way back downstairs. Lexa had moved to the couch when she was gone and was currently looking up at her with big, wondrous eyes that Clarke could only describe as dreamy.

She draped her legs across Lexa’s as she plopped down next to her. “Here.”

With hesitancy and a look in her eye, Lexa took the envelope. She examined it back and front. “You’re not giving me money, are you?”

“I’m not that unimaginative.”

“So tickets?”

“Maybe.”

“Dating kind of tickets?”

Clarke laughed, smacking Lexa’s shoulder playfully. “Just open it, you goofball.”

It took a few seconds, but Lexa pulled the paper apart and managed to get the sheet of paper out. She flipped it over, reading for a few seconds before her mouth dropped open. “Atlanta United Tickets?”

“Seasons tickets,” Clarke pointed out, reaching across to show here where the information was.

“You got me next seasons tickets to see Atlanta United?” Lexa seemed to be in awe but Clarke was still nervous.

“Well, I got them but we all know that I didn’t pay for them only. My mom cut me a deal a few weeks ago when I bought them. I’ve got some chores to do for the next few months for sure. A few apologies too.”

Lexa studied the ticket paper and Clarke studied Lexa, watching as her eyes bounced back and forth as she the words with excitement. Clarke reached up without thinking about it, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear where it had fallen out of her braid.

“Merry Christmas, Lexa.”

The brunette turned to her, smiling widely before she surged forward and kissed Clarke vigorously, pushing the blonde back against the couch as she tried to keep up. And she did her best, wrapping her hands in Lexa’s hair and the paper fell to the floor. Lips nipped at lips as Clarke felt like the Grinch on Christmas, her heart swelling under the care of her girlfriend. Lexa pulled back after slowing the kiss for a few seconds, pulling Clarke’s bottom lip playfully before finally releasing it and giving her a bright smile. “I saw that there were two tickets there.”

She shrugged. "I wasn't going to buy just one. That's boring."

“Are you wanting an invite?”

“To a game or two,” she teased. “I wasn’t going to buy you just one ticket. That’s cheap. I figured you’d want to take Anya or Lincoln at some point too. Season doesn’t start until March so you have months to figure out what games I’m worthy to go to.”

“You’re too sweet,” Lexa claimed, causing Clarke to blush. “And as far as Christmas Days go, I think you redeemed yourself.”

“Am I out of the doghouse then?” she teased.

Lexa kissed her nose gently. “As if I could ever put you there and not follow like a lost puppy? Oh, please.”

They kissed for a few more moments, Clarke enjoying the feel of Lexa’s lips on hers. She was going to do her best to put the problems she had going behind her for the rest of the day. She knew that this was not an ideal way to spend Christmas. But Lexa has let her cry it out like she needed, let her be a bitch and she was ready to be the girlfriend that Lexa needed, that Lexa deserved. The past few days had to be just that, the past. She was ready to show Lexa that… that she loved her, even if she wasn’t brave enough to say it.

So that means that there was some Christmas dinner to get to, and Clarke was more than ready for a home cooked meal.

“Well,” she mumbled against Lexa’s soft lips. “I heard something about Indra cooking for Christmas Dinner?”

Lexa smiled. “Good, I was hoping you’d want to come because you’re present is lying in my bedroom and I told Indra not to come knocking but she’d probably break the door down to get you out of here, no matter how much I’d try to stop her.”

“It’s cute that you think you can.”

Lexa frowned. “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not cute?”

Clarke’s eyes shone with teasing pleasure. “At least one more.”

\----------------------------------------------

“She’s been worried about you.”

Clarke sighed, wrapping her arms around her abdomen as her jacket did it’s best to shield her from the cold after dinner air of Christmas night. The day had started off rough but gotten much better, so much better. Lexa’s family, as usual, was open and welcoming despite her attitude to everyone in the last few days. Indra and Gustus were the almost parents that she craved on a day like today. Ones that she needed.

And Lexa had been her guardian angel through the whole process, being kind and gentle and caring and encouraging Clarke in whatever she needed. The dinner was a hit. Christmas has finally started to feel like a celebration.

With a moment to escape all of the attention, Clarke took it and headed to the back porch while everyone (Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, Lexa, Octavia’s mother, Raven’s mother, Indra, and Gustus) all got everything together in the living room and cleaned up the dining room while joking and laughing enjoying themselves.

_Merry Christmas, Clarke – Mom_

Clarke sighed, looking down at her phone and ignoring the text from her mother, instead turning to glance sideways at Anya who had a cup of hot cocoa in her hand as she leaned against the railing sideways.

“I’m aware.”

Anya took another sip of the drink, squinting at her. “I don't think you are. It was bad, to the point I was worried about her, you know. She wasn’t taking care of herself because she was trying to take care of you.”

Clarke dropped her head to her hands, elbows on the railing. “You don’t have to remind me that I’ve taken advantage of her.”

“Now don’t you dare,” Anya stated quickly, grabbing Clarke’s forearm and yanking it away from her face. “Don’t think that you were using Lexa. That’s the point of a relationship, she’s supposed to be there for you and I expect,” Anya announced each of the next words with intensity, “That you would do the same for her in a difficult situation.”

Clarke swallowed shallowly and nodded. Anya let her arm go out of the vice grip in return, seeing Clarke’s expression soften. She knew that she didn’t just beg Lexa for every little thing, that Lexa was willing to do anything without question, even assuming when Clarke needed something. And she’d be forever grateful for that as long as Lexa lets her be in her life.

“I’ve been selfish,” she started, turning back to the yard to stare out into the night as she spoke. “So selfish, and Lexa has let me be for as long as I needed. She’s too compassionate and kind and caring for someone like me, someone that I can honestly say has only thought of myself as I dug this whole over the last few days. My mother got to me and I let myself use that negative feeling against the people I care about.” She shook her head at herself. “We talked a lot this morning before we came by, and Lexa really did pull me out of a dark place today. I could never thank her enough, or your whole family for letting me in today.”

Anya nudged her with a smile on her face and Clarke relaxed at the expression. “You’re a punk, Griffin, but you bought my sister United tickets. I can’t be too mad since that means I get free games too.”

That broke a strong smile across Clarke’s lips. “Who’s using who now?”

“Lexa owes me,” Anya shot back with a smirk. “She knows that.”

That was an understatement, no matter how much Anya joked about it. All the things that their parents put them through, Anya standing up for Lexa, getting sent to Boarding School because of it, getting Lexa into the Lincoln’s family for a chance to truly be loved. Anya knows that she’s done more for her biological sister than most people do for their own mother, father, spouse, esc. She’s put her own life on hold for Lexa.

If she was more approachable, Clarke might even hug her.

Anya took the silence for a few moments before she continued, joking aside. “I will say, though, it wasn’t one sided.” She paused again, looking back towards the family who had now gathered in the living room, standing and moving to different seats. “Lexa has helped me a lot, especially with Raven.”

Clarke frowned. “You and Raven okay?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” she said quickly, giving her a reassuring gaze as she glance fondly through the glass at her crippled girlfriend. She took a quick sip of the hot chocolate in her hands. “I liked Raven from the moment I met her, but didn’t know how to deal with it much. I was always so busy worried about Lexa, I wasn’t sure how to approach my own feelings. Never had a chance to, honestly. So Lexa finally got to help me the way I helped her. And yeah, we jumped the gun a bit,” she said with a small chuckled. “Probably should’ve taken things slower, all things considering, but even with the accident and Raven’s strong will and whatnot, it was a strain at first. I vented to Lexa when I was worried, I’m sure Raven vented to you also. Our relationship took off like a rocket, and we definitely hit some turbulence.”

“Oh yeah, for sure.”

Anya gave her a look.

“You guys are great now though. Besides, you’re stubborn, it pushed her buttons,” Clarke said with a smirk. “But with her dad, NASA, you, all of it. It was a lot to deal with for her. You’ve helped her too with her recovery though, more than Octavia and I ever could. I wish I could’ve been better for her.”

Very rarely did a soft smile show on Anya’s face ever, and Clarke could count on one hand how many times she’d seen it. One of those time was finally today.

“Yeah, well, she’s special.”

Clarke turned toward the windows, looking out at her girlfriend who sat on the recliner chair alone, talking with Raven on the couch next to her and moving her hands anatomically. They seemed to be in a heated discussion, and Clarke was more than grateful that her girlfriend did well with her friends. That everyone she, Raven, and Octavia cared about got along and was able to celebrate a day like today together. It warmed her heart more than any hot chocolate ever could.

But the happiness in Lexa’s face, the feeling of being home that Clarke felt in her chest when that smile turned towards the window is what really set her heart on fire. She could stare at that smile all night. All day. Every day.

“Yeah,” she agreed with Anya, although they weren’t talking about the same person anymore. That didn’t stop her heart from skipping a beat when Lexa's gaze met hers through the glass. “She is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, no, maybe so? :)


	16. Same Problems, New Fights, Next Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long one this time :) Post Christmas/New Year drama for this story. Yay!

“Ham or turkey?”

“Turkey,” Clarke stated from her spot on the barstool, watching as her girlfriend got the sandwich making materials out of the fridge and organized along the counter. Tomorrow, they went back to school for the second semester, and Clarke wanted to enjoy the last day of freedom with her girlfriend in a quiet, simple, alone environment.

The rest of the break after Christmas had gone smoothly. The dates continued, parties continued, hangouts continued. It had been a time of fun and Clarke was finally able to focus on something other than her father or mother. The only other stress came from Clarke finally telling Raven about Finn being at the championship game while she and Octavia hung around at the park. Their significant others playing around on the soccer field, practicing.

_“Niylah spoke to him?” Octavia asked, sipping her coffee as they sat with blankets on the grass._

_“She said he was drunk and he asked about us,” Clarke answered, glancing towards Raven who seemed to be staring and picking at the grass in concentration. “But she told him off and one of his friends made him leave before he came to us.”_

_“A true knight in shining armor,” Octavia teased._

_Raven ripped a particularly offending blade of grass in half, throwing the two pieces back to the soil. “He’s a total asshole. I can’t believe he actually had the balls to show up.”_

_Clarke gave her friend a sympathetic look and reached out, putting her hand her brace in comfort. “Ray, you okay?”_

_She sighed, shrugging her shoulder before leaning back completely on the blanket, staring at the afternoon sky. “I talk a big game but I don’t know what I would do if I saw him again. I’m scared he’d get to me.”_

_“You won’t ever face him alone, Ray,” Octavia said, leaning over Clarke to look at her. “Anya wouldn’t allow that, and neither would all of us. We’re a family.”_

_“Yeah,” Clarke agreed, squeezing Raven’s leg once before nodding towards her. “Together, right?”_

_Raven smiled back, although half-heartedly. “Together.”_

“Earth to Clarke.” Lexa was snapping fingers in her face, a smile on her own lips as she cocked her head to the side over the kitchen counter. “You going to come back to me?”

Clarke blinked away the memory. “Wha – what? Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” She smiled. “I wanted to know if you wanted cheddar or Swiss cheese but I lost you for a second. What were you thinking about?”

“Swiss please. And I was just thinking about school,” she lied, and then she continued honestly. “And you. And Finn. Sorry. I just got lost for a second.”

Lexa popped open the mustard, giving Clarke a look with an inquired eyebrow raised. “Go on.” She inquired, spraying the condiment over the bread.

What to start with? “I know over the break, I’ve tried to make everything up to you–”

Lexa dropped the bread and knife on the plate immediately. “Clarke, I thought we were past this? We talked about everything, why do you keep dwelling on it?”

“I’m a teenager. I’m never past anything.”

With an eye roll, Lexa sighed. “No amount of words or kissing will turn off that brilliant brain of yours, will it?”

She blushed and chuckled. “Good try, but no.”

Lexa flicked a piece of cucumber skin at Clarke who laughed and dodged it before she got back to her sandwich making. “Well, go on then, Little Miss I Want To Bring Up The Past.”

“I just want to make sure that we’re okay.”

“It’s been plenty of time, Clarke. What makes you think we’re not okay?”

“Nothing, I just–”

“You’re overthinking in that pretty little head of yours,” Lexa pointed out, pointing at her with a butter knife covered in mustard and mayonnaise. “We’ve talked and talked. I don’t know what more I can say to you that will help you understand that I’m not going anywhere,” Lexa said, folding the tomato and cucumber and turkey sandwiches the way they needed to be. And then she placed her hands on the counter between them, looking Clarke in the eyes. “I’m not here because I’m family. I’m here because I care about you. It’s a choice. Not an obligation. Okay? I’m here to be with you in any way you want me to be because I – because you’re you, Clarke. So can we drop the sad conversation?”

“I said so many unfair things to you,” Clarke stated with a defeated voice, dropping her head and moving her hands to her lap.

She felt Lexa’s gaze for a moment before the brunette sighed. “If you think we’re never going to say things to each other that we’ll regret, I don’t know if we can continue this relationship.”

Clarke’s eyes jerked up. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Wha – I didn’t – you – are you breaking up with me?” Clarke practically squeaked out with a shaky voice and terrified eyes. Her heart dropped to her stomach but Lexa’s gaze was hard to read. It was stoic.

But Lexa shook her head once, hands on the counters in front of her, lunch forgotten. “Do you think I’m going to hurt you, Clarke?”

“What?”

“Answer the question,” she said seriously. But Clarke felt like Lexa’s serious tone wasn’t meant to be angry, but to get a point across. They’d talked about this multiple times but Lexa had always just been supportive. This wasn’t supportive. This was assertive. Clarke wasn’t sure what she just got herself into.

So she went with it, despite the worry, fear, and confusion that was fist fighting in her chest. “Do I think you’ll hurt me?” she repeated. Lexa nodded. “No. At least, not intentionally.”

“And if I did unintentionally?”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“That doesn’t matter. If I hurt you, Clarke, would you forgive me?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“Even if I used you as my verbal punching bag, or if I tried my best to take everything out on you?”

Clarke hesitated, catching on to what her girlfriend was trying to do. “We may be young but… I care about you too much to – well, to not forgive you, I think.”

“You think?” Lexa cocked her head to the side, eyeing the blonde with blazing attention. Clarke shrugged and nodded, feeling intimidated under Lexa’s gaze for the first time in a long time. She broke eye contact but it lasted briefly before Lexa reached over the counter, pulling Clarke’s yes back to hers with her fingers on her chin. “You need to forgive yourself, Clarke, because I forgave you a long time ago.”

Almost without thinking, the blonde took the darker toned hand between her own, pulling it back to the counter where she focused on playing with Lexa’s fingers to calm her nerves. “I treated you so badly.”

“Doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“You’re too good for this world.”

“I'm not. you’re too well endowed for high school, yet here we are.”

Clarke blushed and looked up to glare at her, finding Lexa’s serious gaze replaced with a teasing expression as she pulled her hand back and continued with the lunch. Instead of arguing, Clarke crossed her arms over her ‘well endowed’ chest and glared at her.

But Lexa just smirked at the bread and the sandwich makings. “Don’t pretend you didn’t know how gifted you are.”

“I didn’t know you appreciated them that much,” Clarke fired back, considering they’d hadn’t really done much exploring physically. Lexa messed with her a bit during make out sessions, but nothing led Clarke to believe Lexa was a boobs girl. But God did she want to. She’d seen Lexa in that way. She really wanted Lexa to see her too.

“I’ll show you how much I appreciate them one day.”

Clarke blushed. Lexa blushed. The room heated up a few degrees almost instantly and Clarke felt herself drifting back to previous conversations with her best friends. Octavia was the only one that stopped with the teasing, reassuring Clarke that everyone moved at their own speed but even the blonde was starting to feel like that speed was too slow. Especially with Lexa say that.  
And smirking like that.

“Here,” she stated, sliding the plate with the sandwich across the table. “Eat up. Stop thinking so much.”

Clarke could definitely think of something else she’d like for lunch, but she kept that seductive thought to herself as she devoured her meal.

\----------------------------

“You and Lexa sure kept to yourselves for the last few days. What’s up with that?”

“Yeah, you guys finally do the dirty and couldn’t keep your hands of each other?”

“Raven, stop teasing her.”

“You started it.”

“I was genuinely curious! Not jumping to conclusions.”

“Okay, enough,” Clarke interrupted her two best friends, slamming her locker for emphasis as teenagers buzzed about. The first classes of the day were about to start back in the semester and she already felt like her friends were trying to get her riled up. And they were succeeding.

She felt like this blushing thing would never stop.

“Nothing happened,” she continued, hiking her bag on her shoulder. “We just hung out. Made out a little. But that’s it. Satisfied?”

“You two are so boring,” Raven pouted, leaning against the lockers on her good side, cane in hand and bag in the other. “I swear, if you don’t have sex by Valentine’s day and I lose fifty bucks to Lincoln, I’m going to kill you.”

Clarke arched an eyebrow. “You betting on me?”

“You bet your ass I am.”

“Why?”

“I need the extra cash for the new brakes on your bike.”

With an eye roll, Clarke looked over at Octavia for help. The other girl just shrugged.

“Don’t pretend like you’re not grateful for my mechanic skills. Those brakes of yours aren’t going to fix themselves. I need to order that part.”

“How about you just ask me to order it?” Clarke asked, raising and dropping her hands dramatically. “I have my mom’s extra credit card for emergencies. This counts.”

Raven shrugged. “My route was more entertaining.”

“It’s stupid.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Stop being childish,” Octavia interrupted, rolling her eyes. “They sleep together when they feel ready to, Raven.”

“Who are you pressuring now?” Anya asked, sidling up next to her girlfriend, her hand going around Raven’s waist as it usually did. She instantly blushed, looking to Clarke for help before she has to admit what she’s doing. Anya is protective over Lexa, so Clarke knew that she’d be at least irritated with her girlfriend if she knew Raven was betting on Lexa’s sex life. They joked about it, but Anya would actually be upset at her girlfriend for using her sister for her own personal gain. So Clarke smirked, Raven’s eyes going slightly wide and a pleading look in them.

Clarke winked once with confidence and said, “Me and Lexa. She bet on when we’ll have sex.”

Anya slowly looked from Clarke to Raven, who was now a deep shade of red blush and shame, looking down at the lockers. “Excuse me?”

“It’s for Clarke’s bike,” she stated as innocently as possible.

“What does that have to do with my sister?”

“Well, she likes bikes…”

“Raven, explain.”

Raven looked like a child getting a lecture from her teacher. All sad and submissive. She mumbled as she said, “Lincoln bet too.” Clarke rolled her eyes as she threw the poor guy under the bus.

“WHAT?” Anya looked furious, pulling her arm from her girlfriend.

Clarke went from amused to worried based on Anya’s heated expression. “For the record, I’m not taking it very seriously.”

Anya’s gaze turned to Clarke and she backed up slightly. “For the record, you’re not Lexa. So no offense Clarke, but I don’t care how you feel about it. Lexa can kick someone’s ass but I swear, Raven, if you make her uncomfortable for any reason–”

She instantly got defensive. “Hey, now. That’s not–”

“Clarke!”

They were interrupted as Bellamy ran towards them, looking out of breath. He was dressed in his usual clothes but had a worried, strained expression as he finally slid to a stop. He was breathing heavy, but more like it was out of shock than he was actually tired. Because he was supposed to be an athlete. He wasn’t that out of shape, was he?

Everyone’s eyes were on him as he straightened up, Clarke asking what was going on and he took a deep breath before saying, “Lexa got into a fight.”

Everyone, including Anya, shouted “What?” in unison, the bewilderment and confusion present on everyone’s face. Lexa and fight only made since if Anya’s name was included. Very rarely did Lexa ever lose her temper to Clarke’s knowledge, only knowing it’s happened due to the sisters’ conversations. She couldn’t imagine Lexa getting mad enough to fight someone she barely even knew. She heard stories of her standing up for girls at the boarding school a few times but it was never to any extent.

“Some new girl,” he elaborated, taking deep breaths as he spoke tiredly. “Ontari, I think.”

“Never heard of her,” Octavia said.

“It’s literally her first day here,” he continued. “Her brother and Lincoln broke up the fight. If you ask me, he’s had to do that once or twice. He didn’t look too concerned or shocked about the situation. Lincoln had more trouble holding Lexa back though.”

Anya looked concerned. “Where is she?”

“Jaha took them both to his office. He did not look happy. In fact, I’ve never seen him look more pissed off.” Bellamy ran a finger through his hair, trying to settle the brown waves where the running made them askew. “Especially after they broke one of the windows.”

Clarke tensed. “How?”

“It seemed like they were arguing but then Lexa slammed Ontari against it, breaking the glass. Well, cracking it, but it’ll need to be replaced anyway. Might as well be considered broken.”

“What started it?” Anya demanded.

“Not sure. Ontari said something to a freshman boy and the next thing I know, Lexa lit her ass on fire.”

Clarke closed her eyes and leaned against the lockers, suddenly very tired. Classes had yet to start and her girlfriend was already in trouble, which was not how they were expecting this to go. How was she supposed to focus in class knowing her girlfriend might even get suspended? She ran her hands over her face, the internal battle of barging into Jaha’s office and going to class to not get in trouble herself fighting back and forth in her head.

“I mean, I have detention of course but I’m supposed to be the bad kid,” Raven said, reminding everyone of her fireworks spectacle at the Championship name. “Never thought Lexa would be joining me.”

“Just thought you should know,” Bellamy said, squeezing Clarke’s shoulder. “You guys have first period together for English. I didn’t want you to think she just dipped out of classes and get worried that something happened.”

“Something did happen,” Clarke mumbled, opening her eyes.

“At least we know what, though,” Octavia said, arms crossed as she thought herself. Then she looked at Anya. “Anything in particular that you can think of that would’ve made Lexa act out like that?”

Anya sighed, her arm back around Raven as the other girl leaned into her. “Lexa can get protective over anything. It could’ve been something about any of us, about Clarke,” she said, pointing to the blonde, “or who knows what. She’s protective over people. When Lexa gets mad though, it’s not easy to talk her down.” She looked at Bellamy. “This Ontari chick seem like a bitch to you?”

"Oh yeah," Bellamy answered quickly. “One hundred percent.”

“Then who knows what she did to that freshman,” Anya continued. “But we’ll find out so you,” she said pointing at Clarke, “Just go to class and I’ll text you if I hear anything first.”

Clarke mumbled ‘this is bullshit’ under her breath and considered going to Jaha’s office anyway, bursting through and demanding questions. Although Lexa wouldn’t appreciate that, she was sure. She wouldn’t want Clarke in trouble too. And their relationship was still a little hush-hush. She didn’t want to throw Lexa into a situation she’d have to explain. People knew they were friends, but the entire student body didn’t know they were openly dating (only the team and a select few), and friends don’t just break into Principle’s offices after a fight.

The bell rang, and Anya gave Clarke a stern look. “Go to class.”

“I’m going,” she shot back, fixing her bag on her shoulder one more time. “Although this is bullshit,” she finally said out loud. Everyone dispersed except for Octavia, who watched Raven and Anya leave before walking with Clarke towards their class.

“Indra is a lawyer, I’m sure she’s taught Lexa a thing or two about getting out of trouble.”

Clarke shrugged. “I just want to know what happened.”

“She’ll tell you when she can,” O answered, squeezing her arm before turning towards her class. “Meet here after?”

“Yeah, see you then.”

\--------------------------------------

Everyone was seated at lunch, an empty seat next to Clarke where Lexa would have normally been. Her right side felt cold from her absence and it was obvious she wasn’t paying attention to the conversations around her. She poked at the sandwich and chips in front of her, rolling grapes around her fingers, too lost in thought to actually eat.

Anya and Clarke’s phone suddenly went off a few minutes later, both exchanging glances before ripping out the devices.

_They’re sending me home. I’m sure you’ve heard what’s happened but I’m not suspended for long, just for the day. I’ll explain later. – Lexa_

“Well, Lexa isn’t suspended for weeks at least,” Anya announced, still reading over the text. “But they’re sending her home for the rest of the day.”

Octavia nudged Clarke’s side with her elbow. “See, she talked herself out of it.”

“She’s still in trouble,” Clarke mumbled, putting her phone back on the table. She twisted it in her fingers back and forth, wondering what she was going to text her back.

“Maybe, but she’ll be back tomorrow so relax.”

Anya dropped her phone down as well, raising an eye brow at Clarke. “I’m assuming you’re going to beat me home and start the interrogation this afternoon?”

“Probably,” Clarke shrugged.

“Just go easy on her,” Anya said warningly. “If something set her off, there’s a good reason. She doesn’t lose her temper unless it’s something she really cares–”

“Hey guys, that’s them. Ontari and Roan,” Lincoln interrupted with a deep, dark voice. He was glaring towards the entrance of the cafeteria, and he lifted a finger and pointed.

Bellamy turned and nodded. “Yup, that’s them.”

Clarke followed their gaze, already annoyed by the presence of the girl at least. But she squinted, trying to get the best look of them as she could. Ontari stood out more than her brother to Clarke. There was a scar on her cheek that went up to her eyes, long dark hair, slit eyes that seemed to be full of mischief and hatred, and she was dressed in all black. She even walked with an attitude. Although she walked like she owned the place too, she wasn’t very tall or overly strong. She was just about Lexa’s size.

Her brother was more like a lighter skinned, more hairy Lincoln. He had the start of some facial hair that most seniors would die for. Strong, built. He also had a scar on his neck on the left side that ran down to the collar of his white t-shirt. Long hair that was pulled up at the top, and he seemed completely uninterested in what his sister was animatedly talking about.

Clarke watched them walk in and around the cafeteria until they disappeared into the line to get food, hidden behind the pillars and walls of the kitchen. She was so focused on them that she hadn’t realized her own group was talking again.

“ – as big as Lincoln,” Jasper muttered, a shiver going through him. “Why can’t I have muscles like that?”

“Do you even know where the gym is?” Octavia shot back.

“You don’t need the gym to get muscles,” he argued.

Lincoln shook his head. “I worry for you, Jasper.”

“What?”

“Anyway, Ontari looked pissed when she was talking to him,” Harper said, looking towards Anya. “Think it was about Lexa?”

Anya shrugged one shoulder. “I can’t imagine that a girl like that would be okay with getting her ass kicked on the first day.”

“Roan and I spoke after Jaha took the girls,” Lincoln said, catching Clarke’s attention quickly. “He said that Ontari got expelled from the last school they were at and this was supposed to be a fresh start. He’s not happy with his sister.”

“Do you know what started it? Was it the kid?” Clarke inquired. Anya nodded once at her, thinking of the same question.

“Ontari was picking on a kid earlier by the bus drop off,” Lincoln said. “I saw Lexa look annoyed about it, but she didn’t say much. We got separated when she went to go talk to Luna and Niylah and just I walked in the front doors, I saw Lexa throw Ontari up against the glass of the doors a few minutes later. I was just shocked until Roan stepped in.” He looked at Clarke who had dropped her head and was biting her lip in thought. “Lexa doesn’t tolerate bullies at all, and Roan said that he’d try to keep a closer eye on his sister but she’s definitely a bully.”

"I should've rode the bus today," Anya said, beating herself up. 

Raven shook her head. "No, because then you'd be suspended too. You should be grateful I picked you up this morning."

  
“Do you know who she was picking on? Which kid?” Clarke asked, suddenly defensive over a freshman she couldn’t even name. If Lexa was worried about a kid, Clarke would be too.

But Lincoln shook his head. “No, I don’t. Some blonde kid, I think? Honestly, he was probably embarrassed that Lexa was the one to stand up for him. No fourteen year old boy wants a girl to fight his battles.”

Clarke looked around in hopes of putting a face to the freshman boy but she honestly had no idea who it could’ve been. Freshman get picked on all the time, but Lexa wouldn’t have snapped unless she had a reason, right? If Ontari did something to make her do that, then this poor boy probably could use a friend right about now.

But nothing stood out to her. Everyone was sitting in groups, almost the same groups as last semester all along the cafeteria. Nothing or no one stood out of her except for Roan and Ontari, sitting at the edge of one of the long tables by themselves. Roan was eating his food while Ontari spoke and seemed to be angry, as Clarke expected.

“Keep an eye on Ontari,” Anya instructed to the group. “If any of you have classes with her or anything, just make sure she doesn’t cause trouble.”

“Roan said he’ll do his best to watch her,” Lincoln stated.

“A snake like that can slip through his fingers though,” Raven said, leaning against her girlfriend to get a better look across the cafeteria.

“She gives me the vibes of a cereal killer,” Harper said with a shiver of nervousness, leaning into Monty as well.

Jasper shrugged. “She’s hot though.”

Almost everyone threw something at him, but Clarke’s grape hit him smack in the forehead.

\------------------------------------------------

“Hey,” Clarke said, slowly closing Lexa’s bedroom door behind her as she dropped her bag to the floor. She set her bike helmet down as well, glancing towards her girlfriend on the bed.  
Lexa lied in shorts and a t-shirt, hair up in a bun and Clarke could tell that she’d freshly showered, no doubt having gone on a run after she got home to clear her head. She had a soccer ball in her hands, throwing it up and down and twirling it in her fingers. She waved at Clarke, eyes never leaving the ball or the ceiling as Clarke walked towards the bed.

The blonde lied down parallel to Lexa, arms behind her head as she watched Lexa for a moment. She was graceful in everything she did for sure, even just throwing a ball up and down. Clarke mentally asked herself when she started to notice that everything Lexa did was so graceful and smooth. She didn’t even know when she started to figure those things out, but every time she watched her do anything, it was with grace and poise.

And after a few more moments, she turned on her side, elbow propped on a pillow. “You want to talk about it?”

“I lost my temper,” she said, catching the ball and pulling it to her stomach, fingers tracing the stitching of padded soccer ball.

“Why?”

Lexa shrugged, eyes closing as she took a deep breath.

“Hey, we were fine yesterday and then, next thing I know, Bellamy is telling me you got into a fight before first bell even rang. I think I deserve something more than just a shrug.”

She remained quiet and Clarke felt like she could heart her own heartbeat as it paced with worry. Lexa nibbled her bottom lip as she thought. Clarke reached out, brushing a stray piece of brown hair from Lexa’s forehead and her patience was wearing thin when Lexa finally opened her eyes and spoke.

“We talked about being honest with each other, Lexa,” Clarke continued carefully. “Be honest with me now.”

She could tell the mental battle that was going on in Lexa’s head a she bit her lip to focus. Then finally, she spoke. “There’s a freshmen, Aden. Nice kid, quiet, keeps to himself. I haven’t spoken to him much, other than the one time he was reading and ran into me in the hallway last semester. He panicked and flinched, like I was going to hurt him.”

Clarke frowned. “Why?”

She shrugged. “I haven’t spoken to him much since, but I did my best to calm him down. I’m not sure why he acted like that, but I kept an eye on him after that. He doesn’t have many friends, if any. He panics if anyone pays attention to him. He’s a scared kid. I’m protective over him.”

It wasn’t surprising, Clarke thought. Lexa was protective over people she cared about. That much was obvious. But Anya said that she didn’t tolerate bullying well, and from what she’s gathered, Aden either gets bullied at school or at home. The second thought made her want to help this kid herself but she kept that to herself, focusing instead on Lexa and their conversation.

“And Ontari was picking on him?”

“She tripped him coming out of the bus, said something about the comic book he was reading on their bus, and shoved him against the wall. I thought she was going to leave it at that, but she called him a…” she hesitated, her hands clenching the ball. Clarke dropped her free hand on Lexa’s upper arm, squeezing and massaging gently to show her she was there for her. And so she continued. “She called him a pussy and he was terrified. I could see how scared he was, and she went to grab his arm and I just snapped. I grabbed hers, twisted it, and threw her against the glass harder than I thought. But I was pissed because–”

She closed her eyes again, dropping the ball to the bed and covering her eyes with her hands.

Clarke continued to draw patterns with her fingers though, watching her as Lexa tried her best to calm down.

Finally, Lexa dropped her hands, crossing them mover her stomach. “Costia used to be picked on like that. I pictured her for a moment, and I lost it.”

She did her best not to, but she faltered for a moment with her hand on Lexa’s arm, but she quickly recovered and continued the patterns that grounded her girlfriend to her. For a moment, she contemplated what Lexa said, never given that information before but now everything Anya said makes sense.

After a few silent seconds, Lexa turned to meet Clarke’s gaze. She maneuvered herself to mimic Clarke’s positon, her head on her hand as she wrapped Clarke’s free fingers around her own, squeezing her hand. “I’m sorry I never told you that.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Clarke said softly, her eyes drifting to their clasped fingers on the bed.

“I never stood up for her,” Lexa confessed and sighed, eyes full of regret that Clarke could see easily. “We always vented to each other about it, but she told me to never get in trouble for her. And our relationship was secret, obviously, so I couldn’t do much without raising suspicion with the student body and risking my parents finding out. We spent most of our time trying to forget everything school related and over time, it escalated. We studied a lot but did a whole lot more too, my parents not knowing anything about the latter. She had a bully like Ontari, and seeing Aden like that… I just got mad.”

“You pictured Costia for a moment,” the blonde said softly, her eyes meeting Lexa’s. She did her best to reassure those eyes that she didn’t mind, that it didn’t hurt her to think that. But Lexa nodded once, dropping her eyes. “It’s okay.”

“I don’t miss her like that though.”

“I never said you did. But it’s okay if you do.”

“I just–” She sighed, dropping her head to the pillow completely and rolling to her back, pulling Clarke’s hand between both of her now and playing with the fingers as a distraction. Clarke liked how they had this physical touch that grounded them, even the softest of touches like that. “I never protected her, and sometimes I hate myself for that. And it was a relief, honestly, when I met you. I cared for you and you had this backbone of family and friends to protect you. Costia didn’t have that.” Lexa frowned to herself. “Costia only had me, and then my parents shipped me and Anya off faster than I could even fathom and she was by herself again. She was smart, wanting to be a lawyer and whatnot so she didn’t spend time making friends or building relationships. I just hope she’s okay.”

“I’m sure that if you cared for her, she’s a strong girl,” Clarke said as kind, gentle, and reassuring as possible. “She can get through it, Lexa.”

“I just want to do for Aden what I couldn’t do for her, I guess.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. But maybe,” she teased, “Go about it a little differently.”

“It’s been fine until this Ontari chick. Aden is just a good kid that’s shy. And scared. Poor guy seems scared of his own damn shadow. I wanted him to feel safe, that’s all.”

“Well, you know that all of us can help you keep an eye on him.”

Lexa shook her head quickly. “He doesn’t like the attention.”

“We don’t have to shout it to the world that he’s under our protection,” Clarke stated, scooting closer and placing a soft kiss on Lexa’s cheek. She felt the other girl relax and looked down at Lexa from their much closer distance now. “We can just keep an eye on him, that’s all.”

Lexa smiled softly, nodding once. “As long as Raven doesn’t make a scene.”

“I’ll keep her in line, I promise. I’m more worried about you making a scene instead. Besides, if you care for Aden, that means we do too. Like you said, I have backbone and friends and family, and who you care about, I care about. Who I care about, they care about. So Aden is important to me.”

Lexa paused only for a moment before leaning forward and giving Clarke a soft, gentle, appreciative kiss on the lips, holding her there with her hand on her cheek. “Thank you,” she mumbled against slick lips.

They kissed once more before Clarke pulled away, brushing more of Lexa’s hair off of her forehead. “You don’t have to keep these things from me, you know. I know we’re still new and all, but I want to be there for you. Why didn’t you ever tell me about Aden?”

She sighed, closing her eyes to Clarke’s menstruations before speaking. “He connected me to Costia so much and honestly, I was scared to talk about her too much.”

With a frown, Clarke said, “I’m not offended or possessive you know. You can talk about your ex-girlfriend. I mean, you play soccer with mine.”

“I know that,” Lexa said, grabbing Clarke’s hand and kissing each finger gently in a manner than made the blonde’s heart race. “And I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was a big deal honestly, and if it wasn’t for Ontari, it wouldn’t have been.”

Clarke nodded once, sliding down to curl herself into Lexa. They moved so Lexa was comfortably on her back, Clarke’s left arm and leg draped over the warm body, head tucked under her chin. With steady fingers, Clarke traced patterns along Lexa’s t-shirt over the well-defined abs that she’d had a few glimpses of. And it was more than just Lexa’s physique that Clarke admired. It was moments like today, taking care of those that couldn’t take care of themselves. She looked out for the little guys. Reminded her of someone else she knew.

She squeezed tighter to her girlfriend at the thought and bit her lip before whispering to the darkness. “My dad always had a good feeling about you.” She took another deep breath, feeling Lexa’s fingers through her hair and focused on that for a moment before continuing. “He was right. You have the best heart of anyone I’ve ever met. Just like he did.”

Lexa was silent for a moment before Clarke felt her lips on her hair, pressing a kiss there and she blushed under the gentleness of it. “Does,” she corrected. “He’ll come back, Clarke.”

_I hope so_, she thought to herself, and she felt herself drift off to sleep in Lexa’s arms a few moments later.

\---------------------------------------

_Indra finally came home and she’s not happy. Not even Gustus can really calm her down. So I can’t leave after dinner this time, but I’ll see you tomorrow at school. – Lexa_

Clarke had read that text twenty times since she got it, a mental debate going on in her head. Part of her really wanted to go storm into that house and be there for her girlfriend. But when Raven texted her and told her that even she was kicked out by Anya because they had to have a family discussion, she knew that there was no way her presence would help the situation. Indra and Gustus were not going to be happy about Lexa getting in a fight, and Clarke could only imagine how she and Anya were trying to deal with it.

And poor Lincoln was probably just playing referee and trying to make sure no one hurt each other.

She read the text one more time before shaking her head and dropping her phone to the bed.

“Just relax,” she said to herself. Her hands went to her head, rubbing her temples as she did her best to think of something else and failed miserably every time. “She’ll be fine. Or maybe Indra is actually super pissed and what if she goes crazy on the punishment? But she wouldn’t. She’s a lawyer, she’s level headed. She wouldn’t make it too extensive. But then Gustus is a cop, he doesn’t deal well with rule breakers. What if he – UGH!”

She fell back on the sofa, legs and arms splaying out dramatically as she closed her eyes. What was she supposed to do when her girlfriend was getting the lecture of a lifetime. She couldn’t just focus on homework or watch a movie. Nothing was going to take her mind off of it. She cared too much for Lexa to not worry, to not want to storm over there. She pulled out her phone, not giving a shit about anything that she saw on social media and eventually dropped it to the coffee table with a frown. And a second later, the front door opened.

Her mother stood there, dropping her bag to the floor as she looked at her daughter with a guarded expression. Clarke couldn’t make it out completely, but it wasn’t a happy-to-see-you kind of thing.

No greeting. No smile. Which wasn’t typical between them anyway but this was a little bit less friendly than their normal ignorance to each other’s existence. Abby simply walked towards Clarke and then right past her into the kitchen. Lexa was right. They did have a lot to work on still. The past few weeks have been nothing but dodging each other and one of them running out as soon as they could. Abby to work, Clarke to Lexa. But now, Clarke couldn’t run.

So she sighed and turned in the doorway, watching as her mom stormed through the kitchen and grabbed a coffee mug, starting up the Keurig quickly. They stayed silent until Abby eventually sighed, hands on the counter and looked at Clarke who had her arms crossed and was still leaning on her spot in the doorway.

“Are you still upset with me?”

“I don’t exactly like you right now,” Clarke answered honestly. “Unless you’ve changed your mind on the treatments.”

Abby dropped her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Clarke–”

“What are you even doing home right now?” she shot back before her mother could answer.

The older Griffin met the younger one’s eyes with a very parent-like expression. “Overtime. And let’s just say that Jackson wanted me to get some rest. Also, I heard about the little stunt your girlfriend pulled today. Let’s talk about that, shall we?” Abby stood straight, crossing her arms like her daughter and leaned her hip against the counter as she rounded it to face Clarke. “Care to explain?”

“It wasn’t just some stunt,” Clarke stated with conviction.

“Sounded like it. First day back, Lexa throws some girl against the wall. Does she have violent tendencies I don’t know about? Should I be worried?”

“You’d have to care to be worried.”

“Clarke.”

“She doesn’t have violent tendencies,” Clarke said with an eye roll to please her ridiculous mother. “Seriously? You’ve met Lexa. How can you think she’d do something without good intentions?”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

Clarke dropped her arms at her mother’s insanity. “Are you seriously quoting literature right now? Is that a joke or are you trying to piss me off?”

Abby seemed slightly impressed. “I’m just glad that you seem to at least be paying attention in school rather than just messing around with Lexa in a bathroom.”

Low blow, but Clarke thought of a better one. A total lie, but she knew it’d piss her mother off if she said, “We’re classier than that.”

Abby’s eyes lit up with frustration. “Clarke, enough. I don’t know Lexa well–”

“You haven’t tried to know her! You spent a few weeks months ago being a decent human being to appease dad, as if you cared if he knew, and you’ve been breathing down my neck ever since!”

“I just want to make sure my daughter is safe,” her mother stated almost sadly, before she sighed and grabbed her coffee behind her. She took a long sip with Clarke’s eyes glaring into her in the awkward silence.

Part of Clarke could not believe that her mother had the audacity to think that Lexa was anything but kind and caring. But the other part of her wasn’t surprised at all. She wasn’t around much, saw Lexa a few times over the last month, mostly when Clarke was pissed off at Abby and Lexa was doing her best to help. If only Abby knew how much Lexa was routing for her and Clarke to make up. She wouldn’t be such a bitch about Lexa’s choices if she knew how good and kind and compassionate of a person Lexa was.

Abby would have to get her head out of her own ass before realizing that though. Jake knew from the moment he met Lexa.

Just another thing to make her miss her father.

The few moments that Clarke took to shove her hands in her pockets also helped drop her voice back down to a calm manner. So she looked up at her mom, more frustration and borderline hatred forming at the thought of Lexa not having her mother’s approval.

“Lexa is the only person I feel safe around in this house anymore,” Clarke said softly, almost like she did and didn’t want her mother to hear her. But at the look on her mother’s face, of devastation, was both satisfying and horrifying. Her mother heard her.

And words really were powerful.

So Clarke just turned away and headed upstairs. Leaving her mother and the argument behind.

\-----------------------------------

“You said that to Momma Griffin?” Raven’s eyes went wide.

“And you’re still alive?” Octavia added.

Clarke shrugged one shoulder, dropping her helmet in her locker and closing it quickly. “We didn’t speak after that. I heard her come upstairs and seemed like she tried to open my door but it was locked and she left.” Clarke sighed, leaning back against the lockers and closing her eyes. “She just makes me so mad. Judging Lexa like that after what she’s doing to my dad? Who gave her the right? She needs to get down off her pedestal and see what a mess she’s making.”

“She’s just as stressed as you are,” Raven pointed out, limping toward Clarke to sidle up against her, throwing her arm around her shoulder and squeezing. “And the Griffin girls don’t do well with communication.”

Octavia nodded. “I’m sure if you guys talked it out like proper adults–”

“She’s too immature,” Clarke said with an eye roll. “She immediately jumps to conclusions and won’t ever hear my side of the story.”

“Make her.”

With a head shake, Clarke said sadly, “My dad was the one that always made her see reason. She never listens to me.”

“So are you two just going to ignore each other for the rest of your life?” Raven scoffed. “Doesn’t sound like paradise.”

“You,” Octavia stated with a teasing smile at Raven, “Just want them to make up because you miss having happy Abby around to crush on.”

“She was never happy Abby,” Clarke mumbled.

But the brilliant mechanic glared at her other best friend, pulling her arm from around Clarke to point at Octavia sternly. “I was young. And don’t let Anya know about that. I’d never hear the end of it.”

The school bell rang, signaling first period and all three girls frowned at the fact that neither of their significant others have arrived yet. They all normally split up tighter, at least Raven and Anya did. But looking down the hall, there were no signs of them. Clarke just hoped Lexa didn’t run into Ontari again.

“Wonder what held everyone up,” Octavia inquired.

Raven frowned and checked her phone. “Anya texted me they were running late but I thought it was just because we wouldn’t get our usual morning make-out session. This is a little later than expected.”

Octavia gave her a look. “Is that why you guys get here so early?”

“Of course.”

Octavia couldn’t stop the ridiculous smile on her face at her friend’s ridiculousness. Clarke felt the corners of her moth turned up a bit but she quickly got distracted when she noticed her. It was a short glimpse of her girlfriend, in a discussion with Niylah and Luna it looked like, way down the hall. She appeared and kept walking as quickly as if Clarke never saw her. But Octavia noticed too.

“Well, we found one third,” O pointed down the hall.

“I’ll see her at lunch,” Clarke shrugged and pushed off the lockers. She turned to Raven. “You going to get to class on time?”

“I should be fine. I have an excuse anyway.” She leaned in and kissed Clarke’s cheek teasingly. “Is that going to hold you over until you see your girlfriend?”

Clarke chuckled and nudged her away jokingly. “Jerk, just get to class, Ray.” She turned with Octavia to head to class as usual, groaning at the thought of starting classes again. But the idea of starting the day with Lexa in her class eased some of her worries.

\--------------------------------------

Clarke couldn’t stop herself from looking around the cafeteria as all of her friends started to form around her and Raven. Harper, Monty and Jasper were first. Anya appearing next, greeting Raven with a kiss that Clarke couldn’t help but be envious over. Lincoln and Octavia next. Bellamy last. And no Lexa.

Clarke frowned, looking around one more time before turning back to her sandwich, attempting to pick it up, and just sighed and dropped it back down to the tray. She knew she was sulking, but she hadn’t seen Lexa since their early class today, and their talk yesterday was interrupted when Indra got home yesterday. She just wanted to see her girlfriend. The second day of class was busy and they’ve barely said a few words together.

Everyone else at the table was busy talking and not noticing the gap of empty space to Clarke’s right until it was finally filled. Her heart soared as she turned to meet Lexa’s eyes, and frowned as a different pair of eyes caught her instead.

It was a boy. Pre-puberty. Blonde/red hair that swooped to the right and he looked extremely shy with kind eyes, a thin face. Everyone around the table had stopped talking as he fiddled with his bag, dropping it to the floor and avoiding eye contact. Clarke looked over his jeans with holes, obviously old tennis shoes, and ragged t-shirt that wasn’t ironed this morning.

“Who are you,” Anya asked demandingly, not quite glaring at the new kid but not exactly sincere either.

His eyes widened with the attention though. “Um, Lexa said that I was supposed to sit here.” He pointed to the table, sinking into his skin nervously and then he glanced at Clarke. “She said next to the pretty blonde.”

If Clarke wasn’t so confused, she would’ve blushed at Lexa’s words coming from the boy’s mouth. But finally, she started to piece this together, frowning as she remembered the conversation with Lexa in her room yesterday. “You’re Aden.”

He seemed surprised that she knew his name. “Um, yeah.”

“Where exactly is Lexa?” Clarke asked immediately, looking behind her in hopes that Lexa would show up, to no avail. “You saw her?”

Aden’s hands were moving on his jeans with stress, like a cat does when it’s making biscuits. And he avoided eye contact. “She – well, I was at my locker when that Ontari girl showed up and Lexa immediately grabbed my stuff and told me to find you in the cafeteria.”

Clarke’s heart rate started to pick up and she looked at Anya and Lincoln who obviously thought the same thing. If she got into another fight, she’d be in much more trouble. “Did something happen between her and Ontari?”

“I left, so I don’t know. I wanted to stay but Lexa said to–”

“Find us,” Anya finished for him. “Yeah, we got it, kid.”

Raven gave her girlfriend a look that said ‘be nice’.

“Where is your locker?” Lincoln asked. “Which hallway?”

“The freshmen hallway. But they didn’t seem like they were going to–”

The poor boy’s eyes widened when Lincoln stood, getting ready to jet through the school when suddenly a hand landed on his shoulder and forced him back down in his seat. “Lincoln, sit down before you hurt yourself.”

Everyone turned, including Clarke, to see Lexa rolling her eyes at her brother and silently smiled at Clarke. She was surprised how much that little act helped ease her worries and concerns. Anya watched her with her eyes slit, studying her sister carefully. And much to Clarke’s disappointment, she pushed Bellamy down the bench a little more, making room between him and Aden and sat, giving Clarke a look over the younger boy’s head that told her they’d talk later.

Clarke wasn’t sure she could wait until later.

“Guys, this is Aden. Don’t ask questions, understand?” Lexa announced, but her eyes darted between Anya, Raven, and Octavia the most, waiting for a nonverbal eye contact of agreement.

Surprisingly, Octavia just shrugged. Clarke figured she’d at least have something to say about it. Lexa dropped her hand to Aden’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Look, this is not some sympathy thing. Ontari is a bitch,” Clarke bit her lip at the look in Lexa’s eyes as she spoke. She was pissed, and Clarke found it extremely hot, if she was honest with herself. “And Aden is not going to become some verbal or physical punching bag. So you guys see anything, handle it.”

Anya nodded, addressing Aden. “Look, kid, it’s nothing against you but we got your back as long as you’re genuine. Alright?”

Bellamy scoffed. “I wasn’t genuine at fourteen. I doubt he is.”

“He doesn’t look like a womanizer,” Jasper said, cocking his head to the side and studying the poor freshman. Aden sunk in his seat a bit, looking down at his lap. Clarke felt for the poor guy. “Maybe a loner. Could probably be due for some weed or something to loosen him up.”

Clarke frowned at him. “Don’t pull him into your bad habits.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Monty emphasized. “Jasper is all talk.”

Said guy winked at Aden when the boy looked up. “Don’t worry, Aden. I’ll get you high as a kite in no time.”

“They’re idiots, but they mean well,” Lexa told Aden. “All but Jasper, actually.” She frowned at him. “I honestly can never tell with you. It’s like whoever wants to party is your best friend and your loyalty bounces back and forth.”

“Second best friend, actually,” he corrected, looping an arm around Monty. “This is my best friend. Only Asians qualify.”

“Isn’t that a little racist?” Harper laughed.

Monty just dropped his head in his hands, shaking his head.

Clarke leaned back as the others started talking again and joking, and she reached past Aden to pull at Lexa’s shirt. She turned at the feeling, leaning back as well. Clarke pointed to Aden’s back and mouthed, ‘he okay?’.

‘I think so.’

She nodded. ‘are you okay?’

Lexa smiled at her and winked, giving her all the reassurance she needed. Clarke still was not a hundred percent satisfied but she was at least okay with the fact that Lexa was here and well.

\------------------------------------------

Clarke couldn’t help but smile as she pressed closer to her incredibly attractive girlfriend who was protective, kind, caring, compassionate. She was a lot of things that people didn’t know and she was just glad that she was able to witness it.

And to kiss it.

Her smile pressed against Lexa’s own as they lied on the bed, Lexa’s hands coming to meet Clarke’s and the their fingers clasped together, pressing the blonde’s hands down into the bed. She had to stop herself from moaning at the feeling of Lexa dropping her body to hers, holding her there as her girlfriend’s lips pressed, nipped, and kissed her own. This was another one of those moments, those sweetly delicious moments. She was starting to crave more. More of those abs. More of those touches. More of those lips. More of the view that she had one time. She wanted to see that view again, that chest again. She wanted to feel it.

Seeing Lexa’s protective instincts over the last few days only made those desires even better, or worse, depending on how she thought about it.

Ontari hadn’t tried much over the last few days since Lexa almost got suspended for putting her in her place on Monday. But Clarke had noticed everything Lexa did. How she kept an eye on Aden through the hallways, always on guard and waiting for Ontari to round the counter while still being the normal Lexa. She still was intuitive to conversations, still giving Clarke those looks that made her weak at the knees. She was one hell of a multi-tasker, Clarke admitted.

Suddenly, Lexa pulled back from kissing Clarke, looking down at her with her eyebrows furrowed. But she had a smirk on her kiss-bruised lips. And she just looked at her.

Clarke started to squirm a little under her gaze. “What?”

“You bit my lip,” she chuckled. “And, like, pulled it.”

Embarrassment almost started to flood through Clarke but the look in Lexa’s eyes stopped the insecurities quickly. The blonde blushed instead and pulled her hands from Lexa’s, moving to wrap them around the brunette’s neck instead. “So?”

“So,” Lexa said slowly, eyes slipping down the lips she was just attached to. “That’s… new.”

“Did you not like it?”

“I didn’t say that. It just caught me off guard.” She reached to her own lips, rubbing over the bottom one and Clarke brought her eyes to the movement. “Felt nice.”

Not the adjective Clarke was looking for. “Nice?”

“I mean, yeah. I had a brief flashback to the Vampire Diaries episodes you made me watch, but yeah, nice.”

Clarke rolled Lexa’s brown waves of hair in her hands as she looked up at her. “I was honestly going for a little more than nice.”

“Would you like it better if I said it was hot?” she teased.

“Much better.” Without any hesitation after that and with the look in Lexa’s eyes, Clarke used her leverage to pulled Lexa back down to her, taking her lips again. After a few seconds, she repeated the action that Lexa spoke so highly of and took her bottom lip between her teeth, pulling slightly and breaking out into a smile when she felt one of Lexa’s hands come up to her face, cradling her close.

They had started this little dance between them the last week or so of the Christmas break that had been pushing them to explore more when they were together. They’d honestly not done a whole lot other than the kissing that either gets interrupted while at Lexa’s house or the hands under shirts that immediately gets ripped out when Clarke’s phone goes off for a number of reasons. So even though Clarke was starting to get more confident with Lexa’s feelings for her, they hadn’t done near as much as Raven and Anya assumed. She was glad that Octavia at least understood.

What they hadn’t done yet, was kissing in other places. She wasn’t sure how to bring that up. She knew that was one of her weaknesses. Niylah figured out the neck kisses quicker than Clarke had anticipated, but so had Lexa and honestly, she loved and hated it. It makes her putty in people’s hands when that happens and part of her really wanted to putty in Lexa’s hands but the other part didn’t want to seem too… desperate.

Because it was one spot in particular that turned her on more than she’d care to admit. God forbid Lexa found it earlier than anticipated. It was just under each breast, and it made her weak. Lexa had explored her neck happily, but God did Clarke want her to go lower.

So instead of waiting for Lexa, Clarke thought she might as well explore the other girl instead. That athletic body was still hidden from her more than she liked. She got plenty of views when school started in those bikini tops and board shorts, and she really wanted to see them up close outside of work outs again.

With a new found curiosity, Clarke moved her hands around Lexa’s neck slowly, kissing her gingerly and pushed one shoulder to try to turn her girlfriend to fall on the bed.

Lexa thought otherwise and pulled back quickly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Clarke chuckled, reached up to kiss her once before pushing her shoulder again. “I just want you to lie down.”

“Why?”

“Just do it and I’ll show you.”

“Lie down how?”

Sometimes Lexa was so confident and hot that Clarke forgot she really didn’t have much experience in this department. And then times like this, where her confusion and clueless showed so blatantly brought Clarke back to reality. And she was going to do her best to show Lexa that she does just fine.

“God, Lexa, just turn over and stop asking questions.” And with a final push, the brunette fell to the side and onto her back on Clarke’s bed, the blonde following quickly and moving to straddle her. Lexa looked up at her like a nervous kitten, causing Clarke to smirk down at her. “Was that so hard?”

“I liked being on top,” Lexa whined, and then she seemed to have a dawning realization what she said and Clarke happily witnessed a blush made its way through Lexa’s cheeks and down her neck to where her flannel was buttoned almost all the way up God, this girl was something else. “I completely didn’t mean that like it sounded. I meant, like, it’s breezy up there.”

“You’re cute,” she chuckled, cocking her head to the side.

“I just meant, you know, I – I was just–”

“Shh,” Clarke said, pressing her lips to Lexa’s to silence her momentarily. She felt Lexa’s hands instinctually go to Clarke’s hips and hold her lightly there, fiddling with the ends of her blue tank top.

“Relax, Lexa,” she said against her lips.

Lexa sighed and then pulled back, falling against the pillows completely. “I just – I can’t relax with you. I can keep my cool while secretly plotting Ontari’s next move against Aden but with you…”

The admission made Clarke smile as she looked down at those honest eyes that she cared so much for. “Look, everything we do makes me nervous because I want you to feel comfortable and safe. And I care too much about you to make you feel anything other than perfect in everything. I don’t want to rush anything because of your… past, and I don’t care if you turn into a babbling idiot or whatever happens. At Niylah’s party, we were drunk and got really into and… we’ve been careful and slow every since.”

“And I appreciate your patience,” Lexa said, reaching up to cup Clarke’s cheek with one hand. The blonde closed her eyes at the feeling and leaned into the touch. “I just hear what Raven and the team say and I just–”

“Don’t let them influence anything about us, okay?”

“I know I’m not supposed to–”

“Hey, I’m one hundred percent being serious right now,” Clarke stated, using her fingers on Lexa’s chin to pull their eyes together. “If I want to kiss you, I will. Wherever and whenever we both,” she emphasized, “are comfortable. Raven got into her accident and it scared Anya and Raven and I’m not saying they started their relationship wrongly but they kind of fell into bed together. We’re not wrong. Octavia and Lincoln weren’t near as fast but they’ve also been dating for almost five months by now. They’re not wrong. None of them. I’ve done the quick relationship sex thing and I don’t want to rush that with you. I want us to be us in whatever way we want.”

There was silence as Clarke watched Lexa contemplate everything that was said. A few moments passed and Lexa’s hands moved to Clarke’s shoulders, down to her forearms and she watched her own hands path as goosebumps formed where she touched. And Clarke kept her eyes on her girlfriend’s, though, in amusement and fascination.

Finally, Lexa took a shaky breath and said, “I’ve been meaning to be honest with you about all that.”

Clarke knew, but she wasn’t going to point that out. “Why did you wait?”

“Nervousness. You’re more experienced than I am,” Lexa was quiet when she spoke. Confidence gone. This was the Lexa that only Clarke was ever able to witness. Not the girl that helped her through her father’s accident. Or the girl that took a soccer team to the state championship. But this was a girl that her parents had told wasn’t good enough, was told that her feelings weren’t valid. “I’ve tried to hide how much it freaked me out sometimes because you always seem so collected when it came to, you know. Since I’ve never…”

Clarke remembered the conversation well. The emotion on Lexa’s face when she finally had explained about Costia and herself all that time ago. It felt a lot longer than a couple of months since Clarke witnessed her explanation. This topic was the only kind that ever made the girl nervous.

“I don’t care how experienced you are,” Clarke admitted, leaning down to press her lips to Lexa’s. They kissed a moment, until Lexa’s hands moved back to Clarke’s hips and the blonde felt encouraged when those strong hands gripped her shirt and fisted it, Lexa pulling her down to her so that they were flush together. Clarke’s elbows fell to either side of Lexa’s head, smiling into those lips that moved against hers off of straight instinct.

Clarke’s own instincts kicked in, her curiosity pushing forward as well as she moved her lips from Lexa’s to her cheek, across the smooth skin and to her neck. She placed light, gentle kisses wherever she could, feeling Lexa’s breath as she sighed against her. She moved down to the crease between her neck and her shoulder, slowly pulling the collar of the flannel aside and sucked the skin lightly.

“Wha – what are you doing?” Lexa breathed out.

Clarke smiled at the shaking in Lexa’s voice, the unsteadiness of her breathing. She wasn’t going to push this far, but she was going to at least dip their toes in the water. “Just relax and enjoy it.” And she immediately started kissing the beautiful girl’s neck again.

It was a few more moments, Lexa starting to stir and move under Clarke, her hands slid under Clarke’s tank top to rest directly on her hips, causing more goosebumps to form on the blonde’s skin as she smiled into her girlfriend’s neck.

It was when Lexa grabbed the bottom of Clarke’s tank top and tugged it up slightly that she paused her menstruations on Lexa’s skin and pulled back.

It was obvious that Lexa couldn’t voice it, but Clarke could see it in her eyes. So she leaned back and before she could stop herself or hesitate or question it, she pulled the bottom of her tank top up and over her head, throwing it to the floor.

The look on Lexa’s face as her eyes fell to Clarke’s chest was nothing short of comical. Wide eyed. Deer in headlights. Mouth open like a fly trap. And Clarke had never felt more prideful or admired. And Lexa’s gaze was focused, so focused.

Clarke decided to tease her and started to snap her fingers I her face. Lexa jumped at the sound, eyes darting to meet Clarke’s. “God, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I just – Costia was smaller…”

Clarke decided not to comment on the fact that Lexa was comparing. She left that to the inexperience instead of thinking it as an insult. “Is that a good thing?”

Lexa’s eyes darted back down to her chest quickly and swiftly. So fast that Clarke almost didn’t see it but the other girl swallowed at the sight. “Um, yeah. Definitely. I mean, totally a good thing.”  
She was proud that she’d managed to wear a pretty decent bra to school today, black with red twists to it but it wasn’t a slutty kind of revealing. She leaned forward again, Lexa’s eyes glued to her chest until she pressed them together, her lips a few inches from her girlfriend’s. “Lexa, you’re allowed to touch me, you know.”

The other girl’s mouth opened at the idea. “Are you sure?”

“Are you?”

“Wha – what exactly do I do?”

“Just–”

Suddenly, Clarke’s phone starting ringing from the bedside table, that blasted ring tone ruining the moment. She dropped her forehead to Lexa’s shoulder with a sound of frustration causing, the other girl’s anxiety to disappear and making her chuckle with amusement.

And the ringtone kept going.

“Are you going to get that?” Lexa asked.

Clarke pulled back, kissing the smile from her lips before reaching over to the number. She rolled her eyes at the caller I.D. and pressed the answer button. “What do you want, Raven?”

There was a pause. “You’re mad. Why are you mad?”

“Bad timing.”

“Am I interrupted something?” Clarke could practically hear the amusement in Raven’s smile through the phone. Lexa raised an eyebrow at Clarke’s expression, but the other girl just shook her head and slid off her girlfriend, moving to sit at the edge of the bed. “Something Lexa related? Anya said she was coming over to your place tonight. Oh my God, tell me everything.”

“Forget it. That’s not why you called, so what is it?”

“Straight to the point. Someone needs some stress release. But fine. I was calling because I was at the hospital for rehab and overheard some news about your dad.”

Instantly, Clarke’s heart rate rose for a totally different reason than before. “What happened? From who? Is he okay?”

“It was Jackson and he’s still… fine,” Raven continued. “I heard on the phone when he was passing by the rehab center. I didn’t get details, but he was talking about your dad’s case and he sounded optimistic. Mentioned something about your dad’s coma score going up? He sounded excited about it. I was hoping you’d know if that was a good thing or not.”

“They’re scored with total score of one through eight,” she explained, closing her eyes and dropping her head to one hand as she spoke, taking in all this information. “The higher the score, the better the prognosis is how I understand it. I didn’t know the scores can go up or down though. I thought it was like picked at the start and set in stone.”

“Well, I just thought you should know and be kept in the loop. I know your mom isn’t exactly telling you much.”

“All we do is argue when I ask so yeah, I’ve stopped asking.”

“I’m sure Jackson would tell you everything if you asked him,” Raven mentioned.

“Probably would, but he’s my mom’s best friend at the hospital. I don’t want to put him that position. He’s already got it hard being my dad’s friend too. I’m surprised they haven’t done any conflict of interest on his case.”

“Well, I just thought you should know,” Raven said softly, with more compassion. “I mean, if my dad was still alive I’d want to know what was going on, at least to be in the loop.”

As always, Raven tried to make it sound like it didn’t affect her much after these past months but Clarke could hear the sadness in her friend’s voice. She handled it well, all things considered that she went through, but her own physical trauma was used as a mental block when she was trying to heal. She didn’t really have a chance to grieve much for her father. She was there for her mother, and Clarke understood how her façade broke occasionally when she spoke around Octavia and herself. But she also knew Raven wasn’t going to say much more about it.

So Clarke slowly fell back on the bed, feeling Lexa shift near the headboard and closed her eyes. “I love you, Raven. Thank you for letting me know.” What else could she say?

But it seemed to be enough when Raven answered with, “I love you too, babe. He’ll come out of this. I know it.”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, opinions are always read and much appreciated! Thanks!


	17. Hot Arguments and Hot Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forced introverting means more reading I guess. Here's another one :)

Jake still looked the same. Some weight loss. Some color had drained from him the first few weeks he was in the coma, but the bruising from the accident had healed up better than anticipated. He still had some of the wraps and casting on, being monitored 24 hours a day in the ICU unit until he’d come to.

But not much improvement had occurred overall in his mental state.

They were doing treatments to keep him healthy, had a feeding tube in, IV catheters, but the drugs that Jackson had mentioned before Christmas weren’t guaranteed to work or to even do anything. The chances were low that they’d see improvement with the medications, and turns out the cost of the medication was ridiculously high.

Higher than Clarke could truly fathom.

“So, basically, coma patients come out of the state on their own,” Jackson explained a week later after Raven’s phone call, Clarke sitting with her father one late Wednesday night when she knew her mom was going to be in the internal medicine ward of the hospital and out of the ICU unit. She took Raven’s advice and had texted Jackson, asking to see him and talk about her father. He, of course, agreed because he’s too good natured in his own way. “And he’s not giving us much physically, but I have a feeling that we’re getting somewhere, considering we haven’t done the newly tested treatments in New York.”

Clarke held her dad’s right hand between her own as she leaned against his bed from her seat, kissing his cold hand again and pulling it against her cheek. “My mom seems to want to wait it out.”

“That’s the normal process.”

“Even though it can go either way?”

Jackson sighed, his arms crossed as he sat back in the seat next to Clarke. He was younger than her mother, but Clarke trusted him all the same to take care of her father. As a guy who was always clean shaven with tanned, darkened skin and a soft eyes and good complexion, he just looked like he had everything together. The picture of a stereotypical doctor. Except he really was a good one.

“It’s been over two months,” he said slowly, eyes on Jake. “The odds of him waking up go down every day, and I told your mother this but I’m assuming she didn’t tell you because she doesn’t want to get your hopes up.”

Clarke’s eyes turned away from Jake to look at Jackson quickly. “What is it?”

Hesitation. That’s what was in Jackson’s eyes. She saw the moral battle in his head before he finally turned to meet her gaze too. “He woke up briefly this weekend.”

“WHAT?”

“I told your mom,” he explained, holding his hands up as Clarke’s jaw dropped and her gaze turned heated for all sorts of reasons. “It was a few seconds, that’s all. From Saturday. He woke up, mumbled something like “burrito advancements” and passed back out again. His eyes never opened. He just said it and that was it.”

It was impossible for her to hide the betrayal in her eyes even though the excitement was pumping through her heart like a rocket engine blasting off. “But, he did say something? He actually said something?”

“Like I said, it was very brief. Maybe two seconds.”

“That’s improvement.” Her eyes widened with hope and realization.

Jackson saw it, immediately trying not to push her. “Clarke–”

“It’s still responsive.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s improving without any chance of falling back.”

“So? What’s so bad about being optimistic?”

Jackson obviously was not as excited as she was. “Coma patients can do this sometimes but still go south. I don’t want to get your hopes up, Clarke. Abby doesn’t want to give you false hope either. She wants you to… she wants you to know but doesn’t want you to come to conclusions.”

Clarke’s lips turned down slightly. “Either way, he’s my dad. Despite what she thinks, I still have a right to know.”

“Which is why I’m telling you. But I don’t–”

“Clarke.”

They both turned and Clarke met her mother’s matching eyes as she strode into the room, a frown on her face. Clarke’s excitement disappeared immediately at the sight of her mother, utter betrayal and anger starting to flow through her pumping veins instead.

“You lied to me.”

Jackson visibly swallowed as he looked between the two women.

The mother of the two Griffins was much more put together than Clarke, leaning against the door and dropping her hands in her white coat pockets. “I didn’t lie to you. How can I lie if you don’t even speak to me.”

“What’s the point if you won’t tell me what’s going on?”

“So you go to Jackson for answers?”

Clarke glanced at him and shrugged knowing that it would infuriate her mother. “At least I know that I can trust him.”

Abby’s face went red. “Excuse me?”

Jackson stood from his seat, glancing between the mother and daughter. “I’m going to leave you two to talk, if that’s okay?”

He met Abby’s eyes as he passed, pausing in the doorway for less than a second before leaving quickly, rushing down the hall and Clarke felt like he was fleeing a war that was brewing. Because maybe it was. Her and her mother in a room alone was probably not the best thing.

“You can’t blame me for not keeping you in the loop when you won’t even be around me,” Abby started after seconds of silence. She didn’t move from her spot in the doorway, looking past her daughter to look at Jake as she spoke. “You won’t even stay in the same room with me for more than five minutes. I come home, you immediately leave. You schedule everything you want to do for my off days.”

Clarke turned away from the look on her mother’s face to look back at her father, scooting her chair even closer and taking his cold hand again. “Can you blame me for how you’ve treated me too? How you’ve treated my girlfriend?”

Abby scoffed. “I’ve been fine around Lexa.”

“You’re trying to be mom and dad,” Clarke shot back. “You can’t be both.”

“I’m not trying to be both.”

“Even Lexa was uncomfortable with how you tried to be nice, which was the fakest I’ve seen you, by the way. And you’re still rude as hell when you try. It was cringe-worthy, Mom. You’re not the fun one. You’re the strict one, the determined one. And that’s not a bad thing,” she said with reassurance, turning her gaze back to her mom who seemed slightly surprised at her words. “I got used to that. You pushed me to be better. It was fine. It was how we worked. I wanted to be like you. I still do in most aspects. I want to be successful and save people like you. But when you declined treatments for Dad that Jackson mentioned… It seemed like that person that I admired was gone and someone who just didn’t care was replaced. It wasn’t you. You were – you were scared. And that’s not you. Scared and uncaring never crossed my mind before that day.”

Abby’s hands came out of her pockets, rubbing together before she slowly pointed to the seat next to Clarke, a question there. Clarke shrugged in answer, turning back to her father as she mom slowly took

“I never wanted you to think I didn’t care,” Abby said in a soft voice. “But I was scared. I still am,” she admitted. “I’m absolutely terrified. Your dad was the one that taught you to ride a bike, that took you to birthday parties, that got along with the other parents. I never did. I was always in the shadows but my purpose came more from my work, from seeing a family break out into tears because their loved ones would make it. I wasn’t like your father. I’m not at all. I figured he’d always be around to be your emotional parent. I never thought it would change. And with all your grandparents passing away at young ages, I forgot what it was like to have your world thrown upside down.” She reached out to her husband, hand on Jake’s arm above where Clarke’s was. “Losing him scares the shit out of me, Clarke.”

Very rarely did her mother cry. That was another thing she hated but also admired about Abby. Tears and pain didn’t show easily. When the accident happened, she just went into doctor mode and immediately started on Raven, trusting Jackson to take care of the person she loved most in this world as her mind focused on something else. So when the first tear fell down her left cheek, Clarke’s hand landed on the connection between her mom and her father, her eyes meeting her mother’s as well.

They didn’t say much for a moment, and Abby reached up, wiping away the one stray tear that fell with an embarrassed chuckle as she shook it off.

“Mom–”

She was interrupted by Abby’s pager going off. The doctor pulled it up, giving Clarke an apologetic look.

“We’re still not one hundred percent okay,” Clarke said quickly. “But please be honest with me about dad for now on. I deserve to know. And go save someone’s life.”

Abby nodded, and to Clarke’s surprise she quickly stood, kissed Clarke’s hair, and hurried out of the room without another word.

After watching her mother, she turned back to her dad with softer, less worried eyes. “I hope you heard that,” she said to him. “Because that’s about as civil as we’re going to get.”

\----------------------------------------

“You’d think that this would make more sense. But no. People design shit to make it almost impossible to manipulate, to fix, and they do it so you’ll pay them to fix something that should be simple. So they can suck my left nut because this damn bolt is coming off, so help me God.”

Clarke and Anya chuckled from their spot on the old, rugged couch that Clarke’s father kept in the garage for purposes of her having a place to sit when he worked on his own Jeep. They had Clarke’s bike parked in there at the moment, Raven sitting next to it with tools that neither of the other girls understood and was cursing at the metal as if that would make a difference. The space heater behind her lit up part of the floor and parts, this particular January day in Georgia choosing to actually be winter related. She was the only one that got to be in close proximity to the space heated too, much to Clarke’s current jealous. Herself and Any a had to be dressed in thick coats and long pants, sharing a blanket over their hips too.

Finally, the part for Clarke’s brakes came in and Raven immediately started to ask questions about when she could fix it. She didn’t want to wait. So it was Saturday morning, as early as nine A.M. with the barely noticeable heat of the sun just starting to sink in because Raven just couldn’t wait, and they all had coffees scattered around trying to keep warm.

Because Raven just couldn’t freaking wait. Sometimes, Clarke hated her friend’s love of mechanics.

“Don’t let a bolt beat you, babe,” Anya said, raising her coffee in salute to her girlfriend. “You’re doing great.”

She grunted back. “I hate this stupid thing.”

“That’s my bike you’re talking about,” Clarke frowned.

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s from my dad.”

Raven looked a little sheepish at that statement. “It’s kind of stupid?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Nice save.”

Anya cocked her head to the side. “But the muscle shirt is hot. So are the grease stains.”

Raven glanced over at her, smirk on her face and oil on her cheek. “You can take it off of me later.”

Clarke sunk more into the couch and crossed her legs, trying her best to ignore her best friend and her grossly affectionate girlfriend. Anya nudged her playfully and she nudged her right back before taking another sip of coffee, watching as Anya settled back with her too.

They were quiet for a moment, not having many times to talk with just the two of them. There was the one time over the holidays but there wasn’t much between them outside of group conversations. But Clarke knew that Anya was one of the most genuine people in Lexa’s circle, so she did her best to stay on her good graces. And she was an overall nice and good person if you treated her and her family right. Clarke did her best to make sure she didn’t mess that up.

“Lexa told me about the conversation between you and your mom.”

Looks like they were going to talk about this.

She wasn’t surprised, though. Lexa had asked if Anya could know. Which meant Raven would know. But Clarke told Raven anyway, so it was like what one person knew, all four of them knew anyway. So she wasn’t mad, wasn’t surprised, and was more shocked than anything that Anya even brought it up.

“Yeah, it was okay, I guess. Was definitely needed,” She said into her mug as she took another sip.

“So, is it all water under the rug?”

“Nowhere close, but my mom and I haven’t ever been able to let anything go, actually. Not like a grudge,” she corrected when Anya gave her a look, “But we don’t really acknowledge like ‘hey, we’re going to be adults and talk about it, right?’. Like no. We spoke. We were interrupted. Conversation done.”

“You think she’ll be honest with you about Jake?”

Clarke sighed. It’s been a few days, and her mom hasn’t really said much. She wasn’t sure if there just wasn’t anything to tell or if she was still hiding things. But they hadn’t seen much of each other to know. “I hope so. We’ve been big on trust in our family. We’ll see if she takes it as serious as me and my dad before.”

Anya leaned forward, cocking her head to the side at her. “Raven always pushed trust when we started talking, way before we started dating. With the way you two are, I can definitely tell why it’s so important to you, her, and your families.”

“We we’re both lied to with Finn.” Anya nodded at that. “So in relationships, he ruined quite a bit of it for a while. Raven and I promised to always be honest with each other and my dad always pushed that too. With that said,” Clarke pulled a serious expression towards her. “Lie to her and hurt her, and I’ll kill you.”

“Finally getting the ‘Don’t Hurt My Best Friend’ talk, huh?” she chuckled, lips pulling up with a smile. “Took you long enough.”

“Took me a minute to be brave enough,” she answered honestly and they both laughed, Anya tilting her head back as she did.

Raven noticed their joking and quirked an eyebrow at them. “Having fun?”

Clarke nodded quickly. “Watching you struggle? Absolutely.”

“It’s a game, Clarke,” Raven corrected, dropping one of the metal contraptions for something else as she looked back at the bike. “It’s a give and take. I have to give her some love, and she takes it and pisses me off by throwing it in my face,” she growled, twisting something and then grunting and throwing another tool on the floor. Anya and Clarke flinched at the loud sound of metal on concrete floor. “How mad would your dad be if he woke up and I just bought you a new bike?”

“That’s my baby,” she shook her head sternly. And her baby was in a few separate pieces as the wheels were on the floor, no longer connected, and pieces weren’t where they should be. “She gets fixed today or we’re no longer friends. You want to build rockets, Raven. You can get through this. Don’t leave her in pieces and make me kick you out of my life forever.”

She was given a pout in her direction. “You’d choose a bike over our friendship? After everything we’ve been through?”

“Love you, but yes.”

Raven glared at her before just turning back to the bike, cursing under her breath. Although this time, Clarke wasn’t sure if it was at her or the bike, which made her smile. Raven was always feisty, but when things didn’t work her way, she got even more feisty. And the look in Anya’s eyes made Clarke want to vomit at how she seemed to ‘enjoy’ the feistiness too.

But her heart soared instead when she saw Lexa running up the driveway towards the open garage door, headphones in and sweat dripping down her long sleeve under armor shirt. She loved that spandex like material as the sweat made it stick to Lexa’s skin, showing the small indentions of her abs and the muscles as she moved, slowing down and pulling the ear buds out, draping the cord over her shoulder. She beamed at Clarke with heavy breaths before addressing Anya too. “Hey guys.”

Clarke mirrored her smile.

Anya saluted her with her coffee.

Raven flicked her off.

“What’s with you, sunshine?” she asked with amusement in Raven’s direction, stepping over the poor girl and cocking her head to the side. “Something not playing nice?”

“She’s not cooperating,” Raven grumbled.

“Did you give her some love?”

“All I have to muster.” Raven frowned again, grabbing the small hand towel behind her and wrapped her greased hands on it, staring at the parts that she couldn’t figure out. “She just won’t give me any kind of signs.”

Lexa squatted, the muscles in her back more than visible through the wet navy under armor shirt as she turned her back to Clarke. The blonde in question cocked her head to the side, checking out her girlfriend before getting a shoulder to shoulder nudge by Anya with a smirk on her face. Clarke blushed at being caught.

“Is that supposed to be like that?” Lexa asked, pointing to something along the back spokes. “That part right there. See how it’s twisted?”

Raven took a closer inspection. “Um, yeah. But that’s normal.”

“Oh.” Lexa then shrugged and stood. “Can’t help you then.”

She jumped back quickly as Raven swung playfully at her butt with frustration, using her athleticism to dodge the punch and laughing in the process.

“You’re lucky I’m crippled, Woods. Or I’d kick your ass. Stop wasting my time.”

Lexa ignored the threat, rolling her eyes before walking towards Clarke, shoving her sister’s face in the other direction quickly as she leaned in, kissing Clarke’s lips with the briefest of pecks. Clarke wanted more, granted she always wanted more, but she let it slide when Lexa pulled back. It was as public as Lexa got with displays of affection, and Clarke felt it to her toes.

“Are you done being shy?” Anya asked against Lexa’s hand on her face, pulling at her arm.

Lexa let her go, shaking her head. “It’s called public decency, Anya.”

“Sure,” she shook her head, sliding over so Lexa could sit but the girl shook her head.

Clarke frowned.

“I’ve got to shower,” she pointed out, pointing her finger up and down her body as Clarke followed the movement, feeling her face heat up with her girlfriend this close and hot in front of her. The lines of her abs were sticking to the shirt and she licked her lips unconsciously. “And stop looking at me like that.”

Clarke met her gaze through her eyelashes, pretending to be innocent. “What?”

Anya leaned over. “I think what my sister is saying that you’re looking at her like you want to join her in the shower.”

Lexa flushed quickly, despite the sweat still dripping down her skin and her eyes widened in horror. “Anya! Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m just saying, the bedroom eyes are getting to be–”

Lexa lunged for her, and Clarke jumped back with a smirk as the sisters fell to the garage floor, snark comments and bickering happening as they wrestled. The last of Anya’s coffee had fallen to the floor and the mug obviously broke (it was one of the cheap ones luckily) and they twisted and turned in the dirty concrete. Clarke pulled her legs up, the blanket wrapping around her as she glanced at Raven.

The other girl shrugged at them and went back to her bike.

“You just don’t know how to keep your mouth shut, do you?”

“Why do you have to act like such a baby about it?”

“I’m not a baby.”

“Childish.”

“Take it back!”

“Never!”

Lexa had often told her of all kinds of arguments that she and Anya had gotten in. Some playful, some used to vent out frustration or anger. Especially at the boarding school when tensions were still high between them. Often times, they would physically fight to let it out, Lexa saying how she’d gotten many bruises from something more than just playful siblings fighting. Although, she was proud that she always won.

And sure enough, Lexa managed to get Anya in a head lock after about forty seconds, grabbing one of Anya’s hands as the other scratched at her forearm around her throat, tugging. They looked like a pretzel, intertwined body parts, but Anya's strained face made it very apparent as who was losing this particular wrestling match.

“Give up,” Lexa said, breathing hard as she looked down at her sister. “Come on, Anya. Give. Up.”

“Go fuck yourself,” she gasped, still trying to get the upper hand, reaching around with no success.

“Come on babe,” Raven added non-enthusiastically as she continued with Clarke’s bike. “Last time you guys fought, you put up a better fight than that.”

“And still lost,” Lexa pointed out, tightening her grip on Anya, who grunted with aggravation and discomfort. “We can do this in the ring at the gym later, too, if you want a rematch from this loss or the other four in a row.”

Anya tried to wiggle out of Lexa’s grip a few more times, eventually tapping Lexa's arm three times in defeat. Lexa immediately let her go. She quickly hopped up on her feet, smirking down at her sister as she took a few seconds to get herself together, shaking her head. A few strands of hair fell out of her dirty blonde pony-tail as she did and then rolled onto her back, arms out. “I hate you.”

“Maybe next time, sis,” she teased, looking towards Clarke. The Griffin girl hoped that whatever lust showed in her eyes wasn't completely apparent. If Lexa noticed, she didn't comment and instead asked, “Are we still on for a late lunch?”

It took everything in Clarke to try to stop what Anya called ‘bedroom eyes’ and nodded as calmly as she could. “Yeah.”

“Great,” she leaned down, kissing Clarke’s cheek briefly. “I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?”

She swallowed the want in her throat. “Sure.”

“Bedroom eyes,” Anya grunted from the floor, and she groaned when Lexa kicked her (soft-ish) in the side as she walked past.

Raven just shook her head at her girlfriend who lied on the floor. “Will you ever learn?”

“No. But I’ll get her back one day,” Anya said with tired, closed eyes. “I swear it.”

\-----------------------------------

“Aden, you have to be able to read the person that’s coming for you and figure out their weakness. It’s not all about power or hitting weak spots. You have to find those weak spots first. Priorities. Study them. Their emotions. Their movements. Put them into perspectives and figure out the best way to take down your opponent with the less amount of energy yourself. That’s how you outlast and win.”

With that advice, Aden did his best but still managed to somehow get flipped and hit the floor, face first, into the mat. Octavia gripped his arm behind his head, knee between his shoulder blades as she pushed him further into submission.

She let up as soon as he started to tap the mat. Clarke stood by, arms crossed as she leaned forward on the bench to watch the training session. This was the fourth of Aden’s training sessions with Octavia, Lincoln, and Lexa. Anya sat by too, filling in occasionally but really she just worked in the gym with Raven to help with her own strength training with rehab.

Octavia jumped up and stretched her arms in her spandex and sports bra, watching as Aden groaned and slowly stood on the mats. He was breathing heavy and tiredly, already sweating at the physical exertion each attempt to get any kind of leeway on Octavia failed. Clarke had to admit, the sparring looked exhausting. It was obvious across his facial feature that he really didn’t want to go again either, based on the look of defeat.

Lexa, who was leaning against one of the poles as she watched, cocked her head to the side at him, eyes squinted. “Aden.”

He dropped his hands to his knees, refusing to look at her. “You know,” he breathed as he spoke, “Maybe I’m a stick fighter.”

Octavia chuckled. “A what?”

“Like with swords and spears?” he continued, waving his hands around dramatically. “Like the gladiators that you and Bellamy talk about? From those Greek mythologies you guys love so much.”

“You’re too short.” Lexa quirked one eyebrow. “And you’re not exactly going to have a sword with you all the time. That’s kind of against school rules. And we’re not trying to kill something. We’re just trying to make sure Ontari can’t mess with you. And in case you didn’t know, that kind of stuff if illegal.”

“A regular stick then?” he asked, raising and dropping his hands in frustration. “I’m too weak to take on Octavia hand to hand. You know that. Look at me.” He raised his arms dramatically, pointing at himself.

Lexa sighed, pushing off the pole and walked towards him, putting a hand on his shoulder. She spoke softly, quietly, and Clarke couldn’t make out what she was saying to him. Instead, the blonde twiddled with her phone, watching as Aden’s eyes went from frustrated, to confused, to argumentative, to relaxed and he eventually nodded, walking over towards Lincoln across the gym who fist bumped him and started on the boxing gear with him.

It took a moment, but Lexa rubbed at her eyes with discontent, shared some words with Octavia, and eventually made her way over to the bench where Clarke sat. Anya moved towards Lincoln and Aden, obviously sensing the tension in Lexa’s shoulders.

Lexa took the spot on her right, dropping her head to her hands. “I worry about him.”

“You’re doing everything you can for him right now.”

“He’s improving. And he said that even some of the senior football players that still remain nameless because he won’t tell me who did anything have stopped messing with him so much. He hasn’t given me details but I’m hoping that he isn’t lying to me about that.”

“Why would he lie?”

Lexa looked up, watching as Lincoln walked him through basic punches with one of the hanging bags. “To stop me from doing something stupid.”

Beating up random kids at school would definitely count as stupid. Although Lexa had good reason, she was smart to start helping Aden help himself. The owner of the gym that Octavia started at last fall offered some private time for their group, saying that Octavia was doing well and Lincoln was more than welcome to have anyone he pleased. It helped that Gustus met him through the police force a few months back on a case.

So over the last two weeks, they’ve helped Aden as much as they could in the short amount of time. Taken him in like a brand new puppy in the pack of wolves. Ontari had tried her best to egg Lexa on in that time; attempting to make her angry enough to lash out but Roan and Lincoln helped separate them as much as they could when Aden couldn’t stop an oncoming situation.

Clarke moved to lie down on the bench, moving her head to Lexa’s lap and looking up as her girlfriend started to brush her fingers through the blonde hair in a relaxing manner.

“Do you think what I’m doing for him is the right thing?”

“What do you mean?” Clarke frowned.

“Sometimes, knowing how to fight is what gets you into trouble,” she admitted. “I learned from Anya, then from Lincoln, and most of it was self-taught. I’m no master of the arts, but I can hold my own. Although the gym owner has taught me a thing or two the last few months. And I use that to my advantage sometimes.” Lexa looked down at Clarke with a frown.

“You don’t use it to do bad things, though,” Clarke stated.

“I did sometimes at the boarding school. When I was frustrated enough, I used my skills to scare other girls that were mean or bullies. After Costia, I didn’t want to feel like I was letting anything go and sometimes acted without reason just based on a hunch.”

“Like you stop it before it starts?”

“Like I’ve managed to punch someone just because I thought they looked at someone else the wrong way.” Lexa looked up again at Aden, her brows furrowed. “I just don’t want him to lash out unless it’s for protection. Not because he feels like he has the power.”

“He’s a good kid. You’re good. He’s not going to use it to cause trouble. He’s just scared. He needs help.”

“Soccer was always my way to get that extra energy out, to stop myself from lashing out. After Costia, I was irrational. But I learned how to control it. I’m hoping he does too.”

Clarke watched the array of emotions run across Lexa’s face and pulled Lexa’s hand between her own, pulling her fingers to her lips and kissing each one individually. “You’re a good teacher, babe.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“Of course not.”

“You’d tell me if what I’m doing is a bad idea?”

Clarke nodded, kissing Lexa’s hand one more time before pulling it away, meeting those eyes that she cared so much for. “You’re doing the right thing by taking care of him.”

Lexa sighed. “I just wish I knew what Ontari’s problem was with him.”

“Some people are bullies, Lexa,” Clarke stated sadly, turning in her lap to look at her friends with their new and youngest member. “They don’t need a reason. They just hate.”

\-------------------------------

“Clarke, it’s good to see you.”

The blonde smiled shyly at Indra who stood in the kitchen of Lexa’s house, seemingly to cook up a container of hot chocolate on the stove. It smelled delicious, and she smiled at the pile of marshmallows in the container on the counter as well.

It wasn’t often that she had one on one conversations with Indra, being as the woman’s job was so busy and important. She traveled a lot, was gone a lot of the time due to that. Gustus was around, helping bail them out of jail any time they really needed him to. They might have taken advantage of that once or twice. And by might, that’s a definite. And by them, it’s typically Raven.

“You too,” Clarke smiled at her politely, leaning against the kitchen entrance. “Hot chocolate?”

“Lexa asked.”

Clarke eyed the large pot and her eyes widened. “She asked for a gallon of hot chocolate?”

“She said she’s taking some to Aden tomorrow at school. And Raven is with Anya in her room,” Indra stated, turning and wiping her hands on her jeans where a towel hung from the pocket. Her posture and the tank top really made her look like a badass woman. If Clarke wasn’t more comfortable in this house than her own home, she’d be terrified of the woman.

“Aden isn’t here?” she asked.

“No. Apparently, something happened with his parents and he’s not allowed to leave the house.”

The blonde frowned. “What do you know about his parents?”

“Not much,” she said slowly, eyeing Clarke with intent, like she was reading her. And Clarke knew she was succeeding. It was like Indra could read minds. She swallowed nervously under the hard gaze for a moment. “And Clarke, we don’t interfere with other families.”

She bit her lip and dared to say, “You interfered with Lexa’s and Anya’s.”

“That was different. They needed help. Lincoln knew the story and helped inform us. It’s possible that Aden is just a shy kid. Don’t go meddling into anything trying to find dirt on people. I’m sure his parents are doing everything they can. Not everyone are considered bad people. Some people just don't have money, or they miss thier son that seems to be glued to my daughter's hip.”

Clarke understood but pressed anyway. “I was just wondering if you knew anything. He doesn’t talk much about his family. I didn’t know if Lexa had said anything–”

“Anything that I would know that you wouldn’t?” Indra laughed loudly. “Clarke, please.”

With a smile, she held her hands up in a jokingly defensive gesture. “Just thought I’d ask.”

“I think he’s just shy, not abused. Don’t go poking your head into places it doesn’t belong, alright?” Indra pointed at her, turning slightly serious. “I mean it. Some people are wolves. Some people are turtles, hiding in their shells. Just help Aden out of his, alright?”

The statement ended with an adult-like finality that Clarke just nodded. “Yes, ma’am.” And she turned towards the stairs, taking them two at a time to Lexa’s bedroom.

She heard laughter coming from Anya’s room, the bedroom door cracked. Against her better judgement (mainly because she was scared she’d see someone’s ass crack) she peered through the doorway and her heart warmed at what she saw. Raven, on the bed, Anya, sitting down towards her feet. She was massaging Raven’s leg, joking with her and tickling her. Raven’s smile was blinding. Knowing that Raven had a support system like Anya helped Clarke relax with the idea of not being the only one there for Raven. After Finn, they really only had each other that understood.

But Raven had Anya.

And Clarke had Lexa.

She smiled one last time before turning, heading towards Lexa’s closed bedroom door.

She knocked three times, hearing Lexa call for her to ‘come on in’ and she gently opened the door. “Hey you.”

Lexa looked up from the bed, lying on her stomach with a book as she leaned on her elbows. She gave her a weak smile before she pointed towards the open book before her. “Hey, I’m definitely going to need your help.”

“Second Semester Biology kicking your ass?”

“So bad,” she groaned, staring back down at the page while her right hand fiddled with the corner in annoyance. “Mr. Johnson said that I need to keep up like I did last semester but I have no idea how cell biology works. Genetics was bad enough. But this sucks.”

Clarke chuckled, turning to close the door and moved towards the bed. She sat with her legs dangling over the side as she leaned on one arm, peering at the knowledgeable pages. “You have a test this Friday, right?”

Lexa sighed, dropping her head to the book. “Yeah.”

“You know that I’ll help you. No need to stress yourself out over it yet.”

“Yet,” she repeated, chuckling. “I started stressing last week.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“This is harder than last semester.”

Clarke reached over and touched Lexa’s hair, gently tugging to run her fingers through the brown strands before she managed to tilt Lexa’s head in her direction, their eyes locking. “Relax.”

“I can’t,” she pouted.

“Do you trust me?”

“I don’t trust myself to learn it.”

“Self-destructive, much?” she teased, moving to lie parallel to her girlfriend. She dropped down, mimicking Lexa’s position, feeling their shoulders press together. “You’ve got the best tutor in the entire high school in your bed. Give me a little bit of credit.”

Lexa blushed, turning away and leaning back up on her elbows. “I’d rather do a lot of other things with you in my bed then study.”

With a sideways glance in Lexa’s direction, Clarke smirked and said, “Cheeky. Maybe as a reward for a job well done?”

“Or for motivation to get started?”

“Good try. I don’t give out freebees.”

Lexa pouted once, and Clarke took her finger and playfully pushed her away against her cheek. The dark haired girl dramatically rolled, making a loud noise of displeasure as she fell on her back, arms splayed out. “Can we talk about something else? Something aside from studying?”

Clarke turned too, leaning on one side as she dropped her head to her hand. “Sure, about what?”

“How was the visit with your dad today?”

“Good,” Clarke said, thinking back to her time with her father. Abby had stopped in quickly, giving Clarke a basic greeting and a kiss on the head before she had to run to the E.R. due to her pager. Jackson had updated her that nothing had changed since her father woke up from the initial words he spoke weeks ago. “Just wish that there was a little bit more to go on.”

“Still radio silence from him, huh?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, her hand going to the sheets and drawing unseen patterns on the material. “I keep picturing that one day I’ll walk in to see him and he’ll just be sitting there and say something like ‘hey squirt, long time no see,’ and hug me in that kind of hug that squeezes my chest too tight so I can’t breathe.”

“I can do it for you.” Lexa jumped on her so quickly Clarke squealed as she was caught off guard, falling to her back. Lexa’s arms wrapped around her, tightly, squeezing her as she nuzzled into Clarke’s neck. They laughed, Clarke’s arms trapped under Lexa’s athletic strength as she couldn’t stop her lips from smiling wider and wider.

“Lexa! Let me go, you turd!”

“Absolutely not,” she teased, squeezing harder. “I got ya! Everything’s going to be alright – Whoa!”

They both tumbled off the bed, hitting the floor as Clarke had turned to get out of Lexa’s vice grip. They separated on impact, Lexa rolling a few times with a groan and then a chuckle and then a laugh. A loud laugh.

A laugh that Clarke mimicked as she gripped her stomach, aching from the laughter and turned to Lexa. That smile. She’d do anything to keep that smile on Lexa’s face. It lit up her eyes, made her seem totally carefree and so, so beautiful. She was always beautiful, but in this moment… she was exceptionally gorgeous.

She caught on as Clarke’s laughter died down to silence and turned towards her, a smile still on her face but she paused when Clarke’s intense gaze met hers on the carpet.

“What?”

She stared for a few more moments. That word popping into her head again. The four letters. But she didn’t dare say them. Instead, she just pushed up on her elbows, moving towards her until she pressed her lips to Lexa’s. Most of their kisses were innocent, but she pressed her lips harder to Lexa’s than normal. The other girl didn’t question it, falling back at the force, her hands going to Clarke’s hips as Clarke rolled onto her. They kissed for a few more moments, getting heated and then slowing down until Clarke pecked her lips one last time.

“You’re so beautiful,” Clarke said, pulling back with her hands on Lexa’s cheeks.

A blush immediately formed. “That hug sure made you cheeky.”

“Want me to stop?”

“God no.” She reached up, pulling Clarke by her shirt and they fell back into each other. Hands on hips and faces, pulling gently and Clarke felt Lexa’s tongue come out, pressing against her lips and she smiled. She knew what that meant, but she didn’t know Lexa did and she opened her mouth, eyebrows going up in surprise when Lexa’s tongue met her own. But she squeezed her eyes even more at the feeling, letting her tongue dance with Lexa’s.

Clarke pulled back a few minutes later. “Where’d you learn that?”

The blush just got deeper and deeper. “Would it be bad if I got advice from Anya and Raven?”

“Really?” Clarke was going to kill Raven. It was probably her idea, whatever the idea was. 

“They know more than I do and honestly, looking up anything on the internet kind of freaks me out. I’m really scared I’m going to accidentally see something I can’t unsee.”

Clarke chuckled. “Just don’t let her know that you’re using her advice. And definitely don’t tell her it’s working.”

“So… good?”

“So good,” she insisted, leaning back in.

“Hot Chocolate is ready!”

They both jumped apart, hearing Indra banging on Anya’s door just down the hallway. They scrambled quickly, moving back to Lexa’s bed and both managed to collapse, side by side and grab the book to look presentable when Lexa’s door opened.

“Girls,” Indra stated, raising an eyebrow at the two of them breathing heavily despite the fact they’re supposed to be ‘studying’. “You coming?”

Clarke swallowed the feeling in her throat, trying to ignore how her head replayed their kissing over and over. “Yeah, we’ll be right down. Just one more thing to go over, ya know?”

Indra raised one eyebrow, giving them a look before slowly turning towards the hallway, leaving the door open.

She heard Lexa breath out loudly, not realizing she was holding her breath the entire time. Clarke turned to her. “You okay?”

“I just had flashbacks to my parents,” she said, shaking her head and dropping it to her hands. “Oh my God. I panicked for a second.”

“Hey, it’s okay.”

“I know. But that was the worst De Ja Vu I’ve ever experienced.”

The blonde put her hand on Lexa’s lower back, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on her cheek, bringing a smile to the other girl’s worried face. “Indra isn’t like your birth mother or father.”

“You’re right,” she breathed out, nodding once. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Hey!” they both turned, finding Anya eyeing them suspiciously. “You two coming or what?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re coming,” Lexa waved.

She paused, concern on her face before letting whatever she was watching go. “Well hurry up.”

“I said we’re coming. Just don’t take all the marshmallows,” Lexa yelled after Anya as the girl disappeared with a mischievous wink. “Anya! I mean it! Don’t you dare! The marshmallows are mine! Don't make me kick your ass again!”

"Lexa!" Indra yelled from the kitchen. "Language!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think. Thanks guys :)


	18. Exes In the House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isolation... Social Distancing... I'm tired...

Clarke was standing at her bike after school, looking down at her phone and scrolling through Instagram as she impatiently waited for her girlfriend. Lincoln, Anya, Octavia, and Raven already left and Raven’s vintage car with a wave in her direction and most of the student body had piled out of the school with a hurry to go ahead and get the weekend started.

She looked up as the last of the students made it to the buses across the way. She was barely able to make out Aden as he ran and hopped onto his own big yellow school bus in line. She smiled, knowing he didn’t notice her but he seemed to have a skip in his step at least.

_We’re heading to the movies tonight. You and Lexa in? – Octavia_

_Should be. I’ll ask her as soon as I can. She’s taking forever to get out of the school. I think she’s waiting for her test results. So depending on her mood. – Clarke_

_I’m sure she’s nervous. Just let me know if I need to buy two more tickets. Infinity Wars is selling out pretty quick and I’m sick of waiting to see it – Octavia_

_Got it, O. – Clarke_

She looked back up on her phone and smiled at Lexa as she approached, finally. And then she immediately frowned.

“What the hell happened to you?”

Lexa took a deep breath, obviously annoyed as she held her arms out. Water dripped down from her sleeves and her now matted like hair, clumps of it hanging together with the adhesive liquid. Her jeans had wet stains on them but most of the liquid seemed to b along her hair and shirt. She reached up, grabbing a piece of the long locks and twisting, and Clarke watched as not water but what looked like blue Gatorade came out. The girl was shivering as she did, the later January weather getting cold again and being soak and wet in it wasn’t exactly healthy. Jackets were useless if they were collecting cold.

Lexa brushed her hand on her jeans, frowning down at them. “Ontari happened.”

“What?”

“She caught me coming out of class in an empty hallway.”

Clarke tilted her head, studying her girlfriend. “So she dumped… is this blue Gatorade?”

“Cool-aid,” she corrected, finally coming to a stop by Clarke’s bike, still frowning and shivering. “Right on my head. I was looking at my phone, so I wasn’t paying attention. She dumped it on me and I actually went to punch her, honestly, but I didn’t–” she stated quickly as Clarke went to open her mouth, “– and then Mr. Johnson came out of the room with my test and Ontari claimed it was just an accident. I couldn’t fight it much.”

“I’m sorry, babe. Where is she now?”

“She already left.” She turned and looked around though for good measure, eyes scanning the area. “Mr. Johnson held me back to help me clean up and give me the test scores.”

She didn’t continue. Clarke raised her eyebrows in expectation. But then Lexa gave her a grave smile that stretched to a larger one, crossing her arms over her chest with a simple, unenthusiastic shrug.

“I got a 92.”

“YES!”

“Wait!” Lexa chuckled, holding her hands on Clarke’s shoulder as the girl had lunged. “Don’t hug me. I’m still soaking wet.”

“A kiss?”

“Good try. But no. Not here.”

Clarke pouted but relented. “Well, I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks. I don’t feel very proud of myself at the moment.” She looked down at herself again, another shiver running through. “I’m actually freezing.”

“Shit, here.” Clarke shrugged off her own insulated leather jacket, handing it over. Lexa hesitated. “Lexa, take it. Before you get a cold.”

“What about you?”

“We live five minutes from here. I can survive the cold while dry. You, on the other hand, can’t.” So she finally tossed the jacket at Lexa, who finally caught it with a grateful smile. “Take it. And let’s get out of here.”

Lexa shrugged the jacket on carefully, still wary about the situation but she nodded. She grabbed her backpack and took Clarke’s, looping them both of her shoulders before following Clarke on her bike, wrapping around her girlfriend. Clarke slipped on her own helmet, looking back at Lexa as she huddled her for warmth. “Good?”

“Good. Let’s just get somewhere warm, please.” Her arms went around Clarke, head dropping to her shoulder.

“Alright, hang on tight.”

\------------------------------------

“What the hell happened to you?”

Lexa sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Was this Ontari?” Anya pressed, following Lexa as she stormed through the living room to the stairs. “Lexa! Hey, what happened?”

“Let it go, Anya!”

Clarke took her helmet, setting it on the coffee table as she watched her girlfriend storm up the stairs. The door slammed shut a few seconds later with finality. Anya sighed, dropping her hands to her hips before turning to Clarke, eyes lit up with a fire in them. “Do you know?” she pointed accusingly.

Clarke shrugged one shoulder. “She came out of school soaking wet and didn’t give me much detail. Ontari basically made it look like an accident in front of Mr. Johnson.”

“Jesus,” Anya mumbled, moving towards the couch and dropping on it. Clarke followed, thankful for the heat that was finally starting to flood her body again. Even dry, the cool air on the bike had bit at her skin, and she was grateful to be able to not be tense just for body warmth. Normally, Lexa was plenty warmth but, well, it was definitely different this time. So she settled against the couch with a relieved breath. Anya glanced at her. “Lexa didn’t retaliate, did she?”

“Not in front of the teacher at least.” Clarke clasped her hands together between her legs, looking down at them as she relayed the annoyance, anger, and frustration on Lexa’s face. It was a lot of emotions at once.

“I can only imagine what would’ve happened if he wasn’t there.”

“I’m pretty sure Ontari timed it perfectly so that he was. She seems like the kind of girl that wants the last laugh.”

Anya leaned back, covering her face with her hands. “What are we going to do about this girl?”

“She hasn’t messed with Aden for over a week, I thought she’d moved past everything but apparently not. And it’s not like I’m spending time to get to know her. I know nothing other than I don’t like her.”

Anya dropped her hands, letting out an exasperated breath. “Lincoln talked to Roan earlier this week, though.”

“What?” Clarke’s head snapped up. “What did he say?”

“Roan isn’t that bad, apparently. He’s pretty cool. Pretty relaxed. Quiet though. He mentioned again that the bullying is just something that Ontari has always done but he said something about their mom too, Nia; about being a – well, a bitch.”

“So we’re blaming this on Mommy Issues?”

“I am. Also, Murphy talked to her.”

“To Ontari?” Clarke questioned. Murphy, of course, went for all the troubled people. He’d been out of the group really since last semester, just saying stupid things to piss people off. He made a joke about Jake’s coma a while back and Clarke lost it, and then he pissed Bellamy off for whatever reason. He was known for jumping back and forth between groups and teams. She shouldn’t have been surprised. But she was. And she was annoyed. “Of course he would.”

“He probably just wants to get in her pants.”

“Or he’s scared of her. He’s not exactly a badass and tries to befriend whoever he thinks is the winning team.”  
Anya nodded once before looking at Clarke with a curious expression. “Why were you guys friends with him in the first place?”

“He was funny.” Honest answer.

“He’s a dick.”

“I never said he wasn’t.”

“Right,” Anya said slowly.

They both looked up towards the ceiling when they heard the water from Lexa’s bathroom start, the shower kicking in. Clarke frowned, wondering what Lexa was going to be venting to herself about, no doubt stopping herself from punching the wall in annoyance. She was a winner and Ontari getting the upper hand had to be getting under her skin. Plus the freezing weather wouldn’t exactly put her in a good mood. The ride home was quiet, the only noises coming from Lexa’s shivering as she buried herself in Clarke’s back to keep some warmth.

The blonde wasn’t sure how she was supposed to mentally reach the brunette to calm her down, but in the past she’d either kissed her to relax her (didn’t seem like much of an option right now) or just let Lexa do her own thing. They’d only known each other six months or so. This was something that Clarke wanted to work on but she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to just reach Lexa.

“She’ll get over it,” Anya sighed, standing up and looking down at Clarke. “Just let her relax. It’ll take some time but she’ll drop the pride issue soon enough. Me, on the other hand, might kill Ontari if I get the chance.”

With a tap on Clarke’s shoulder for good measure, Anya moved back towards the kitchen, no doubt making an afternoon snack.

Clarke hesitated on what she should do. She wanted to go to her girlfriend, and the idea of seeing Lexa in the shower was more than appealing but she had to stop her mind from going there. This wasn’t exactly a happy moment. She couldn’t just barge in there and expect Lexa to be relaxed. So she decided to text her instead, told her she’d be home for a minute and asked about the movie that she forgot to mention earlier.

Clarke didn’t care too much if they did or didn’t go. Right now, she wanted whatever Lexa wanted. Whatever that was.

\--------------------------------------

“– Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Alright, Raven, good job. Relax.”

The poor girl collapsed on the mat, a loud noise elicited from her mouth that was between a groan and scream. Her body was covered in sweat, her hair pulled back in a bun, and she tugged at her black tank top in frustration, letting a string of curses fall from her mouth with a frown.

Clarke walked forward, high fiving Kyle Wick with a smile as they both stood over her, looking down at Raven. “You’re doing great, babe.”

“Yeah,” the poor girl breathed out with exhaustion and annoyance. “I feel like a million dollars from down here on the floor, struggling to get my body to do the simplest of tasks.”

“You’re improving at an impressive rate though,” Kyle said, pulling out a clipboard that must have held onto Raven’s chart, describing drills and techniques for training. “Remember when we first talked about the brace being an opportunity, and here you are walking with less support and getting back to your old self. Pretty soon you’ll be able to do the rehab without that brace, for sure.”

Raven reached down her legs, tugging at the brace on her right leg. Over the months, she managed to be able to ditch the one on her left, feeling stronger and doing so much better but she still had to have the one on the right leg. It seemed to be a stalemate with her, refusing to continue to improve. Clarke knew she was frustrated about it and wasn’t seeing the big pictures. She had gone from almost paralyzed to being able to walk with minimum help and Raven was not going to see that as a good thing.

All she sees is a brace that’s anchoring her down, holding her back.

Raven didn’t speak, just messed with the straps on the brace as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, ignoring the gaze of her best friend and her personal trainer. Wick eventually got the message, saying something about ‘another patient’ and nodded towards Raven before walking off.

Clarke moved, mimicking her positon on the floor with her legs stretched out. “Wanna talk about it?”

“About what?”

“Whatever it is that has you more frustrated then normal? You were quiet today at school but I never said anything. What happened that none of us know about?”

Raven continued to pick at the brace, worrying her lower lip.

“Ray?”

“NASA emailed me this morning.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Wow. Is it a good thing or?...”

“Why wouldn’t it be a good thing?” Raven snapped.

“You tell me.”

The fight in Raven’s eyes slowly faded. Clarke stayed quiet as she watched the wheels in Raven’s brain turn back and forth, going over all the possibilities of whatever this conversation was bringing. One thing she knew about Raven is that she thought about everything but rarely thought about consequences. So the fact that she was quiet as she went over scenarios told Clarke that whatever was going on about NASA, it had her worried enough to make Clarke nervous too.  
Eventually, after some time of listening to people grunt and weights dropping, Raven reached over and grabbed Clarke’s hand, pulling it towards her as they moved to lie back on the not so sanitary floor mats but she wasn’t about to say anything about it. She squeezed Raven’s hand in reassurance instead, waiting until Raven finally spoke her mind.

“I’m scared to try to go again.”

“Because of the accident?” Clarke dared to ask.

Raven nodded once, letting Clarke’s hand go quickly and she turned and got up. Clarke followed quickly, giving Wick a shrug at his questioned gaze from the distance before following a limping, struggling Raven out of the Rehab center and towards the parking lot. She didn’t speak much, wanting the other girl to figure everything else before they tried to talk it out. Clarke knew that sometimes it took time to think properly before being able to voice the issue.

So they had managed to make it into Raven’s car, Clarke sliding in the front seat, before she finally spoke. “What if something else happens again because of me?”

Clarke could see a nervous spiral starting in the car. She had to do damage control. She turned in the seat, facing Raven with her leg under her butt. “The accident wasn’t your fault.”

“My dad died, some guy is getting life in prison for vehicular homicide, and your dad is still in a coma because I was way too ambitious at my age to go to NASA. If I would’ve just declined–”

“My dad was leaving regardless,” Clarke corrected. “And the timing is horrible and life sucks but that had nothing to do with you, Raven. Hell, High School is cruel too, but life can be so much worse. We all could’ve done something different. I could’ve gotten my dad to go at a different flight. He could’ve said no and let you guys figure out your own way to the airport. Hell, your dad could’ve let someone else drive you and regardless, there was a possibility that something could happen. So don’t go doing any of the mental and personal self-destruction or so help me God, I’ll tell Anya.”

Raven’s eyes darted to hers. “Don’t you dare.”

“I know you well enough to know you didn’t tell her any of this about backing out, and you know she’d be pissed if you miss this opportunity because you’re guilty.”

“I’m not–”

“If you don’t want to go, that’s one thing. But Raven, we know – me, Anya, Octavia, Lexa, Lincoln – we know that this is what you’ve dreamed of. NASA. Tesla. Making a difference. Being a bloody scientist. Blowing shit up!” She threw her arms in the air and a chuckle. Finally, Raven seemed to have a smile crack on her own face. “Where is your sense of adventure?”  
“My box of common sense threw my sense of adventure out the fucking window when reality kicked me in the ass.”

Although she was still conflicted, Clarke could see Raven’s facial features relaxing. “But I get it,” she continued, giving Clarke a small smile. “NASA is my next step. Understood, Houston.” She gave her sarcastic salute.

“There are other smaller companies you could go with too,” she suggested, knowing anything but the best would just make Raven determined.

It worked.

“No way.” She looked at Clarke with an incredulous expression. “Go big or go home, right?”

Clarke smirked. “Right.”

\----------------------------------------

“So, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Any plans?”

Clarke looked to her right, smirking at the person who’s voice was full of teasing. “You looking for a date?”

Niylah shrugged, hands in her jacket as she chuckled in time with Clarke, looking down with a blush. “Ha. Please, been there done that.” Clarke punched her ex teasingly with retaliation. Niylah just laughed. “Plus, Lexa would kill me. I saw a video of her at one of the training sessions at that gym Octavia showed her. As if she wasn’t intimidating enough, she added mixed martial arts? I’m no match.”

“Modesty is a good look on you.”

“Funny.” Niylah nudged Clarke’s shoulder, eliciting a laugh from both of them. “No, seriously, Lexa was all day dreaming and out of it when the team got together last night. Of course, we got five days until Valentine’s Day but I was hoping you could maybe ease whatever has her freaked out. She just seemed to not be paying attention.”

Clarke finally got everything she needed and closed her locker door, preparing for her second to last class of the day. She had noticed too that Lexa was particularly quiet last night. They had fooled around some but really, they just watched movie and fell asleep between ten o’clock. Maybe Lexa was just in a funk was the original thought. Now, she was a little more concerned.

“How am I supposed to do that?” She leaned against the locker, facing her ex-girlfriend and ex-… fuck buddy with a curious expression. “And how are you comfortable talking about this?”

Niylah cocked her head to the side. “About you and Lexa? Why wouldn’t I be comfortable?”

“It freaks me out sometimes,” Clarke shrugged honestly. “That’s why I never bring it up.”

Niylah frowned and then looked in the distance, nodding once in thought. “Yeah, I guess I do always bring it up. But this time, it is for Lexa’s own good. Not a curiosity. Luna also noticed how quiet she’s been and distracted. We just want to make sure she’s okay. And we know going to source isn’t going to help so we we’re hoping you could.”

“We’ve talked about Valentine’s Day. I don’t think it’s that bothering her.”

“Has Ontari done anything?”

“The Cool-aid incident was almost two weeks ago. Nothing since, thank God.”

Niylah crossed her arms and bit her lip in concentration. “So, you think she’s in a funk?”

“Maybe,” Clarke shrugged. “I can ask.”

“She’s not tense, is she?” Niylah suddenly asked, staring into Clarke’s eyes intensely without blinking.

And unintentionally, Clarke leaned back some. “Tense?”

“Yeah. Like… sexually tense?”

Clarke’s eyes widened dramatically. Then she forgot. The team thought that they had, like, done it. That they’d had sex. At least, they assumed. She was sure Lexa never said one way or another but she didn’t want to be the one to rat it out to Niylah. Lexa had mentioned that once or twice briefly. Lexa was already a little wary of the Niylah being a friend situation. The last thing that they wanted was for Lexa to feel like her ex-girlfriend was in on their relationship. That would be way too much information. And even more than way too much information in a hallways full of their peers.

So Clarke swallowed the nervous cough trying to break through her trachea and chuckled as awkwardly and best that she could. “I promise, Niylah, that she’s fine.”

The girl raised her eyebrows in response.

And Clarke felt the blush starting in her chest go up her neck to her cheeks.

“Fine,” Niylah said with slit eyes. “As long as your taking care of our soon to be captain. Can’t have her tense at practice and taking it out on us.”

“God, Niylah, stop!’ Clarke shoved her playfully, but she was really just trying to find a distraction from this topic. “You ever think she’s dazed at practice because she’s lost hope in your skill set?”

Her jaw dropped but there was amusement in return. “Someone has a smart mouth on them today.”

“You always did bring out the sass in me,” Clarke smirked.

“So it’s my fault?”

“Am I bursting your bubble, little Miss Not So Perfect?”

“Oh, I’ll burst your bubble, you little–” She lunged towards Clarke with a smile. Clarke laughed and jumped back and happened to jump against something hard, her laughing instantly stopping. Because it wasn’t just something.

It was something that had the breath knocked out of them and arms suddenly came around Clarke’s waist, her book bag hitting the floor from the impact. If it was anyone else, she would’ve jumped away immediately. But she’d felt those arms around her hundreds of times, and she never felt safer. Except now, those arms weren’t comforting. They were protective. They were aggressive. She knew it.

Niylah knew it too. Her eyes shooting open and she froze. “Lexa, hey. I was just–”

“Talking to Clarke,” Lexa finished, the tenseness in her arms increasing as she kept them wrapped around Clarke’s waist from behind. The blonde tried to bring her hands up to calm her, but Lexa only tightened her grip in response. But she could also feel the eyes on the students as they watched the two embrace and not pull away. Many had confused expressions, taking in all the information that she was sure Lexa was oblivious to. “I noticed.”

“It was innocent, Lexa,” Niylah insisted.

It didn’t help. In fact, Lexa’s grip got worse. Clarke tapped Lexa’s arms as calmly as she could, trying to get a sideways look at her girlfriend as the brown eyes focused ahead instead. “We we’re just talking. That’s all.”

“Mainly about you,” Niylah added and gestured towards her.

Lexa’s eyes narrowed accusingly. “Great.”

With a nervous swallow, Clarke looked at Niylah. The other girl was just as full of a mix of emotions. Nervous. Worried. Confused. Completely thrown off by the unusual protectiveness that Lexa was blatantly showing in the hallway.

Saved by the Bell. The school bell rang through the hallway and the students started to scatter like ants, speed walking through different directions and disappearing quicker than people at AA meetings. Yet, no matter how fast they were going, they still stared as Clarke was wrapped in Lexa’s protective arms staring at Niylah like it was an Old Western Movie showdown. Granted, many didn’t know about the couple. Lexa paid them no attention though, eyes sharp and focused on Niylah with a look that Clarke didn’t recognize.

And Lexa didn’t budge from the bell. “Niylah, you’ll be late. You better go.”

She frowned, hesitated, and nodded, giving their next year captain a look before she turned and walked off, looking back once and then disappeared around the corner.

“Since when are you jealous of Niylah?” Clarke demanded, suddenly annoyed with how Lexa acted. “You know our history and you know it’s over.” She pulled away as Lexa’s arms finally dropped from her waist, turning to cross her own arms over her chest. “What was that?”

“She was flirting with you.”

“No she wasn’t.”

“Has she ever tried anything?” Lexa demanded, shoving her hands in her pockets. “At all the parties? Did you two ever do anything and you not tell me? You two sneak off plenty enough anyway.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped. “You can’t be serious right now. We’re friends. What the hell has gotten into you?”

The other girl went to open her mouth but then she closed it, obviously contemplating. Clarke waited, reaching down for her bag and throwing it over her shoulder as she waited for an answer. And she waited. And finally, Lexa seemed to a deep breath and she gave Clarke an apologetic look.

“I need to talk to you after school.”

“About what?” They had talked last night. What could’ve happened since then? “What happened?”

“I’ll explain tonight,” she said with exasperation. “I’m sorry. I’m feeling off and I’m sorry and I’ll explain later.” She rubbed the back of her neck before turning and hurrying off to class.

Clarke stood still for a moment, trying to go over everything that happened.

\----------------------------------------

All afternoon Clarke argued over text with Anya, Raven, Octavia, and Niylah about ‘is Lexa okay?’ and ‘what happened?’ and ‘has she talked to you yet?’ and it was starting to drive Clarke crazy. No she hadn’t talked to her girlfriend. Yes, Lexa went for a run after school with any acknowledgement to her. No, Clarke isn’t sure why. Yes, it was driving her crazy.  
She sat at her desk, twiddling her pencil in her hand as she stared at her AP calculus homework without making any headway. She’d written some numbers, did some work, tried to focus to where it made sense but it definitely didn’t. Her mind kept going to Lexa, what would’ve made her lash out. She’d never seen Lexa verbally get aggressive or defensive unless it was something to do with soccer. Certainly never about Clarke. About Clarke flirting with someone else, even Niylah.

She bit her lip, sighing and dropping the pencil to her desk before checking her phone again. It was just after five thirty, and Lexa started on her run over an hour ago. But when she ran to ease her mind, sometimes she’d run for two or three hours. The idea of having to wait another hour before this unease in her head was put to rest was not satisfying in the least.

Seconds turned to minutes as Clarke glared at her homework, due in the morning, probably not going to be finished by then. The sun started to set out the window in her room, and she looked up just as she heard the door downstairs open a while later with her mother’s voice.

“Clarke! Lexa is here.”

Her heart started to pound faster than normal. Typically, it was just out of excitement. Right now, she was actually nervous to see what in the world had Lexa so… shook. The butterflies that she was so used to was more than just Lexa, they were flying in a thousand directions searching for answers that they weren’t going to find, stressing Clarke out even more.

Her door which cracked open was pushed, the creak of the gears loud in the silence as Lexa slowly walked in, pushing the door closed behind her until it clicked carefully with finality.

The brunette stood with nervous intention, crossing her arms over her chest and then dropping them again before doing it one more time, obviously not sure what to do with her hands. She’d showered, her still drying hair down in waves around her shoulders. She had a Grounders jacket and her usual black track pants on with her more fancy of white NIKE shoes.

Clarke turned in her seat. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she nodded back, rubbing at the back of her neck. Nothing else was said for a few seconds as Clarke studied her girlfriend. Nothing about the stance and movements was confident or sure of herself. Instead, Lexa looked like she was going to walk into an interrogation. And Clarke hated that she felt like that.

But she did want answers. So she bit her lip, contemplating her words, before she finally said in a low voice, “Lexa, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

The other slowly sighed, moving towards the bed before she fell on it, holding her phone above her head as she clicked away at the screen without a word. For a moment, Clarke was insulted at not being answered. Lexa said nothing as she stared at the bright screen, and Clarke might be patient at times but she was about to snap when finally, Lexa looked at Clarke before holding her phone towards her girlfriend. “Here. Read this.”

Hesitantly, the blonde waited before she moved to the bed, grabbing the phone and falling next to Lexa but on her stomach, looking at Lexa’s school email with a new message.

_From: Primheda2065@yahoo.com_   
_To: AlexandriaWoods@grounders.org_   
_Hi, Lexa. I know this is odd, considering everything that happened. I didn’t dare try to contact Anya instead. I just wanted to check in. It’s been a while, and I wanted to know that you’re doing okay. And I’m not sure if I should tell you this, but I’m keeping a good eye on Costia, I promise. She’s okay too. It was rough at first, and she missed you, but she’s getting by. I don’t know if I should’ve waited longer to contact you or even done it sooner or maybe not even at all. Costia doesn’t know I’ve sent this, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. You weren’t just my little sister’s first girlfriend. I cared for you too, kid. What they did to you guys, even to Anya, was messed up. I just hope you’re doing well, all things considering._   
_By the way, great job on winning a state championship. You’re incredible, Lexa. Costia always believed in you._   
_We both did._   
_Hope you’re well and that we can get in touch,_   
_Becca._

Clarke read it once, twice, and finally dropped the phone to bed before covering her eyes, digging her elbows into the bed. She wanted to think about the words to use before she started to speak. This email had Lexa on edge, but one thing just kept ringing in her head over and over.

“Costia had a sister,” she stated matter-of-factly, pulling her hands away and staring at her girlfriend. “You didn’t tell me that.”

Lexa let out a long breath. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Maybe I thought that the less you knew, the less I had to think about it? Talk about it? Maybe?”

“Is that your answer or are you asking me if that was the answer?”

“Ugh, I don’t know.” Lexa moved, turning herself onto her stomach too, fingers moving to mess with the soft silk sheets as she studied in intensely. “We’ve had some limited conversations about Costia and about my past with her and honestly that never really included Becca much. Costia was always at my house because her parents were a little stricter than mine, which says a lot. We could get away with more at my house, mainly with Anya’s help as a distraction to my parents. So I only met Becca a handful of times. She was nice, and like Anya, she knew what was going on. She was a year older than all of us, so even at school I never saw her really.”

“So you weren’t close?”

“No, she knew a big secret about me which was Costia but I don’t think she even knew my favorite color or anything other than the fact I liked soccer. We weren’t close at all. Not how I remember it. Not close enough for,” she paused, glancing at the phone, “for that.”

Clarke leaned to her left, letting her chin fall on Lexa’s shoulder after a quick kiss through the fabric of her shirt. She just felt the need to touch her. It helped keep her calm and grounded. Her voice dropped to a much more understanding and calming tone. “This is why you snapped earlier with Niylah?”

“Ugh,” Lexa said, rubbing at her temples with frustration. “I’m so sorry about that. I already texted Niylah an apology but not an explanation. Valentine’s Day and this whole thing has me on edge. And I know that was stupid but Becca sent me that email yesterday and I thought about it all day and seeing you two, I just went to the worst possible thinking and panicked. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Not exactly an apology, but it was close enough.

Clarke gently kissed Lexa’s shoulder again in reassurance. “I forgive you.”

Lexa, despite her hard exterior with others, blushed under Clarke’s closeness and sincerity . “Thank you.”

“Just be honest with me, Lexa. I’ve never given you a reason to doubt me. Communication takes time to really get going but sometimes we need to be honest with each other. Hiding things until your ready is one thing, snapping at our friends is not okay though. Even if that is Niylah.”

“I know. And I’m sorry.” She reached for Clarke’s left hand, pulling it towards her and kissing the back of it before playing with the digits between her fingers. “I think I just needed some time to process everything. It’s been a year and a half since I last saw Costia. I was freaking out.”

Clarke stayed quiet, shifting so she could loop her arm through Lexa’s, their fingers intertwining as she leaned the side of her body against Lexa’s from shoulder to toe. “You need to tell Anya.”

“She’d freak.”

“Regardless, she’s your sister.”

Lexa bit her lip. “Can I take a few days to figure out what I’m going to reply before I tell her?”

So she was going to respond to her. That was interesting. Clarke didn’t want to admit that a part of her was worried Lexa would, but the other part was worried she wouldn’t. She didn’t know which answer was worse; whether this would bring good things into her life, things like closure, or bad things. Bad memories. Or good memories that were bad for Clarke. She tried to push that last thought away. It was selfish.

“What are you going to say?” she asked instead, neutral ground reached.

“Not sure yet.” Lexa leaned her head on the hand that wasn’t linked with Clarke’s, turning towards her to make their eyes meet with caring and nervous gazes. “What do you think I should say?”

“You know her better than I do.”

“Helpful.”

“I’m trying. I don’t exactly have any experience in this.”

Lexa nodded once. “I know. I just thought this was behind me. Part of me wonders if Becca had been looking this whole time, that the championship article just made it easier. And I… I want to know if Costia still cares.”

Clarke, despite her trying, felt defensive and hurt at the confession. She loosened the grip on Lexa’s hand, but only slightly. “Well, yeah, of course. She was your first love so–”

“Hey, no, she wasn’t that,” Lexa said quickly, yanking her hand back and quickly leaning in. Her lips met Clarke’s with a solidity that was supposed to anchor her down, help her think. But there was more to it. Clarke felt this kiss from her head to her toes, and she kissed back until Lexa pulled away just enough to press their foreheads together. “She wasn’t my first love.”

“But–”

“You are, Clarke,” she stated with finality, pulling back to look into her eyes. “I cared about Costia, but not like I care about you. There was too much fear in our relationship to really blossom black then. I see that now. And you… I – you’re different. Something about you, and I don’t think – I didn’t – God,” she chuckled nervously, scratching her head with her free hand that wasn’t encompassed in Clarke’s vice grip of anticipation, “You think this would be easier to say.”

“You don’t have to say it now,” Clarke said softly, leaning forward to place a kiss on Lexa’s blushing cheek. “I feel the same way.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do.” She smiled at the bright beam of Lexa’s teeth through that happy grin. Clarke made a mental screenshot of the look on her face. “And we don’t have to say it yet.” With one final kiss to Lexa’s lips, she turned back to the phone. “But we do have to figure out what you’re going to do.”

“I don’t want you to think I still have those kinds of feelings for her.”

“I would get it if you did, if you felt something since the closure wasn't there.”

Lexa shook her head. “No, that’s not fair. I was upset about Niylah earlier because of stupid reasons. And I hated that. I put you in a bad position because I refused to realize that feelings change. And I want you to know that even if I have a past with Costia, I don’t want it to come between us.”

“It won’t.”

Lexa nodded, looking back at the phone as she leaned to her right, dropping her head to Clarke’s shoulder this time as she stared at the dark screen. “If I ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable, promise you’ll tell me?”

The worry and kindness and pure… compassion in Lexa’s voice made Clarke’s heartbeat spike. Of course she’d tell her. Communication had been important between them since day one. That was an unspoken rule between them. It may not happen quickly, but they don’t wait long to get whatever is on their chest out. Even over Christmas, it took only a few days before Lexa wanted answers and Clarke finally gave them. She knew she had to be able to state it to Lexa, regardless this time.

So she turned and kissed Lexa’s temple where her face lied on her shoulder. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me some good news! tell me what you think! Thanks!


	19. Nerves and Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter update than normal but it's coming early :)

Clarke sat on bar stools in the kitchen, fiddling with her hands a few days later as her mother made a cup of coffee on that Saturday morning. Abby was going into the hospital for her shift in a few hours, but they had the morning together and Clarke thought for a long time about the conversation that she wanted to have with her mother.

She looked up from her hands when her mother placed the hot coffee much in front of her, the smell waking her senses as she looked up to meet her mother’s eyes. “Thanks.”

“Mmhmm.” Abby backed up, leaning her back against the counter behind her and eyed he daughter carefully as Clarke sipped the drink. “So are you going to tell me what has you so gloom the day before Valentine’s Day?”

Clarke slowly pulled the coffee away, staring at the steam. “Lexa.”

“I figured. Want to tell me what happened? You were pretty bubbly until recently.”

So many different versions of this conversation had played through Clarke’s head over and over. Some were good. Some were bad. She wasn’t sure how much information she should tell and the conversations in her head over the last few days told her to keep it discreet. Very vague. Especially since the person she was thinking of confiding in was her mother. If Jake was here it would be a much simpler equation. Nothing was ever simple when it came to Abby Griffin.

So she figured asking questions instead of giving answers was the best way to go. “Did… did you and Dad ever fight about past relationship?”

Abby took a moment before answering. “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Of course. You’re not married for as long as your father and I without some fights and bickers about the past.”

Clarke looked down, bit her lip, and sighed. “Did it ever come between you guys in a bad way?”

The eyes of her mother were steady and consistent as Clarke did everything she could to avoid eye contact. “Is something going on? Did Lexa do something? Did Niylah?”

_Yes. No. Her ex-girlfriend’s sister did and I’m playing through ten thousand scenarios about what could happen. And Lexa hadn’t told me if she emailed Becca back yet, or if she’s going to meet with them, or if I should be worried about anything. And I’m freaking out._

Clarke wasn’t about to say anything along those lines.

So instead, she said, “I’ve just been overthinking some things, recently. Little things.”

“Has Lexa given you a reason to?”

Not really. Clarke bit her lip as she contemplated the conversation from a few days ago, her stomach doing flips as the four letter words popped into her head again. “Not in particular.”

Abby sighed. “Clarke, honey, I’m going to need more than that if I can help you or not.”

“Well, what did you and Dad fight about? What happened?”

For a moment, it looked like Abby wasn’t going to take the bait. But then she did. “Marcus Kane, my ex-boyfriend before I met your father. Good man. Nice man. I dated him for a while. Marcus never wanted to break up, and he never did anything rash but your father wasn’t his biggest fan and Marcus tried everything in good nature to try to win me back.” Abby smiled at the memories. “Jake let him have one good right hook when Marcus was drunk one night, and I’m sure he’s fine now, but I haven’t heard from him again.”

That wasn’t exactly comforting if Lexa wanted to be friends with Becca or Costia. She didn’t want to punch anybody. “So, Dad was upset about him?”

“Marcus did try to kiss me in front of your father at a party. That wasn’t his smartest move. He might have deserved some of the stuff he got, particularly the bruise.”

Clarke smiled at the teasing grin on Abby’s face. “Right. I can only imagine Dad getting all protective and aggressive. He’s too much of a joker.”

“Oh, no. He gets real defensive over the women he loves,” Abby winked. “He doesn’t’ play around when it comes to you and I.”

Clarke smiled, remembering all the times that Jake stood up for her or went way too far out of his way to make her happy. Building the pool, finding that bike despite the wrath of Abby he got, sneaking alcohol when they needed it, fixing the bike at three in the morning because Clarke did something stupid, driving her to Raven’s house at midnight on an emergency 911 text that was really just because she couldn’t figure out a math problem, multiple confrontations of displays of protection across the years. Not to mention everything he did for Octavia and Bellamy too over the years, playing the dad part when he got the chance.

“So,” Abby continued, moving forward and dropping her hands on the counter opposite of Clarke. “You want to tell me what’s going on with Lexa now? No dodging the question anymore. Spit it out.”

She bit her lip, wanting to say no but she didn’t realize she was even talking ahead of her brain and, “She got an email from someone before she and Anya were sent away by their parents. It brought back some memories for her,” she said. “She hasn’t given me too much detail,” she lied, “But it doesn’t stop me from thinking and over analyzing everything.”

“That’s just something us Griffin women do.”

“I’m seventeen though. Should I be thinking this hard into it?”

“Is this about an ex-girlfriend?”

Clarke almost lied on instinct, but instead she nodded once.

“I figured. Your age makes it worse,” she chuckled, cocking her head to the side as she looked at her daughter. “When I was in high school, I over analyzed everything. I was good at math and science, so I took math to every problem. If so and so did x, y, and z, then that must mean it could be this or that,” Abby said, shrugging one shoulder. “It sucks, honey. But the more you trust someone, the easier it gets to not think and just do.”

Clarke turned defensive. “It’s not that I don’t trust Lexa.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied it,” she stated with a glare.

Abby sighed and pulled back some, crossing her arms over her chest. “Whatever Lexa has or hasn’t told you, I’m sure it will all come out at some point. You’re seeing her this afternoon, right? Aren’t you two going to the movies?”

She nodded.

“Well,” Abby continued. “I’m sure it’ll pass. Don't put doubt where it doesn't belong, Clarke. Us Griffin women deal with the truth, yeah?”

Not exactly super helpful information, but she took it. Hopefully, as her mom said, it’ll work out.

\--------------------------

Clarke felt Lexa slide off of the bike behind her, turning to watch as the brunette pulled the helmet off and shook out the slight curls around her face. The lights of the street in the night shined off of her waves and lit up her eyes. She ran her hand through her hair with a smile before dropping the helmet to the handlebar before admiring Clarke on the buzzing engine. “I love your bike, I really do.”

“You've only told me a dozen times,” she teased, kicking out the kickstand. "I'm starting to think you like me for the accessories."

Lexa smiled at her. “I like you, too. You know that, but come on. This,” she gestured to the black bike, “there’s just something about it, you know.”

Clarke ripped her glove off, throwing it at Lexa who dodged it. She slid off the bike then, putting her own helmet on the handlebar.

“I’m kidding,” Lexa teased back, wrapping her arms around Clarke from behind who tried to scramble away. “Now come here, hold still you little, wiggly–”

“Lexa! Let me go,” Clarke laughed and then squealed when Lexa’s strong arms wrapped around her tighter, lifting her right off her feet. “Lexa! Ah! Put me down!”

“Hush, are you crazy?” She set her down but didn’t let her go, turning her in the grip of her arms. “You’ll wake the whole neighborhood.”

Clarke looked around at the ten o’clock night sky, smiling then at Lexa as she backed up and took her hand. “Well, let’s go somewhere that we don’t have to be quiet.”

Lexa’s eyes widened, only for a moment. A very short moment. But then she smiled, following Clarke like a puppy as they pushed the bike in the garage. “That statement has some implications, Ms. Griffin.”

With a smirk and a wink, she turned and managed to unlock the door from the kitchen, clicking the button to drop the garage door, pulled Lexa through, locked it back, and practically yanked the girl up the stairs towards her room. At first, Lexa didn’t hesitate, but as the minutes passed and she was pulled into Clarke’s room as the blonde locked her door, she found her hands starting to sweat.

The look on her face told Clarke that the girl was nervous, but movie aside, Clarke had wanted to be close to her girlfriend tonight. Maybe it was because of Costia. Maybe because at the movies, Lexa held her hand the whole time and looked adorable every time something scary happened so that the brunette curled into her. Maybe it was the fact that Clarke just really wanted to kiss her, and having to hold back in public was getting harder and harder at Lexa’s request.  
So she stepped forward and pressed her mouth to Lexa’s, cutting off any words as she slowly pushed the girl to the bed, settling her down and moving to straddle her quickly. Lexa’s hands went straight to her hips, fingers dancing under the material of her sweatshirt (actually Lexa’s sweatshirt) and Clarke felt the goosebumps appear on her own skin at the warmth and comfort of the touch.

“You okay with this?” Clarke asked against her mouth before moving her lips to the darker skin of Lexa’s neck, tanned from many hours in the sunlight playing soccer over the years.

She hummed in answer, her hands sliding fully under the sweatshirt and blouse under her, spreading out over the skin of Clarke’s back. “Very.”

With a smile against skin, Clarke moved her hands to Lexa’s shoulders and pushed. “Lie back.”

“Why can’t you be on your back?”

“Because it’s my room,” she shot back, pulling away to push harder. “Now lie down so I can kiss you properly.”

Lexa chuckled but her reply was cut off by Clarke’s lips. They both smiled into the kiss as Clarke slowly maneuvered herself and Lexa more up the bed, Lexa’s head falling to the pillows as Clarke’s hands settled on either side of her, looking down at her.

They breathed for a second, staring at each other before Lexa asked, “So, not that I’m thinking about her now but how long does your mom work tonight?”

“Until the morning,” Clarke answered. “What about Indra and Gus?”

“Indra is in the city for probably another few hours and Gus is out patrolling until morning too. He went in to work before we left for the movies. Told me, Anya, and Lincoln to just not be stupid and get into trouble tonight.”

Clarke smirked with the knowing that they wouldn’t – shouldn’t – be interrupted. She never put that past her friends to ruin her time with her girlfriend though. Raven had impeccable timing.

"Indra okay with you staying over?"

"She gave me a lecture, of course, but she broke down since I was honest this time. So I'm all yours, metaphorically speaking."

The next kiss was more passionate and full of much more… need between the two. Lexa pushed her tongue past Clarke’s lips, which earned the same surprise noise from the blonde as it did the first time. Clarke tightened her grip on the sheets and pillows, feeling her stomach do flips as Lexa’s hands moved up and down her sides, finally reaching for the bottom of the sweatshirt. “Sit up,” Lexa instructed. The new tone that dripped from her lips had Clarke’s stomach flipping.

Both the shirt and jacket hit the floor, leaving Clarke in her black, simple bra as Lexa yanked her back down by her arms. They fell into each other, the blonde’s mouth tangling with Lexa for just a brief moment before she reached for her girlfriend’s shirt and jacket as well, yanking it off her head and to the floor with her own clothes.

When they pressed together – chest to chest, skin to skin – Lexa let out a noise that had Clarke biting her girlfriend’s lip to keep from moving too quickly. That heavenly sound, the softness of the tanned and toned skin and muscles tensing beneath her. She wanted to kiss everything, everywhere, all at once. Like looking out a sunset and dying to feel it with her bare hands. She wanted to feel everything, anything, all of it. Whatever she was given. She’d wanted that for a while but tonight, the implications were different. Tonight, she wanted to push some boundaries.

So she moved her right hand from the bed to the Lexa’s shoulder, slowly making a trail with her fingertips down to her chest. Her mouth distracted Lexa on her neck as her hand slowly groped the mound of flesh. She smiled against skin as Lexa’s breath caught in her throat.

“You okay?” she asked, unsure how she managed to stop herself in order to double check. Holding herself back was like holding a broken dam up with your bare hands.

Lexa nodded, reaching for Clarke’s face to pull their lips back together. “God yes,” she moaned against her mouth, tongue reaching out to her.

Time passed but neither of the girls were able to keep up with it exactly. It could’ve been seconds or minutes. All Clarke was focused on was Lexa, making her feel good, making her feel okay, making her feel comfortable. Making sure that she enjoyed herself was the most important. She knew that if this was Niylah, they’d be done by now, satisfied and sated. But Lexa was different. She wanted to go slow, to take her time. She wanted to show Lexa everything, that it was marathon, not a sprint.

So when she moved her lips to Lexa’s neck again, finding a spot that made Lexa get very shaky breaths, she started to kiss it harder. And then she nipped at the spot. Then she sucked at the spot, all while squeezing Lexa’s breasts in ways that made her shift under her.

And a few seconds later, she felt Lexa take a deep breath. “Clarke, what – what are you doing?” she breathed, tilting her head for better access despite the confused question.

“Ever had a hickey, Lexa Woods?” She smirked at the gasp in response. “First time for everything.”

“Clarke, is that a good… Jesus,” she said as Clarke started her menstruations again. “I mean, I – you can see that. Our parents–”

She moved to Lexa’s mouth, kissing her once before pulling back to look into her eyes with a teasing glint in her own.

“It’ll be fine, now hush.”

“I just – I don’t do make-up.”

“So?” she cocked her head to the side. “Want me to give you a hickey lower?”

Lexa visibly swallowed as her eyes widened. “Lower?”

“Yeah,” she smirked. Her hand came up to support her as she moved her other hand to Lexa’s neck with soft touches of her fingertips. “I can give you one here.” She touched the spot on her neck where she’d already spent some time. “Or here.” She moved it down to Lexa’s collarbone, watching as Lexa’s chest rose and fell, her eyes never leaving Clarke’s. “Or even lower, like here.” She continued to the spot just above Lexa’s left breast, drawing small circle patterns. “I mean, if you’re okay with it. I can give you a hickey anywhere you want me to.” Her finger trailed down more, tracing the abs that she admired so much.

Lexa’s expression was expectant, thoughtful, and nervous, but just as Clarke was about to start up again, she felt her world turn upside down. Literally. Her back hit the bed, hair falling to the pillows as Lexa moved with her athletic speed to straddle Clarke, hands going to Clarke’s wrists to hold her down.

The blonde arched an eyebrow in anticipation as Lexa seemed to scan her face, her neck, her chest. Her eyes were glued to Clarke’s bra, and the blonde felt a sense of pride when Lexa licked her lips.

“This seemed like a good idea to avoid your question,” Lexa said softly, pulling her hands away from Clarke’s and sitting back on her heels over her. “But honestly, now I don’t know what to do.”

She looked adorable to Clarke. The dark beauty sitting over her with obvious reserve but ambition. It was like a challenge. They’d kissed and messed around, but they’d gone slow. Lexa had been touched, but she never really tried to touch Clarke, never going too far. And now, the chance was arising, and Clarke wasn’t going to let her girlfriend off the hook because of simple nerves. And she knew that calming her down was the first step to her own satisfaction.

“Then come here,” Clarke teased, sitting up and grabbing Lexa’s face to hers, falling back in a tangle of limbs.

After a few moments, Lexa seemed to relax. In most of their intimate moments, Clarke took the lead. That was an unspoken agreement just due to Lexa’s inexperience in how to do anything. But the few moments that she took charge (even if it was advice from Raven or Anya), Clarke was more than happy to just tag along for the ride. Like now, when Lexa’s hand came up to Clarke’s breast and squeezed every so hesitantly.

She felt the pleasure all the way to her toes.

But the noise she made seemed to make Lexa nervous as the girl pulled back. “Was that not okay?”

“More than,” she insisted, trying to Lexa back to her. But the girl refused with a concerned look. “Lexa, come on.”

She swallowed. “I just want to make sure it’s good for you.”

“It is,” she stated with conviction. “Everything you do to me is good. Just trust yourself.”

With a nervous smile, she nodded. “Yeah, okay. Yeah.” But she didn’t move. Instead, she seemed to study Clarke’s upper half before letting out a very nervous laugh. “So, are you okay with a hickey?”

Clarke laughed, genuinely laughed. “Of course I am. And the fact that you have to ask just shows how adorable you are.”

“I’m not,” she shot back. “And I’m not cute either.”

“Babe, I’m going to die over here if you don’t kiss me.”

Lexa flushed, head to chest. “Right, yeah, okay,” she said, nodding once before biting her lip. “So…”

Clarke reached for Lexa’s hips, feeling the soft skin around the V cut that slid down to the jeans that hugged her figure. “You’ve got two seconds before we figure out how this party of two becomes a party of one.”

\-----------------------------------

Clarke woke with a smile on her face before she even registered anything else. She felt like contentment was radiating off her like the rays of the sun along her own skin and sheets. And now, having the source of her happiness pressed up against her made it easy to just bask in the feeling.

So she moved herself back, feeling Lexa’s arm tighten around her waist in her sleep. Heat conducted from Lexa’s front to Clarke’s back in the early morning, skin to skin contact making Clarke’s stomach to flips as she settled in. Her mind drifted to the night before, the exploring of each other. They didn’t push any lower boundaries (even if Clarke desperately wanted to).Just gentle touches in new places. She reached up, touching the spot on her collarbone where Lexa spent plenty of time, and she felt the difference of the skin there. She smiled, knowing that there was evidence of Lexa’s newfound knowledge and practice.

She reached behind her, her smile only growing when it hit the fabric of Lexa’s sliders (she almost always had sliders on, no matter what) and she felt the slick material under her fingers. God, she really couldn’t wait until she was able to get her hands on what was underneath for the first time.

“Don’t be sneaky.”

She felt Lexa’s breath on the back of her neck as the girl spoke in a groggy, sexy morning voice. Goosebumps immediately erupted from the feeling.

“I’m not.”

“Mmhmm. You can’t fool me, Clarke.”

The way she said her name with that groggy voice had Clarke’s stomach immediately turning circles, even in the difficult coherency of the morning. And she focused on keeping that to herself to not make Lexa uncomfortable. They settled quietly again, Lexa’s arm moving to grab Clarke’s stray hand and pulling it back to Clarke’s now bare chest, linking their fingers as their legs intertwined. Lexa’s sliders, Clarke’s boy shorts.

Eventually, after a few minutes of cuddling, Clarke squeezed Lexa’s fingers in question. The girl hummed, half awake, so Clarke asked, “Are you okay with… everything from last night?”

“Yeah,” she yawned, kissing Clarke’s shoulder. “Absolutely.”

“I'm pretty sure you left some evidence,” she chuckled.

Lexa nodded, kissing the back of Clarke’s head before letting go of her hand, her fingers sliding up to her collarbone where the mark was located, among a pattern of others. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Never apologize for that.”

“So that mean you’re open for more?” she asked, quickly leaning in to kiss the back of her shoulder, moving to the crick of her neck. Her kisses were tired and lazy but more than welcome on Clarke’s wanting skin. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Never,” she breathed, smiling as the lips teased her skin. “But don’t threaten something that you won’t go through with.”

With a few more soft kisses to that spot, Lexa dropped her chin to Clarke’s shoulder instead, propping herself up on her other arm to look down at her girlfriend after glancing at the clock with regret. “So, if I told you I had to get out of bed to go for a run?...”

Clarke let out a noise of disapproval, shoving her face in the pillow. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t,” she smirked, kissing the blonde’s cheek before she actually moved to get out from under the covers. “But I really do need to go run this morning.”

It was a mistake. Turning to look at her was a huge mistake. Because Clarke’s eyes went straight from Lexa’s face to her bare chest. The memories of Clarke’s hand removing her bra, of her lips following and of Lexa’s moans repeated in her brain and she suddenly forgot how to breathe.

And Lexa noticed, her eyes widening as she reached for a pillow, covering herself. “Oh my God, I forgot - shit.”

“You forgot? Really?” Clarke teased.

“No, I mean yes. I just - I forgot that you–” she cut herself off at the look that Clarke was giving her, eyes dark with a hunger that she’d only seen so many times and definitely not that intensely. “I just – okay, stop staring at me, woman!”

Clarke shook her head, sitting up and letting the sheets fall to her waist, her own bra missing as she felt Lexa’s eyes widen. “Do you even realize how gorgeous you are? Or how much I'm drooling right now?”

Lexa visibly swallowed, eyes meeting breasts as she licked her lips.

The blonde just smiled wider, eyeing every inch of exposed, tanned flesh in Lexa’s pause. One day, she thought to herself. But that day was far in the future based on Lexa’s current panic.

After a few moments, the silence was interrupted with Lexa’s confused, “What?” looking anywhere but at Clarke’s smug expression and perfect breasts now. “Okay, stop staring at me like that, you weirdo. I'm trying to focus here.”

Clarke flushed knowingly but retaliated. She lunged for Lexa with a laugh, who dodged her but dropped the pillow in the attempt, suddenly realizing her nude upper body and she crossed her arms nervously. But Clarke didn’t stop, standing in her own underwear bottoms and she quickly wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders, the other girl stuttering as Clarke moved and jumped. Lexa, on instinct, caught her legs as they wrapped around her waist, lifting Clarke off the ground and stumbling to catch her bearings.

In the distraction, Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa’s quickly, chest to warm chest. Breathing in everything that was Lexa in the early morning, including the morning breath that Niylah always panicked about.

God, morning kisses really were one of her favorite things.

Lexa settled in quickly, her hands tightening against Clarke’s bare thighs. They kissed feverishly for a few moments before Lexa slowed it down, nipping Clarke’s bottom lip one last time before she pulled away. “Clarke?”

The blonde pressed their foreheads together, closing her eyes in the closeness. “Yeah?”

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Mmm,” she hummed happily, leaning in again. “I’ve definitely enjoyed the start of this one so far.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She ducked her head after a few slow kisses, dropping her legs from Lexa’s waist to stand head to toe. Her right hand came up to Lexa’s hair as her left slid up her stomach to her chest, feeling the heartbeat underneath. It was picking up pace with each passing second and the thought of causing Lexa’s body to react like that made her own body heat and heartbeat pick up. “I don’t want the morning to end.”

“I know, I don’t either. But we both have a lot to do before tonight. And I have a body to maintain.”

“I do love your body." Clarke watched her hands roam over the exposed shoulders adn chest, down to the 'V' that slid into those blasted soccer sliders. "Even the parts you won’t let me explore yet.”

Lexa flushed a bright blush at the implication.

Clarke decided to let her off the hook though. “So are you finally going to tell me what we’re doing today?” Clarke asked.

Lexa recovered from the tension, tightening her grip even more around Clarke’s waist. “No, but I will tell you that you’ll enjoy it.”

Clarke couldn't help it and kissed her again, hands finding tangled brunette locks. “I’ll enjoy it more if it means I get you like this again,” she chuckled with honesty, pulling back and eyeing Lexa one more time.

Lexa rolled her eyes. “Alright, I’m getting dressed and starting on that run before you get any other ideas.”

“They’re all good ideas,” Clarke argued as Lexa started to gather her clothes. She just watched as her girlfriend’s muscles moved and flexed. “Definitely good ideas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a weird time in the world. Let me know what you think!


	20. The Past is a Pain in the Ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another dollar, another chapter.

“Is it bad? Am I being petty?” Clarke asked.

Raven, who lied on the bed with her hands behind her head, shrugged. “I mean, ex-girlfriend’s sister messages out of nowhere with barely any context? I don’t think it’s petty that you’re freaking out.”

“Well, using Lexa’s body as a distraction might be a little selfish though,” Octavia added, lying parallel to Raven as well in the same position. They were very much a vision of relaxation that Clarke envied. Instead of mimicking them, she paced back and forth during the last ten minutes of their conversation. “I mean, don’t use her if you’re not being honest with her. That got you in trouble around Christmas once already.”

“I’m being… kind of honest with her.” Clarke frowned, annoyed with herself and the pacing and she dropped on the bed at their feet, staring at the ceiling as well. “Guys, last night was amazing. It wasn’t just a distraction. We were feeling it. But I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think about Costia once or twice. And… and it made me want to…”

“Mark your territory?” Raven teased. Octavia punched her in the gut. “Ow! Why do you always hit me?”

“Why are you always an ass?”

“Guys,” Clarke begged, covering her eyes. “What am I going to do? What if Lexa wants to meet with Becca? It’s been days since the email and she hadn’t told me if she replied yet. She hasn’t mentioned anything about a plan.”

“She hasn’t told Anya about it,” Raven added.

“Lincoln either. He normally tells me everything and nothing has come up about it,” Octavia also confirmed.

Clarke bit her lower lip. “I wasn’t even supposed to tell you guys. I just couldn’t keep it in anymore.”

Octavia nudged her encouragingly with her foot. “Come on, Clarke. You know that we won’t say anything. Our lips are sealed with whatever you want us to know.”

With a scoff, Raven said, “Speak for yourself. Anya can honestly get any information out of me if she uses her tongue right.”

Both of the other girls gagged, glaring at their least modest friend.

Raven shrugged. “Hey. My girlfriend is hot. Sorry your boyfriend doesn’t get it right,” she pointed at Octavia, “And your girlfriend doesn’t put out from the waist down,” she pointed at Clarke.

Clarke glared. “Fuck off, Raven.”

She shrugged in response.

Octavia ignored Raven’s jab and instead sat up slowly, pulling her legs to her chest as she looked down at Clarke. “Hey, it’ll be fine. You just have to trust Lexa to tell you whenever she’s ready.”

Raven coughed for attention one more time, earning glares from both girls. “For the record, I did hear Anya say something about Lexa requesting a lot more pineapple than normal. Like obsessively.”

Clarke instantly blushed.

“Really?” Octavia inquired slowly with a sudden smirk across her face. She slowly turned her gaze back to Clarke’s reddening face. “That’s interesting. But that’s not the ‘ready’ that I was implying, and that stupid trick doesn't work anyway.

"I'm sorry, have you tried it?" Raven asked with a look.

Octavia shrugged. "LIncoln was curious. So I ate pineapple for a like a week. He said nothing changed."

"Huh," Raven frowned. "Anya lied to me then."

Clarke swallowed against the dryness in her throat and ignored her friends. She wanted Lexa, obviously, but only under the right circumstances. And until she knew what Lexa’s plans were with Becca and Costia, there was never going to be a ‘ready’ for herself. And she wasn’t even sure what the plans for Valentine’s Day included and whether or not that included conversations to clear up this mess.

She knew nothing. And it was driving her crazy. But she was doing her best to keep the crazy at bay and attempt to stay sane. If not for her sake, for Lexa’s.

“Anyway,” she said slowly, ignoring the looks from Octavia and Raven. “I just want an answer as to what she’s thinking,” Clarke stated honestly instead. “I can normally tell. Soccer, school, all that shit. But with all of this past stuff showing up, I know nothing. I know a name. I know her parents were crap. That’s all.”

Raven sat up, and looked down at Clarke, joking aside. “She’ll tell you when she understands it enough to do so. It took a while for her to open up to Anya about stuff as far as I know. It’s not something that you can expect her to be honest about without thinking it through. Trust her.”

“Yeah,” Octavia added, nudging Clarke’s shoulder reassuringly. “She cares about you, bud. She has no reason to hide it from you, right?”

Clarke mentally agreed, thinking about to their conversation. They almost said the three words. Lexa practically did in every way possible. So it was obvious how they felt, how much they cared. And there wasn’t a reason to hide anything, but that doesn’t mean that Lexa was one hundred percent honest too. But she had a opened up some, at least. The mental battle just kept going back and forth, over and over, and Clarke wanted to just shut her brain off about it already.

Suddenly, Raven’s phone dinged with a message, and they both turned as she smiled down at the phone. “And it looks like your girl is panicking some.”

Clarke sat up quickly. “What?”

“Anya said that Lexa has changed into about six different outfits and won’t leave Anya alone asking for opinions and blah blah,” Raven smirked, winking at Clarke. “You guys are definitely fine. She's apparently ten time more nervous than usual for your dates, and that's saying something.”

“That’s cute,” Octavia also added, looking over Raven’s arm to see the messages. "She looks hot."

Raven tilted the phone towards her. “I like the leather jacket.”

Clarke’s heart stopped. She knows that leather jacket by heart. It was bought to impress.

Octavia cocked her head to the side. “I like the combat boots with the red jacket and black jeans.”

“Or this one?” Raven asked, swiping right to the next picture.

“Yeah, tell her that one! The blue, for sure. Matches Clarke’s eyes.”

Clarke watched with slit eyes at her friends as they ignored her, teasing her with some content and not enough. She saw her own phone sitting on the computer desk a few feet away, trying to talk herself out of getting up, grabbing that phone, and calling Lexa to reassure her. But she had promised to let Lexa plan this without any questions, without opinions. Lexa wanted the night to be special, so Clarke wasn’t going to interfere. But she really wanted to tell Lexa that no matter what she wore, Clarke would still think she looked amazing.

So instead, she kept quiet until Raven nudged her with her foot, catching her attention. “Hey, you going to be good, Griffin?”

Overall, yeah. It was Valentine’s Day. Lexa’s present sat on the floor. Her outfit was picked out shortly after her best friends got her. And she just had to trust herself to trust Lexa. So yeah. She was good. They were good.

They were good.

\-------------------------------

She was, in fact, not good at the moment. She wasn’t even sure how a Valentine’s Day date went from this anticipated to this… disappointing.

To start... Becca was beautiful. And she looked a lot older than eighteen, almost nineteem that Lexa said she was. She could pass for twenty-one. So naturally, Clarke was intimidated. She got defensive and moved a little closer to Lexa than normal. She was a little more handsy than normal. She was more… girlfriendy. If it was any other day, she was careful about it on Lexa’s behalf, but it was the only thing that kept her grounded at the moment. Lexa’s hand in hers or Clarke’s hand on Lexa’s thigh helped her not drift off in her own head to stress herself out.

There was another way to look at it, too. She was being possessive, and she was watching Becca like a hawk from across the table as she and Lexa spoke back and forth.

No matter how hard she tried, Clarke couldn’t even hear them. She was too busy going through the scenarios in her head. As soon as they had walked into the restaurant, Clarke had been on edge. She trusted Lexa, but having dinner with her ex-girlfriend’s older sister on Valentine’s Day of all days wasn’t exactly the best surprise in the world.

She couldn’t be too mad though. Lexa had explained some on the way here. Becca only had so much time, and this was the only free night she had while she was in Atlanta. Apparently, they lived in North Carolina now, and she was leaving tomorrow morning. The notice that even Lexa got was about two hours ago. Apparently, plans had to be cancelled. The real problem was that Lexa didn’t consult Clarke on it. So she just had to bite her tongue and be there for her girlfriend as much as she could.

Even if it is awkward. Dressed in a short red dress, small heels, and concealer trying to hide the various obvious hickey that Lexa gave to her last night. Not to mention how Lexa looked in her slacks and black leather jacket. It made Clarke want to kiss her from the moment that Lexa came to pick her up with Indra’s car. And about two seconds later, the bomb that was Becca was dropped, effectively killing the mood.

Lexa and Becca were continuing to speak across the table as Clarke stared at the menu, doing her best not to interrupt. Her heart was racing through the entire first five minutes that they’ve sat here. And she wasn’t sure how to stop it.

The laughter that came from Lexa’s lips pulled her away from the menu, looking up to see Lexa’s eyes light up and look down with a smile. “Sounds just like Costia, actually,” she chuckled.

“Yeah,” Becca added, smiling back. “She was so embarrassed. It spilled perfectly to, right down her pants. Poor girl blushed harder than a red apple.”

“In front of the CEO?”

“In front of the CEO,” Becca confirmed with a nod. “Needless to say, she’s looking at other law firms to intern now. She’s afraid to make eye contact with anyone there.”

Clarke bit her lip, confusion flashing across her face but she did her best to hide in as she pulled the menu back up.  
That’s when Becca addressed her for only the second time. “Shit, I’m sorry, Clarke.” She reached over, pulling the menu down and Clarke raised an eyebrow at her, setting the menu on the table with a weary expression. “I don’t mean to intrude. Especially with talks of my sister.”

“It’s fine,” she lied. “You’re only in town for the night due to very… fortunate circumstances so…”

“Still, its Valentine’s Day, so I’m sorry. The timing couldn't have been worse,” Becca sighed as Clarke shrugged in response. Instead, she looked back at Lexa who was gazing at Clarke with concern. “Anyway, I wanted to see you to make sure that you were actually okay. I’m glad that you’re happy.”

“I am. Clarke makes me happy,” Lexa smiled at Clarke but it faltered when the other girl didn’t return it. And watching Lexa hesitate broke Clarke’s heart a little bit. She scolded herself. Told herself that she had to be here for Lexa, for this. So she spit out all of the bad thoughts and turned her lips up more, leaning over and giving Lexa a small kiss on the cheek. And Lexa lit up.

“I guess,” Clarke said slowly, turning her gaze to Becca as she descended her hand on Lexa’s knee under the table. “I’m just being a little off with the whole situation. I imagined this night going a totally different way recently.”

Becca nodded as Lexa dropped her hand to Clarke’s entwining their fingers. And Becca said, “I’m sorry for being so last minute. Look, after Lexa’s parents sent her and Anya away, Costia was a wreck. And, like every teenager, she tried to deal with it her own way and she struggled, a lot. She refuses to admit it, but she wanted to make sure that Lexa was okay and she just didn’t know how to go about it. So I took the initiative and if that made you uncomfortable in any way, both of you,” she glanced between them, “I apologize. My sister always felt guilty for what happened. I just want to ease her mind a bit. And when I realized where I was going to be this morning, where you guys were, I wanted to try to reconcile to ease some of that guilt for her. I hadn’t heard from Lexa yet and I jumped the gun on a very important night, and I’m sorry for that.”

“Costia feels guilty?” Lexa immediately asked.

Becca somberly nodded. “That night you guys were caught, she told me what happened. She initiated everything, and she felt like she should’ve taken responsibility. But your parents whisked you guys away to England before she built up the courage to do any kind of confrontation.”

“It was both of us,” Lexa countered, her hand tightening on Clarke’s which made the blonde grow with concern. “It wasn’t her place to take the full blame. Not that my par – they wouldn’t’ve changed their actions anyway. They were just looking for a reason to get rid of me.”

“Regardless,” Becca stated slowly, hand up to calm Lexa down. “I think both of you could’ve used some closure, right?”

Closure. That could be good for Lexa. But what if that meant she had to see Costia, talk to her? What if feelings arise after that. Clarke’s heart started to race as the possibilities running through her mind, and she felt an uncomfortable feeling settle in her gut.

Slowly, Lexa’s hand loosened in Clarke’s. The blonde watched as the gears turned before Lexa finally nodded once. “Yeah, I guess.”

A small silence fell over them, and Clarke took to staring down at her menu as Lexa released her hand, reaching for her water to take a few large gulps. As Clarke glanced at her own, she really wished it was something that would cool her down in a different way, a beer, maybe a vodka and cranberry juice. She couldn’t stop her leg from bouncing and wished she could just relax, but Lexa’s responses were both reassuring and confusing. And she was trying to make sense of it all, but it was hard.

Becca, who seemed to be studying Lexa too, spoke up again. “She’s moving on, Lexa. Doing well. And so are you, based on the looks of it,” she motioned to Clarke with a smile who tried to smile back. She’s sure she failed. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make sure that you’re both okay.”

“Yeah,” Lexa repeated, looking down at their menu again. “I guess not.”

\-----------------------------

“Lexa, babe, don’t you think we should–”

“Whatever you’re going to suggest, no, I don’t.”

“But–”

“Clarke, just shut up and kiss me.”

So she did. In the back of Indra’s Mercedes that she somehow trusted Lexa with driving even though she’s only had her license for some months, and she rarely drove with it. But Clarke didn’t focus on details now. They were sitting in the parking lot of the soccer fields a few miles from their perspective houses, the night covering them as Lexa’s mouth worked on Clarke’s with vigorous intent.

There were always different versions of their kissing.

The ‘good luck’ kind that was soft and gentle and lasted moments longer than necessary.

There were ‘pushing the boundaries’ kind, where it was open mouths and breathy, but still hesitant.

There were the ‘I don’t want to study anymore’ kind, which was teasing and full of laughter.

But one of Clarke’s favorite kind was the simple, kind, considerate, ‘I care about you’ kind that Lexa did when she grabbed Clarke’s cheeks to hold her still, showing her instead of telling her how she felt. Those were how their morning kisses were, and it was the main reason Clarke looked forward to waking up in order to see Lexa.

But this was like none of those. This was forceful, distracted, pushy. Clarke’s back pressed against the door in the backseat, one hand grabbing at the seat and the other at Lexa’s blazer. The brunette’s hands were on her bare legs, sliding the red dress up ever so slowly, leaving goosebumps in their wake and Clarke’s stomach in a twisted knot that felt both good and bad at the same time. When her hands reached the layer of Clarke’s black panties on the outside of her hips, she felt Lexa pause in her menstruation on her lips and almost immediately she moved to Clarke’s neck, sucking the skin along her jaw like she did the night before.

It was nerve-wracking and exciting, Clarke thought, letting out a noise at the feeling of Lexa’s lips and hands on her. Fingers wrapped around her underwear, causing her to tense in anticipation and get more recollection of the situation. They were in a car, in a park, at night, making out, and that would be fine but when Lexa started to pull Clarke’s underwear, the blonde came back to her senses and reached down, grabbing her wrists.

“Wait.”

“Clarke, it’s fine,” Lexa pressed, moving her lips back to kiss her quickly. “Come on, I'm ready.”

She shook her head and gently pushed one hand on Lexa’s chest. She pulled back, but just barely. “It’s not. This isn’t like you.”

“We’ve talked about–”

“Not like this. Just last night, you weren’t ready,” Clarke demanded, suddenly realizing the situation. Lexa didn’t let up any more, intense eyes looking down at her. Clarke started to get defensive and deepened her voice. “Lexa, let me up. Now. Lexa, stop. Stop it!”

Lexa paused over her, fingers slowly loosening as she pulled back and slowly sat up. Her facial features went from hurt to shameful, regret showing on the lines of her face, even in the dark of the night. And finally, with a sigh, she reached down and fixed Clarke’s dress back down with a nervous swallow in her throat.

Nothing was said, which gave Clarke a moment to contemplate how to ask this. Slowly, Lexa sat back and Clarke sat up, until they were facing each other, breathing heavy, hair slightly askew, with a redness on their faces. Whether that was due to the cold or the intensity between them, Clarke wasn’t sure. But she was sure that before anything else happened, they needed to talk. They needed to talk now. No distractions.

The nervousness in Lexa's posture was so apparent as she ran a hand over her hair, looking anywhere but at Clarke.

Becca and her conversation obviously had Lexa on edge, even if they all left on good terms after a short period. Becca didn’t even stay for the whole meal, and then paid for the pair as well. And conversation flowed okay. There were awkward pauses, unsure glances, Clarke’s obvious discomfort showed occasionally and Becca constantly talked too much to cover it as best as she could. It was appreciated, but not at all how Clarke had envisioned the night going.

So after a few moments, Clarke took a deep breath and fixed her dress more, scooting back towards the door to keep some distant and looked at Lexa. “I used you once too.”

It wasn’t what she was expecting herself to say, but the more she thought, the more obvious that was exactly what she meant. When everything happened with her mother at Christmas two months ago, she used Lexa’s lips as a distraction and it hurt her girlfriend. Now, she knew exactly how it felt. So she had to take this the right way, not be hypocritical. Even though she was hurt.

And Lexa, who obviously was expecting a scolding, frowned. “I thought we were past that.”

“We are.”

Her frown deepened. “Then why the hell did you bring it back up? I told you the last time we finally talked about it. I forgave you already.”

Clarke didn’t speak, raising one eyebrow as her breath started to finally even out. She waited as Lexa looked at her incredulously. It took a few long moments before Lexa finally sighed, running a hand over her head yet again as she dropped her head to think.

Again, Clarke waited.

And when Lexa looked up again, there was a new light in her eyes. Not one that was tormented. But one that was more full of hope and care and… love? “I haven’t even apologized, Clarke.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Aren’t we too young to be rational about this?” Lexa chuckled nervously, leaning back as well as she propped her elbow on the top of the front seat, looking at Clarke as she bit her lip in thought. “Aren’t you supposed to yell at me? Kick me out of the car? Call me a douche bag? Slap me?”

“Like you yelled at me?”

“I did get defensive at the time,” she admitted with a sideways, sheepish look.

“Maybe. But we understand each other a little bit more now, don’t we? I think that calls for a little more maturity.”

Lexa sighed one deep breath, giving Clarke a soft and appreciative look. “You let me sit there with Costia’s older sister on our first Valentine’s Day. And now, you’re letting me off the hook for this. You deserve better."

"Don't you dare tell me what I deserve. We can both be assholes at times. It doesn't mean we have to immediately break up every time. We're not like Bellamy's relationships."

Lexa chuckled."Right. I wish I was more like you sometimes-"

"Horny?"

Lexa completely laughed at that. "Funny," She corrected, and they quieted down when Lexa smiled shyly at the blonde. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me."

"You had every right to tell me to leave tonight. I completely screwed you over."

"Maybe, but I don't care as long as I still have you at the end of the day."

Clarke watched something change in Lexa's eyes. The expression changed to something that felt much more intimate than normal. "Clarke Griffin, this is why I–”

Clarke’s heart stopped for a moment and then Lexa continued quickly, “it’s why you’re you. And why so many of us care about you. You’re amazing.”

Clarke took the praise in stride. “You’re just saying that because you’re not sent to the doghouse. But you're not out of the woods,” She reached out and nudged her with her bare foot teasingly.

“I’m also grateful for that,” she chuckled, picking one of her own legs up and draping her arms over it casually, straightening herself. Her expression turned more confident too. "Can I apologize one more time?"

Clarke shrugged one shoulder. “Sure. You've got a lot of making up to do now anyway.”

“Well, I really am sorry for tonight. And I promise I’ll–”

Lexa paused when they heard it. A ringtone. Clarke’s ringtone. She frowned, looking to the front seat, then to Lexa, before moving to reach forward and grab her bag and the vibrating phone within it.

“It’s my mother.”

She sat back against the seat, letting Lexa slide next to her to look with the same misunderstanding expression.

“Why is she calling?”

“I don’t know. She knows I’m with you.” She clicked answer and immediately hit speaker. “Mom?”

“Honey, get to the hospital.” Her voice was frantic. Clarke’s heart dropped. “It’s your dad.”

“Is he okay?” Her brain immediately went to the worst conclusion. And she looked at Lexa as she already felt tears forming in her eyes from fear and worry. The brunette immediately reached for her hand, squeezing anxiously.

“He’s awake.”

\---------------------------

Jake was exhausted. That much was obvious as soon as Clarke entered the room, heels in hand, hair up in a messy bun, and dress crinkled. Her mother didn’t comment on the state of her clothes or the mess in Lexa’s own jacket and hair. Instead, she stepped aside so Clarke could focus on her father.

And as he lied there, looking back at her for the first time in five months, she felt herself breathe easier than she ever could’ve before. She dropped her shoes to the floor with a loud thud in the quietness of the room and left Lexa’s side, moving forward in a slow motion kind of way.

But Jake just watched and eventually smiled up at her. It obviously took a lot of energy but she felt her heart sour. “Hey, troublemaker.”

Instant tears. “Dad,” she cried softly, and she fell to her knees by the bed, wrapping her father’s weak hand in hers and she cried.

And cried.

And cried so much.

It was like the world was just falling on top of her. Except this time, it wasn’t from devastation. Her body couldn’t handle the flood of confusion mixed with relief and thrill of seeing her father’s eyes, feeling his hands between her own. She knew he was here now, but she couldn’t comprehend it. Like feeling like she was in a dream. It made sense, but she was scared that it actually didn’t, that this wasn’t real, that nothing was real and she wasn’t seeing her father in front of her with coherency and a smile.

So she filled her eyes with tears in order to not look at him and cried.

There wasn’t a way to measure how much time she spent on her knees, her father’s weak hand running over her head with hushed tones falling from his lips during the short moments he was awake and coherent. Like the sound of angel.

Eventually, she looked up and finally met her father’s gaze through watery tears. He gave a weak but happy smile, hand moving to her cheek to wipe at some of the moisture with weak and thin fingers. “There she is.” His voice was rough, low, and quiet. Like someone talking as though their trachea was made of sandpaper.

With an ugly sniff, she wiped at her eyes and her nose. Ugly crying is the worst but she couldn’t help it. Her dad was awake. And her chest was contracting in a way that couldn’t be stopped. It was like a panic attack but in a good way. It took many times of breathing, but she finally managed to get herself to make a coherent sentence.

So she smiled back at him through her happy tears and whispered. “I missed you, Dad.”

“I missed you too,” he nodded once, eyes once again seeming to be tired as he looked beyond her to the door. Right where Lexa stood. “And who-" He coughed as he spoke, taking a moment before trying again, "Who might you be?”

Clarke paused for a moment. “Dad, it’s Lexa.”

“Who?” He stared some more, managing to raise one eyebrow slightly, his sharper and muscle ridden features showing his confusion. “I’m afraid I - I don’t know you.”

She matched his expression, her brows coming together as she realized what was happening. Her heart panicked for a moment, turning quickly to meet Lexa’s gaze. She looked like a deer in headlights, eyes wide and she swallowed nervously, taking a single step back trying to disappear into the floor. Clarke felt for her girlfriend, unsure how to handle the situation as well.

Luckily, for once, she was very grateful for her mother, who intervened. “Jake, honey, you need to rest.” She walked over, touching his shoulder. 

“I’ve been told that I’ve rested for months,” he said, and a coughing fit ensued right after. He coughed, groaned, and eventually fell completely into the bed. Clarke jumped back as Abby moved past her, increasing the IV line and pumping something into it. Jake protested for about fifteen seconds before quickly falling asleep, unable to fight the medications in his state. He breathed deep and long in his resting sleep.

Abby dropped hand to Clarke's, holding tight as they stood over Jake. “Amnesia of some kind was always a possibility.” She kissed her head lovingly, but it wasn’t very reassuring of the situation. Clarke was staring at her father’s sleeping face with panic.

Clarke knew that amnesia in coma patients was common. Jackson had that conversation with her plenty. But she sighed sadly anyway. “It wasn’t a possibility I was entertaining though.”

She turned, looking at Lexa who was staring at the floor, arms crossed and she bit her lip. Slowly, she moved to her girlfriend and never said a word. She just reached up, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s shoulder and tugged her close. It took a moment, but eventually Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke, her hands clenching tightly at the dress she wore. No crying was heard. Just the shallow, sad breaths from Lexa’s lips as she held every emotion that this night had brought back. The hug was a comfort for them both, but it didn't feel like enough. 

“Your dad is going to be okay,” Lexa said slowly, pulling Clarke even closer. The blonde ducked her head, her forehead pressing against Lexa’s neck as she morphed herself to her girlfriend for comfort. Lexa welcomed her as much as she could, leaning against the door as nurses and doctors and visitors busied around the hallway. “He’s awake.”

Clarke nodded, listening to Lexa’s breath for a few moments before she closed her eyes contently, completely giving herself over to Lexa. “Are you going to be okay?”

There was a pause of silence between them, the only thing anyone heard was the beeping of Jake’s monitors as he slept. Then Lexa nodded, tightening her grip even more if possible before a kiss was placed to Clarke's temple. “If you’re here, I think I will be.”

\---------------------------------

“Jake doesn’t remember her?” Octavia gaped, mouth open and eyes in shock.

Clarke had her head in her hands, staring down at the coffee that Octavia had made that next morning in the Griffin kitchen. The bar stool was more uncomfortable this morning than ever before. The coffee looked inviting but Clarke couldn’t manage to swallow anything yet. Her stomach felt sick, despite the good news about her dad. He’d yet to wake up again from the drugs yesterday. Her mom gave her the information in her call that woke Clarke up this morning. And thank God for her friends, because without Raven or Octavia, she wasn’t sure she’d be sane right now.

Lexa, with permission from Indra and Gustus, drove Clarke home last night from the hospital and stayed the night. They showered, separately of course, and slipped into Clarke’s bed immediately last night. But they didn’t sleep. They barely did anything, actually. Minds were running a mile a minute. Clarke about her dad and Becca. Lexa, presuming, about Jake’s amnesia and Costia.

So they had lied there, Clarke curled around Lexa, front to back with intertwined legs under the covers. Lexa had traced patterns on Clarke’s arms and hands for what felt like hours in the dark silence of the room before Clarke had managed to finally fall asleep somewhere around three in the morning. And it was from pure emotional exhaustion. She had no idea when, or how. At one point, she was wide awake and staring out the window, and the next she was waking up to sunlight against her cheek and Lexa’s head on her chest.

With how exhausted she felt, she could only imagine how Lexa was feeling. She couldn’t bear to wake the girl up so she slowly managed to slip out of bed that Monday morning, covering Lexa gently and grabbing her phone before heading downstairs.

Twenty minutes later, Raven and Octavia were sitting along the kitchen with her, omelets and coffee wafting throughout the air.

But as picture perfect as it looked, Clarke didn’t feel it one bit.

Raven slurped the coffee to her right, answering Octavia’s question with, “Abby said they’re not sure exactly how far back the amnesia goes or how long it’ll last. He wasn’t awake long before the whole ‘who is Lexa?’ incident occurred.”

Clarke looked over quickly, frowning at her friend. “My mom didn’t tell me that this morning.”

“I called to cancel my therapy tonight and she updated me a bit,” Raven said quickly, one hand going up nervously as Clarke’s glare finally relaxed.

“You cancelled?”

Raven looked confused for a moment, before nodding once as if it was obvious. “Clarke, of course I did. We’re skipping school,” she continued, pointing between her and Octavia. “We’re here for you. Obviously.”

For some reason, that thought never occurred to her. With everything the last week had thrown at her, she never realized that… well, that she didn’t have to do it alone with Lexa. She knew that, but it slipped her mind. Her friends have always been there for her. And she’s always been there for them. Their significant others just make it easier on them as a group. But she couldn’t believe she never doubted herself.

She felt herself wanting to cry from emotions she couldn’t fully control. But she pushed it down as much as she could.

“I love you guys,” she said instead, smiling lightly at Raven and then at Octavia, who winked at her in turn over her own coffee mug. “Thank you.”

“You’ve helped both of us through hell. We’re here to do the same,” Octavia stated.

“Yeah. I mean, this is a good thing but we just want to help you relax some to sort through everything. You and Lexa… you have a lot to figure out.” Raven reached over, squeezing Clarke’s shoulder with reassurance. “The least we can do is help around the house and make sure you actually eat something.” As if on cue, Octavia pushed Clarke’s omelet a few centimeters closer. “So take a few bites to help us relax too, okay?”

She did as she was told, slowly taking small bites of food and even smaller sips of coffee as her two best friends talked about anything and everything. A distraction. That’s what they were. And Clarke was grateful for it. She found herself chuckling a few times at Raven’s antics, at Octavia’s glares towards her, the occasional head slap.

It wasn’t until about twenty minutes later, when they heard the creaking of the floors upstairs that all three girls hushed, turning towards the stairs. Clarke mentally pictured her girlfriend. Walking toward the bathroom, splashing water on her face, doing her best to wake up. She bit her lip as she stared at the steps, wondering if she should wait or go up to her.

The sound of ceramic across the tile made her turn. Octavia nodded towards the steps, pushing the new coffee in a flower mug towards Clarke. Raven nudged her too, giving her a reassuring smile.

With a thank you to her friends, she grabbed the cup and headed upstairs.

\-----------------------------------

She walked through the open door of her bedroom, slowly taking the doorknob and closing it behind her. She glanced around, noticing the sheets at the foot of the bed and Lexa’s phone on the dresser. She slowly moved into the room, listening to the water from the sink of the bathroom, the door slightly ajar to let the sound through.

With stealth and quiet footsteps, Clarke moved to the bed and sat down, Lexa’s steaming cup of coffee in her hands. She waited, listening as the water turned off, Lexa spit out what she assumed was mouthwash, and looked up as the beautiful brunette popped open the bathroom door and stepped in the bedroom.

The first thing Clarke noticed was the bags under Lexa’s eyes. They were dark, obvious. But her eyes weren’t empty. They looked… hopeful? Concerned. A number of emotions as she froze in the doorway. In the t-shirt and sweatpants that she borrowed from Clarke, she leaned against the doorway and looked down, staring at the floor.

Clarke watched for a moment. “Come here.”

Silently, quietly, Lexa moved towards the bed and took the seat next to her. Clarke held the coffee up for her, which Lexa took. They shared a look, and Lexa leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s lips. It was soft. Tasted like toothpaste. And Clarke reveled in it for a short moment that everything was going to be fine.

“Thanks.”

She blushed, for whatever reason. Clarke wasn’t exactly sure, but she couldn’t help it. “Octavia made it. So if it tastes bad, it wasn’t me.”

Lexa chuckled, taking a sip and nodding once. “Yeah, this is definitely not yours.”

“Right?” she chuckled.

Silence fell over them, but it was a comfortable kind. Neither one wanted to discuss the situation ahead of them, and Clarke wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Plus, she left her coffee downstairs. So she wasn’t even fully coherent without at least eight ounces in her system.

Without a second thought, she leaned her head against Lexa’s shoulder, feeling her girlfriend’s arm wrap around her protectively, twirling with the end of Lexa’s Grounder Sweatshirt that Clarke has stolen for months now. They sat like that for a moment, Lexa sipping her coffee, before she finally broke the silence.

“It took me forever to get the approval of your mom. And now, I have to start at square one with your dad.”

Clarke nuzzled closer at the uncertainty in Lexa’s voice. “You captivated my dad before you even captivated me. You have nothing to worry about.”

“He wasn’t very welcoming yesterday.”

“He was just confused,” Clarke said with conviction. “Trust me. You’ll charm my dad all over again without having to lift a finger.”

Lexa sighed dramatically, and Clarke chuckled slightly when it quickly turned into a yawn. “I hope so.”

“I know so.”

Suddenly, they heard the sound of a bang from downstairs, both looking towards the door as they heard a few choice words fall from Raven’s lips and sarcasm coming from Octavia’s shortly after.

Lexa pointed to the door. “Should we help them?”

“Probably.”

They rushed downstairs just in time to find creamer spilled on the floor, coffee grinds on the counter, and two very guilty looking girls with awkward smiles. It was the first full laugh of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was hard to write for some reason. I probably re-wrote this 4 different times from start to finish so sorry about the wait! I hope you enjoy :)


	21. Daddy Dearest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready? We ready? Hope so, there's another chapter up today!

Tuesday morning arrived, 36 hours after Jake’s awakening, and Lexa and Clarke made it to school on time with everyone else surprisingly. No teachers asked for excuses when they missed Monday’s classes. Abby insisted that Clarke head back, since Jake would be spending a few weeks trying to figure out basic motor functions like walking in order to get home. And plus, she needed the distraction. She welcomed the distraction.

So they pulled into the parking lot ten minutes before the warning bell. Lexa, who’d already been up for two hours and gone for a five mile run, slipped off the back of the bike and dropped the helmet to Clarke’s waiting hands. Clarke followed, setting up the kick stand, and fixing her bag on her shoulder as she and Lexa made their way inside. They talked briefly, mainly about the homework they didn’t do and didn’t care about at the moment and just as Lexa was reaching for the front door to help Clarke inside, they froze.

Because there was Aden. Most students had already went inside, but hidden behind one of the brick pillars, out of sight of most teachers, was Aden. Except he wasn’t comfortable.

Ontari had him up against the wall by his shirt, and seemed to be threatening something by the look in her eyes. Clarke couldn’t hear it, but she watched Lexa’s hand drop from the door and immediately headed in that direction.

“Lexa, don’t–” she started. Then realized it was a stupid idea to try to stop her girlfriend so she just followed, hoping she’d be able to break something up if she had to.

“Ontari!” Lexa yelled, hopping off the sidewalk and through the grass to the pillar the other two were at.

Ontari spotted her right away, smirking in her direction as she slowly pulled back from Aden. “Ah, the knight in shining armor returns.” She spotted Clarke right behind Lexa and the smirk got wider, making Clarke cringe inside. “Let me guess. The Valentine’s Day sex was so good that you guys had to take a day to recover?”

Lexa flinched. Clarke’s eyes widened.

Why would she… Oh no.

And Ontari continued with that damn smirk. “People talk. After your little dominant display against Niylah last week in the hallway, I was curious. That expression right there answered my question for sure though. Someone is trying to stay in the closet and failing miserably. Although, if I had Clarke Griffin on my hip, I’d let everyone know who she belonged to.”

Clarke reached and grabbed the back of Lexa’s jacket with her hand, noticing Lexa’s fists starting to clench in frustration. She wasn’t sure what Lexa was thinking, or doing, or contemplating, and it probably wasn’t going to be a good idea. Least she could do is hold her back. Part of her wanted to let her knock Ontari into next week, no matter the consequences. Especially with how creepy she was. Glancing at Aden, he looked equally as nervous and frightened as Lexa looked pissed and Ontari looked cocky.

“I’ve wanted to beat the shit out of something for the last twenty four hours, Ontari. So don’t push me. Now, let Aden go.” Lexa’s spoke her demand with physical, threatening steps towards her nemesis. “Now. Before I kick your ass into next week.”

Ontari did, holding her hands up defensively and stepping back, but not without the stupid smirk. Aden slumped against the brick wall, letting out a deep breath. “Look, Commander, I was just talking to the kid. No reason to get your panties in a twist.”

Lexa grabbed Aden, yanking him behind her to stand by Clarke. The blonde checked him quickly but he just shrugged and physically relaxed with the barrier now between him and Ontari.

Lexa wasn’t done though. “You can talk to me when you want to talk to him. Back the fuck off.”

“I would’ve, I promise. But as I stated, you were on recovery this weekend,” Ontari pointed out again, eyes going to Clarke. She shivered internally at the devilish look Ontari gave her, looking her up and down. Her own hand tightened around Lexa’s jacket in annoyance and defense. “Not that I blame you, of course.”

Immediately, Lexa stepped closer to Ontari, one hand coming behind her to hold Clarke’s hip protectively. “I’ll kill you if you ever put your hands on her.”

“Relax,” Ontari stated casually, stepping forward in challenge, eyeing Lexa. They were a ruler’s length apart, showing down in front of plenty of students who eyed them and many stopped to watch. “It’s harmless.”

“It’s not. And you’re sadistic if you think it is.”

“As if you’re any better?”

Lexa’s fists tightened. “Excuse me?”

“FIGHT!” Someone shouted from Clarke’s right, and the blonde wanted to throw a rake at whoever said it. God, high schoolers were morons.

Ontari noticed the crowd first, chuckling. “I was just leaving, Sparky. No show today,” And she walked passed, not before giving Clarke one more look and it took Ontari getting all the way in the school and out of view. The crowd disappeared with disappointment as soon as Ontari was out of sight. Clarke loosened her grip and dropped her head to Lexa’s back, taking a deep breath.

That girl creeped her out. So much.

Lexa turned, looking at her and immediately cupping her face in her hands, scanning Clarke like an EMT for anything of concern. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” She reached up, hands wrapping around Lexa’s wrists. The other girl didn’t look convince. “I promise. I’m fine.” Slowly, she managed to lessen Lexa’s grip and nudged her head towards Aden. “Might want to check on him though. He still looks a bit shaken.”

She gave Clarke one last look before she nodded and pulled her attention towards the kid, hand going to his shoulder as she spoke. They talked in hushed tones as the poor blonde boy stared at the floor. Clarke stepped back, giving them space. Lexa eventually forced the eye contact, and slowly the tension left Aden’s shoulders. And Clarke watched with her hands in her pockets, fixing her bag occasionally as she waited.

And she heard her phone go off, pulling it from her backpack and glancing down quickly.

_Saw what happened from the bus window. Nobody would get the hell out of the way and Ontari left before I could get over there. All good? – Anya_

Clarke smiled. They had quite a team behind them.

_Yeah. All good. – Clarke_

\-----------------------------------

One week into Jake’s recovery, the group discovered something very discomforting. Not on Jake’s behalf, but what Clarke was going to do to introduce him to everyone.

Because his last memory wasn’t a recently one. It was a long time ago. Back from Clarke’s freshmen year. They found out when he was talking about Clarke’s fifteenth birthday like it was yesterday. He went on and on about the day at the lake, and they asked him about her sixteenth. And he had no response. Didn’t remember her sixteenth birthday, the Christmas before that, the Thanksgiving after. Nothing from the past two years.

So Anya, Lexa, Lincoln… Raven was all going to be new.

He didn’t know about Finn. He didn’t know about Niylah.

He knew nothing of any of Clarke’s relationships, or anything she confided in him after all those years.

The news was devastating to Clarke.

But not as devastating as it was to Raven, who took it as an insult.

“He remembers Jasper, but not me,” she half grunted – half harshly whispered in the therapy room during her workout.

Wick, who was keeping his distance at this particular session, was on the computer a few feet away as Clarke and Octavia drank smoothies while their friend went through her exercises. She was doing them quicker than usual, with more gusto than necessary. But what were they going to do? She was venting, right? It was good.

And Clarke wasn’t really sure how to calm her down. So she tried to reason instead. “I knew Jasper in elementary school. He’s been to all my birthdays. And he remembers Monty through Jasper. You showed up after… Finn. It’s not your fault.”

Raven dropped the weights, lying on the mat where she was doing her straight leg raises and looked up at her friends with a pathetic expression. “I have never been so insulted in my life.”

“You know what this means?” Octavia said through the straw of her smoothie. Clarke raised an eyebrow to get her to continue. “You’re fifteen in his eyes. I don’t think he’s going to like it if you’re open to him like you are now.”

Every time she thought about this, it was like a brick in her stomach. “I’m going to have to come out as bisexual all over again.” She had avoided taking Lexa every visit for this exact reason. She didn’t want to answer those questions right now.

Raven gave her sympathetic look. “He took it well the first time.”

“I just turned sixteen the first time. And he was more relaxed. Less… traumatized.”

“And now you’re well passed seventeen and your mom is on your side, kind of,” Octavia added.

“Yeah,” Raven continued. “And she likes Lexa. So that’s a bonus. It took a while but she came around.”

Clarke moved to sit on the mat by Raven, wrapping her arms around her legs as she pouted. “I’m screwed.”

“Also,” Raven added, turning and stripping the weights off her legs to sit with her feet straight and turning towards her friends. “We have a larger problem.”

“What?”

“Well, you have to tell him.”

“Tell him what?” Clarke asked. She glanced at Octavia, who continued with her smoothie with a shrug. “Explain.”

Raven sighed with annoyance. “Clarke, babe, I love you. But you’re not a virgin, no matter the definition of the word. Dad thinks you are.”

A blush formed instantly on her cheeks. From embarrassment, to panic, to fear, to ‘oh shit’. Her grip on her smoothie tightened. “Fuck.”

“Uh oh,” Octavia half said, half sung. “That’s no Bueno.”

She shot a glare in her direction. “Thanks for the vote of sympathy.”

“You’re the one that couldn’t keep it in your pants,” she shot back. “Little Miss Not So Innocent.”

Raven clapped a few times from the floor, the frustration now masked over a bright smile with a teasing expression. “Ha! Got em.”

“Hey girls.”

They all turned to find Abby strolling into the therapy room. She was easy enough to spot, considering the white coat, the confident walk, and the stethoscope. Raven moved to stand but seemed to think better of it and decided to remain on the floor instead. Clarke and Octavia just continued with their slurping of the smoothies.

Abby strode forward, hands in the pockets of her white coat and she eyed Raven. “Wick tells me you’re doing well, Raven.”

She nodded, tapping the brace that lied on the floor beside the mat. “One down. One to go. Doing well so far. Still sucks. I can exercise without it, but walking is a bitch.”

“That it is,” Abby chuckled. “I’m actually here for my daughter though.”

“What’s up?” Clarke asked.

Abby gestured to the door. “Your dad wants to talk to you.”

Great.

\--------------------------------------

“Favorite color still pink?”

“You always joke about it but yeah, hasn’t changed.”

“Still into soccer?”

“Watching, not playing.”

“Boys or girls?”

She hesitated. “Both.”

Jake nodded once slowly, seeming to think for a moment. “That Lexa girl that was here when I woke up? She play on the team at school? She seems to be quite the athlete based on the looks of her.”

They had been talking for quite some time now. Clarke had grabbed a coffee from the cafeteria, before heading into to her Dad’s hospital room. They’d been talking about twenty or thirty minutes already. Answering little questions, minor things and she was waiting for the moment her dad would start to dig a little deeper.

Of course, by now, her mother had spent plenty of time with Jake, taking ‘days off’ that she still spent at the hospital with him. Clarke was sure that they’d talked about her, about Lexa, at least a little bit. Jake was never one to shy away from questions, but she wasn’t sure what her mom had revealed by now. So she wanted to take things slow with her dad, ease him into this information. Sure, he handled it great before.

But a coma could change a person.

So now, she sat with an almost empty coffee cup in her hand, hesitating on what to tell her dad. That was first.

And she also wished that her mom was here for this conversation.

Another first.

“Yeah, she does,” she answered. “Probably going to be captain next year.”

He used his good arm to situate himself better on the pillows before settling with a huff and a grunt. He was weak, pale, tired, but Clarke could tell he was trying not to let it show. “How did you guys meet? Through school like Raven and the others?”

We met because you forced us to; that was what she wanted to say. The pool party was her dad’s idea. She was going to admire and long from a distance. But Jake playfully teased until Clarke finally got hit in the head with a soccer ball, forcing her and Lexa to talk and communicate. How was she supposed to explain to her father that they were together because of him? His expression showed no recollection, and it made her so nervous to reveal too much of the truth. And they always talked about honesty, but she wasn’t ready to have this conversation, was she? Telling the truth and lying are technically two separate things.

So she used a simple answer. “Mom tell you that they’re our new neighbors?”

“Oh yeah.” He weakly snapped his fingers in realization, looking up as he thought. “Indra and Gustus. And it’s Anya, Lexa, and what is the other’s name? The son?”

“Lincoln.”

“Dating Octavia, right?”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling a little as her dad proudly put pieces together. “He’s actually really good for her. They’re a great couple. And he helped her a lot when… when the anniversary happened last fall.”

He frowned. “You didn’t spend it with her and Bellamy? Has that changed too?”

She gulped, remembering the time too vividly but her dad needed answers. So she pushed down the emotions, the snapping at Lexa, the crying with Octavia as Raven lie in a hospital bed for surgery and tried her best to help her dad instead.

“Um, no. We just didn’t do it how we normally did,” she said with a soft, sad voice. Her father gave her a look of confusion before she decided to elaborate. “The anniversary was the same weekend that your accident occurred along with Raven and her dad’s. Things got thrown around because of it. Me and O still spent the time together, but there was a lot more to focus on for most of the weekend after… you and Raven.”  
Realization set in, and he looked down at the sheets covering his waist down. “Right. Raven. I’m afraid I forgot about her a bit.”

“It was a lot,” she said comfortingly. Clarke slid her chair closer, cropping her elbows to the bed and reaching for her dad’s hand, holding it close. “Bellamy had a new girlfriend, Echo, so she helped him through as Octavia helped me. Although they’re on their third round of dating at this point. And Lincoln and Lexa did their best to help us the next morning too and even since then, because mom was here with you. Without Indra and Gustus and that whole family, it would’ve been a lot harder than it was.”

He smiled slightly, squeezing Clarke’s hands. “I’m glad that you had so many people there for you, honey. I never meant to leave you like that. And if I know your mother, she thought that being with me was the right thing instead of helping you.”

“She was just as upset and scared as I was. We’ve talked since then. We had to,” she chuckled at her father’s expression of slight disbelief. “Without you around, we didn’t have a choice. We could only avoid each other so much before we were forced to talk.”

“I’m surprised the house is still standing,” he joked.

“Oh, we fought. Plenty.”

“Now, that’s the women I love. That makes sense now.”

She nudged him playfully, rolling her eyes. “We’re good now. It took a long time. A few months. But we finally managed to see from each other’s point of view. It wasn’t easy.” She leaned forward, kissing her dad’s hand and dropping her cheek to them, looking up at him sideways. “We missed you. And sometimes, we took out our frustration on each other. And I’m going to blame Mom, of course, but I’m sure she’d blame me.”

He smiled wider now. “She did.”

They both chuckled at that, Clarke pulling back some to relax more in the chair. Seeing her father now, laughing lightly, it was something that warmed her heart. It was something that she’d missed, deeply. And the missing memories were frustrating to him but he never let it fully take him down. Jake was still happy, still grateful, still kind and caring and generous and she’d hoped that the most important attribute wasn’t gone. His willing to accept anyone.

She just wanted him to accept Lexa.

He’d taken Jasper under his wing for God’s sake. He had to love Lexa.

Clarke thought it would kill her if he didn’t.

“You didn’t spend too much time here, did you?” There was a small, short silence before that particular question. And Clarke paused before answering.

“Mom wouldn’t let me,” she honestly stated. “But Raven… she was here a lot and has therapy down the hall so; two birds, one stone kind of thing. So I was here more than you’d approve,” she said. He nodded at that. “But I didn’t spend too much time. I love you, Dad. I was going to be here to see you, conscious or not.”

He gave her a very fatherly look, reaching out for her. “Come here, baby.”

She did, leaning over as her dad kissed her cheek and a week arm wrapped around her waist, holding her tight. Nothing was similar or felt as safe as a loving father’s hug. His hand rubbed up and down her back as she felt her heart swell. And the tear that ran down her cheek and dropped to his shoulder of his hospital gown just reminded her how much she had wished that her dad would hold her as she fought through all the emotions of the last months. Lexa did her best. Her mother tried.

Her father was just someone who no one could replace.

“I love you.” She mumbled the words into his shoulder, her arms wrapping around his upper body loosely so she didn’t hurt him. She longed for the times he would be able to sweep her up into a bear hug again. This was definitely her dad, but the feeling of the fragile man made her realize the weight of the situation. Jake was awake, but he wasn’t out of the woods.

But he was here. And he was whispering, “I love you too, Squirt,” right back.

There wasn’t another feeling in the world like it.

\----------------------------------

_Can I ask you something? – Lexa_

_Uh oh. Good or bad? – Clarke_

_Neither, just a general question. Partly an apology too. – Lexa_

_An apology? What for? – Clarke_

_So, I’ve been thinking. Since your dad woke up, we haven’t had a lot of time together and with Aden at school, we don’t really get to do much there and with soccer and just everything, I just want to see you. – Lexa_

_Lexa, babe, I see you every day. I’m not complaining about the attention, but what is this about? – Clarke_

_Valentine’s Day. – Lexa_

_Oh. – Clarke_

_Yeah – Lexa_

_Okay. Explain. And you never really asked the question – Clarke_

_Well, okay. So our Valentine’s Day was messed up because of my spur of the moment decision to see Becca when she messaged me again. And then I tried to, you know, push you into more than I was ready for. And then your dad woke up. And basically, I was wondering if you’d like a redo. Another date? A more… public date? – Lexa_

_Public? Like how? I’m always ready to spend time with you, Lexa. But how public are we talking? Because I want you to be comfortable. – Clarke_

_Well… Niylah is having a party. And it’s this Friday. And with your dad improving so well since he woke up over a week ago and with Raven doing well and I just – I want to take you on a date before the party and have you, like, arrive with me. – Lexa_

_As your date? – Clarke_

_Yeah – Lexa_

_Are you sure? – Clarke_

_Yeah. I mean, I think I’m ready. If Ontari knows, I’m sure a lot of others do. No one has treated me different if they do know. And I think I’m starting to get over everything with my parents and I want to be done freaking out. And I want to kiss you. – Lexa_

_Like… now? – Clarke_

_Like now. Can I come over? – Lexa_

_God. I thought you’d never ask. I’ll be home around eight. My mom is working late and will be back a little after midnight. – Clarke_

_Perfect. Practice finished late anyway so I’ll see you in about two hours? – Lexa_

_Can’t wait – Clarke_

\----------------------------------

“Jake and I are becoming friends at least.”

Clarke smiled, sitting on the couch in the garage as Raven, once again, lied on the concrete floor with the bike. She was doing something simple this time, changing the oil or fixing the gears or something. Nothing that required taking the bike apart, thank God.

So Clarke just watched, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees as she watched her best friend. “Really?”

“Really,” Raven answered, not looking at her and instead looking at the bike and continuing to mess with it. “It started with Abby introducing us last week, and you’ve been there a few times for rehab when we’ve talked, remember?”

“Yeah, it was kind of awkward.”

Raven nodded. “For sure. But yesterday, I mentioned your bike.”

That was something that she hadn’t told her dad about, actually. Because he didn’t remember buying it, or giving it to her. “What did he say?”

Raven dropped wrench, looking at the floor before meeting Clarke’s eyes. “He said that your mom was crazy for letting you have such a death machine. Got kind of defensive but I think I calmed him down.”

Clarke groaned, dropping her head to her hands. “Great.”

“It’s like your mom’s paranoia dropped into your dad’s body while he was sleeping. She defended the bike, told him the story and everything.”

“And?”

“He was even more shocked to learn it was his idea. And then your parents got into a bit about how Abby let you ride it even after the accident and Wick had to calm them down and politely asked Abby to leave because Jake’s blood pressure medicine couldn’t do it’s job.”

The blonde ran a hand through her hair, moving to fall back against the couch, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. “Perfect,” she said to the ceiling with dripping sarcasm. “How exactly did that make you guys friends?”

She heard the scratching of metal on metal and opened one eye just as Raven sat down next to her, draping her arm over the couch. Clarke moved her head, letting it fall on Raven’s arm instead and turned her sad eyes to her best friend. “I talked to him,” Raven reassured.

But Clarke didn’t feel it like she wanted to. “But did it help?”

“He eased into the idea. I told him that you weren’t going to change your life because you were scared. That you were stronger than that. That he raised you to be like that.”

“What did he say about that?”

“That he’d buy you a different car as quick as possible and ‘limit’ the amount of motorcycle trips.” She smiled, using her fingers for the quotations as well. “He means well, babe. But he’s also scared you’ll go through what he went through. So if he brings it up–”

“Be nice,” Clarke finished, knowing that Raven’s serious side was always honest, and she knew what was about to be said. “I know. I know. I will.”

“I never thought I’d be telling you to be nice to your dad,” Raven chuckled.

Clarke bit her lip in thought, looking at her friend. “Do you think everything will eventually go back to how it used to be?”

There wasn’t a straight answer. Instead, Raven didn’t even use words. She used her arm that Clarke was leaning on to pull her forward. Clarke let her, dropping her head to Raven’s shoulder as arms wrapped around her and held her. She wasn’t crying, nowhere close, but she welcomed the feeling. It wasn’t Lexa’s or her dad’s embrace, but Raven was one of the closest people in her life. And she knew when to use words, and when to use actions.

“They won’t,” Raven finally said, rubbing a hand up and down Clarke’s back. “But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be better than it was before?”

Clarke scoffed. “You really believe that?”

“No, but your girlfriend and Lincoln can be way too optimistic for their own good. They wouldn’t shut up about that after my accident, and now I think it’s gotten even worse. He’s worse than Captain America in those Marvel movies.”

The blonde chuckled at that, nodding against Raven’s shoulder. “But we love him.”

“Yeah, that we do.”

Clarke settled in more, dropping more weight onto Raven’s side as the brunette held her. They both looked out towards the bike and the open garage door, the oddly warmer weather of late February more than welcome.

And Raven only waited few moments before asking, “So speaking of love…”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You and Anya finally say it?”

“Of course. But I was asking about you and Lexa.”

She didn’t roll her eyes this time. She’d had this small conversation with Raven before, about her feelings for Lexa. They ran deep. That was obvious. But she was scared those four letters would freak her out. She wanted Lexa to say it first. There wasn’t a Costia or parents or heart-breaking past for the blonde to worry about. Lexa had to worry about that.

So she sighed instead. “You know how I feel about her. But I don’t want to push it.”

“Anya told me that she asked you to Niylah’s party.”

“She did,” Clarke smiled, feeling a blush rise on her cheeks. “Officially. None of the ‘we’re friends who drink together’ thing. It’ll be mostly around people that already know anyway, but it’s still a step forward.”

Raven squeezed the arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of Clarke’s head with reassurance. “Lexa has been thinking about this a long time. She’s talked to Anya a lot. She’s stepping out, stepping up. And this is huge for her. And I’m more than prepared to make fun of both of you with drunken teasing but I’m proud of her and,” Raven pulled back, making Clarke look up at her too. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Ray.”

“Yeah, babe,” she smiled again, looking back towards the bike. “Now, your dad is not happy about you riding this thing, but I guess I have to keep it running with extra safety features for that to happen, huh?”

Clarke put on some puppy dog eyes and pouted at her best friend. “Pretty, pretty please.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“I love you,” she called as Raven stood and limped towards the bike, plopping back next to it.

“Uh huh,” she replied, grabbing her tools with a smirk on her face. “Love you too, punk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good? Not bad? Horrible? Let me know. Thanks!


	22. Busted

_Be over in five. See you then. – Lexa_

Clarke glanced at her phone, her stomach doing twists in circles of excitement the moment that she read the words on the screen. They were followed by a few other texts as well.

_Have fun. See you at the party. Love you. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. – Raven_

_Just wear the boots with the black pants and roll with it. Lexa will love it. Stop freaking out. We’ll talk to you at the party – Octavia_

_I’m taking Jackson’s shift and I’ll be home tomorrow morning. Be safe. – Mom_

Clarke read all of them, replied to Lexa and her mom as calmly as she could, and then she moved towards the floor length mirror. She stood there, taking herself in with a studious gaze.

Black combat boots. Check.

Jeans. Check.

Grey V-neck sweater. Check.

Black infinity scarf. Check.

Blonde hair in curls. Check.

Eye liner to her satisfaction. Check.

Watch, bracelets, all check. Check. Check.

She took a deep breath, looking over herself one last time before finally deciding that if she criticized herself any more, she’d start back over at square one and she didn’t have time for that. Lexa would be here soon, and she needed to just breathe and have a good time. They were going to dinner. And then they’d head to Niylah’s party. And they were going to have fun, dammit.

She jumped when she heard the doorbell though, so deep in thought that she zoned out. With one last, quick, nervous look over, she grabbed her keys and her satchel, draping it over her shoulder before running down the steps taking two at a time. She was excited now, the butterflies of nervousness turning to that of anticipation and she yanked the door open, smiling brightly at Lexa.

Because she had the same vision of nervousness. A less than confident smile appeared on the brunette’s face, hands behind her back as she looked Clarke up and down quickly. And the blonde mirrored it, taking in the blazer (damn, those things a weakness for her), the slacks, and the dress shoes. Her hair was braided a little different, down one side like Katniss Everdeen. And she looked gorgeous. Absolutely stunning.

“Wow,” Clarke said, hand still on the door.

With a blush, Lexa looked down shyly and pulled her hands out from her back, showing a single rose. “You look ‘wow’ too.”

Clarke reached forward, taking the rose with what felt like now permanent smile and she couldn’t stop herself form leaning forward to press her lips to Lexa’s. The brunette responded quickly and easily, a few soft pecks before she pulled back, eyebrows up in a teasing tone.

“So,” Clarke glanced down the rose, twisting it on her fingers. “We’re really doing this?”

“We’re really doing this.” Lexa kissed her again chastely. “And, I have a surprise.”

Clarke arched one eyebrow in question.

“Indra got me a vehicle, well kind of.”

Now both eyebrows were up in surprise. “WHAT?”

Lexa chuckled. “Well, technically it’s for me, Anya, and Lincoln, but Anya drives Raven’s vintage thing to help her out and Lincoln just uses Octavia’s new car that’s supposed to be Bellamy’s too but he is always with Echo so it’s for all of us but really it’s for me. I have a car. Officially.”

Clarke leaned forward, finally closing the front door. “Well, where is it?The suspense is killing me.”

“This way,” Lexa smiled, reaching for Clarke’s hand. The blonde felt a wave of hope and pride rush through her as they held hands. Of course, they’ve done that in private among other things, but Lexa holding Clarke’s hand and pulling her happily down the driveway and a few blocks over was new in such a good way. Just walking down a street holding her girlfriend’s hand. She could get used to this. “Indra talked to your mom, and since Jake is so against the motorcycle now, Indra decided it would be a good idea to have an alternative so we didn’t give your dad an aneurism when we – you know, tell him.”

Clarke paused at the tone in Lexa’s voice. “I’m going to tell him, I promise.”

“I know,” Lexa smiled with kindness and reassurance.

“I just don’t want you to think that–”

“Clarke, it’s fine.” She squeezed Clarke’s hand. “I promise. I get it. And I’m terrified of Jake’s reaction but I understand that you want to ease him in slowly.”

She paused just outside of the garage door to Lexa’s home. “I just don’t want you to think that I don’t care or that I’m more concerned with my dad’s feelings than yours and–”

Lexa quieted her with a kiss, holding her cheeks still and taking the rest of Clarke’s words along with her breath with the strength of the kiss. And the colder weather was immediately starting to warm up with the heat of Lexa’s lips on Clarke’s. If they kept going like this, they’d never make it to the restaurant, much less to the party.

So Clarke eventually felt Lexa pull back enough to press her forehead together. “I’ll let you know if it ever bothers me, okay?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, okay.” The trust was implied between the two of them, something that they both needed to understand and believe in.

“But in the meantime,” Lexa stepped back and out of the way, dropping Clarke’s hand and moving towards the garage door. She typed in the code, holding her arms dramatically as the automatic door rose up. “Tada!”

The door rose to reveal… a truck that Raven would have to be dead to be caught in. Because it was not just a truck. It was a Ford F-150. Nothing wrong with that, right? Well, when it’s a 1999 model with a giant dent in the passenger door and paint wearing off the driver's side, along with the front bumper to be somewhat less than straight, and it looks like it’s seen better days, that’s when it might be bad.

But Clarke just raised an eyebrow, trying to hide her initial reaction but she felt a laugh come out, covering her mouth at Lexa’s gaze. Then she shrugged. “Raven would die if she saw this.”

Lexa chuckled too, shrugging one shoulder. “It runs and gets us from one place to another. Plus,” Lexa slipped behind Clarke, wrapping her arms around her waist and dropping her head to her shoulder, “Think of how many cute dates we could have in the back of this thing, looking at the stars, talking about tests or college or the next Marvel movie. Like that stuff that Harper talks about on Pinterest and Tumblr or whatever. It’ll be fun. It’ll be an adventure. It's vintage. That's supposed to be cool or something.”

Adventures with Lexa did sound tempting. Her mind ran with the possibilities, and a part of her wanted to take Lexa into the truck, drive away, and lay out among the stars without a care in the world. No party. No people. Just her and her girlfriend.

But there’d be plenty of time for that.

So she leaned back into Lexa’s embrace, feeling the girl breathing into her neck and her heart fluttered at the feeling.

She was ready for all the adventures with Lexa. Every last one of them.

\---------------------------------  
  
“She’s a piece of junk!” Raven cried, dramatically falling to the couch. “An embarrassment to society. You can’t seriously be happy with that thing.”

Lexa chuckled from her spot on the single couch cushion, Clarke in her lap. “Of course I am. I didn’t buy it so I can’t complain.”

“But why? Why? It’s depressing. Just looking at her makes me want to vomit.”

“They’re not to buy us a new Mercedes or a Bronco. I wanted a Jeep but I got a truck so I’ll take what I can get. Anya doesn’t need it with your car, so why are you so upset? It works. That’s what matters.”

Raven scoffed at her reasoning. “So does Bellamy’s dick but that doesn’t mean it’s worth shit.”

Bellamy, who was drinking a beer, spit liquid out and onto the carpet, glaring at Raven. “Hey!”

Clarke chuckled, burying her head in Lexa’s neck. It was nice, feeling Lexa’s arm snake around her with the sounds of her friends and the music surrounding them. It wasn’t odd for people to see them cuddle, but they always made sure the subtlety was there and wasn’t obvious. They sat side by side, not in each other’s laps. There was the occasional hand on a knee, not under a shirt. Now, Clarke’s stomach was doing flips with Lexa’s hand contacted with the skin of her back as she sat sideways across her girlfriend’s lap. Those fingers were drawing circles on soft skin, and the goosebumps just didn’t seem to fade no matter how much Clarke tried to focus on conversation and not on Lexa’s fingers.

The date itself went as easy as pie. Almost everything was easy with Lexa. They settled into a simple and gentle conversation at dinner at a restaurant called ‘Arkadia Al a Carte’, a Hispanic place where everything is bought as individual items. So they got an entire random assortment of Mexican food and demolished every bit of it before heading to Niylah’s house for beers and a good time.

And with that hand on her skin and a few beers in her system, she’s having a grand ole time.

“It’s not your fault.” Raven tipped her beer towards him. “Bellamy, we got drunk one time. I remember your teammate down under,” she winked.

Anya, sitting next to Raven, looked quickly between her girlfriend and Bellamy. “Excuse me?”

“Nothing happened,” Bellamy stated, hands up with a beer in his left. He went from defensive to nervous quickly. “I swear. I never touched her.”

Anya glared at him. He looked at Raven for help. She just laughed loudly before addressing her girlfriend. “Nothing actually happened. He spilt some cranberry juice on his pants and took them off to try to clean them. He was just drunk enough to forget I was still in the room. And he was too uncoordinated to take his pants off and leave his boxers on. Everything hit the floor and I saw it all.”

“How many of our friends have you seen naked?” Anya gaped.

Raven shrugged and looked at Bellamy who looked like a deer in headlights. "Too many to count. Some are more impressive than others."

Then he blushed, especially as Echo laughed from the kitchen, obviously eaves dropping with Niylah and some of the soccer girls. “I hate you,” he said before he stormed off to find his own girlfriend.

Raven just shrugged, turning to lean her back into Anya’s side, an arm wrapping around her as she did. “I love teasing him.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “You love teasing everyone. He’s not special. Apparently, nobody is. I’m surprised you didn’t sleep with him too based on your track record. Your standards weren’t very high until recently. ”

Clarke raised her hand. “I take offense to that. I am, in fact, special.”

“Yes you are,” Raven beamed, shooting an award winning smile in her direction. “And for the record, she deserves praise when you find out how special she really is.”

Lexa’s hand paused on Clarke’s back.

Clarke rolled her eyes at Raven.

Anya immediately reached forward, taking the beer from Raven’s hand as she went to take a sip. “Alright, speed racer, you’re cut off. Let’s go for a walk. We need to have a conversation about keeping your pants on.”

With an incredulous look, she turned to Anya. “What? Is it something I said?” she teased.

“Little bit,” Anya replied as she pulled Raven to her feet. Clarke watched as she and Lexa exchanged a look before Raven was pulled from the living room as well, expressing her discontent verbally and loudly.

Eventually, when the only noises in the room were the music and continued laughter from the kitchen, Clarke pulled back a bit to look at Lexa’s face. She found frown lines but also eyes full of sweet care and she couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward to press a kiss to Lexa’s cheek. The girl blushed profusely, looking down as the red flooded her cheeks. They got a whistle from someone, somewhere, and they chuckled together at the sound, lost in their own world momentarily.

And Lexa eventually took a breath, looking up at Clarke’s eyes as her hand started moving on Clarke’s back again, her other hand landing on a thigh and tracing circles. “Raven really does like to bring up old memories, huh?”

“You know she doesn’t mean anything by it.”

“I know. And nobody really thinks anything about it but it still gets to me sometimes. That she’s seen you like that and I haven’t.”

“Is that jealousy, I hear?” Clarke teased, reaching up to run a finger over Lexa’s jawline in admiration.

“Amongst other things,” she correct quickly. “It freaks the hell out of me.”

Clarke frowned. “You know it’s not a competition or a comparison.”

“I know.” Lexa sighed. “Sorry, it’s this,” she said, pointing to the beer on the table beside them. “It makes me overthink about that part of our relationship, I guess. I just don’t want to be a failure.”

Clarke really didn’t care how Lexa did when they reached that point because she knew that no matter what Lexa did, it’d be great. But these were thoughts that Lexa voiced a lot. And it seemed that the more they progressed physically, the more Lexa brought up her concerns for it (minus one extremely emotional night called Valentine’s Day). But she normally was careful about it. This was pretty public for this particular conversation.

So Clarke, feeling brave, dipped her head and pressed her lips to Lexa’s briefly. It was the quickest kiss they’d ever shared, so fast that unless anyone was staring at them, no one would’ve noticed it. But she felt like Lexa needed the physical reassurance. So she pulled back as quickly as she leaned in, giving Lexa a look. “You’re not a failure. And you won’t be.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do care about you though, which means we’ll get through it together.” She ran a thumb over Lexa’s lower lip, biting her own at the look in the brunette’s eyes. “And until then, we take it step by step. No matter what Raven says or what Murphy jokes about, we go our pace.”

Lexa took a deep breath, searching Clarke’s eyes like she was looking for doubt or a lie. And Clarke knew that she wouldn’t find any. Every word she spoke, she felt.

“CLARKE! LEXA! It’s beer pong time! Come on!”

They looked up as Niylah came running in, Luna right behind her with a laugh as they stumbled forward. Niylah, who yelled louder than necessary, glared at the two of them as the others didn’t move. “Let’s go! It’s party time!”

\--------------------------------------  
  
In terms of a first night acting like they were a couple, it went smoothly. Clarke had to tell a few people to knock it off with the teasing and side comments when Lexa got visibly uncomfortable with the attention. A few swats at the back of heads. A cuss word directed in a not so joking way. But there were good things too.

Clarke began to realize that Lexa was protective. And not in an overly obnoxious way. While playing beer pong, she always had to be touching Clarke. A hand on her hip, arm around her shoulder, whispering jokes in her ear and wrapping her arms around her waist. Clarke accepted any and everything, leaning into touches and catching looks from the teammates and their friends.

A few people gave looks that weren’t quite as encouraging, but she ignored them. The real people (Clarke’s group and the girls’ soccer team) were the only ones that mattered. Some of the boys’ team was obviously disappointed, especially since Clarke’s body became more endowed over the last year. But she’d seen those looks since her sixteenth birthday, not since dating Lexa. So she just brushed those off easily enough, enjoying the feeling of her girlfriend around her all the time, not just hoping that Lexa would touch her. She could finally feel her, smile with her, and kiss her.

God, she could kiss Lexa. Whenever she wanted.

Of course, she didn’t go crazy with it. She wasn’t going to push it. But any quick pecks of lips on lips in quiet, private-like moments were making Clarke’s stomach to flips of excitement. And things were going great. Everyone was having fun, the party was going well.

That is, until Jasper and Monty showed up with Murphy, bringing more booze mixture of some kind and –

“What the fuck is that?” Raven demanded, watching as Murphy put something down on the ping pong table, a bag of sorts. Clarke recognized it immediately. “What the hell, Murphy?”

“It’s just–”

“Weed, right?” Raven scoffed, stumbling forward with her hand on the table as she glared at the bag. “Did you forget it’s still illegal here, you moron?This isn't Colorado.”

Murphy rolled his eyes, pulling more out of his jacket pocket and dropping a few more bags down.He had... a lot. “Relax, anyone calling the cops?” He looked around at the twenty-five-ish high schoolers with mixed emotions. “Exactly. So chill out, Reyes. We’re just having fun.” Then he glanced at Anya and, to Clarke’s frustration, Lexa. “Unless you two are thinking of calling Daddy to come to your rescue.”

Lexa tensed next to Clarke. Anya’s fist tightened too.

But when nobody had a chance to say anything before Niylah came running down the stairs, eyes on Murphy and the moment she spotted the weed on the table, her eyes went dark.

“You fucking idiot,” she glared, moving forward and grabbing one of the bags. “Seriously? We have people committed to colleges, internships. If someone found out–”

“Who’d find out?” He shot back with annoyance, glancing around. He looked at Monty, who looked sheepish, and Jasper, who looked intrigued and really interested in the green bag. “I mean, it’s just for fun. It’s a party, Niylah. Relax a little. I’m not here to ruin futures. Jesus. Just want to have some fun.”

Clarke slipped her hand into Lexa’s, hoping to calm the other girl down. She knew that none of their friends had a problem or an issue with anything like this. It was a small party, only close people to the teams. It shouldn’t be bad, but she knew that none of the main players were going to mess with it anyway. Lexa squeezed her hand in response, a deep breath falling from her lips as she turned to Anya and Raven, motioning to the back door.

But Raven shook her head. “Murphy, you get anyone into trouble–”

“Seriously, you all need to lighten up.” He pointed accusingly around the group, and then he snapped his fingers at Jasper, who pulled out a bong and Clarke had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “This’ll help. Who’s first?”

Clarke leaned forward as Monty walked the long way around Niylah, no doubt in search for Harper to avoid the wrath of the soccer players. Based on the look in his eyes, he wasn’t entirely sure that Murphy had the easy going but still illegal substances and Clarke made a mental note to not kill him later. It was Jasper and Murphy, the two that were currently rolling joints and filling the bong with a crowd of four or five students now intrigued.

Niylah seemed to say some more threatening words, Murphy nodding without much conviction before she moved to the kitchen.

Clarke tugged Lexa’s hands again, wanting to follow everyone else's lead and get some distance. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Where?” Lexa groaned, eyeing Murphy with discontent. “That amount of shit is going to make an odor for miles. I remember from the boarding school when some of the druggies would bring it in.”

“Let’s just stay away from it then.”

“Why’d he bring it?”

“I don’t know, babe. He didn’t exactly consult with me either.”

Lexa’s frown was deepening with each word spoken back and forth. And Clarke watched as Raven and Anya made their way past Murphy, smacking him once in the head for good measure before they made it up the stairs, Raven limping with the brace.

Lexa and Clarke backed into the corner, leaning with their backs on the wall and hands interlocked. Clarke was focused on her girlfriend’s deepening expression. “He’s an absolute moron. So many girls and guys on the team could get in trouble for being around that.”

“Do you want to go home?” Clarke asked, hoping the question could ease some of Lexa’s anxiety.

But the brunette shook her head, moving off the wall. “No, but come on. Follow me.”

\------------------------------  
  


It took an hour. That’s it.

One hour.

Murphy brought drugs.

And one hour afterwards, the cops showed up.

None of which were Gustus but a group of about four others in their separate cars, as if they were dealing with a professional drug bust.

Clarke and Lexa were in the backyard with Luna, discussing the upcoming season and joking around about when the chaos ensued. They heard someone yell, watched as Jasper and Murphy took off through the back porch and kept running, launching themselves over Niylah's back fence. Luna arched her eyebrow before her eyes shot wide open in the darkness by the fire pit. That caused Clarke and Lexa to turn around on the low cement wall that they were seated on.

And they watched as two officers walked though, hands on their belts. They slipped through the opened sliding doors from the basement living room to the lower part of the back deck. It was then that Clarke noticed the music had died out. They heard some cars that sounded like they driving off. Luna, standing behind them, groaned when she spotted the officers.

Lexa just mumbled one word. “Murphy.”

“Ladies,” one of the officers announced, approaching them with their high-and-mighty walks. One looked to be about forty, had seen some things. He had a five o-clock shadow and wasn’t out of shape but definitely wasn’t one in the gym seven days a week either. He was the one that spoke and oddly eyed the three high school girls. “We told the others, but we got a noise complaint anonymously. Time to shut the party down.”

Clarke frowned. “A noise complaint?”

“We weren’t being loud,” Luna pointed out, coming from around the small wall to stand by Lexa’s side, who was also now on her feet. “It was a small party.”

“And if that’s all it was, we’d have warned you and left,” the younger, blonde, hits the gym six days a week officer said with his arms now crossed next to his partner.

“But it seems there was more than just a high school get together,” the older officer continued. “And I’m afraid I need your information to contact your parents.”

Lexa’s hand slipped into Clarke’s. “Do you work at the Sheriff’s office downtown?”

He sighed knowingly. “Lexa, come on. Don’t try to play this like that.”

She didn’t back down. “If you know Gustus, you know that we didn’t do anything. We stayed out of the house when they brought the marijuana in and we didn’t touch it.”

“And being The Chief's daughter, you should know that you should’ve called him.” The older guy seemed to glare at her when she matched his gaze with steady eyes. “So with that said, you know the consequences and we’ll talk to Gustus. I need your information though for protocol, along with your friends.”

Lexa spoke again. “Gus knows both of them too. They’re fine.”

“Lexa–”

“This isn’t fair.”

“Oh yeah?” the younger officer interrupted. “Have you had anything to drink, Ms. Woods? How about your friends here? What would a breathalyzer say?”

Clarke bit her lip in worry, squeezing Lexa’s hand tighter with nerves. Lexa had stopped drinking an hour ago because Murphy had showed but she also had to drive home. Clarke hadn’t stopped until about ten minutes ago, but she wasn’t drunk by any means. And neither was Luna.

But drinking was drinking when you were underage. And Niylah would take the blame for having the party.

Luckily, Clarke had nothing with her liquid wise but a water bottle Lexa had made her start drinking recently. Lexa had grabbed it quickly and tossed it at the officer who caught it quickly but looked instantly angry and defensive. “It’s water.”

Slowly, he looked at his partner who nodded. They opened the cap, sniffed it, and closed it again with a look to each other.

The older officer put his hands on his belt again, fixing his shoulders. “We can still use breathalyzer on you, to make sure.”

Lexa didn't tense noticeably, but Clarke could tell she was nervous with these questions. “Do we look like drunk teenagers to you?”

And this time, the older officer scolded her quickly before turning his gaze elsewhere. “Lexa, do you have a ride?”

“I drove.”

“And I’ll ask again. Have you been drinking?”

She re-grabbed Clarke’s nervous hand once before nodding once in defeat. “Yeah. I had a few beers a few hours ago. I’ve been careful though.”

He sighed, dropping his head. “Rules are rules, regardless if you’re Gustus’ daughter. The others are in the living room. Why don’t you go sit with your friends while we get this sorted out?”

Luna frowned. “We’re all in trouble?”

“You’re all a part of this.”

She stepped forward. “That’s not fair. The complaint and the weed wasn’t–”

“It doesn’t matter,” he interrupted, hands tensing and his younger partner stepped forward once in a quiet warning to just cooperate. “Now get in there.”

Lexa didn’t say anything else. She just tugged Clarke forward, giving both officers a piece of mind with her eyes. The blonde followed her, panic settling in. Her dad would be more than a little bit pissed about this. As far as he’ll understand, she got caught around drugs and alcohol (especially since he doesn’t remember providing alcohol ever). And her mother, she’d be furious. Now, she had to figure out how to get out of this without her parents blaming Lexa.

“I’ll call Gustus,” her girlfriend said, turning to look at Luna behind them too as they hit the stairs. “He’ll figure it out at the station and we’ll get it worked out. I just have to talk to Anya first.”

“Are you sure?” Luna asked with concern now present in her eyes.

Clarke watched as determination showed in Lexa’s. “Trust me.”

She did.

\-------------_______________________--------------------------------  
  
Four hours later, Lexa pulled up to her own house in the truck. Between the phone calls, the cops, filtering through everyone and getting driver’s license and numbers and parents on phones, they finally managed to leave with Gustus dealing with who was going to get in trouble and with what. But he had assured Lexa that Niylah would be fine and none of the girls or guys should have anything on record. All he needed was the name of whoever brought the marijuana.

And Lexa had given Murphy’s name up happily. First, middle, and last name.

So now, here they sat, Clarke with her arms around herself in the front seat of Lexa’s truck, fiddling with her jacket in her hands as the warm hair blasted from the vents. Lexa had set the truck in park and pulled the key out, not making a move to get out. Neither did. They sat there in silence for a while.

Until Clarke finally spoke up. “Some fixer date from Valentine’s, huh?”

Lexa didn’t laugh like Clarke had hoped. She didn’t laugh at all. “Where do you think he got it from?”

“Who?”

“Murphy,” Lexa said it like the question was obvious. She leaned on the driver’s side door, hand on her chin as she looked out the window. “He had to get it from somewhere.”

“A lot of kids at school technically have it.”

“But he never really got involved with that, right?” She turned, looking at Clarke in the darkness of the night. “He never mentioned it or brought it to a party before? Never looked high at lunch or anything.”

“No. Not really.”

“So where did he get it from?”

Clarke shrugged. “He’s in and out of the group. I mean, he’s a dick most of the time and can get involved in the wrong crowd so it could’ve been from anywhere.”

Lexa sighed, shaking her head slowly before rubbing her hands over tired eyes. Clarke started to notice the bags under those beautiful eyes she could stare into all day long. And it hurt knowing that a friend of hers was the reason for it. “Lexa, I’m sorry.”

Her eyes shot to Clarke’s with tired confusion. “What?”

“About tonight, the date,” Clarke clarified. She reached over, grabbing Lexa’s hand and holding it between her own. “I mean, Murphy is my friend too and he kind of ruined everything and it went so well and I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t apologize for him. Lord knows he won’t apologize.”

“I just–” she sighed, looking down at their hands. “I just wanted everything to be perfect tonight, with our friends.”

“It was.”

“Didn’t exactly end perfectly though,” Lexa pouted.

And Clarke, being cheeky, smiled softly and leaned forward across the console. Lexa eyed her with a look of appreciation and longing. “It’s not over yet,” the blonde said with a voice as soft as her gaze. And they both leaned in, eyes closing.

And Clarke jumped at the sound of a knock on the window. She was anticipating the kiss that she wanted so badly that they hadn’t noticed someone walk up to the car in the suburban neighborhood and Lexa, calming faster than Clarke, had moved to roll down the passenger side window.

And Abby Griffin stood there, Indra next to her.

Both girls tensed and swallowed.

And Abby spoke first. “Clarke, time to come inside. Now.”

“You too Lexa, inside,” Indra spoke with just as much conviction and parental instruction. "Now." Both girls nodded, immediately moving to slip out of the truck.

\---------------------------------------------  
  
_How long are you grounded for? – Lexa_

_I’m not. – Clarke_

_Seriously? How? – Lexa_

_Apparently, my mom actually listened to me and realized that it wasn’t my fault. It took a while to come to that particular conclusion. Lots of arguments. I can’t talk to Murphy anymore but I managed to avoid trouble so far. And we’ve all got pretty good experience with kicking Murphy out of the group so… – Clarke_

_Lucky. Anya and me get to do community service for being caught. Gustus has an image to uphold or something so we have to be taught a lesson in one way or another. Not sure what I have to do though. Hopefully something at the baseballs and soccer fields. – Lexa_

_What about Lincoln? – Clarke_

_Lincoln, apparently, had left about ten minutes before officer douche bag arrived. – Lexa_

_I’ve never heard you talk like this yet. I like it. – Clarke_

_Like what? – Lexa_

_Like… sassy. It’s cute. – Clarke_

_I’m not cute, Clarke! – Lexa_

_It’s attractive. Better? – Clarke_

_Ouch. But it doesn’t change the fact that I still have community service to get through.- Lexa_

_And you don’t know what kind? – Clarke_

_Gustus said he’ll get me some information tomorrow and let me pick from a few options, I guess. Hopefully something along the lines of riding a lawn mower over the public fields and doing fence maintenance. He mentioned the fields down the street lost some lawn crew members and it's a public park, so maybe. – Lexa_

_That’s hot. My girl in a jumpsuit. – Clarke_

_Can you be serious, please? I’m not going to jail. – Lexa_

_I am serious. And you are hot. – Clarke_

_Aside from you waking up on the right side of the bed this morning, I just wanted to say I’m sorry again for how last night ended. – Lexa_

_You know it wasn’t your fault. It was Murphy. – Clarke_

_Either way. I feel like I need to make it up to you again, for the third time now. I’m failing pretty dramatically at this girlfriend thing recently. – Lexa_

_You’re fine, babe. I promise. Last night was pretty great and yeah, it didn’t end how I wanted it to but I still loved it. – Clarke_

_And how exactly did you want it to end? – Lexa_

_… - Clarke_

_Clarke? – Lexa_

_I’ve got to go. Mom is calling me down for breakfast. Talk later? I’ve got to go see my dad today too so not sure how much time I’ll have to talk. – Clarke_

_Clarke! Not fair! – Lexa_

_Sorry, Lexa.  – Clarke_

_… Fine. You’re not getting away with this. – Lexa_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know any thoughts :)


	23. Jake the Jackass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't figure out where to stop this chapter, so I kind of kept writing instead. It's a long one, which is why this took so long. Thanks for everyone who continues to follow/read/comment. It's much appreciated!

Clarke settled into the extremely uncomfortable chair, coffee cup held with both hands as she leaned forward on her elbows. Her father was flipping through the channels after lunch, therapy done for the morning and he gave Clarke a small smile when The Big Bang Theory came on.

“Still a fan?” he asked her, gesturing slowly to the TV.

She nodded slowly, eyeing the screen. “Yeah, but I haven’t watched in a while.”

“Really?”

“Haven’t had the time for a year or two. Last I can think, Amy and Sheldon were engaged. Remember?” she shrugged.

He bit his nip, nodding once as well. She instantly regretted the question based on their current situation but it seemed like Jake shrugged it off and changed the subject. “Busy at school?”

“Yeah. Trying to keep my grades to Mom’s satisfaction, of course,” she teased, turning to look back at her dad who smiled at her fondly. “That’s not easy to do. High school definitely doesn’t get easier. It’s almost cruel sometimes.”

“I can imagine. But I’m sure she’s proud of you regardless, honey.”

“Maybe,” Clarke shrugged. “But you were always the one that showed it more. You bought me things.”

Jake chuckled. “Mom buys you things too.”

“Not motorcycles and new shoes or alcohol.”

“My old self really encouraged some bad behavior. I should scold him for that. But at least I had the sense to draw the line at taking you to Victoria’s Secret.”  
Clarke blushed.

And her father spoke quickly into the silence. “Speaking of secrets, can we talk about Lexa now? You’ve been avoiding the conversation since I woke up. I figured blunt is the best way to go.”

The moment was here. Clarke knew it was coming, but part of her thought that Jake was going to beat around the bush, not cut the top off and ask direct questions. But at this point, they’re down the rabbit hole.

So Clarke crossed her hands in front of her, staring at her fingers as they interlocked, wishing Lexa’s hand was there to comfort her too. “I’ve only avoided it a little bit.”

“Your mom filled me in a lot,” Jake said softly, giving her a parental look full of love but concern. “And she voiced how she felt about it in the beginning. How I felt about it before the accident.” Clarke looked up, meeting her dad’s eyes. “I’ve been asking a lot of questions. And after the party, I’ll be honest, I’m concerned.”

“About me? Lexa? Or the fact that were together?”

Jake took a moment, considering. “I don’t care you’re your dating a girl, Clarke. I’m not that close minded. I care about what happened with said girl.”

“It wasn’t her fault.”

“Either way, it happened. I know it wasn’t your fault. And your mom said that Lexa isn’t how that situation makes her sound. The fact that Abby is willing to defend the poor girl speaks volumes but, Clarke… I don’t trust her.”

The blonde’s heart sank at her father’s words. “Dad–”

“I don’t know her,” he corrected, coughing slightly because he spoke to quickly. She reached over, grabbing his glass of water and he took another sip before continuing. “And I’m hoping, when I’m out of here, that it can change. You know, your mom has been showing me pictures. She seems like a decent kid. But what exactly has she done to show me that?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Decent? Really?”

“Come on, no one is good enough for my daughter. The only two times I’ve seen here definitely doesn’t prove otherwise, but I’m willing to compromise.”

That made a smile finally break through. “So, it really doesn’t bother you? Like, at all?”

“What doesn’t?”

“The fact that I’m… bisexual?” Clarke muttered very softly. “Mom came around after a long time but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it the second time.”

Jake gave her a look. “I had a concussion. I’m not a douche bag, Clarke.”

“Technically, you were in a coma. That can change a person.”

“I may not be as buddy-buddy as I was before but I’ll still give Lexa chance. The party situation would make me just as uncomfortable or upset if she was a dude or a dog. Just tell her not to stand there like an idiot when I address her next time and we’ll start from there.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and glared at him playfully. “We were all thrown off, Dad, don’t blame her. There wasn’t exactly a heads up on Valentine’s Day. It was hectic.”  
“Well try to look like you weren’t just having sex either. At least fix your hair up. I’ve never wanted to hurl a remote at someone’s head before but Lexa’s was on the list. She’s lucky my arm wasn’t working.”

Her eyebrows shot up at that.

And her dad laughed in response. “I’m not an idiot. It took me a few days to come around but I’m not dumb, despite the head injury.”

“I swear we’re not – we didn’t.” She sighed, dropping her head in her hands and groaned as her dad chuckled at her discomfort. “We’re not doing that.”

“I’ll ask Raven,” he countered, smiling more when she looked up at him with a glare. “Seems like she’d be honest with me. And I barely know her.”

“She’s too honest.”

“Exactly. I have to catch up with the times. And with this Lexa girl, apparently I’m missing something. Have to figure out what that is. ”

\-------------------------  
  
Clarke stared at the paper in front of her, shock showing her face from her spot in her first period desk.

PROM.

How in the world did she forget about PROM? Well, between her father, Lexa vs. Ontari, Raven, Valentine’s Day, and God knows what else, PROM was the last thing on her mind. And being a junior meant that she didn’t technically have to go.

But she wanted to. Didn’t she?

Octavia was in the seat next to her, twirling her pen between her fingers and studying the paper. “So, it’s at the Energy Center? That place has a huge ballroom, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Her mother had a GALA there one time for the hospital. She was surprised that the high school was able to afford it, but it really was a large school so it actually made decent since. They all couldn’t fit in the gym. “It’s gorgeous over there.”

“Are you and Lexa going?”

“We haven’t talked about it,” Clarke admitted, dropping her head to her hand and staring at the informational paper before her. “With everything else going on, I forgot that PROM season was even coming up. Hell, I forgot it was Spring. What year is it?”

“I can’t really blame you. You’ve had a rough few months.”

“I don’t even know if that’s her kind of scene. Outside of soccer, she doesn’t really like big crowds. The party was a long shot, and look how that turned out.”

“Would you want to go?”

Clarke paused, contemplating. “I don’t know. You and Lincoln going?”

“He’s mentioned it but he hasn’t asked yet. If he does ask, I wouldn’t hesitate. It’s still early, though. Prom isn’t for another month and a half.”

“You thought about a dress?”

“Kind of. Strapless. Probably short since I can’t stand the mermaid types that are around now. Maybe an aqua blue or deep red. You?”

Clarke shook her head, a small embarrassed smile on her lips. “I got nothing. I haven’t thought about any of it.”

“There’s always next year,” Octavia assured. “I mean, you’ve got a lot going on now. No one would blame you if you skipped out on PROM.”

“Maybe,” Clarke said, but part of her really wanted to go. Another part of her wanted to not add to the already overflowing plate. But it would be a good stress reliever. Maybe it’s what they needed.

\------------------------------  
  
“It’s distance over time. How far you go in a certain amount of time will give you meters per second, which is the velocity that you’re traveling. But you can know how fast you’re going at a certain time, but not the location. Or you can know the location, but not your speed. Based on the physics, you can’t know both because of that list of reasons right there,” Clarke explained, pointing to the notes on the paper as she spoke. “See?”

“That makes sense. It’s trying to calculate kinetic energy with the potential energy on a damn roller coaster that makes no sense,” Lexa argued, glaring the same paper. “I know you’re trying to get me to start small but I don’t think any of it is going to connect in my head no matter how small.”

“Lexa, you shoot yourself down too much. I’ve seen you in your public speaking introduction class and your AP English. It’s not that you’re not smart enough to get this.”

“I’m good at stuff like that, not science.” Lexa dropped her head to the desk dramatically in defeat. “Maybe I should be a politician. They don’t have to know science, clearly, since most of them think global warming doesn’t exist. I can be a general in the army, or a captain in the NAVY.”

“You’d look good in a uniform,” Clarke chuckled at the dramatics. “You’d be a great politician too.”

“I’d make science classes optional in high school.”

“I might have to take back my last statement then.”

Lexa tilted her head to look at Clarke sadly. “So you wouldn’t vote for me? I’m wounded.”

“You’re cute.”

Lexa, once again, rolled her eyes at one of Clarke’s favorite statements. “Yeah. That’ll get me elected. Being cute.”

“At least you accepted it that time.” Clarke shrugged and smiled, placing her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and rubbing it gently. They sat side by side, attempting the physics that was making Lexa’s head spin for the last two hours and although they were taking baby steps and Lexa was doing well, Clarke couldn’t get her girlfriend to really believe it. She’d done well though, with resistance and other topics, but this one was really throwing her off for whatever reason.

So instead, she leaned over and kissed Lexa’s shoulder lightly, dropping her chin to the spot and smiling as Lexa leaned into her. “Hey, relax. I’m sure the president doesn’t have to know how to engineer roller-coaster or build a rocket to the moon. I mean, look at the guys who have been elected the last twenty-five years.”

Lexa bit her lip in thought. “Yeah, I guess that’s what the Ravens of the world are for.”

“Exactly.”

“But I do have to know it to graduate high school,” she mumbled, picking up the pencil again and glaring back at the paper. “Besides, your dad is an engineer.”

“So? What does that matter?”

“I’m just saying,” Lexa sighed, pausing. Clarke noticed the determination on her face and leaned back, waiting. “Look, all I’m saying is that maybe it’ll help.”

“Help?”

“Yeah. Help your dad like me more. You told me he’s hesitant and I’ve been scared shitless to even go see him cause his only impression of me is with you running into his hospital room with your dress as messed up and I just–” Lexa threw the pencil down and fell back in the chair, crossing her arms with a pout. “I don’t want him to think I’m stupid or just another teenager. I want him to like me how he used to.”

Honestly, Clarke never saw it coming. She knew that Lexa had different insecurities, they all did. Octavia hated how every girl fawned over Lincoln all day long at school. Raven hated how her leg made her look weak to other people, despite her being the strongest person that Clarke knows. Anya’s protectiveness of Lexa made her vulnerable to stupid things when it involved anything negative. But Lexa would never stress about something so simple as not being smart enough to be with somebody. Clarke knew that.

So she pushed for the right answer. “Dad isn’t going to ask you about the kinetic energy of the Goliath roller-coaster coming around the second hill when it’s raining outside.”

Lexa covered her face in her hands. “He might.”

“He won’t. What’s this about?”

“He gets along with Raven. I just want to be able to get along with him too.”

“Lexa–”

“And they talk about the bike, argue actually, and about his job, and Raven’s soon to be eventually happening NASA trip and your mom talks highly of Raven and–”

“She’s talks highly about you too,” Clarke interrupted, grabbing Lexa’s wrist and pulling them away. Their eyes met, worried ones and compassionate ones. “He doesn’t know you anymore, but my mom supports us. Forget the party, and her comments when we first met. She genuinely likes you, Lexa.” She then leaned forward and pressed their lips together lightly, feeling Lexa respond quickly and she smiled into her girlfriend’s lips. “And I really like you too.”

Lexa’s eyes closed as they kissed briefly and when Clarke pulled back, they opened again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Despite all the shit I put you through the last month with Ontari and Costia and–”

Clarke kissed her again quickly. “All of the above. Yes.”

“And my… sex issues?”

At that, Clarke’s lips broke out into an amused smile. “That’s not how I would put it, Lexa.”

“Intimacy issues?” she repeated questioningly.

Clarke nodded and stood, wanting to help Lexa’s worries get put to rest for a little bit. So she grabbed Lexa’s shirt with one hand, fisting it and locking eyes with her girlfriend’s questioning gaze. Lexa allowed Clarke to pull her to her feet. And the blonde reached down and closed the physics book.

“So, we’re done studying?” Lexa questioned. She allowed herself to be pulled towards the bed and Clarke gentled released her shirt and pushed. Lexa fell to the bed, a nervous but excited smile on her face. “Clarke?”

“Yeah, we’re done studying,” Clarke said, moving to straddle Lexa’s hips. The hands she enjoyed so much settled on the blonde’s small love handles and she leaned down, capturing Lexa’s lips with her own slowly and sensually. “So let’s practice something else you claim to be uncomfortable with.”

“I’m in,” Lexa whispered back, already reaching for the edge of Clarke’s shirt.

\-------------------------  
  
That following Saturday, the original triforce of girls managed to head to Waffle House with no significant others. Clarke updated them briefly about the post party punishments/situations, avoiding any real details about Lexa over some waffles, hash browns, eggs, and grits.

Octavia nodded from across the booth at the diner. “Yeah, I kind of figured that Lexa would be freaked out. Jake was her number one supporter for you guys and now he’s questioning her. Makes her question herself.”

“He’s coming around,” Raven stated with a mouthful of hash browns. Clarke, sitting next to her, rolled her eyes at her manners. She swallowed quickly. “Lately, all he’s been asking me about is Lexa this and Lexa that. And it’s not accusing. I think Abby is helping him adjust and open up to Lexa being more than the girl that got caught at a party with his daughter. He even asked me about her grades yesterday.”

That caught Clarke’s attention. Considering her conversation with Lexa just two nights ago. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she said slowly, confused at Clarke’s suddenly worried expression. “Is that a problem?”

“What did you tell him?”

“That she’s a moron with no future,” Raven said accusingly. “Come on, you know I put in a good word for her.”

“What’s wrong, Clarke?” Octavia asked with an eyebrow raised.

She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to say it but she figured that she’d never kept anything from her best friends before. Why start now? “She’s just upset.”

Raven nodded. “About Jake.”

“And you.”

“Why me?”

“More jealous.”

“Of what?” Raven blurted out an octave higher than normal.

Clarke dropped her own fork, leaning back in the booth to get a better view of her friends. “Okay, it’s not you. It’s this,” she stated and poked the side of Raven’s head. Said person immediately swatted at her, causing Clarke to smile. “She thinks that the reason that you get along with Dad so well compared to her is that you’re smarter than her.”

“I also didn’t show up to meet him looking like I just finished shagging his daughter,” she pointed out.

Clarke dropped her head at the memory. “Yeah, don’t remind me. There are a number of things circling in that brain of hers but the most recent that’s freaking her out is that. And she’s not gifted in physics, which you are, which my dad is. It’s just one more thing that she’s scared she won’t connect with my dad on.”

Octavia added, “Not to mention, Raven, you’ve slept with Clarke and Jake still likes you but when Lexa is accused of it he gets defensive.”

“He doesn’t know about us,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

Raven shrugged. “I can tell him. Take away some of my brownie points.”

Clarke shook her head. “Don’t. God forbid he hates two thirds of my three favorite people.”

“You always have me,” Octavia beamed with innocence. “Your straight white best friend that you can always count on.”

Raven took a roasted potato piece and chucked it at her head. “Suck up.” And just like that, all three of their phones buzzed along the table. Raven looked first at the text from Anya in the group. “The pick-up game is over. Let’s go get them and talk some since into Lexa.”

\---------------------

Clarke felt the breeze in her hair as freely as a bird flying through the sky. Raven could talk crap about this beat up truck all she wanted, but Clarke really enjoyed it. She liked watching Lexa drive, one hand on the wheel, one intertwined with Clarke’s. The radio played. Windows down. Hands flowing through the breeze of Georgia’s early spring weather.

It was relaxing, like a way to escape school, and her family, and life in general. Nothing existed other than her girlfriend and their truck.

They pulled up to the house, Lexa in her sweaty workout gear with her hair sticking to her forehead from the pick-up game that morning. Even with the red cheeks, the sweat, the hair; she still looked beautiful and Clarke didn’t realize she was staring until Lexa pulled the keys out of the truck and chuckled to herself.

“You want a picture or something?”

Clarke blushed, immediately turning away with a small smile. “Sorry.”

“I don’t mind.”

“You in your workout gear just gets me,” she stated, looking back again. Lexa draped her arm over the back of Clarke’s seat, smiling brightly. “It’s hot.”

Lexa smirked. “Thanks. But I have to go shower now because I’m starting to get an odor that isn’t very pleasant.”

Clarke leaned over the console and took Lexa’s lips between hers briefly, despite the smell of sweat. Both of Lexa’s hands quickly settled on her cheeks as she kissed her back. “You smell good to me.”

“You’re biased. And that’s disgusting.”

“You’re–”

“Watch it, I’m going to kick you out of my truck if you say it. I swear to God.”

Clarke chuckled, leaning forward again with another short kiss. “And as much as I’d love to just make out with you, we do have a few things we need to talk about.”

Lexa’s hands dropped from her cheeks and she turned to face more towards Clarke, full attention. “Like what?”

“My dad. Your community service.” She paused. “Prom.”

Lexa’s eyes widened slightly. “Prom?”

“Yeah. And whether or not you wanted to go.”

Visibly to Clarke, Lexa swallowed nervously. “I–”

“We don’t have to,” Clarke insisted, putting her hand on Lexa’s leg to calm both their nerves. The contact always seemed to help to put them both at ease no matter the situation. “I don’t care if we go this year or next year. Or never. I know you just started to get used to people outside of the team knowing and it’s a large platform to show our relationship. And if you want to wait, I am one hundred percent with you on that.” She emphasized the last part with a squeeze of her hand.

Lexa was quiet for a moment, staring down. Clarke started to think she said something wrong and she did her best to settle her own worry as the brunette settled through her thoughts. Finally, “We have to buy the tickets by April 5th, right?”

“Yeah, there is plenty of time to consider it,” Clarke reassured. “Now, this isn’t a do or die situation. And like I said, we always have next year.”

Lexa looked up at that, a glint in her eyes. “You really think we’ll still be together then?”

Clarke’s heart both soared and broke at the look of hope and disbelief in Lexa’s normally bright brown eyes. “I wouldn’t want to take on senior year with anyone else.”

The blush was all Clarke every wanted to see for the rest of her life. “You really make me feel things, Clarke. You know that?”

She smiled back brightly, like the sunlight shining down on them through the windows. “Good. I’m not alone then.”

“Never.” Lexa leaned forward, but Clarke was shocked when all that came was arms around her shoulders as she was pulled into a tight, long hug. She settled into it, feeling Lexa’s sweaty body against hers should’ve been weird but she felt herself melt instead, her own arms wrapping around Lexa’s neck as they crushed their bodies together. This was a different feeling. A kiss meant a number of affections. This just showed that Lexa needed contact to really believe what Clarke was saying, what she meant.

Clarke hoped she never let Lexa down. She certainly didn’t plan to.

\-------------------------------  
  
As school went on, Prom season started to get in full swing as girls in classes wouldn’t stop talking about their dates, their dresses, their shoes, their hair. And even though Octavia had already been asked by Lincoln by then, Raven had decided to sit this one out because of her leg and her focus on NASA, Clarke had still struggled to figure out what Lexa wanted. To go or to stay.

But the time that passed had seen quite a few changes at the school. Murphy was kicked out of the group, didn’t speak to anyone, had been caught hanging out with Ontari on more than one occasion. Lexa definitely didn’t approve of that. And she and Ontari had their verbal arguments over little things constantly in the hallways and after school. A shoulder push in the hallway, talking shit at lunch. Every little thing would get under Lexa’s skin, and Clarke had to do her best to help. But at least Ontari wasn’t involving Aden anymore. He still sat with them at lunch and even had some friends in the freshmen class now. But Clarke liked the kid and was happy that he seemed to like all of them too. And although he wouldn’t admit it aloud, Clarke could tell that he looked up to Lexa like a sister in the short time they’ve known each other this semester. And that made Clarke even more proud of her girlfriend.

So here they were, lunch time. Sitting as the group talked about everything under the sun. Monty, Harper, and Jasper were discussing how to sneak some laxatives into the punch at Prom. Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy, and Echo had mentioned they were planning on a limo, trying to work out the details. Anya and Raven were in their own world, looking at Raven’s phone between them and discussing different opportunities for NASA if Anya can convince Raven to try again. And Lexa and Aden were deep in conversation about boxing, Lexa pointing out forms and strategies. The boy had really taken up the sport itself. Not just for self-defense but now as a way to just relieve stress and frustration.

Clarke didn’t realize she was being so quiet until her phone buzzed. When she looked down at it, she glanced back up to Raven who gave her a small look before glancing back at the phone.

_What’s wrong? – Raven_

Instead of texting back, Clarke shrugged. Nothing was wrong, per se. But despite being surrounded by her friends, she wasn’t feeling great either. Maybe it was because of all the thoughts going through her head. Maybe it was because she was a moody teenager, but she just felt off.

And before she could verbally answer, she felt someone’s hand on her shoulder. She turned, all conversation around the table dying off as Clarke’s eyes met the intruders.

“Roan?” Bellamy was the one that addressed him. “What are you doing here?”

“I was hoping to talk to Clarke.”

Lexa had glanced down at the hand still resting on her girlfriend’s shoulder. And although his blood association with Ontari hadn’t given her any hard feelings towards the guy, the fact that he was still touching her girlfriend apparently was. Clarke could tell and was thankful that Aden still sat between them at lunch, making it harder for Lexa to physically rip his arm off. “What do you want?” the brunette demanded.

He rolled his eyes. “To talk to Clarke.”

“You said that. Why?”

“Relax,” Clarke hissed at her, turning to straddle the bench of the lunch tables, causing Roan to drop his hand from her. Lexa did, in fact, relax. “What is it, Roan?”

“Actually, I was hoping it could be a conversation we had privately.”

With a look to her girlfriend not to argue, she used Aden’s shoulder to help push herself up. And she stepped over the bench, feeling her friend’s gazes on her back. “Come on, then.”

They weaved their way through the line of lunch tables until they reached the doors that lead outside to the senior courtyard. There were a few groups outside along the benches but they managed to find one near the corner of the glass windows, plopping down on them.

“So?” Clarke asked.

Roan clasped his hands together, taking a moment. Clarke wasn’t sure what he could have to say that needed so much thought about this. They hadn’t had much interaction the last two and a half months. So what was going on?

“This is about my sister,” he said slowly, looking at Clarke.

She knew he was going to watch her reaction so she kept her expression as neutral as she could. “Okay?”

“And your girlfriend.”

Of course it was. And word seemed to be getting around the school about them. She was sure that Ontari was the doing of that. “What about them?”

He took another moment. “Ontari would never voice this or even ask Lexa if it was possible. But back at our old schools, she never stayed on the team long but she did play a bit of soccer. And she was a baller at it.”

He stopped for a moment, but Clarke didn’t comment. She wasn’t sure where he was going with this.

“So,” he continued at the silence, “I was hoping you could get Lexa to have an open mind and–”

“Is Ontari going to try out in the fall?” Clarke interrupted.

“Maybe.”

“Lexa is more than likely going to be the captain.”

“I know–”

“And because of that, the best players with the best chemistry are going to be on the team. Ontari could be the best player in the country but if she doesn’t play well with the team, she’ll never make it. Lexa and Coach know better than to let bad blood on the team. Especially if it’s not resolved.”

Apparently, he was expecting a straight up ‘hell no’ so Clarke’s explanation took him visibly by surprise. “I get that.”

“Does Ontari genuinely want to play?”

“I heard her talking to Murphy about it last week. She hasn’t said anything to me but I was hoping that you’d be able to help stop this feud. She was a good kid when she played. Everything with our mom wanting her to do certain things kind of made her turn into a rebel and she quit playing. She wasn’t the princess, follow the rules, be good for society type like my mom wanted. The game kept her out of bad situations. I just don’t want to see my sister screw up to the point she doesn’t graduate after next summer, especially just to piss my mom off. I won’t be able to pull her out of anything like that anymore. She needs a support system.”

Clarke felt no sympathy. “She’s a bitch, no offense.”

“None taken,” he nodded.

“But she’s going to have to make up for all the messes she’s caused in this semester. Starting with Lexa.”

He sighed, dropping his head down. “Can you at least talk to Lexa? Maybe–”

“No,” Clarke stated with finality, standing from her spot and shaking her head. “I’m not helping Ontari. She can figure it out on her own. If she really wants a chance to be on the team, she’s got to get on Lexa’s, Aden’s, and Anya’s good graces. And then good luck with everyone else.”

Roan rubbed his temples with frustration. “She really dug herself a hole, didn’t she?”

“Yeah. But no hole is too deep to climb out of. She just has to try. And hope to God Lexa gives her a chance.” And with that, she headed back to her friends.

\-----------------------------  
  
For the rest of the day, Clarke had thought about what Roan had said and kept an eye on Ontari in a way she normally wouldn’t. Yes, she always watched out for her, but she never really focused on her actions though.

At the end of the day, the group gathered in the parking lot like they normally do. Only now, Clarke’s bike wasn’t there and was replaced with the beat up pick-up truck next to Raven’s fancy Chevrolet (due to the orders of one Jake Griffin). They leaned on the hoods, everyone discussing afternoon plans. Clarke sat on the truck hood, Lexa with her back to her but settled between her legs. From this position, the brunette didn’t notice that Clarke wasn’t paying a lick of attention to the conversation, focused more on the other side of the parking lot where Roan, Murphy, and Ontari were standing.

Judging by Ontari’s posture and facial expression with her arms crossed, Roan was definitely lecturing. And Murphy was just sitting there with a cigarette in his mouth, hand in his pocket. He had stuck to them like glue when Lexa told him to ‘fuck off’ after the party at Niylah’s. Monty and Jasper had tried to defend him some but was shushed quickly by Harper at the time. So Murphy bounced to another group again, this time he just made a fairly stupid choice.

But Clarke, despite her discontent for Ontari, didn’t hate Roan. He seemed like a good guy. Wanted what was best for his sister. He just couldn’t get her to want it for herself. Clarke studied her from the distance though. She was in fact built, muscular. Not super tall, but broad shouldered like her brother. Athletic. If she had skill, Clarke thought she might be a decent player. But she didn’t see Lexa believing that very easily.

For however long Clarke spent watching them, she must have drawn attention for herself. By the time she tuned back into the conversation, everyone was piling into Raven’s Chevy and Lexa had turned to Clarke, hands on Clarke’s legs as she stood between them.

“Were you paying any attention?” Lexa asked, her hands creating patterns on the jeans covering her thighs. Clarke realized how focused she was cause normally she'd question Lexa about these kinds of touches, especially in a school parking lot. “You zoned out.”

“Yeah, sorry,” she answered, leaning back on her hands on the hood. “I was just… thinking.”

“About?”

“Stuff.”

Lexa chuckled, not catching onto Clarke’s odd mood. “You’re always thinking about stuff. Anything in particular is the question I’m getting at. Something I can help with?”

Technically yes. But Clarke didn’t say it. “It’s nothing. Just me being myself and overthinking on certain things.” They both turned to look as Raven started up her car. They waved as the other four backed out and drove off. “What are their plans?”

“They’re heading to go bowling later after Raven’s rehab, Bellamy and Echo might go. They asked us to go but you were totally not paying attention so I told them I’d just catch you up and see what’s wrong.”

“Right,” Clarke nodded, now sitting up and leaning over her girlfriend, wrapping her arms around her neck from the slight height advantage that she currently had. “Sorry about that.”

Lexa blushed, glancing around them nervously now. It had emptied out a lot while Clarke was focused on Roan and Ontari. This was the Lexa she was used to, so she tried to make it as casual as possible. So she didn’t try to kiss her. Just held her as Lexa finally met her eyes again.

“So?” Lexa inquired, the blush now fading when she realized no one was staring at them.

“So?”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “You going to tell me what you were thinking about?”

She thought about lying, but she didn’t. “Ontari.”

Instantly, Lexa frowned. “Should I be jealous?”

“Never,” Clarke chuckled. “Just noticed that she hasn’t… been a dick the last week.”

A thoughtful expression crossed Lexa’s face. “Maybe. But she’s probably just plotting something. Since she’s the one that got Murphy the weed at Niylah’s party, I’m sure she’s up to all sorts of other things.”

“Wait, she gave him–”

“Yeah, I found out yesterday.” Lexa’s eyes showed their annoyance and attitude. “Mutual friends. I’m pretty sure she’s the ones that called the cops too that night, just to piss me off.”

“And you haven’t confronted her?” Clarke’s hands slid around Lexa’s shoulder, squeezing them. “I’m proud of you.”

“I wanted to, trust me. I wanted to kick her ass.”

“I’m sure.”

She shrugged in response. “I thought about a lot of ways to get revenge. Gatorade. Leaving a fish under her desk. Renting an attack dog. Hiring an assassin.” Finally, at the end, Clarke was smiling in amusement and Lexa smiled back. “But I figured suspension isn’t the best way to get on your dad’s good side. Much less prison time for murder. It seemed a little dramatic.”

“Good point.” She jumped down off the hood of the truck now, Lexa’s hands falling from their perch on her legs to land on her hips. “Come on, then, let’s go.”

Lexa groaned. “I don’t want to do homework.”

“Sometimes, you don’t get a choice. Let’s go. The faster we get through the shitty stuff, the more time we’ll have for the fun stuff.”

\-------------------------  
  
“Fuck, Clarke. Right there. To the left. No back to the right. Just put some pressure. Use your thumb right there - now twist, dig into it – Ow! Not that much. It hurts!”

Clarke rolled her eyes at her girlfriend and continued to press the knots that seemed to be hidden under her shoulders. At the final protest, she moved her hands to Lexa’s sides and squeezed, effectively getting squeal from her girlfriend.

“Hey!”

“Well stop complaining or I’ll keep tickling you.” She moved her hands back to the oiled up, muscular shoulders, Lexa settling her face back into the pillow with content relaxation on her forehead now. “You know, I offer these massages because I know now how much you like them but you, missy, sure are getting picky about them.”

Lexa’s eyes fell closed, only humming in response as Clarke’s hands moved. They always talked about how Clarke was so good at this, but it was multiple things that helped. Her mom being a doctor, for one. Spending so much time at rehab with Raven, getting points from Wick on what muscles need help and where. And if Clarke was being honest, she loved how Lexa became putty in her hands when Clarke would oil her up and got to work. A couple times it lead to more, but after practices and games that were hard, Clarke has learned that on occasion she’s so good that Lexa just passes right out.

She moved her hands to just below the nape of Lexa’s neck, feeling her girlfriend breathe out. “God, that feels so good. I didn’t think I pushed that hard today. Community service at the field wasn’t too rough but I guess I didn’t realize how hard I went in the gym with Octavia. Aden just kept asking for more drills. Maybe I’m getting too old for this. It’s a Friday evening. We should be getting ready to party instead of me about to pass out at eight o’clock.”

Such dramatics. Clarke rolled her eyes. “Lexa, you’re seventeen. Relax.”

“I’m old.”

“You’re not even an adult.”

“Tell that to my back.”

She pushed out a particularly tight knot, causing another moan to fall from Lexa’s lips. “Yeah, you have an old lady back.”

“Doesn’t look like that though, right?” Lexa groaned.

Clarke took a moment, pausing to study the tone, lean, smooth body of her girlfriend. She definitely looked everything but. And Clarke felt her heart rate pick up as her hands slid down her back, Clarke moving her body down to press into Lexa’s thighs, giving her the whole view. She bit her lip from her straddling position. “Definitely not an old lady, babe. Actually, it’d be a pretty good canvas to paint on too.” Her fingers danced across the skin of Lexa’s spine, biting her lip as she thought. “I’ve seen those Tumblr pictures where people paint galaxies or constellations across their back.”

Lexa smirked, opening one eye to look back at her. “Are you checking me out?”

“All the time.”

“It’s rude to do that when I don’t have a shirt on.”

“It’s rude of you to even have to have a shirt on. I want to see this all the time.”

This time, Lexa rolled. Clarke moved with her until she was now straddling her front, her eyes dropping to Lexa’s exposed chest that she was now comfortable with. Clarke remembered Lexa instinctively covering up when they first started fooling around. Now, she was confident. And that confidence made Clarke’s confidence soar too.

“All the time?” Lexa asked, hands moved to the belt loops of Clarke’s jeans, gently tugging forward.

The blonde followed orders, nodding with a smile as she bent to lower her face to Lexa’s. Their lips pressed together and Lexa’s hands slid underneath Clarke’s shirt, settling on her hips like she always does. They kissed lazily, but it never failed to make Clarke’s heart race. She felt Lexa’s heartrate speed up under her fingertips, smiling into the kiss. God, she couldn’t wait to push this forward.

And as if Lexa could read her thoughts, her hands slipped towards the front of Clarke’s hips, toying with the button on her jeans. Clarke tried to pretend not to notice for the sake of Lexa’s nervousness, but when the button was popped open and her shirt was pushed up. She pulled back.

No words left her though because Lexa had yanked the shirt up and off, reconnecting their lips before Clarke had a chance to breathe.

And then she was on her back, Lexa over her and kissing down her neck, taking refuge on the spot near her collar bone. She knew she needed to stop this before they got too deep. Lexa could make Clarke get so carried away but she gripped the brunette’s waves instead, her fingers sliding through her hair as she moaned, Lexa’s mouth moving smoothly.

And then she heard someone clear their throat.

Lexa didn’t move. But Clarke knew she heard it because she froze. Like a deer in headlight. Her hands had gripped the sheets and the only thing that changed was the she was no longer kissing Clarke. And slowly, after a few seconds, she pulled back and just looked at Clarke. Her eyes were wide and terrified.

And that was when Clarke finally turned her head towards the door, her father leaning with his cane, his braces along his legs and bad arm, and a very angry expression.

It was obvious that Lexa didn’t know what to do. This was different then Indra almost catching them joking around a few weeks ago. This was not good. She was shirtless, braless, and kissing on Clarke’s neck thirty seconds ago. Shit.

And the look on Jake’s face was one that Clarke had never seen before.

This was uncharted territory for everyone but Lexa. And last time, it wasn’t a good experience.

\-----------------------  
  


Jake was outside, sitting on the back porch by the pool. His bad leg was propped up on the bench, swirling a cup of water that Abby had gave him.

Meanwhile, mother and daughter were in the kitchen, and the daughter was freaking the fuck out.

“You couldn’t have warned me?” Clarke hissed, hands slamming on the counter in frustration.

Abby had her hands rubbing at her temples, eyes closed as she leaned against the stove. “Clarke, I thought it would be a surprise. You had mentioned that you’d be home, that Lexa had community service today so I just assumed you’d be alone.”

“That’s great, Mom, but he’s never going to accept Lexa now. This might have totally screwed up my entire relationship.”

Abby dropped her hands, looking at Clarke with contempt. “It’s not my fault you decided to try to–” She paused, angry in her eyes and Clarke had a feeling she knew what she was going to say. But she took another breath before she said something she’d regret. “Look, honey, I get being a teenager. I get exploring and urges and don’t get me wrong, the fact that you can’t get pregnant relaxes me some but–”

“Can we not talk about my nonexistent sex life?” Clarke groaned. “We didn’t do anything.”

“Doesn’t look so nonexistent to your dad.”

“Dad didn’t give me a chance to explain. He just turned around and never said a word. Lexa is upstairs freaking out and–”

“Maybe she should head home,” Abby pointed out. “You need to settle everything with your father. He was really starting to have an open mind about it but no father wants to see… what he saw. Lexa is on the shit list, whether you like it or not.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. Ask you father. He spent months in a coma.”

Clarke opened her mouth to retort but closed it again quickly. Instead, she glanced outside, seeing where her father was still propped up and looking out over the pool and back yard. She could see the tenseness in his shoulders from here.

She turned back to her mom, sympathy and apologies in her eyes now. “That wasn’t fair either.”

Abby shrugged in return. “You need to talk everything through with him. Start to finish.”

“He knows everything.”

“No he doesn’t,” Abby pointed out, dropping her elbows to the counter to study her daughter. “He knows you like Lexa, that Lexa obviously likes you too.” Clarke made a face at the innuendo. “He knows what Raven told him, which could be anything. He doesn’t know that Lexa needs your help with physics and biology but still does her best. That she’s done so much to help Aden, that she does genuinely have a good heart. That she cares about her health, which I’m happy to say makes you take care of yours.” Clarke internally gagged. It was true though. Clarke ate more avocado toast and bananas that she’d care to admit since dating Lexa. “And he knows that you’re scared to really talk about it with him. To him, you have something to hide if you can’t talk about it. You need to try like you would if it was this time last year. Which means we should be throwing plates at each other by now.”

Clarke then chuckles about that. She reaches for the rack of paper towels, holding it in her hands. “You going to go left or right?”

“Right, always,” Abby laughs, quickly putting her hands up as Clarke softly throws the towels. Clarke watched as Abby caught it easily, setting it back on the counter with a smile. This is the bicker that she used to have with her dad. And although she loved the fact that she got on well with her mom now, she missed her dad too.

Would she ever get to be settled with both parents?

She bit her lip in thought. “Hey mom?”

“Yeah?”

“How come you or dad never told me how much he improved? Raven didn’t even mention it. I had no idea he was ready to come home.”

Abby, in the same fashion, bit her lip in thought. “He wanted it to be a surprise. And honestly, he wasn’t fully ready to come home medically but if I had to deal with his complaining one more day I was going to put him back in a coma,” she teased, but Clarke just nodded once, looking down. “I’m sorry it ended like that. If I had known–”

“I just wish I had known so that situation never had happened. God knows what Lexa is thinking right now.” She turned her head, looking towards the stairs behind her that led to her girlfriend.

“Probably pacing and wondering when I’m kicking her out.”

Abby frowned. “Why would she think that?”

Then Clarke forgot that Abby knew bits and pieces, but not the whole thing. Clarke figured brief was important, nobody needed details. “Her parents and her ex-girlfriend’s parents found them before, similar situation. Next thing Lexa knew, she was off to boarding school and her ex-girlfriend was nowhere to be found. It freaked her out, to say the least.”

“So Jake…” Abby worked through it in her head. “It’s kind of repetitive, then huh?”

“And not a good one at that.”

Abby sighed, seeming to finally have a grasp on the situation’s severity. “I’ll talk to Jake first. Go check on Lexa. But your father is going to want to talk to you. Make it as quick as you can.”

\-------------------------------  
  
When Clarke found Lexa, she was now fully dressed with her hands crossed over her t-shirt, basketball shorts on, and staring out the window that looked over the front yard. Slowly, the blonde stepped forward until she wrapped her arms around Lexa from behind, pressing her cheek to her back and taking a deep breath.

Lexa relaxed slightly.

“I’m going to go talk to my dad. I just wanted to check on you first.”

Lexa shivered. Clarke wasn’t sure what from. “Should I go with you?”

The honest answer was that Clarke didn’t know. “I don’t know what this version of my dad is going to say. And Lexa, I don’t want him to hurt you.”

She nodded, continuing to look out the window but her hands fell to Clarke’s on her stomach. “I don’t want him to lash out at you either.”

“He won’t.”

“The old Jake wouldn’t. But this Jake looked at me like if he was fully healthy he would’ve thrown me head first out of this very window.”

Clarke frowned at the defeat in her girlfriend’s voice. She moved to press her forehead against Lexa’s back, closing her eyes. “He’ll come around. I promise.”

“I’m not going to make you choose between me or your dad.”

Clarke tensed. “What?”

“I said I’m not going to make you choose between your father or me if I comes down to it. It’s not fair for you.”

It came out sounding like an ultimatum. Clarke immediately yanked Lexa’s arm, turning her around and she wasn’t sure what else to do. She just leaned up and wrapped her arms around her neck, immediately kissing her hard and fast. Lexa responded, but just briefly before pulling away.

“Clarke–”

“I’ll figure this out.”

“Look, I know how these things–”

“That’s not happening. I promise. Okay?”

Lexa sighed, not looking convinced. “Should I stay here or head home then?”

Honesty was key, right? “I think… it’s best if you head home. I don’t want you around to hear this if it becomes a verbal war.” She had plenty of experience with that with her mother. Octavia had even cried once and Bellamy refused to come over for six months in the eighth grade. It was a disaster. Granted, that was mother-daughter arguments but fighting with her father was uncharted territory. She wasn’t sure how bad this could be.

Lexa had nodded, kissing her quickly one more time. “Call me later tonight? If… if they still let you? I’ll stay up until I hear from you. I probably won’t be able to sleep anyway.”

“Lexa–”

“Please?”

That look, the sad puppy that’s scared they’re going to the pound look about broke Clarke’s heart. She nodded, pressing her forehead to Lexa’s. “Keep your phone on you.”

\---------------------  
  
“You want me to what?!”

Jake sighed, arms crossed over his chest. With him up and standing in his regular clothes, it made Clarke realize just how much weight he’d lost, how tired he was, how much of the tan and muscle he had lost. His t-shirt now looked two sizes too large. Bags currently sat under his eyes. His sweatpants didn’t cling to his calves that he always kept so tightly to him.

But that didn’t stop the fact that she was currently pissed. And his spot from the couch didn’t make him waver either.

“I’m serious,” he stated. “I don’t like her. Period.”

“Jake–”

He held his hand up, cutting Abby off. That wasn’t the shocking part. What was shocking was that Abby actually hushed, sinking into the seat next to him.

It just fueled the fire in Clarke, who was currently standing across the coffee table looking at them like they had three heads. “You’ve lost your damn mind.”

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “Watch the language, Clarke.”

Her father would never had told her that before. “I’m not breaking up with Lexa. No way. And you can’t keep me from seeing her just because you saw us kissing.”

“I don’t see how you have a choice. I’m your father.”

“That was the good thing about you, Dad,” she said with spite. “You always gave me a choice. What happened to that guy?”

Abby’s hand landed on Jake’s knee softly. “Honey, maybe we should talk about this a little more first and then talk to Clarke.”

“No.” Jake stood his ground, while sitting. “She needs to figure out that she’s still a child. For too long you’ve been gone taking care of me while I’ve been gone. She’s taken advantage of that, clearly. Well, the parents are back now, so things are going to change around here.”

Clarke took offense. “I’m not the child that you think I am! I’m turning eighteen soon, Dad. I’m not some fifteen year old kid that you see in me. I’ve grown up some. Give me a little bit of credit. It’s not my damn fault that you can’t remember it.”

It was a low blow. A real low blow. She knew it. Her mother knew it as she dropped her head in disappointment.

And Jake knew it as his anger flashed. “You’re not driving your bike anymore. I’m selling it. You’re not seeing Lexa anymore. Your grades have slipped–”

“They’re all A’s and B’s!”

“– And you’ve clearly lost your mind on how to be respectful. So whether you like it or not. This is final.”

His tone suggested it too. But she wasn’t backing down without a fight. She glanced at her mom, who looked up at her with sympathy. But then hope flashed through her as her mother turned to Jake. “Honey, she can’t get to school without the bike or Lexa.”

He shook his head. “It’s called a bus. I’m sure one comes through here. Jasper rides it.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and decided to piss him off more. “Lexa takes the bus when she can’t take the truck. Sure you want that to be my only option?”

“We’ll buy something else other than your bike, then,” he continued, turning red with frustration.

“You gave that bike to me,” Clarke pointed out, heart racing and tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. “It was the only thing that connected me to you while you were… gone. And you want to just take it away? Like it never existed?”

“You should’ve have had that death trap in the first place.”

“We researched it, studied it, worked on it together, Dad. It was like our project!”

She could see that he didn’t care. How could he? He couldn’t remember those good times. All he knew is that he woke up to his daughter driving a ‘death trap’.

He ran one hand slowly through his shaggy, blonde hair that was in need of a trim. “I’m sorry, Clarke. But I would feel more comfortable if you took the jeep or something instead.”

“The jeep is your baby,” Abby blurted out, as shocked as Clarke felt. “You’ve never let her drive the jeep.”

“Because apparently I was an idiot that cared more about my car than my daughter’s safety.”

“Oh, please. I drove my bike to school and to Octavia’s house. It’s not like I was going into Atlanta traffic. We’ve had this conversation before. And we worked through it. I’m keeping my bike,” she argued, and she saw his eyes flash with frustration. “And I’m not breaking up with Lexa.”

His hand tightened in his lap. “Clarke, that’s nonnegotiable.”

“Can’t you at least listen?”

“NO! Because you won’t stand to see reason,” he argued, sliding forward in his seat and grunting when he did. Abby immediately put a hand on his back, concern in her eyes. He shook her off, mumbling that he was fine.

Clarke rubbing her face, barely able to stop herself from pacing how she wanted to. It was even harder to stop herself from throwing that stupid candle on the coffee table against the TV. “You don’t even know her, Dad.”

“Because you won’t talk about her, wouldn’t let me get to know her. The girl was petrified every time she was around. Sounds like someone who’s guilty to me,” he shot back. “That doesn’t boost me with confidence.”

“You haven’t exactly been open about the idea of us being together. Ever think about that?”

“Yeah, I haven’t been because she’s clearly a bad influence.”

“Because she’s got a past or because she’s a girl?” she shot back, ready to hear whatever answer her dad said.

Jake sighed. “Come on, Clarke. Be serious.”

“That’s all I need to know.” Clarke said with seething disappointment and aggravation. “You said you’re fine with my bisexuality. But you’ve never really considered Lexa viable. Even with everything Raven has said–”

“Exactly. I’ve had to hear it from Raven. Someone I don’t know. Someone who apparently is close to my daughter and I have no idea how or why. But she’ll talk. So I let her. And yet, my daughter is scared to tell me about almost anything when I’ve never given her a reason to before.”

“That was before you woke up,” Clarke said softly, realizing that who she was talking to didn’t resemble her old father anymore. It was like a realization that hit her in the gut. She felt it to her toes. That sinking feeling of loss and despair. She finally realized it. “But it doesn’t matter, because it looks like my dad died in that accident too.”

\----------------------------  
  
Raven’s eyes widened once Clarke finished the story, sitting on her bed. When Clarke had arrived at her house, Anya immediately got the quick rundown and decided to go to Lexa. It wasn’t that Clarke didn’t want to see Lexa. She needed someone to help her through this from an outside point of view. She needed someone to tell her that she didn’t just ruin her relationship with her dad permanently.

But based on the face that Raven was making, that wasn’t the reassurance that she was going to get.

After a moment, Raven finally said, “Girl, you probably shouldn’t have said that.”

Clarke groaned, currently pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed. “I couldn’t help it. God, it was like talking to my mom but so much worse. Like my dad wasn’t even there. He got replaced by this asshole that doesn’t listen, doesn’t care. The thing about my dad was that he cared, about anyone and anything. He’d carry spiders outside instead of killing them because he was that guy. He donated to the humane society. And now, he wants me to just sell my bike, break up with my girlfriend, and not give a shit? He knows me better than that!”

“He knows the fifteen year old version of you that listened a lot better than this one does,” Raven pointed out. “The Clarke we know has changed a lot over that time. I didn’t even know fifteen year old Clarke. She sounds horrible.” Said girl glared at her, but Raven just shrugged it off with a smile. “It was a joke. Sorry. Totally serious now.”

“We’re just too different, me and my dad. Like a time warped, it’s fucked up.”

“Not to mention you said he was pissed about the bike. And so you drove it here. Without a helmet since you were in a hurry. That’s a great way to get on his good side.”

Clarke didn’t think about that. “That probably pissed him off too.”

“Definitely.”

“How else was I supposed to get here?”

Raven chuckled to herself. “By getting Lexa to drive you?”

Clarke paused, looking at her friend who was obviously trying to hold in a smile. Instead of answering, Clarke rolled her eyes and just collapsed on the bed, falling backwards to stare at the ceiling. “What am I going to do?”

“Being dramatic seems like a good first step. You’re doing that part great.”

“Fuck off.”

“Cursing at your friends is Step Two. You’re following the books perfectly.”

“Is Step Three when I start throwing things? Because I’m about to.”

Raven faked being hurt, holding her hands to her chest. “You wound me, Clarke. You know I can’t win in a fight.” She pointed at her legs. “That’s just rude to point out my insecurities.”

Instead of answering, Clarke groaned loudly and covered her eyes with her hands. Part of her just wanted to scream. She didn’t know where to go from here. “Raven, I really need you to just tell me what to do. You literally walked me through my entire relationship with Niylah. What do I do now?”

“Niylah was easy. My experience with Dads is kind of limited nowadays.”

That voice was no longer playful. Clarke pulled her hands from her eyes, turning to look at her friend with apologies. Raven shrugged it off, shaking her head slightly.

“Sorry, still happens sometimes.”

Clarke felt horrible. “No, I’m sorry. I should be excited I just got my dad back.”

Another shrug. “He’s not what you were expecting. I get that. Even if my dad was still around, he wouldn’t be the same person either. I’m not the same person I was before the accident. He might just be scared, or confused, or something. You never know.”

With a push off her elbow, Clarke flipped and rolled, landing on her stomach and draping one arm across Raven’s leg to look up at her. “Hey, you’re still Raven. You’re still goofy, funny, brilliant. You’re still going to go to NASA.” Raven didn’t look like she believed it. “You are,” Clarke emphasized. “You deserve it. And I’m sorry for throwing all my shit at you when you’ve got a full plate already.”

“I’m always here for you. I told you that since the day we found out Finn was cheating on us.”

Clarke groaned, dropping her forehead to Raven’s thigh. “What a day that was. Jesus. I’ve never wanted to throw someone into ongoing traffic quite like that before.”

“We made it through that,” Raven encouraged. “Through the wreck. Through Niylah. And we’ll figure it out with your dad,” she reached forward, rubbing Clarke’s hair playfully causing the girl to swat at her. “So relax. Besides, your mom texted me after you left your house but I wasn’t sure if I should tell you.”

Clarke’s eyes snapped up. “What?”

Raven was already reaching for her phone. “Here. Read it.”

\-------------------------------

She woke the next morning, feeling Lexa pressed against her back and Clarke wanted to face the Saturday morning without anything to worry about. No mom. No dad. Just Lexa holding her as the sunlight shown through and she wasn’t exactly in the mood to get up and change that.

But the alarm clock wouldn’t shut up.

And eventually, Lexa woke, groaning and rolling away from Clarke to slap the noise maker into silence. This freed Clarke enough to reach for her phone as Lexa yawned and stretched, draping her arm back over Clarke’s waist as the screen light lit up their faces.

She read the text from her Mom again. Similar to the one that she had sent Raven but different still.

_Raven told me you made it safe. Your dad is pissed but I drugged him with the pain killers and he’s out cold (Don’t tell him I did that on purpose. I’m a doctor but I’m also an annoyed wife and mother at the moment). You’re still welcome to come home or stay at Raven’s or Lexa’s tonight. I’ll talk to your dad. We’ll figure something out. Keep me updated on where you are and I’ll see you tomorrow. Just don’t do anything stupid, Clarke. I love you._

Lexa tightened her hand around Clarke’s waist, leaning down to kiss her bare shoulder where her sports bra didn’t cover. She didn’t notice the tightness in Clarke’s chest about the day ahead. Instead, Clarke’s skin created goosebumps against her will where Lexa’s lips ghosted.

“Good morning.”

Clarke rolled in the arms she enjoyed so much, dropping the phone between them and immediately connecting her lips to Lexa’s. They kissed briefly until Clarke pulled back, a smile forming on her lips that she couldn’t stop.

Lexa smiled back. “Still love morning kisses, I see.”

“That’ll never change.”

“I hope not,” she smiled, leaning down to kiss her one more time. It made Clarke’s toes curl in happiness. But then Lexa pulled back, getting a little serious. “Are we going to talk now or later?”

Clarke groaned, dropping her head to Lexa’s chest. “I haven’t even had coffee yet, Lexa.”

“That’s not my fault.”

She shook her head. “It’s too early,” she mumbled.

Lexa rubbed circles on her bare back, dipping her fingers under her bra occasionally to cause that sensation on Clarke’s skin. “Well, can I start by saying thank you?”

“Thank you?”

“For coming back to me,” Lexa clarified, kissing Clarke’s hair and pulling closer. “I was terrified after I left for you to talk to your dad. And then you went to Raven’s, not to me. I panicked until Anya explained. And I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I got your text to come over. Thank God for Raven’s mom being so understanding.”

Clarke nodded, feeling the same gratefulness towards her friend’s mother. “She’s like our guardian angel right now.”

“Think she can talk some sense into your dad?”

“You forget; she’s like a stranger to him too. Both your family and Raven’s.”

Lexa sighed, turning from Clarke to roll on her back. “Dammit.”

Clarke pulled herself up onto her elbow, looking down at Lexa’s tank top that covered her chest, biting her lip as she studied the material between her fingers. “I didn’t tell you something last night. Something kind of large and important and I didn’t want it to bother you just yet.”

“What is it?”

She took a deep breath. “My dad wants me to break up with you.”

Lexa’s eyes saddened instantly, worry showing through the irises that Clarke spent so much time a day studying. “Right.”

“I won’t.”

“I don’t want to cause a civil war in your home.”

Clarke lifted her head, pressing her forehead to Lexa’s against the pillows. “I. Won’t.”

The unspoken words were there. She hoped that Lexa understood exactly what she was implying. Now wasn’t the time to say it though. She could see the insecurity in Lexa’s eyes. The fear. The concern. Now wasn’t the time for those three little words but it was getting harder and harder for Clarke to not spill the tea and blurt it out to get her point across.

“If it gets to the point that we need to–”

“Shut up and kiss me,” Clarke demanded, pressing her lips to Lexa’s quickly. That definitely shut her up, and the force of the kiss threw Lexa for a spin, Clarke sliding half on top of her in the daze. They were tired and sleepy so it was a little sloppy, but Clarke didn’t wasn’t to talk anymore. She didn’t want to think. And Lexa was the perfect way to stop all of that from happening. She could focus just on her girlfriend, not on anything else.

Until it was interrupted.

“We’re back, bitches!”

Clarke pulled back just as Octavia came flying into the room, Raven following a little more slowly as both girls collapsed on the bed, effectively crushing Clarke and Lexa.

“Oof!”

“Guys!”

“Good morning!”

“Wake up!”

“We’re awake!”

“Get off!”

Lexa shoved Octavia, who was laughing and effectively pushed her into Raven, who didn’t have her balance and fell off the bed to the floor. Clarke was able to see the aftermath and started laughing first, then Lexa, and pretty soon all four girls were laughing way too hard and too early in the morning but they couldn’t quite stop it. It was something that Clarke and Lexa definitely needed.

“Assholes, I’m injured and you shove me to the floor,” Raven managed to situate herself though, pulling herself by Lexa’s feet as Octavia perched by Clarke’s. “You didn’t christen my bed, did you?” Raven said with a teasing and pointed expression.

Lexa blushed.

Clarke chuckled. “I wish.”

The brunette next to her shoved her shoulder. “Really?”

Clarke shrugged one shoulder. “We didn’t though,” she answered to Raven’s earlier question. “Too many emotions really to think about anything other than sleeping it off.”

Octavia nodded, dropping her hand to Clarke’s calf under the sheets. “Raven updated me last night. You alright?”

“Not sure,” she shrugged back. “Dad is like a stranger living in my house right now. I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to talk to him, to be around him.” She glanced at Raven’s sympathetic expression. “Thank you for letting us both crash here last night.”

Raven smiled in return. “Don’t worry about it. Mom didn’t mind. And Anya is on her way here too. She’s bringing chicken biscuits I think.”

Lexa moaned in anticipation, causing Clarke to blush for a number of other reasons. “That sounds amazing.”

Octavia chuckled. “Shouldn’t you be on a morning run or something by now?”

“Probably, but a biscuit sounds better given the current situation.”

With a roll of her eyes, Clarke patted Lexa’s tight and fit stomach. “Are you going to survive if you lose these abs because you have to lay in bed with me?”

Raven smirked before Lexa could answer. “There’s ways to keep your abs in bed too.”

This time and again, Lexa blushed red and looked hid her face in Clarke’s shoulder with a groan of embarrassment. Clarke would never admit to her friends that she loved how Lexa found solace against her, always hiding herself against the blonde when something wasn’t fully going her way made her feel safe. It made the relationship that much sweeter. Clarke patted Lexa’s cheek with reassurance this time.

“Don’t tease her,” Clarke shot at her friends. “We’ve had a hard 14 hours.”

“And my shoulders are still tight from yesterday,” Lexa mumbled into Clarke’s clothes.

Octavia nodded in understanding. “I could barely reach the top shelf for the plates for dinner last night. Bellamy made plenty of jokes, but God that workout was just brutal.”

Lexa agreed. “Why did we even do that?”

“We were on a roll. I didn’t realize how hard we were pushing. Lincoln made me talk a bath with some Epson salts and I still feel tight.”

“That’s hot,” Raven said with a smirk.

All three girls rolled their eyes. “Head out of the gutter, Ray,” Clarke directed.

Raven rolled her eyes in response. “Party Poopers, all of you.”

\-------------------------

Clarke pulled up to her house on her bike, staring up at the building that she found so much solace in for so many years. And until her dad came home, that was still the case. Now though, she didn’t want to go inside. She didn’t want to face the living room that she knew would house her father. She was still grateful he was alive, and she still loved him, but she really didn’t like him at the moment.

Instead of heading home, she stayed over at Raven’s until lunch when Indra texted them to get them back home. Ignoring Indra would be a bad move, according to Lexa and Anya so everyone said their goodbyes and headed out.

Clarke glanced down a few houses, seeing the truck and Indra’s car that Anya drove that morning pull into their driveway down the street. God, what Clarke would give to be able to walk into that house instead.

But she couldn’t. She knew that. So she slid off the bike, cutting the ignition and refixed the messy bun of blonde hair on her head before taking a deep breath and heading inside.  
Jake was right where she’d thought he’d be too.

Coffee in hand and scowl present, he sat on the couch and seemed to be watching the news. But even with this version of her father, she could tell that he wasn’t genuinely taking an interest. His brain was going to be running a mile a minute.

For a moment Clarke tried to gather herself before she walked forwards, giving her mom a look of ‘help me’ to which her mother shook her head and pointed at her dad.

Talk to him, now.

Looks like it was going to be a duel of the Griffins.

So Clarke moved forward, huffing to make her presence known and dropped down on the single recliners, elbows falling to her knees, hands clasping together, and eyes pointing at her father. “So am I grounded?”

“For which part do you think you’re grounded for?” He asked it without breaking eye contact with the TV, not even one glance at her.

She frowned. One thing she was always used to with her father was having his complete attention, good or bad. “Running off? Being disrespectful? Driving my bike? Kissing my girlfriend? Being bisexual? Having a girlfriend? Having a life? Take your pick.”

Jake rolled his eyes but didn’t look at her still. “You’ve changed.”

Not what Clarke was expecting. “What?”

“You’ve changed.” Finally, this time, Jake set his coffee down and leaned back against the couch, slowing tilting his head to look at his daughter. “You’ve… grown up.”

Clarke, who was expecting more fighting, wasn’t sure what to say. “Um, well, yeah. I’m turning eighteen.”

For a moment, there wasn’t a noise other than the drone of the TV and the dishes that were in the sink being washed by Abby. But finally, Jake spoke again. “When I woke up, you were supposed to be a freshmen that had a ton of life experiences with you. First times with you. Teaching you how to drive. Freaking out over a first love. Fighting your first high school bully. First real kiss. And I was supposed to help you through all that.”

Clarke, for the first time in a few days, felt sympathy for her father that wasn’t related to physical injury. “Dad, you did help me through all of that.”

“Seems like I didn’t.”

“You did. You just–”

“Don’t remember it?” He answered quickly, arching one eyebrow in the way that Clarke learned to do so well. “Yeah. That’s what everyone has been telling me. And knowing that some… other guy seemed to have a part of you that I didn’t… Clarke, it made me angry.”

This was definitely not what she thought was going to happen. “The dad that helped me through my first kiss, through my relationships, through the nights with Octavia and drama at school, he’s still in there somewhere. He still likes soccer, is great friends with Raven, is Jasper’s Idol, loves burritos.” She paused as he took in all this information. And finally, she went for it. “And he gave Lexa a chance before I ever did.”

Jake looked towards the carpet for a moment. Part of her hoped that he remembered it, at least if not now then someday. The party; Lexa cleaning up afterwards or helping Clarke after Anya blasted her in the head with the soccer ball. Will he ever let Lexa show him how genuine, caring, and thoughtful she was? Or did he see her as some athletic frat wanna-be?

It took another moment of anxiety before Clarke spoke up again. “Lexa means everything to me, Dad.”

His identical eyes met his daughter’s across the small space, and she saw the frustration in them. “I feel like one day I went to sleep and all you wanted was to make grades that would make your mother proud. And now… you’re talking about this girl as if you love her.”

“I’m pretty sure I do.” The words were out before Clarke even realized it, but the she understood that they were true. She’d thought about it, but never voiced it allowed fully. It was hinted with Octavia, more so with Raven, but never spoken.

But it was true. She loved Lexa. She’d do anything for Lexa.

“You’re not supposed to date until your thirty,” he reminded her with a teasing tone.

The air seemed to lift at the joke, and Clarke found herself smiling and her hands relaxing. “Dad, I’m not five anymore. That doesn’t work on me. Besides, we’ve had this argument before.”

He nodded once, eyes saddening. “Right, sorry.”

This was not going to be easy. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to–”

“How can I not expect you to be mad at me for forgetting if I get mad at you for forgetting that I’ve forgotten? Ya know?” he teased quickly, giving the saddest smile she’s ever seen. “And if you really love Lexa, then I guess I can give her another chance. A third chance.”

This was too easy. “What did mom say to you last night?”

Abby presented herself at that time from the kitchen, and extra cup of coffee for Clarke in her hands. “I threatened to file for divorce,” she shrugged, holding the coffee to her daughter. Clarke took it. “And since I’m the source of income right now, Jake complied.”

The second cup of coffee was made just how Clarke likes it and she took a large sip, looking over the rim at her father who just smirked over at Abby.

“Well,” he said, “I can’t argue until I can literally get back on my feet. And with this stupid cane, I’m limited at engineering.”

Abby nudged his shoulder gently, plopping next to him. “I knew you only loved me for my money.”

“Of course. I may not remember much but I do remember buying the pool with your money. Not mine.”

“I’m not surprised.”

Clarke watched the interaction with a warming and filling heart.

Abby leaned back in the couch, holding her coffee under her nose before glancing at Clarke. “And I hope you don’t mind, Clarke, but I told him some of Lexa’s background.”

“You mean–”

“What Indra told me, Jake now knows,” she clarified. Indra had given both Clarke’s mom and Raven’s mom the rundown on the girls after Christmas when everyone realized how attached the group was becoming. They all knew that something had happened beforehand but didn’t know how bad. But both moms now understood what they went through, at least on the surface, and Clarke glanced at her father who was deep in thought, staring at the floor.

“Dad?” He looked up at her. “There’s a lot to the story, but Lexa really is a fighter. She’s a genuine person. She’s not how she seems.”

“You mean she’s not blindly attracted to you?”

Clarke blushed instantly, watching as her mom’s eyes widened at his bluntness as well. But she knew Jake. Standing up to him with his own humor is the best way to prove your point. “She definitely is. But she’s more than just a blind attraction, and you should really get to know the other parts of her that make her so important to me.”

He shook his head with a small smile at that. “So you admit it.”

“I do. And I’m attracted to her too.”

“At least it’s better than Niylah,” Abby pointed out. “She was a sweet girl but that was way too much… touching for me.”

“Lexa has boundaries?” Jake asked sarcastically.

Abby answered. “She hates PDA.”

“I never would’ve guessed.”

“Dad,” Clarke scolded. “You’ve got a lot to learn about her. A lot. And honestly, I want to give you a chance to right everything that you did, like giving me an ultimatum on my girlfriend. But really get to know her before you decide you don’t like her.”

He took her words, glancing at Abby who nodded along with what Clarke stated. “Alright,” he said, “Dinner. Tomorrow. She better be on her best behavior.”

\------------------------

_Dad wants to have dinner tomorrow, the four of us. – Clarke_

_I’m sorry, what? He wants what? When? WHY? – Lexa_

_Lexa, babe, relax. He wants to go to dinner. Probably that Italian pizza place down the street. Maybe just at the house. I don’t know. Mom and I spoke to him and he wants to get to know you. – Clarke_

_He said that before. And then he tried to get you to break up with me because I have no self-control with you. Which is not entirely the case… Entirely… – Lexa_

_Well, I’d love it if you didn’t have self-control but we both know how frustrating it is that you do. That we both do. – Clarke_

_Clarkkeeeeeee – Lexa_

_Sorry. But it’s true. Besides, and I hope you’re okay with this, but my mom talked to my dad about your… situation. – Clarke_

_Situation? – Lexa_

_Well, old situation. Like parentals, boarding school, getting adopted situation. – Clarke_

_Oh. – Lexa_

_It’s only what she knew from Indra. And if Indra classified it as necessary, don’t you think it was necessary for maybe my dad to know too? – Clarke_

_Maybe. Doesn’t mean I’m excited to sit down in a fancy restaurant and have dinner with your dad though. What if he stabs me with a butter knife? – Lexa_

_He has a bad shoulder, bad leg, and bad back. If he gets the jump on you, then you really need to start back in the gym double time – Clarke_

_Thanks for the confidence. – Lexa_

_And I’ll be there – Clarke_

_So will your father. Which makes me nervous regardless of who else is present. – Lexa_

\--------------------------

Lexa would not let go of Clarke’s hand. She squeezed like her life depended on it. And typically, Clarke didn’t mind. She was more than happy to comfort her girlfriend in any way she needed. But now, it was starting to hurt.

She gently squeezed Lexa’s hand back, getting the girls attention and slipped her fingers loose, draping them along her girlfriend’s thigh instead. Lexa didn’t relax but she didn’t panic either.  
The tension was coming because of the situation. Everyone was sitting down at dinner, menus up, contemplating food and Lexa had yet to even try to think. Abby and Jake were playing it well so far but Clarke could tell that Lexa was waiting for a bomb to go off as soon as they got to the restaurant.

Instead of going as a group, Lexa had begged Clarke to let her drive separately. “I don’t want to start the interrogation until I have to,” Lexa had said in a frightful tone that Clarke found alarming and enduring. At least it meant she really cared, probably too much, about how this night ended.

But when they had gotten to the restaurant, Lexa immediately grabbed Clarke’s hand as they walked in. That was odd behavior but it was nice. Despite the circumstance, holding hands in public was a huge step, one that Clarke was ecstatic for. So from the door to the hostess to the table to the chair, Lexa and Clarke kept physical contact and when Jake’s eyes had landed on the connection, Lexa’s grip just tightened more.

Now, it was quiet. It was awkward. Clarke had to do something.

She cleared her throat, getting her dad’s attention with an eyebrow going up over the menu. “So, Dad. You going to stare at the menu all night?”

Lexa tensed.

That probably wasn’t the best approach but she didn’t enjoy the cold shoulder either. Her father should know better.

He used to actually know better.

With that, he lowered the menu and watched Clarke for a moment before turning his gaze to Lexa. “So, I’ve been scolded by the two women who are closest to me because of you. I’m impressed with how you’ve won them over, but I’m not impressed with you.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Dad. Not what I meant.”

“I’m being honest,” he shot back calmly. Lexa hadn’t said a word. “And with that, I’ll keep being honest. I’ll give her a chance. But I want to see her actually be respectful.”

“She is respectful,” Clarke countered.

“Maybe. But have I seen it?”

Abby sighed, finally dropping her own menu and leaning back in the booth of the restaurant. “Jake, give the girl a chance. She’s yet to say one word. You said you'd do better.”

“Fine, let her talk. Is she mute or scared she’ll say something she’ll regret?”

Clarke almost answered but this time, Lexa actually sat up straighter. “Um, with all due respect, I’m right here.”

“So she speaks,” Jake said with a dramatic clap of his hands. “You’ve yet to say a word around me, Lexa. Sorry if I offended you but the first time we met, you were a statue next to my daughter after doing God knows what in the back of a Mercedes and the second time you were defiling her in my own house. Not much room for talking in those situations, I take it?”

Clarke blushed, squeezing Lexa’s leg with reassurance. “Dad, back off.”

“You told me to talk. I’m talking.”

“You told me this would be a civilized dinner.”

“We’re being civil. I haven’t, how did she put it? ‘Stabbed her with a butter knife’?”

Clarke flushed red at the fact that he knew about their conversation. But that also meant he knew of other conversations. She looked at her mom who now had her head in her hands in defeat and astonishment at her husband. Clarke looked back at her dad, now feeling the anger boil up. “You’ve been monitoring my text messages?”

“I’m an engineer, not an idiot. It’s not hard to get the phone companies to cooperate and get parental views.”

“That’s a breach of privacy.”

“You’re fifteen. You don’t have privacy.”

She yanked her hand from Lexa’s lap, pointing at her father angrily. “I’m not fifteen! I’m seventeen! Dammit, Dad. What were you thinking?”

Jake seemed to realize that he stepped over a boundary, that he made a mistake, but Clarke could see himself fighting on the inside. Father mode was trying to take over. He used to have a fun side but she couldn’t find any of that. And the idea that he was monitoring her… she mentally thought back. Did she ever talk shit about her dad? Not that she could recall. Even with Raven and Octavia, they don’t text much. Thank God.

She dodged bullet there. But she and Lexa texted a lot. None of it was something she wanted her parents to see.

Jake leaned forward now, taking Clarke’s tone as a challenge. “In case you forgot, you’re not an adult. We have control over you and if you want to have any sort of freedom-”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Abby all but yelled, getting the attention of a few bystanders within hearing distance in the restaurant. “We’re going to discuss this properly and dammit, Jake,” she turned her head at him with disappointment, “I thought I told you not to track our daughter’s texts. What the hell were you thinking?”

He was quiet a moment, glancing a look at Lexa that Clarke could only describe as a slightly glare. “Abby, our daughter–”

“Is someone I trust, believe it or not,” she shot back. Clarke felt a sense of pride run through her body, slowly reached back to grasp Lexa’s hand as her mother of all people defended her relationship. “And you should trust her too. I don’t care if you don’t trust Lexa, but she has done more for your daughter than I have over the last six months. She got Clarke through your accident. She made sure that your daughter was eating, that she was taking care of herself, that she didn’t fall into a pit of sadness at the thought of never being able to talk to her father again, her best friend. Lexa helped Clarke focus back on school, on friends, on Raven and Octavia and staying out of trouble. Lexa taught her how to be strong because she’s been through some shit too so dammit Jake, put your arrogance and pride out the damn window before I kick you out myself.”

Silence followed.

But Clarke was beaming on the inside with pride. Her mother stood up for her in a way she never expected.

And her father was shocked.

After a few moments of Clarke’s silence, Jake’s stare, and a frustrated sigh from Abby, Lexa leaned forward and put one elbow on the table to lean on. She addressed Jake. “Um, Mr. Griffin, I do respect your daughter–”

He rolled his eyes. “If I had a dollar every time a father heard that line…”

“I do,” she emphasized. “I – I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Jake didn’t look convinced. “It takes more than respect to make a relationship work. Especially one like… yours.”

“What?” Clarke stated. Her blood started to boil again based on her dad’s accusational tone. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Clarke,” Abby scolded. “Language.”

“Because she’s a girl?” Clarke continued, ignoring her mother’s look. “You’re so hard on her, so frustrating, so determined to ruin us just because she’s a girl?”

“Because your life is instantly harder with her at your side,” he finally said. Clarke felt like she could see the weight on his shoulders being lifted as he said it, the bags under his eyes lighting up and the tension in his spine disappearing as the words flew out. “Being with a girl will make your life that much more difficult. And I don’t want you… to have a hard life because of choices that could’ve been different.”

“Different? Are you kidding me? We've had this damn conversation. It’s not a choice, Dad. I have feelings for Lexa, whether I want to or not. I’m dating Lexa, whether you like it or not. And I’m not leaving her, despite whatever shit you try to guilt or put me through. So God dammit, Dad. Give. Lexa. A . Chance.”

The moments between Jake and Clarke seemed to go on and on before Jake finally dropped his stern gaze war with his daughter. He sighed. Abby relaxed. Clarke slowly leaned against the back of the booth, pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand in complete frustration.

Jake looked like a kicked puppy. “I don’t like this.”

“Really?” Abby rolled her eyes at her husband. “I never would’ve guessed.”

“But I want answers,” Jake stated briefly but sternly. “To every question I have.”

Lexa, surprisingly, was the one that spoke next, back straight. “Answers… about me?”

“Yes.”

“About my past?”

Jake nodded. “Yes.”

“About my life and whatnot? Like an interrogation if I’m good enough for your daughter?”

Jake looked surprised at how up front Lexa was but he nodded nonetheless. “Well, essentially, yes.”

Clarke scooted closer to Lexa, linking their arms and lifting her head to just drop her chin to her girlfriend’s shoulder. “How about we start small, yeah?”

Her father seemed to contemplate. “Fine. This Costia girl, tell me about her.”

Shit, Clarke thought. Well, shit.


	24. Can't Catch A Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo nobody likes Jake based on the comments. Which I get, but wow lol trying to get this next chapter to write itself was hard, so that's what took so long again. I don't want the story to go on a tangent so I hope you all enjoyed this one!

Lexa and Clarke walked side by side, hands clasped between them. They decided after dinner that being cooped up in one of the houses didn’t sound very thrilling. Jake and Abby were of course home now, leaving dinner altogether, and Indra was home with Anya and Raven. And Clarke didn’t want to have to answer all those questions yet. She'd had enough dealing with her father. 

So they had linked hands and started down the path that Lexa normally does her morning runs on. It started quiet, and Clarke wanted to make sure that her girlfriend was able to comprehend everything.

“I still can’t tell,” she had finally said, squeezing Clarke’s hand to get her full attention.

Clarke frowned. “Can’t tell what?”

“If he hates me or not. I was an open book at dinner and I honest to God don’t know if Jake wants to throw me out of a three story building, burn me alive, or what. He grilled me like a burger. I have no idea what to think about it.”

It was definitely hard to tell. Jake had asked question after question, and it was very much a one sided conversation. Clarke and Abby had tried to make sure the fire only simmered. There was only so much that could be done though. Jake and Lexa dominated the conversation. It got more heated and then ice cold at certain times, taking Clarke on an emotional roller-coaster. The physical touch that she had given Lexa for support started to turn out to be more for herself. She had to keep herself grounded to stay civil in the restaurant.

She slipped closer to Lexa now, the warming spring air starting to chill as the sun was beginning to fade. Their arms links, her other coming up to grip Lexa’s strong bicep. “In a perfect world, I’d tell you it was fine. But I can’t read my dad any more than you can.”

Lexa groaned, tilting her head to the sky in exasperation. “Great. Part of me wanted to just give him one good punch to the face. Maybe that’ll prove I’m worthy.”

“I’d honestly love to see it.”

“Maybe next time.”

Clarke wasn’t sure if it would help, but her dad definitely deserved a good kick in the ass. “But his opinion is… different too. I love him, but he won’t cause me to break up with you. And tonight could’ve gone a lot worse. You handled him well, even got him a bit flustered which I’m proud to say.”

“I felt like I was one of Gus’ suspects on death row, getting grilled during their last meal.”

“Do we have the death penalty in Georgia?”

Lexa shrugged. “I don’t know? Aren’t you the genius between us?”

She pointed to herself. “Biology, science, doctor. That’s me. Not into politicians or government. That’s you.”

“Either way,” Lexa continued solemnly, “I almost shit myself tonight while also wanted to pour your mom’s whiskey sour on his head.”

Clarke turned and kissed her shoulder with reassurance. “I wish I could’ve helped but he shot down almost everything I said. I’ve already stooped low enough to tell him off, so I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I know. It’s not your fault. He’s protective over his daughter. I can’t fault him for that.”

“But he could’ve been less of a dick.”

Lexa sighed, shoving her hands in her pockets as she kicked at the rocks on the sidewalk. “I can’t believe I told him all that. Costia. The boarding school. The start of school party. God, the party. My sister gave you a concussion and he immediately asked why I had to be the one to help you. Like it was sinful to even try.”

“I appreciate you calling me adorably terrified though.”

“It slipped out. Your dad didn’t like it.”

“But he seemed interested about the championship game. He’ll try to hide it, but I could see he was impressed. And you’re an Atlanta United fan and he’s excited about that whether he admits it or not. Give yourself some credit. And it was hot watching you go toe to toe with my dad. He was red in the face at one point. And you were still respectful, which my mom adored. You laid some great ground work down tonight.”

Lexa chuckled. “Why does this suddenly seemed like some kind of covert mission than a dinner with the parents?”

Clarke shrugged, smiling at the floor as Lexa’s joke settled in. She was getting comfortable, and Clarke was so excited for it.

\--------------------

The coming days seemed to settle some after Clarke and Lexa basically told Jake to politely back off. The only time spent at Clarke’s house was for studying. While they didn’t avoid Jake, they didn’t go out of their way to see him or talk to him either. Lexa was as respectful as ever, and he took it with a grain of salt as Abby adored over her a little more than normal. Lexa was grateful for that. Clarke just hoped that time could fix her dad’s attitude. It’d be nice to just wake up and his memory be back to how it was.

But that wasn’t the case. Instead, they were here at school, wondering what to do for the afternoon as Clarke filed her books away in her locker.

“So,” Lexa had started, hands on the straps of her backpack. “Indra is making dinner tonight, some salmon and potatoes or something. She made it sound fancy. Gus will be home and they want you, Raven, and me and Anya to be there.”

“Dinner with the family? Where have I heard this before?” Clarke said with a smile. “Sounds great.”

“Gus made it sound less than great.”

Clarke frowned at Lexa’s tone. “What do you mean?”

“Since the party, we’ve been fine,” she began, leaning against the locker and staring at the floor as she spoke. “I’ve been doing my community service at the fields, staying clear of Ontari–”

“Have you seen her recently anyway? I haven’t seen her for a while around school.”

“I don’t care. Good riddens. But anyway, we’ve been good at home. But Gus just had his ‘I have to punish you because I’m a cop’ tone when he talk to us last night.”

“What about Lincoln? He going?”

She shook her head. “Something about Octavia having training at the gym and Lincoln said that Gus said something about it being between me and him but he wanted Anya there for support and blah blah and it seems very dramatic. Long story short, Lincoln got out of it.”

Clarke finally got her books in her back and closed her locker before swinging it on her shoulder. “And he didn’t give you any other information?”

“No, so don’t go in there thinking this is a ‘get to know you’ dinner. This might be worse than the one with your parents the other day.”

Clarke chuckled, reaching to grab Lexa’s hand and walking down the hallway. Sometimes, she still couldn’t believe that Lexa lets her to this, that Lexa is her girlfriend, that the school knows she taken. It was nice. “I still can’t thank you enough for dealing with my dad like that.”

Lexa shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

“Come on. It is. You know that. Don’t play it off.”

“We’ve talked about it a thousand times. Don’t you think we can talk about something else?”

Clarke smirked at her girlfriend, leaning over to wrap her arms around her waist and whispered, “Take me home and we don’t have to talk at all.”

“GRIFFIN!”

Clarke barely got to see Lexa’s blush, the slight cough of catching her off guard. It was enjoyable to tease, but never doubt Raven Reyes to ruin a moment. She released her girlfriend and grabbed her hand again instead, turning in the sea of students.

Raven sidled up next to her, alone. Where was Anya? “Hey,” the dark haired beauty said with a half distracted tone. “Anya told me about dinner. You game?”

“She better be,” Lexa teased.

Clarke rolled her eyes and punched her girlfriend’s shoulder. “I have to be, you mean. This is kind of returning the favor.”

Raven gripped her cane slightly, having to use it after a longer and strenuous day. “So, you know Gus. Anya didn’t give me any details. Is this going to be a joking dinner or stressful dinner?”

“One of us is in trouble,” Lexa said honestly but with a shrug. “I just don’t know who. Or what. Or how. I don’t know anything. We’re all going in blindsided.”

\--------------------

“She stole what?”

Clarke’s eyes were wide as Lexa spoke, trying to take in the information. This was not the dinner they were expecting.

Indra was true to her word. Great fish, better vegetables, incredible food as expected. And it was pleasant for the most part. Even with how hard and stern Indra and Gus could be, Clarke was grateful that they gave herself and Raven a chance without a second thought. It was like having a set of adults that they knew they could count on. And with all the crap at their own homes, it was a nice backbone to have.

But now, dinner was over and Indra was trying to get some of the frozen yogurt into some bowls in the kitchen. They all sat around the round table in the living room of the Woods’ home. And as pleasant as it always has been, Clarke couldn’t help but lean back in her seat now as her girlfriend next to her got heated.  
But Gustus kept his cool at Lexa’s blurted question. His hands were clasped in front of him, his chin leaning on them as he spoke. “Some vitamins, a TV, stupid stuff. But she did enough to get caught and it was enough valuables to be a pretty serious offense.”

Lexa shook her head. “She’s not that stupid. She did this on purpose. Was she by herself?”

“We think Murphy took off before we got to him,” Gustus answered with an expression that told Clarke he was very much annoyed about it. “But she didn’t rat him out. You know teenagers, you guys are loyal to each other. So she’s taking the full blame for the window that they broke to get inside and everything else.”

“So she’s in trouble. Real trouble?” Anya asked from the opposite spot by Lexa. “Like.. jail trouble?”

“She stayed two nights in a holding cell because her mother wouldn’t pick her up,” Gustus answered. “But I spoke to Roan and called him in too. He got her out this morning. ” That explains where Ontari had been at school, why nobody had seen her.

Clarke recalled the conversation that she had with Roan, about Ontari. About her being as bad as the company she’s around. And Murphy isn’t the best of company if the past few years were anything to go by. “So, what did he say?”

Gustus took a moment this time, eyeing both Clarke and Lexa. “He mentioned Lexa,” he said slowly, pointing towards her but his eyes met Clarke’s again and she sunk into her seat at his gaze. “And he mentioned a conversation he had with you.”

Lexa glanced at Clarke. “That conversation about Ontari? You never really told me what it was about.”

“He knows that Ontari needs help. A different kind of help.”

Clarke nodded at what Gus had said, slightly avoiding Lexa’s gaze and surprised at the silence coming from Anya and Raven. Now would be a great time for some usually unwanted Raven input. “I told him,” Clarke said slowly, “that if Ontari wanted help she can ask for it. But Lexa wasn’t going to roll over or break her back to help her if she didn’t prove herself. And she’s done nothing to make that happen.”

“Why would I help her?” Lexa asked, glancing between the two. “What exactly does her problems have to do with me?”

“Roan mentioned that she played soccer at her old school,” Gus stated.

Anya, finally, inputted. “What? She wants to play on our team?”

“No way,” Lexa stated.

Anya agreed. “She’s got no chemistry with the team. Besides, is she even good?”

Gustus shrugged. “Roan thinks so.”

Clarke sighed. “Roan said that she was a good kid when she played, before getting kicked off of course, but your team is close and I told him that. She’s pissed off Lexa, Niylah, half of the starting line-up in one night. And they don’t want a delinquent who’s stealing from downtown stores on the team either.”

Lexa crossed her arms, settling back into the seat to stare at the now empty plate setting.

Anya continued though. “I’ve never seen her do anything slightly athletic other than throw a punch. I don’t want her red carding on the field, if she’s good enough to make the team, and screwing us over. Coach wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Maybe,” Gustus nodded. “But I spoke to Ontari about something else for now on, a punishment.”

“What is it?”

He looked at Lexa, who now looked up with her eyebrows bunched in confusion.

He didn’t answer, and Clarke watched as realization set in. “You gave her community service at the field with me.”

Clarke’s eyes widened.

Anya gawked at her sister.

And Raven, still silent, looked on with amusement now.

Gustus nodded though. “She’s got an extra month on top of yours, but you’ll show her around for the next weeks while you guys are together. Field maintenance, pavilion training, loading and unloading equipment. Three times a week. The whole nine yards. And it’s going to suck, but I want you to try. Okay? You’ll still be with the director and he’s informed of the situation. And he speaks highly of you, Lex. Don’t ruin that by fighting someone who doesn’t deserve it.”

Clarke’s hand found its way to Lexa’s knee, as it does when one of them is nervous, and rubbed circles against the jean fabric. Lexa bit her lip in concentration, taking it all in. “I can’t say no, can I?”

Gustus shook his head with sympathy. “It’s a done deal. Roan and his mother came by and finished up everything this morning. And trust me, Ontari is less happy about this than you are.”

“Debatable,” Anya muttered.

“Is the mood too ruined for fake ice cream?” Indra asked, coming in with a tray of bowls in hand.

Lexa, despite how Clarke knew she felt, smiled at her adoptive mother. “Never. Bring it on.”

\--------------------------

“What are the odds I run her over with a lawn mower?” Lexa asked, smiling up at Clarke. “And what are the odds I can make it look like an accident?”

“You’re sneaky but I doubt you’ll get away with that.” Clarke leaned forward, hands on either side of Lexa’s head, pressing against the pillow to stay upright as she smiled down at her girlfriend. "Gus is a police officer, you know."

“Weed eater?”

“Not quite.”

“Hitting her with a wrench would get me thrown in the dog house, huh?”

“Definitely.”

Lexa sighed, dropping her head fully against the pillows and closing her eyes. “I’m not looking forward to tomorrow. I counted it. It’s eight three hour sessions with her.”

“I’m more upset that you’ll be spending more time with Ontari than I get to spend with you.”

Lexa smirked up at the tone of voice. “Is that jealousy, I hear?”

Clarke chuckled, and she laughed harder when Lexa’s hands squeezed her sides teasingly. “Stop it, you’re such a jerk.”

“Tell me. Are you jealous?”

“I want you to myself.” Clarke leaned down and kissed her hard and quick. “Sue me. I’m not worried but I’d like it better if you’d spend your time with me.”

Lexa didn’t let her back up after the kiss. And the blonde sank into the embrace when hands snaked from her sides to her back and pulled her, flattening her out against Lexa’s athletic build. The pressed lips to chest to hips to legs to feet, clothes sliding against clothes as lips pressed and teased back and forth.

The kiss got heated quickly, hands roaming and Clarke felt herself getting heated from the inside out. Lexa’s lips were addicting, to say the very least. But it was also late, her mother had already texted her twice about coming home, and they were still on a grace period with her father. She didn’t need to push his buttons any more than she already had.

So she slowed it down a few moments later, pecking her lips one last time before pulling away. “You make it really hard to leave, you know that?”

Lexa smiled, brushing her nose against Clarke’s. “Obviously not hard enough because that sounds like your heading home.”

“Dad was probably expecting me to be back an hour ago.”

“That’s a turn off,” Lexa groaned, dropping her head back and closing her eyes. “Ugh.”

Clarke chuckled, watching Lexa’s reaction intently. Over their time together, especially the last few months, Lexa had gotten more and more vocal about her feelings. And a moment like this was so rare that it was vocalized that even though Clarke was the experienced one, sometimes it would throw her off. Lexa voicing that she was turned on wasn’t something that Clarke would’ve heard a few months ago. Lexa would’ve hid it.

Now, they talked about it. They discussed it.

And God, Clarke wanted it.

So Clarke leaned back, sitting up to drop her hands to the shirt Lexa was wearing, twirling the material between her fingers. “You’re adorable like this.”

Lexa immediately glared at her.

“You are,” Clarke emphasized.

Hands slid to Clarke’s thighs, squeezing gently. “If I didn’t have this view, I’d argue with you but I can’t complain right now.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” she smirked.

Clarke’s hands splayed across the hard, athletic abdomen beneath her. “You being adorable is a turn on for me.”

Lexa’s hands tightened their grip, sliding a little bit higher on Clarke’s thighs. “Are you sure you have to leave?”

“I am. But I don’t want to.”

“I have the pick-up game with the team after community service tomorrow. Think you can come over after dinner? Like eight or eight thirty?”

“Maybe.”

Lexa’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “What do I have to do to turn that maybe into a yes?”

Clarke leaned forward slightly, the same sparkle probably visible in her eyes. “Make it worth my while?”

Lexa, as usual, definitely did.

\---------------------

_Your girlfriend is going to jail. – Raven_

_SERIOUSLY? – Clarke_

_Relax. I’m joking. Although I’m here with Anya for the pick up game because she picked me up from rehab and honestly, Ontari has quite the kick. – Raven_

_I have questions. What the hell happened? – Clarke_

_From what I got from it, this is the story. Ontari basically did everything wrong other than cut the grass, but she cut it choppy so it looks horrible. The director had to get onto Lexa for being… snarky? Snippy? Something like that. Back and forth arguments and by the end of the three hour period, I’m pretty sure that Lexa about had it. So they had the balls from the pavilion and as Lexa was walking away, Ontari managed to kick one as we pulled up and damn near hit Lexa in the head from about thirty five yards away. I was impressed. – Raven_

_Impressed? Really? She kicked a ball at my girlfriend. – Clarke_

_With damn great accuracy. I’m just saying, I don’t like her but I’m starting to think that Roan at least wasn’t lying that she might have skill. – Raven_

_You don’t even know soccer. How would you know? And she kicked a ball at my girlfriend, Raven. What the hell? Who’s side are you on? – Clarke_

_I’m not defending her. Relax. Besides, Roan already picked her up and they seemed to be pissed at each other. He genuinely wants her to try. – Raven_

_She’s got to try harder than that. – Clarke_

_True. But your girl is killing it at the practice right now. Seems like she gains her power from negative energy. Like Satan himself, or Hades. – Raven_

_Don’t joke. – Clarke_

_I’m not. She megged Anya on a drill and scored. Which means I’m not scoring tonight because she’ll be pouting about it. So thanks for that. Tell Lexa that she’s ruining my sex life when she plays well. – Raven_

_Not my fault that my girlfriend is better than yours. – Clarke_

_Jerk. – Raven_

_Maybe – Clarke_

_Anyway, just give Lexa some special attention tonight. She’s had a rough day. Wink wink. – Raven_

_Jerk. – Clarke_

\--------------____________________----------------------------------

A few days later, things had settled down some more. But it didn’t last long. Clarke was doing some homework, music playing from her iTunes when her phone buzzed on her nightstand. She was too quick to look at it, knowing that she had pretty much been buying time until Lexa texted her. The brunette had been oddly quiet since that first community service session with Ontari, so Clarke took any form of communication she could get while Lexa sorted through her stuff.

_I need you. Can you come over? – Lexa_

_Is everything okay? – Clarke_

_I just need you here. Please? It’s… an emergency. We need to… talk. – Lexa_

_Whoa. What’s going on? – Clarke_

_Clarke. Please. Just get over here. – Lexa_

This time, Clarke jumped out of bed, closing her laptop that she was writing a paper on for her English class and slide on a pair of Lexa’s soccer shorts. She was confused, but she did her best not to over speculate as she slipped some tennis shoes on and threw her blonde hair up in a messy bun. After checking her rushed and hurried appearance, she grabbed her phone and bolted out the door.  
In the living room, both her parents sat watching TV. She flew down the stairs, mentally hoping that they wouldn’t fight her when she yelled. “I’m heading to Lexa’s.”

Abby looked up but Jake was the first to speak. “Why? Did you finish your homework?”

“It’ll just be a minute.”

“But–“

Abby interrupted before Jake could fully protest. “Just be careful, honey. Be back by ten, got it? You need to finish your homework before school tomorrow.”

“Got it!” and she grabbed her keys to the house and slid out the front door.  
She tried to casually walk but she found herself jogging the few houses down within the first thirty seconds. The air was cooling quickly and she came to a slower walk when she realized there was a car in the driveway that she didn’t recognize. A silver Toyota 4Runner, probably a few years old. Wasn’t the most pristine looking because it definitely looked to have some miles on it. She frowned at it before sliding up to the front door.

She didn’t bother knocking, just stepping inside and closing it behind her. Indra, Gus, and Anya were in the kitchen making something to eat and Clarke didn’t make her presence known. Lexa’s texts had worried her, so she just moved towards the staircase and up to the room that she was expecting her girlfriend.  
And she found her. But she wasn’t alone.

Lexa sat on the edge of the bed, legs dangling off with her hands clasp together, back bend to look downward. She was still dressed in her practice gear, which was odd because Anya obviously had managed to shower and change and be comfortable. Lexa should’ve had plenty of time.

But the reason made sense when Clarke registered the rest of the room. When Clarke had opened the door, her eyes zoned in on her girlfriend, not the girl sitting a little too close to Lexa, who seemed a little too comfortable around Lexa. The girl’s hand had settled on Lexa’s knee when Clarke entered, the other being used to bare the girl’s weight as she leaned back on the bed. Her jean shorts were a little too short, her tank top a little too revealing.

Suddenly, Clarke felt subconscious in Lexa’s shorts and Grounder’s T-shirt that she always wore to bed. Wasn’t exactly a flattering look. But she had panicked.  
But Lexa stood quickly, the girl’s hand dropping from her leg as she made her way over to Clarke. It took a few seconds and she was enveloped in Lexa’s arms, lifted off the ground as Lexa held her close, as if she needed Clarke’s physical touch and reassurance in order to relax. Clarke eyed the girl on the bed but sank into the embrace, head going to the crook of Lexa’s neck, feeling the tension that she sensed over the text start to evaporate from her girlfriend.

And then the girl on the bed cleared her throat. “Right, you must be the girlfriend, Clarke.” She stood, making her way over as Lexa released her hold but slid her hand around Clarke’s hip. The blonde felt a wave of relief at the feeling. The other girl noticed, eyes going to Lexa’s hand briefly before putting on what looked like a strained smile. “I’m Costia.”

\------------------

The silence that had surrounded the group was deafening. Clarke could hear the movements downstairs, every plate that Anya put up or the deep voice from Gustus discussing whatever Indra asked him about. Clarke had parked herself by Lexa, knowing she was being protective, and she made sure they were touching in some way. Having Costia here threw her off, and it scared her. So when Lexa took a spot on the bed, Clarke had followed and their knees brushed from how they sat with their legs crossed, both facing Costia.

Costia. Clarke didn’t understand, if she was being honest. It was like Lexa wasn’t near as shocked to see her. As if she wasn’t freaking out about having her ex-girlfriend there.

To Clarke, it was terrifying.

Costia grabbed the desk chair and pulled it towards the foot of the bed, dropping on it backwards and crossing her arms over the back. “Wow, so you’re the Clarke I’ve heard so much about, huh?”

The way she said it, like she knew something Clarke didn’t, put the blonde on edge. She glanced at Lexa, finding her eyes staring at the sheets and her fingers twisting the fabric nervously. “Right,” she said slowly, looking back at Costia. “And what exactly have you heard? And how did you hear it?” She looked at Lexa with aggravation at the question.

Lexa sighed under the intensity. “Costia and I have been talking. Becca gave me her email after Valentine’s Day, but I only just messaged her last week. I needed someone to talk to with your dad and Anya wasn’t helping and… I’m sorry.”

“You’re supposed to be able to talk to me, Lexa,” she enunciated everything slowly, glancing back and forth between the other two. Costia’s eyes were full of challenge and something Clarke couldn’t put her finger on. Lexa’s were… hard to figure out. “But of course, how could I forget such a special night and all.”

“My sister didn’t mean for it to happen like that,” Costia said quickly. “She really didn’t. It was bad timing, that’s all.”

“You two seem to have a knack for bad timing in my life.”

Lexa tensed.

Costia snuck a look at Lexa before taking a deep breath. “I know this had to be a bit unexpected.”

“Costia–”

“A bit? You’re not serious, are you?” Clarke interrupted.

Lexa sighed, shoulders dropping more than they already were. She pulled her knee from Clarke’s wrapping her arms around them as she pulled them to her chest. She looked like a whipped puppy. “I meant to tell you, but with all the stress I just wasn’t sure how to bring it up.”

The blonde’s heart was starting to beat faster at the idea that she was left out. Lexa has been hiding something. “How long has this been going on exactly? This… talking.”

“A week or so. I swear.”

Costia spoke up quickly before Clarke had a moment to process. “Just over e-mails. Becca talked to me, gave me her contact information last week after a lot of convincing. Lexa had my email, but she never used it. And I wanted to check in. That’s all. I wanted to make sure that Lex was okay, see it for myself.”

“And you couldn’t get that affirmation over an email?”

Costia looked taken aback by the hostility. “Well, yes but–”

“I wanted to see her too,” Lexa said slowly, meeting Clarke’s gaze with wishful eyes. Clarke looked offended for a moment. “But not like that.” She reached for Clarke’s hand and squeezed, looking down at the contact between them. “I just wanted to get closure. I know I said that I had that with Becca but the more I thought about it… I didn’t. And I needed something closed in my life, something that was final, that made sense. Although I didn’t know she was coming tonight, okay? I didn’t.”

“I was coming through town heading to Florida,” Costia added, “for an interview at the University of Florida and I just–”

“You never told me.”

Lexa frowned. “What?”

Clarke leaned back from her girlfriend, pulling her hand away, not feeling comfortable around her for the first time in a long time. She didn’t remember ever feeling like this around Lexa, actually. She never felt like she couldn’t trust Lexa.

She felt like that now.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Clarke demanded.

Lexa swallowed nervously. “I… I don’t know. I was just – I didn’t – I wasn’t – I was trying to figure everything out myself. Between this, Ontari, your Dad, everything was piling up. I was–”

“We’re in a relationship, Lexa,” Clarke stated sternly, feeling her blood get heated. “We’re supposed to talk about this stuff. We’re supposed to work things out together. And talking to your ex-girlfriend behind my back; newflash. That’s not okay.”

“I know,” she said quickly, hands up like she wanted to touch Clarke but she thought better of it. “I know.”

“Then why did you?”

Costia cleared her throat quietly. “Um, for the record–”

Clarke held her hand up. “I’m not talking to you. The question is for Lexa.” Lexa’s eyes widened at the hostility in Clarke’s voice. “I told you everything. Niylah, Raven, fucking everything about Finn. You couldn’t even tell me that you were emailing your ex-girlfriend. Do you realize how that looks?”

“Yes,” Lexa blurted out, just as loud as Clarke’s voice was getting. “And I texted you as soon as I realized what I was doing, as soon as Costia got here. I wanted you here to – I don’t know, to talk about it.”

“You called it an emergency. Lexa you made this an emergency on your own.”

Costia frowned. “An emergency. Ouch. That hurts.”

“Can you not, please?” Clarke asked brutally, glaring at the girl still sitting there like she belonged.

Costia shrugged but sighed and dropped her chin to her hands on the chair. “Sure. My bad. Continue your fight, please. I’m not even here.”

Clarke had thought about demanding that she leave. She wanted to have this conversation with Lexa, but whether it was private or not she didn’t care. If Costia wanted to see the drama, then by all means. And that thought scared her. She’d never felt so frustrated towards Lexa. But Lexa had never lied to her.

Finn lied to her before. Lexa was supposed to be better.

“Did Anya know?” she asked suddenly. Her mind was racing. If Anya knew, Raven would’ve sniffed it out. And Raven wouldn’t have been able to keep that to herself. But if Lexa was keeping this strictly to herself, not telling a soul, that was a red flag.

Lexa shook her head. “Nobody knew. Anya doesn’t know Costia is even here now.”

“You realize how this looks to me, right?” Clarke said slowly, trying to keep herself from lashing out but it was getting harder the more she thought. “Finn lied to me, Lexa.”

The brunette’s eyes suddenly turned terrified, panicked, and confused all at once. “Clarke, that’s not the same thing.”

“He cheated on me. But he lied to me about it. And now you’re lying to me about talking to her,” she pointed at Costia with accusations in movements. “So are you saying that’s not cheating?”

Lexa’s eyes shot open. “What? That’s not cheating! We talked! You talk to Niylah.”

“I don’t have feelings for Niylah!”

“I don’t have feelings for Costia!”

“I’m right here,” the second brunette said for the second time, dropping her head while Clarke shot daggers in her direction. She held her hand up in surrender, moving her fingers over her lips in a zipping motion with apology.

Clarke sighed, trying to keep her voice from raising to the point she was shouting. “I’m pissed right now, Lexa. You have to know that. And if you didn’t even tell Anya about this, then deep down you know that this is messed up.”

“I was just trying to figure it all out before I brought anyone into it. I’ve got enough going on without all the extra judgement.”

“You have us to help you figure this shit out. You’re not supposed to do it by yourself. Jesus, Lexa. How many chances did you have to just tell me?”

“Can I interject something?” Costia rose her hand and this time, she didn’t back down when Clarke shot her a look. “Here’s how it went. Becca updated me on Lexa and gave me her email after a lot of weeks of begging. I just wanted to check in on her. One email turned into a few more and honestly, yes, I wanted to see her. We talked about you, mostly, if it helps. And your Dad. We went through a lot together so Lexa thought I could help get some perspective. I also asked her not to tell you, kind of.”

“She shouldn’t have listened to that advice.”

“She was trying to respect me,” Costia said.

“What were you trying to hide, exactly? Why couldn’t I know?” Clarke fired.

Lexa dropped her legs, now reaching over and grabbing Clarke’s wrist to get her attention. “This isn’t Costia’s fault.”

The fact that Lexa was defending her, defending Costia, was not okay. Maybe it was in the big picture, but Clarke didn’t see that. She saw her girlfriend not taking her side. Her girlfriend was against her. For a reason that Clarke just couldn’t comprehend.

And she couldn’t stand it.

“I’m out of here.”

Clarke stood and moved before Lexa could reach out to her. She heard the protests, heard Costia say something, Lexa say something back but she was already down the stairs and through the living room. Anya saw her and raised her eyebrows but didn’t say anything. The look was enough.

Clarke felt the burn behind her eyes, the tears that were threatening to spill over but she didn’t want to do that here. She didn’t want Lexa to see it.

So, in Lexa’s kind of fashion, she ran.

But not home. She just… ran.

\----------------

Somehow, she wasn’t sure how, she ended up at the fields a few miles away from their neighborhood. It was one of the many different sections that Lexa had done community service, one of the many that they’d spent time with Lexa training with the group. She, Octavia, and Raven had joked around on the benches, passing the time while watching their significant others duke it out. This was part of Lexa’s morning run.

So when Clarke found herself there, sweaty, tired, with her hair falling loose from the bun on her head and sticking to her neck, she was shocked to say the least.  
Even more so, she was shocked to see she wasn’t alone at this time of night.  
Ontari was there, juggling a soccer ball from one foot to another about thirty yards off the pavilion. Clarke, breathing hard (surprised she made it but thankful for the runs Lexa forced her to be on), settled herself on some of the benches. She sat on the table, feet propped up on the seat, watching as the cooler night hair brushed against her now sweaty skin.

Roan was right though.

Ontari was talented at least.

Clarke couldn’t play for shit, but she recognized good soccer when she saw it. She’d seen plenty of games to know someone who was talented. The way that Ontari carried herself, juggling and moving fluently with the ball at her feet showed that she was plenty talented. The few balls that she blasted over the net though, kicking the extra balls dramatically out of frustration told Clarke that she lacked a lot of self-control though.

But who was she to talk? She just bolted out of her girlfriend’s house with no explanation and no reasoning as to why she was where she was with a cell phone and no transportation. Yeah. She herself was a model of self-control.  
She yanked her phone out, checking the time. She had an hour before her parents expected her. And she had three different texts from Lexa over the last forty minutes since she left.

_Clarke, I’m sorry. Please come back. I want to talk. Explain. I messed up. I’m sorry. – Lexa_

_Seriously, Clarke, please. I’m begging you. I’m worried about you. I saw you leave. I know you didn’t go home and Raven just showed up here with no clue. So I know you’re alone. Please, just let me know you’re okay. – Lexa_

_Babe, you’re scaring me. Please, just text me back. I’m begging you. – Lexa_

Clarke bit her lip as she read the messages once, twice, three times. Her fingers hovered over the keys again and again, never typing out a letter though.

“Griffin?”

She jumped at the sound, dropping her phone and it hit the floor with a thump. She winced at the sound. “Shit.” Quickly she bent down, grabbed it, and chanced a look at it. “Fuck.” It was shattered. The screen wasn’t black but it was definitely a shattered. She pressed the screen, which didn’t seem inclined to do what she wanted it to. “Dammit.”

Ontari whistled, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned over her, sweaty in her own shirt and athletic shorts. Her tennis shoes dirty from the cut grass and dirty. “Ouch. That blows.”

“Fuck off,” Clarke rolled her eyes, brushing her fingers over the screen to get the gravel out of the cracks. “Just my fucking luck.”

“What’s with the tears, blondie? I’ve never heard you cuss so much either.”

“What did you call me?” Clarke shot back.

Ontari took a step back but the amused glint in her eyes wasn’t lost in the darkness. “Look, princess, you’re running here at night crying your eyes out. And don’t get me wrong, I like the attention and the audience. But why are you sitting out here by yourself? I never see you without part of you posse.”

“They’re my friends. Not my posse.”

“Doesn’t explain why you’re here by yourself.”

“I’m–” Clarke paused, dropping her phone to her side and putting her head in her hands. “I’m not explaining myself to you. What are you doing out here by yourself?”

“I’m not explaining myself to you,” Ontari fired back. “Tit for tat. You tell me, I’ll tell you.”

“Are you training?”

“Maybe. Are you? You’re awfully sweaty to just be out for a stroll.”

Clarke really started to hate how Ontari was getting so much amusement out of this. She didn’t like the look on her face, the teasing. After all the crap this girl put Lexa through, Clarke should’ve been more uncomfortable. And maybe it was the exhaustion, emotionally and physically. Maybe it was a mix of everything that happened with her dad, Lexa, her mother, so much of a mess. She didn’t even realize what she was saying before the words tumbled out.

“I had a fight with Lexa.”

Ontari, to Clarke’s surprise, didn’t laugh or joke or say something with malice. She moved to sit next to Clarke, a few feet away at least, but in similar position. It was then that Clarke realized she had a soccer ball between her hands, gently pushing it back and forth. “Roan and I had a fight about how perfect Lexa was. Guess I won technically.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Very helpful.”

“What happened?”

“She lied to me.”

Ontari scoffed, shaking her head. “If I had a dollar for every time someone close to me lied to me, shit, I’d be able to afford some Starbucks.”

Clarke glared at her.

“It was a joke,” she continued, arching one eyebrow. “Because I don’t have friends. So a friend can’t lie to you if you don’t – you know what? Never mind. You’d never get it.”

“I don’t even know why I’m talking to you,” Clarke claimed, shaking her head and staring at the fields ahead of them. “Just let me be.”

“Wow. That self-deprecating tonight, huh?”

“Sorry if I’m not in a joking mood, alright. Just leave me alone.”

They we’re quiet for a moment. It was surprising information to know that Ontari was even able to be quiet. But sure enough, a few seconds of silence passed before Ontari spoke again. “Lexa know you’re here?”

“No.”

“Anyone know?”

Clarke shook her head in answer this time. “I panicked and took off.”

“Right on,” the black haired girl said with a nod. “In true teenage fashion, you ran away from your problems.”

Clarke pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. “You know what, I came here for some peace and quiet, okay?”

“Sounds to me like you came here with zero thought out intentions. But luckily for you, I’m high and I’m here to help. I’m offering my services.”

Clarke paused then, glancing over at Ontari. Sure enough, her pupils were dilated some but she wasn’t… how Clarke pictured people on drugs. Murphy always seemed to zone out and be stupid, maybe that was his personality. Jasper just acted like a moron. Ontari, if she was telling the truth and was high, seemed to just be more relaxed. That didn’t help her sinking gut feeling though. “I don’t need help from a druggie.”

“I’m not a druggie,” she shot back, tossing the ball up once and catching it again. “Granted, I’m not sober all the time either. I smoke when I’m stressed. Helps me see clearly. A clarity, if you will.”

Clarke decided to try to interrogate now. Maybe if she got Ontari talking she could ignore her own problems. “What are you stressed about?”

She gave Clarke a look, as if she was trying to figure out why she’d ask such a stupid question. “You do realize that you could probably throw a rock and hit three reasons worthy of stressing me out, right? My life is a wreck.”

“I don’t know anything about you, actually,” Clarke pointed out. “I wouldn’t know what I was throwing at.”

“My brother,” Ontari began, dropping the ball to her lap and holding one finger up. “My mother.” Two fingers. “School.” Three fingers. “Soccer.” Four fingers. “Jail.” Five fingers. “Teenagers.” She looked at her hand, out of fingers, and shrugged, decided to drop her hand back down. “And the list goes on and on. We don’t all have lawyers and doctors for mothers. Some of us have shit we deal with twenty-four seven from low income and shitty people in our lives.”

“I haven’t had it easy either, you know.”

“Right,” Ontari nodded with sarcasm. “Your daddy hitting his head and going into a coma. Raven’s father dying in the same accident. Raven’s paralysis. Lexa’s dramatic past. We’ve all got shit we’re dealing with.” She leaned back on her hands, giving Clarke a sideways glance. “Not all of us cry about it and run from those problems though.”

Clarke took offense. “I’m not running. I’m… thinking.”

“Thinking? Seriously?”

“Yeah. Thinking. Before I say something I’ll regret. It’s what smart people do in tricky situations so they don’t decide to try to steal a TV two blocks away from the police station.”

Ontari opened her mouth to retort, but then she just chuckled lightly, shaking her head. “Yeah, not my best move. Maybe if I thought about it I would’ve gone for the diamonds in the store next door.”

“Not what I meant.”

“Maybe next time,” Ontari stated. She gripped the ball, standing from the bench and bouncing the ball a few times before catching it. “Well, listen Clarke, it’s been great and all but school is definitely happening tomorrow and part of my probation and community service is being awake enough to show up somewhat on time. So I have to go.”

Clarke looked around at the dark, silent night other than the bits of wild life here and there. And then she looked back down to her shattered phone, tapping it but the calibration was off. She wasn’t going to be able to make a call. “Right, yeah.”

“You walking?”

“That’s the only plan I have,” Clarke answered, standing and sliding the useless phone into the loose pocket of the athletic shorts. “I know the way, though, obviously.”

Ontari groaned at the knowledge, tilting her head back and closing her eyes in exasperation. “No, my brother would kill me if I let you walk home alone.”

“Why?”

Ontari shook her head, making dramatic signals with her hands. “He swears up and down that he doesn’t have a crush on you but he does. So I have to walk you home because if you get kidnapped and sold into sex trafficking, it’ll be my fault. And he couldn’t afford to buy someone like you in that market. So come on.” She grabbed her ball, leaving the extra two on the field that Clarke assumed were the park’s possession, and slipped a bag over her shoulder. “Let’s go. I have shit to do.”

“How exactly are you supposed to help if someone did try to kidnap me?” Clarke asked. “Kick them in the nuts?”

“I have talents, Clarke,” she pointed out with the slyness of a fox. “You just haven’t seen any of them yet.”

\-------------------

Ontari let her go at the front of the lit and safe neighborhood, promising Clarke to still be a bitch to her at school the next day. And despite how Clarke’s felt before, she was grateful for Ontari at the moment. They didn’t talk much during the walk. The other girl mainly just juggled the ball she had and kicked it around but that distracted Clarke enough that the one hour walk back wasn’t completely miserable.

Although she was late so when she walked by Lexa’s home and saw that Costia’s car was gone, she didn’t bother asking. She just kept going until she made it through the front door of her own home, exhaustion settling in.

Abby, who was now the only one awake, sat at the bar with a glass of wine and what Clarke assumed to be another medical article splayed out across the counter. “Honey, you’re late.”

Clarke sighed, stepping up and dropping her phone next to her mom who frowned at the screen. “I meant to text you but I couldn’t.”

“What happened?”

“I dropped it on the sidewalk. It shattered.”

“You could’ve gotten Indra to call or use Lexa’s phone. You weren’t that far.”

Right. She could’ve. If she was where her mother thought she was at. But she wasn’t. So she just shrugged and was sure she looked as tired as she felt. “Right, sorry. I didn’t think of that.”

Abby took a moment, really taking in her daughter’s appearance and worry lines appeared shortly after. “Honey, are you okay? Don’t take this the wrong way but you look terrible. And why do you smell so sweaty?”

Clarke sighed, shaking her head. “Mom, I really just need a shower. Can we talk about this later? After school tomorrow or something?”

“Fine. Don’t think I won’t bring this back up.” She sternly grabbed Clarke’s shoulder and turned her towards the stairs. “Now go shower. God, you smell like a boy’s locker-room.”

Clarke, despite how dead she felt, smiled. And after a quick shower and brushing her teeth, she crashed on the bed and slept like she never had before. But definitely not in a good way.

\------------------

It was silent along the hallways by the time Clarke had finally made it to her locker. First period started probably thirty minutes before. She was late.

She was never late.

But today wasn’t a normal day. She didn’t set an alarm because she was too emotionally drained to remember to do it last night. Not to mention her automatic alarm with her phone was useless since the screen cracked and it wouldn’t charge. Her mother had taken Jake to the hospital early this morning for evaluation, so she rode her bike and she completely did not have time to shower so she wore her Atlanta United cap to cover up the bedhead and she was sure that no amount of make-up could hide the bags under her eyes and the evidence of tears.

She dropped her bag to the tile floor, quickly opening up her locker and when she did, a paper flew out.

She frowned, bending to pick it up and when she saw her name scribbled across the front, she flipped it open curiously.

_Clarke, please talk to me. This is driving me crazy. I miss you. Please. Text me. Talk to me. Something. I want to explain._   
_Lexa_

She read the note seven times before finally folding it up, shoving it in her pocket.

“Love letter?”

She turned, finding once again to be alone with none other than Ontari. She quickly finished with her locker, throwing the door closed before turning towards the other girl, crossing her arms to feel stronger than she actually felt. “What are you doing here? Thought you had to be on time because of your arrest and all?”

Ontari chuckled, rolling her eyes with amusement. “Oh please. I’m late to class at least once a week. I have a reputation to uphold. Although your reputation revolves around good grades and dating the popular girls. So I think I should ask what you’re doing here at...” she glanced at her watch, “at eight forty AM outside of class. Your perfect record is officially jeopardized.”

“I woke up late.”

Ontari raised one eyebrow. “Right. Long night. Lexa write that little note?” Ontari pointed. Clarke didn’t give her the satisfaction of an answer. “Look, Griffin, I’m not teasing you.”

“My business with Lexa has nothing to do with you.”

Ontari leaned against the locker with her shoulder, completely unaffected by Clarke’s hostility. “You’re really cute when you’re feisty. I can see why Lexa likes you. Why my brother likes you. Kind of makes me want to like you too.”

Clarke felt the blush and immediately fought it, hating it. Ontari used to creep her out. And although she didn’t like the girl, after last night there was some shift of a dynamic. “Don’t start. You’re still a bitch to my girlfriend.”

“Are you sure it’s not ex-girlfriend now?”

“Not to mention Aden,” Clarke continued, ignoring the jab. “We’re not friends, despite what happened last night.”

“I haven’t messed with Aden in weeks.”

“You’re probably planning something.”

Ontari chuckled. “I wish. Murphy and I have been brainstorming for ways to ruin Prom. I think I’ve mess with Aden enough so you can tell him and Lexa to relax.”  
Clarke studied her.

“I’m serious,” she emphasized. “Like you said, I have bigger things to plan.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Clarke demanded. “Shouldn’t you tell Lexa this? Don’t you want on the team? What does this even have to do with anything, honestly?”

“This has nothing to do with the team,” Ontari said, pushing off the lockers and standing straight. “Besides, I have no desire to be on Lexa’s good graces. It’s too entertaining to have her hate me. And to watch you squirm in the process.”

Clarke watched as the other girl turned, starting to walk away back the way she came. “You really are a bitch, you know that?” she called.

Ontari turned, chuckled, and winked. “I’ve been called worse.”

\------------------

_WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?_

Clarke sighed as soon as she heard Octavia writing the note, and the sighed again when it was pushed to her desk. First period was typically one of her favorites because she had Octavia there, but she wasn’t ready for eight hundred questions. She was currently trying to listen to the teacher, replaying every conversation with Ontari for the last twelve hours, and figuring out how to talk to Lexa without getting hostile. Because she missed her girlfriend, but when she did she thought of Costia and the jealousy set in again over and over.

Clarke, giving up on focusing on much of anything, grabbed her pen and decided to write Octavia back without looking up at the eyes boring into her at the moment.

_Did Lexa tell you anything?_

_No. She called me freaking out when Raven showed up clueless last night. And you didn’t text me or Ray back. Like what the hell? What happened? Lexa was practically in tears this morning when your motorcycle wasn’t here. She waited by your locker all morning until teachers got onto her to go to class. She’s freaking out._

_Lexa and I had a fight last night._

_No shit. What happened?_

_Costia drama again._

_As bad as last time?_

_Worse. Way worse. Add my dad into it and you can imagine tensions are high._

_Did Lexa say something? Anya was super quiet yesterday and didn’t tell Raven a thing. Lincoln doesn’t know. Lexa is balling all this up inside and she’s about to explode._

_Costia was at Lexa’s house last night. I didn’t know until I walked in on them._

Octavia’s eyes shot towards her after reading, mouth open in shock. Clarke just nodded a ‘yes’, as if she had to clarify that she wasn’t lying. Octavia swallowed once, eyeing her friend, before going back to the note.

_So you walked in on them… doing girlfriend things?_

Clarke’s eyes widened in shock and she looked at Octavia like she had three heads. Octavia just shrugged and continued writing.

_That’s what you implied. Don’t look at me like that. Explain._

_They were talking, to clarify. Jesus. She didn’t cheat on me but she might as well have. I may have accused her of that actually._

_What do you mean?_

_She’s been talking to Costia behind my back, apparently. Emailing since like last week, when Becca gave Costia the contact information. And Lexa never told me. So I get over there last night and get this bomb dropped on me and I panicked, sue me._

_So where did you go?_

_Thanks to all the mornings Lexa made me run with her, I somehow found myself at the fields last night._

_That far? Damn, Griffin. I knew you were looking fit but not that fit._

Clarke, despite how shitty she felt, smiled at the compliment.

_Thanks. But you’ll never guess who was there._

_Who?_

_Ontari._

_At the fields?_

_Yup._

_You talk to her? She hurt you? Do I need to sick Lexa on her? Lincoln?_

_No, no. She actually walked me home last night. Well, to the neighborhood at least._

Octavia’s eyes shot to Clarke’s, mouthing a ‘what?’ as dramatically as possible and as quietly as possible in the crowded room of students. Clarke glanced at their teacher, who was still animatedly talking about the glass so she went back to the note.

_So, she walked you home last night. Willingly. Why?_

_To make sure I didn’t get abducted into sex trafficking was her reasoning. Something about Roan having a crush on me._

_I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a crush on you too._

Clarke scoffed and rolled her eyes, shaking her head. She really didn’t want to think of that, especially after Ontari’s comments.

_No way that’s ever happening._

_Well, regardless, you need to talk to Lexa today. Before lunch, at lunch, whatever. She’s freaking out._

_I don’t know if I can face her yet without being a bitch. I’ve barely had a chance to breathe. I don’t want to say something… stupid._

_According to Raven, she kicked Costia out a few minutes after you left. She’s worried about you, about your relationship. At least tell her where your head is at._

_What if I don’t know where it’s at?_

_Figure it out._

\----------------

Clarke didn’t say a whole lot throughout the day. She could tell on numerous occasions that Lexa wanted to talk to her, but the first interaction had cut the darker skinned girl off. Clarke’s hand had gone up and she shook her head adamantly, and Lexa took the clue well enough. She huffed about it, but she didn’t push.

Aden sat between the girlfriends as usual at lunch, so at least there was a barrier. The amount of looks she was getting from her friends all across the table was about to drive her crazy though. And when she had avoided everyone’s gaze to look up and saw Ontari looking back at her from her spot next to Roan across the cafeteria, Clarke decided that any kind of eye contact was forbidden for the next twenty four hours. But when she met Octavia’s eyes across the lunch table after that, she couldn’t take it anymore. She jumped up, not finishing her food. She couldn’t stomach it anyway. Lincoln called after her as she stormed away halfway through the lunch period, no destination in mind. She just sat in the gym until the next bell, still struggling to understand this.

Raven had given her a nudge on their way to their last class, silently asking if she needed anything. But Clarke just shook her head and shrugged her off.

Avoiding almost all of her duties and all of her friends was nearly impossible but as soon as the bell rang for the end of last class, she’d moved as fast as she could. To her locker. To her bike, despite her dad’s frustration that she still got to drive it. She had kicked started it quickly, eyes finding Lexa by Raven’s car a few rows down but she didn’t pause for long and then she was heading out.

She had made it home in record time, probably unsafely but she made it. The helmet landed on the kitchen table after she dropped her bag to the floor. The Atlanta United hat followed soon after, her hair an absolute mess as she tried to tame it to read the note her mother left.

_Your new phone is on your bed, Raven can get the sim card switched over if you want or the Verizon store can handle it. Dinner is on you – your father had rehab tonight and has a virtual meeting with his company to discuss his time back at work. Give me a call on my work number if you need something. If you can’t reach me, call Jackson. He’s off today. Love you – Mom._

Two hours later, Clarke finally had watched enough YouTube videos and managed to get her sim card switched from the phone with a broken screen that wouldn’t charge over to the new iPhone. It took a minute to get it up and running, but she managed. Raven could’ve done it faster, but that would have required her to be here. And with Raven came questions that Clarke didn’t want to answer. So she figured it out herself.

And the messages came flooding in afterwards.

Lexa, Octavia, Raven, Anya, even Lincoln had apparently sent her some messages last night and into this morning. But there was one from an unknown number that caught her eye.

_Don’t be mad at Lexa. She never changed her phone password, apparently never will and I got your number when she ran after you. I’m sorry for any trouble I caused. As you know, missing Lexa can be physically painful and when I heard I had a chance to reconnect with her, I did it without even thinking about how you would be affected. I’m sorry. Please, don’t blame her. And if you’re as good a person as she tells me, you’ll forgive her too. - unknown_

Clarke knew it was Costia. It had to be. But instead of taking her advice, she felt herself doing something that she might regret but she couldn’t stop herself. And she called the unknown number.

“Clarke?”

“I want your explanation,” the blonde girl said sternly, falling back against the pillows. She stared at the ceiling, picturing Costia in Florida or a hotel or where she was by now. “I want every detail. Now.”

She heard a sigh, a few words mumbled to someone in the background and a door shutting. And a few seconds later, Costia sighed and spoke. “Okay. Where do you want me to start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who comment! I have a problem with responding, but I hope you all enjoy the story and feel like you can comment any criticism or praises. I appreciate all. thank you!


	25. Hard Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one didn't take a month! Yay! Enjoy :)

Clarke was settled in her backyard, lying back on the grass while twisting her ATL United hat between her fingers. She stared up at the darkening sky, the reds and blues starting to mix and make a mesmerizing purple as the night approached. Her mom and dad were inside, discussing plans for his work and her work and whatnot. Clarke got sick of hearing about it, and besides, her mind was elsewhere.

Like the conversation that she had with Costia.

_Nothing happened between us, I promise._

_I still love Lexa, but as a friend. I just wanted her to be okay. I swear. I care about her too much to jeopardize what she has with you and that was never my intention._   
_It happened exactly how Lexa told you. I haven’t seen or heard from her since that night until my sister happened. I’ve been grateful for the last week, but she’s been guilty and I know that now._

_Give her a chance to explain. She deserves that, and so do you._

It kept replaying, like a song stuck on an iPod. Over and over. Costia explaining. Costia saying how great Lexa was. Costia boasting about how Clarke makes Lexa feel. Costia doing this, and that.  
She sighed, dropping her hat to her head and she made a noise that could only be described as exhausted, frustrated, and aggravated. There were so many things that she could do, that she could say, and she couldn’t make up her mind on where to start. She had at least texted Octavia and Raven and told them what happened to her phone and that the new one was obviously up and running. But she never read their replies. Instead, her mind was racing with the endless number of possibilities with Lexa.

Were they going to break up over this? We’re they going to be okay? Is Clarke going to be okay? How do you just brush something like that off? Can you do that? Is that healthy?

She groaned loudly again, gripping the hat tightly and sitting up quickly, throwing the hat in frustration.

“What did that hat ever do to you?”

She tensed at the sound of the voice, deep and pained and knowledgably. But she just dropped her head, shrugging her shoulders and ignoring the initial question. She hoped that her dad would take the hint, that she wanted to be alone, but she heard him grunting as he walked with the cane, slowly making his way to her.

“Long story short, Indra texted your mother saying that Lexa showed up at the house today and threw a lamp against the wall. And she claims that ‘nothing’ was wrong. Know anything about that?”

Another shrug. She wasn’t surprised. Angry Lexa often has to break something, often times she’d throw something or take a hit at Anya. Athletes have a way of being overly aggressive, she guessed. Teenage athletes were even worse. And that was just how Lexa was, no surprise there.

“Your mom said you got home late last night, later than we agreed on.”

She rolled her eyes. “If you’re here to lecture me, get it over with, Dad. I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not here to lecture. I think we both know you wouldn’t listen anyway.” After a few moments of silence, Clarke chanced a look at her dad. He pointed to the floor and she nodded, and automatically helped him to the floor, assisting him like she’d assisted Raven through all this time. He finally settled, letting out a deep breath once settled, dropping the cane he had to carry to the grass by his side. “Although, if Lexa’s first response to a fight is throwing a lamp, that concerns me.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen you punch a door or two when I was little. Don’t act so innocent.”

He nodded. “Right, yeah, you’re right. But I didn’t come out here to talk about that.”

“What did you want, then?”

“You’re my daughter, and you’re upset. I want to help.”

She felt her chest warm at the sound of her old father, of the guy that just wanted to help no matter what was going on. Someone who would actually listen and was a best friend. She really wished he was here with her right now, that exact guy, but a close second was as best as she was going to get.

“Talk to me,” he pressed on as Clarke remained silent.

She sighed, dropping her head to her knees that were pulled to her chest. “Dad, I love you, but I’m not sure if you can help me right now. No offense. You haven’t exactly proven yourself.”

“What if I told you that I’ll stay quiet? I’ll only talk if you want me to.”

Her eyes jerked up. “You want me to rant to you?”

He gave her a soft smile when she turned towards him, arching an eyebrow in challenge. But he seemed to be encouraging, even though she could tell that he was nervous. She could feel that. She was nervous too.

“And you won’t scoff about Lexa? Or be weird about me being attracted to girls?”

He nodded. “I’m… working on it. And I’ve been more open about Lexa. Your mother tells me good things. I just wish I could see them for myself.”

“You can’t hate Lexa after I tell you.”

He raised one eyebrow in challenge. “So she is the reason you’re upset.”

“Dad.”

“I just–” he sighed, one hand up in surrender. “Okay, alright. It’s not Lexa’s fault. Got it.”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“So you can be mad at her and I can’t?”

Clarke bit her lip, realizing how ridiculous it sounded but that’s exactly it. “Yeah. I can be mad at her, you can’t.”

He opened his mouth, shut it again, and then shook his head with a smile. “God, you’re such a teenager.”

“Dad,” she warned again.

“Okay kiddo, hit me,” he said with a nod of encouragement. “Give me your side of the story. I’m ready. Well, as ready as I’m going to be.”

\---------------------

The next day, Clarke had woken up feeling slightly rejuvenated. She wasn’t close to one hundred percent, but there was at least something that she was sure of. There was something she wanted to do now.

So she got up, showered, went through her morning routine. Luckily, her dad was still sleeping but she smiled at their bedroom door. The talk last night helped. And her dad had a few comments but he seemed to genuinely soak in the information and come to a conclusion that Lexa was not all bad. That she was good for Clarke.

And luckily, Clarke came to that conclusion too.

With her coffee in hand, she grabbed her keys and smiled at her helmet on the table. But she left it and headed out the door.

Luckily, Lexa’s routine hadn’t changed. And neither had the siblings. Lincoln was gone, Anya was already with Raven, and she made it down the street just as Lexa came out the garage door, tossing her truck keys in hand and staring at the floor as she walked.

Clarke fixed her bag on her shoulder, staring at her girlfriend. She seemed a shade paler, definitely didn’t have the spunk in her eyes that she normally does. She seemed to have head phones in, and Clarke leaned against the driver’s side of the truck, hands in her pockets of the jeans until Lexa finally looked up.

And her keys hit the floor, her jaw dropped, and she froze.

Clarke gave her the best apologetic smile but didn’t move. Slowly, Lexa reached up and pulled her headphones from her ears, one by one and rolled them around her fingers.

“What are you doing here?”

Clarke’s heart broke at how hesitant she was. Which was understandable, but it still hurt. “Hey. I wanted to talk to you.”

Lexa nodded, shoving the headphones in her pocket and taking a few steps forward, crossing her arms over her chest. “Now?”

Clarke shrugged. “Well, yeah.”

With a sigh, Lexa glanced at her watch. “Clarke, you realize–”

“School, yeah. Well, I need a ride,” she said hopefully, pointing to the truck. “Please?”

“You have a bike.”

“Dad said I can only use it once a week. Well, that was yesterday,” she lied.

“Are you lying to me?”

“No. I just–” Clarke sighed, realizing she was losing the battle. Lying is what got them into this mess. “Okay, I just want to ride with you, to talk to you.”

“Now you want to talk? You get to take your time and decide, huh?”

“I know, and I needed some time and a lot has happened and–”

“Ontari told me you two spent quite a bit of time together. She confronted me yesterday after you sped off after school.” Lexa’s eyes turned darker, almost as if she was accusing. “Want to tell me about that?”

All the confidence from Clarke, from last night, faded in an instant. “Lex–”

“I mean, Ontari, really?” she continued. “The one person in the world that I can’t stand is the one that you decide to confide in–”

“I didn’t confide in her,” Clarke shot back, arms going up in exasperation before the dropped again. Lexa rolled her eyes in response. “I didn’t. When I took off, I followed your lead – even by accident. I ran, literally. She was at the field. She walked me back because I broke my phone, it was late, and it was dark. That’s it.”

“That’s not how she saw it.”

“So you’re believing her over me?” Clarke shot back. “Really? She’s just saying what she knows will get under your skin.”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore!” Lexa shouted, taking a shaky breath afterwards. Clarke’s heart was racing, not realizing that Lexa would act like… this. She wasn’t sure what she expected. Angry isn’t what she had in mind. “You wouldn’t talk to me, Clarke. How am I supposed to believe your side when I haven’t fucking heard it!”

The volume increased with each word and Clarke stepped back, eyes wide.

Lexa seemed to realize the tone. She held one hand up, with a deep breath, and said, “I’m sorry, okay? I just – I’m freaking out, Clarke.”

“Nice. Way to be mature. Considering I want to talk and yet you won’t let me talk but you’re complaining that you haven’t heard my side of the story. So can we get past the bullshit now?”

Lexa went from apologetic to glaring at her in a few seconds, bending down to finally pick up her keys off the driveway. “I said I’m sorry. So,” she gestured to the truck with her keys. “We’re going to be late.”

Clarke sighed but nodded, moving to go around the back of the truck to avoid brushing past Lexa. In her moment alone, she mumbled, “Wouldn’t be my first time,” to herself, remembering yesterday, before she jumped in the passenger side with a tense looking Lexa.

\---------------

The ride was silent, Lexa keeping the windows down with a hand out the side and the music up. It made it impossible to start a conversation. Clarke was blatantly aware of Lexa’s attempt to ignore her. But they needed to talk.

It didn’t happen how she wanted it to. Lexa pulled up in the parking lot, yanking the keys out and grabbing her bag before Clarke even got her window rolled up. And then she was out of the car, not even bothering to lock it as she stormed towards the school. Clarke didn’t bother yelling after her, watching her go for a moment before she sighed and finally got out of the truck, manually locking it.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Clarke turned, meeting Niylah’s gaze as came to a stop next to her, both of them watching Lexa. Anya met up with her, Raven at her side and the trio continued on, not a single glance in Clarke’s direction.

Niylah made a humming noise. “Raven mad at you too?”

“No,” she answered quickly, fixing up her bag on her shoulder. “I don’t think she knows that Lexa is mad at me actually. She knows we’re… disagreeing, but not to the extent unless Octavia talked to her. Hell, I don’t really know where we’re at either. She messed up. I messed up. And I don’t know where to start.”

Niylah nodded. “What happened?”

Before answering, Clarke’s eyes met her problem’s across the lot, Ontari. She and her brother were hopping out of their own car, acting like there wasn’t a care in the world. She watched as Ontari bumped into some freshmen who cowered away quickly. She laughed. It was such a bully and Ontari thing to do.

It was kind of mind blowing that it was the same person that helped her at the field.

Clarke didn’t answer Niylah though. She didn’t need word to get around before she and Lexa actually talked this out. “It’s just high school stuff, drama. If she ever lets me talk it out with her, it’ll be fine. But I wasn’t ready when she was, and now I’m ready and she doesn’t want to hear it.”

“Looks like you’re going to have to work pretty hard,” the blonde pointed out. “Which probably means at training the team is going to have to work twice as hard to sate her. She goes all Commander on us when she’s pissed off. And since she’ll have to deal with Ontari at community service beforehand… God help us all.”

That made Clarke chuckle a bit. “I’m sorry,” she said, pulling Niylah towards the school building. “She shouldn’t drag personal stuff into soccer or school.”

Niylah shrugged off the apology. “Oh, please, we drag drama into everything. It’s high school. The baggage is automatically doubled because we’re immature. I just need to drink a little extra today so I don’t pass out from dehydration on the sixth mile.”

“Thanks for understanding,” Clarke chuckled.

Niylah nudged her playfully. “I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I’ll admit I took a slide tackle out on a few of the team after I had to dump you too.”

Clarke gasped playfully. “You didn’t dump me.”

“Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night, Clarke.”

\-----------------------

“She was harsh, as expected,” Anya explained over the phone. Clarke had called her when Lexa ignored the phone a few minutes prior. She knew practice was supposed to end over an hour ago but Anya stills sounds exhausted. “God, I’ve never ran so much in my life. I’m a goalkeeper. I’m not built for that. I stand, point, and yell. That’s my job.”

Clarke sighed, dropping her head to her hand on her desk. Her light was off, the only light coming through from the moon outside the window. “I’m sorry, Anya. Do you know where she is now?”  
“She kept the balls out and started shooting after calling practice. Wouldn’t surprise me if she’s still at the field. Most of the girls were just glad to get home and shower. I came straight to Raven’s, currently lying on the couch half dead. You’re on speaker because my shoulder hurts too bad to hold the phone up.”

“God, I’m sorry.” The guilt continued to flood in. “Did she and Ontari get into anything before practice?”

“I don’t know. They were doing opposite jobs on opposite sides of the park so I think they kept their distance. I'm glad my services wasn't a part of thiers, that's all I'm saying. No one was limping or had any black eyes so I think it went okay. The director probably knew to separate them during their community service so I’m sure he’s got a hand in keeping the peace.”

“I feel like such an idiot,” Clarke blurted out, dropping her head from her hand to her desk, forehead digging into the wood.

Anya sighed. “Stop, it’s not your fault. Lexa sulks in her grief and then she lashes out. And when she’s done lashing, she’ll finally come around. That’s how she operates. So you need to wait for her to come to you.”

“Yeah,” Raven yelled from the phone, causing Anya to curse. But Raven continued. “Stop calling her so damn much now. You look desperate.”

“I feel desperate,” she admitted. “I just want this behind us.”

“Whenever she comes to you, just be honest with her. About everything. And she’s going to argue, but you need to be prepared for her to – well, she’s going to say some shit. She’s going to be harsh.”

Clarke took in that information, grateful for Anya but feeling the need to defend Lexa too. But she didn’t. She just nodded.

“And don’t lash out back at her,” Raven added. “I know you. Don’t make it worse. Two people yelling at each other won’t solve this.”

“Thanks for the advice,” she rolled her eyes, sitting up to look out her window at the darkness. “You’re very helpful. Now I know why I keep you around.”

“Right, love you.”

Clarke wanted to rebuke but didn’t. “Yeah, love you too. I guess wish me luck whenever–”

“Clarke?”

She dropped the phone at the sound, not realizing her door had even been opened. And in the reflection of the window, she saw her. Quickly, she turned in the chair, eyes wide and panic setting in. “Lexa?”

“Lexa is there?” Anya asked through the phone. “Shit. We’re just gonna–”

“Good luck!” Raven yelled and then the phone on the floor went black.

Clarke ignored it, staring at her girlfriend. She never thought Lexa would look so uncomfortable. Her hands were in her pockets as she leaned against the doorframe, staring at the floor now. Lexa reached to her left, switching on the bedroom light switch. “Talking to my family about me now, huh?”

Clarke’s heart was beating in her ears. She swallowed the knot in her throat. “You didn’t answer my calls.”

Lexa looked up quickly, her eyes harsh and strong. “You didn’t answer my question.”

The moment between the stare down let Clarke in on what Lexa had been up to. Still in her workout clothes from practice. She was still carrying her athletic bag and school bag. Both of which were hanging off of either shoulder. Her hair was up in a braided pony-tail but the stray ones were sticking to her forehead. She looked tired, but her voice didn’t show it. It sounded strong and angry.

And frustrated.

Clarke wasn’t sure where to start. She knew she had to stand her ground though. So she started with something simple. “Did you see my parents downstairs?”

“They told me where to find you,” she nodded once. “Your dad said you were up here. Only gave me a sideways glance of disapproval this time surprisingly. I was expecting to be kicked out with a baseball bat.”

“Right,” Clarke nodded once, biting her lip to look for something to say. She was trying to remember Anya’s advice. So she sat there, arm across the back of the chair and watched Lexa drop her bags to the floor. “I’m, uh, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, listen,” Lexa started as if she didn’t register Clarke’s words, closing the door behind her and taking a seat on the bed. “I guess, now, we need to talk. Your side. My side. I messed up, I know–”

“But I did too,” Clarke interrupted. “You talked to Costia behind my back. I talked to Ontari. Not the same, but it still hurt. So we need to get everything on the table. Right here. Right now.” She stood, moving to sit next to Lexa on the bed. “Starting with my conversation with Costia yesterday.”

Lexa’s eyes shot to hers. “Your – you talked to Costia?”

\----------------------

_“Nothing happened between us, I promise.”_

_Clarke rolled her eyes. “No offense, Costia, but I hardly know you. How exactly am I supposed to trust you?”_

_“You can’t. But you can trust that Lexa loves you.”_

_They hadn’t said those words or had that conversation. Clarke knew how she felt about Lexa, but those three words weren’t something they spoke about. Hearing Costia discuss Lexa’s feelings like she was saying that grass was green was nerve-wracking. Did she know because Lexa told her in one of her emails? Or did she guess based on how Lexa was? Or was she just telling that to Clarke to keep her calm, to use as her own gain? Clarke never spoke though, gripping the phone harder and harder as she started to pace back and forth in the room._

_“I still love Lexa, but as a friend,” Costia continued. “I just wanted her to be okay. I care about her too much to jeopardize what she has with you and that was never my intention. She’s my past, Clarke. When she emailed me, I didn’t think about whether she was telling you or not. I was just happy to have her back in my life. And I was selfish and wanted it for myself, just for while. I understand how that looks now, but ill intentions were not included in that decision.”_

_“So you didn’t care about being a homewrecker?”_

_“Come on, Clarke. It wasn’t like that. We’re friends. And I’m sorry she didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I asked her not to, but she wanted closure. I wanted to talk to her. I can say that I didn’t think much about your side and I’m sorry. I don’t know what Lexa thought about it though.”_

_“All this for closure, though, really?”_

_“I swear. I wasn’t planning on stealing your girlfriend.”_

_“That should come with a message and that’s it. You two have been talking behind my back. Have you seen her other than that visit?”_

_“Clarke–”_

_She wanted to scream. “Costia, answer the fucking question. Did you meet up with my girlfriend at all before last night?”_

_“No,” she answered quickly. “No, we didn’t. I was passing through to go to Florida, as I said. Lexa mentioned where she was and it was a short while out of the way that I was going. As soon as I got there, she panicked, realized what was going on and rushed me upstairs before anyone noticed. And then she texted you. I swear. It happened exactly how Lexa told you. And she was so freaked out I obviously got slightly offended. I haven’t seen or heard from her since that night with our families until my sister happened. Her parents uprooted her and I lost her. So when I found her again, I just wanted to make sure that she’d been okay.” There was a pause, a break between the two of them before Costia continued. “I swear I did nothing with the intention of getting Lexa back and I apologize for how snarky I was. I’m hopeful to become a lawyer in the future, so the attitude is kind of a given.”_

_Clarke’s frustration took a toll and she felt herself collapse back on the bed, phone to her side now and staring at the ceiling. She wanted to cry. Wanted to scream. Wanted to throw something._

_“Clarke? Are you still there?”_

_It was a few moments when Costia called at her through the phone. The silence obviously not what the girl was expecting. Clarke was too much in her head. That was where she needed to be. She needed to think things through._

_“Clarke?”_

_“Yeah?” Her voice was hoarse now, deeper. She grabbed the phone, pulling it back to her ear again. “Yeah, I’m here. I’m just… trying to understand.”_

_“Give her a chance to explain. She deserves that and so do you. It’ll help you understand.”_

_“Right,” Clarke sighed, closing her eyes now. “I just need to sort through all of this.”_

_“Well, don’t take too long. I’m sure Lexa is freaking out a little more every second you don’t talk to her.”_

_“You know that from personal experience with fighting with Lexa?” Clarke asked condescendingly._

_Costia sighed, and Clarke felt a slight tinge of guilt at her own tone. “We’ve had our fights, yeah. But we were younger. And not near as serious as you two. So just talk to her, yeah?”_

_“Yeah,” Clarke nodded once, hand falling over her face, sending her into darkness. “And what exactly am I supposed to say?”_

\------------------------

“She didn’t tell me that,” Lexa said, hands clasped together in her lap as she stared down at them. Clarke was looking at her hesitantly, wishing she could touch her to comfort her girlfriend but unsure where the line was drawn at the moment. “Granted, I haven’t talked to her since that night. But she didn’t tell me she got your phone number.” Then she glanced up, meeting Clarke’s eyes. “Why wouldn’t she tell me?”

The blonde shrugged. “Probably for the same reasons the other secrets have been kept the last few weeks. We haven’t been honest with each other.”

Lexa nodded, looking back down towards the floor. “I should’ve told you before. I know that now. I had no reason not to.”

If Lexa was looking for reassurance that it was okay, she wouldn’t find it from Clarke. For sure, she should’ve told the blonde what was going on. But this was supposed to be a talk to fix things, not stir them up. “I agree but I should’ve given you a chance to finish first. Instead of running out of your room halfway through the conversation.”

“We both messed up,” Lexa admitted. “But I think I messed up worse and I want to apologize.”

“It’s not a contest about who fucked up worse. We both need to apologize. I ignored you. You… didn’t lie but withheld information from me. And we both hurt each other.”

When Lexa looked up and their eyes met, Clarke could see the tears that were threatening to spill from the brown irises she could stare at all day long. And her heart broke. “We were both pretty snappy too.”

“You more than me.”

Lexa’s lips turned up ever so slightly. “Thought you said it wasn’t a contest?”

Clarke shrugged, a terribly small smile breaking out on her lips too as they broke eye contact. “It’s not. But the past forty-eight hours have been hard, you know?”

Lexa took a deep breath, hand going to the back of her head as she stared at the floor. “I missed you.”

At the confession, Clarke couldn’t take the distance anymore. It hit her that she hadn’t felt Lexa’s hands or lips, felt the caring touch or gentle hug that she craved almost all the time. She slid until she pressed against Lexa’s shoulder to hips to knees and Lexa turned almost instantly. They fell into each other, arms wrapping around one another. Clarke’s head ducked into the nape of Lexa’s neck, feeling the comfort there and the familiar smell and the familiar hands wrapping around her and she finally relaxed. Lexa was here in her arms, they were talking. It seemed like everything would be okay.

“I missed you so much,” Clarke confessed, turning her whole body until Lexa’s arms were able to wrap around her lower back. She tugged Clarke into her, the blonde’s legs moving to straddle Lexa as they koala’d themselves into each other. Lexa pulled back, looking up at Clarke from the few inches difference at this position. Clarke felt that gaze to her soul, and a single tear ran down her cheek. She felt it. Lexa reached up and swiped it with her thumb gently, one hand cupping one cheek while the other cupped Clarke’s spine.

“I love you,” Lexa whispered, almost to the point that Clarke didn’t hear her. But she did. She heard it. Felt it. Lived it. “I love you and I’m sorry that I lied to you about Costia but it isn’t because I love her. She’s a friend. She’s someone I confide in. We mostly talked about you, really.” Lexa leaned forward now, dropping her forehead to Clarke’s sternum. The blonde’s hands went to brown hair, holding her close. Sweaty or not, Clarke didn’t want to let go. “When she told me she’d be coming close to town… I wanted to see her. Just to confirm it wasn’t a catfish or something, you know? To see her and believe I wasn’t trusting a total stranger. I just didn’t know when she was coming that day or I would’ve warned you. I would’ve told you. I barely had time to get my mind around the idea and then–”

“It’s okay–”

“Let me finish, Clarke, please.”

She did, taking a deep breath as Lexa’s hands balled in the back of her shirt. Her voice wasn’t steady but it was still strong, so Clarke stayed quiet as she waited for Lexa to find the words.

“When I saw Costia, I had the epiphany that those feelings I used to have are directed at you tenfold. And that her being here might ruin that. So I panicked. I drug her upstairs before Anya could see her because I knew what Anya would think. And when Costia hugged me, she just started talking. Casually. But I was internally freaking the fuck out. So I texted you. It was a lot to happen at once when you came in and – and I’m sorry I put you through that. For everything. I’m sorry for it all.”

Clarke stayed quiet. But she kissed the top of Lexa’s head, pressing her cheek there as she replayed it over and over. The confession. The words. The tone.

She realized the same thing. “I love you so much, Lexa Woods. And I’m so sorry too.”

\-----------------------

A weight felt lifted as soon as Clarke’s eyes began to twitch with consciousness, even though she felt Lexa wrapped around her from behind. It was comfortable. It was comforting. It was everything that Clarke needed this morning. She felt the slight headache from crying so much, felt the need to blow her nose and brush her teeth, but her chest for the first time in days felt light.

The clock on her bedside table read that she had to be up for school in twenty minutes. She needed a shower, needed to brush her hair, her teeth, needed to feel like a clean human being. But throughout the night Lexa’s hand slid under Clarke’s sleep shirt and now pressed up against her stomach (and the abs that started to build since Lexa made her work out more in the last few months) and Clarke didn’t want her to move at all.

They finished the talk last night after many more moments of tears. It was a lot of explanation, discussion, why did this happen and what did that mean kind of talk. But they worked it out. Clarke even texted Costia who immediately Facetimed them with a congratulations from Florida, joking about how now she had to find a girlfriend like Clarke. The blonde blushed at the wink from Costia and the beaming smile from Lexa. A group text went out to Anya, Raven, and Octavia, and after a few brief cuddles they had fallen asleep. Jake apparently spoke to Indra who okay’d it with Abby and then here they were, waking up together after a stressful forty-eight hours.

“Good morning,” Lexa mumbled behind her sometime later, sliding her body forward until she was fully pressed against Clarke’s back. The blonde smiled, eyes closing to take in the feeling.

“Good morning to you too.”

“Hey, look at me,” said the groggy voice and Clarke turned her head backwards, slightly shifting to lie on her back. Lexa immediately attached her lips to Clarke’s who smiled into it. Good morning kisses were her favorite and every one she got from Lexa just proved that theory more and more. Slowly Lexa eventually pulled back, pressing her forehead to Clarke’s. “I love you.”

Clarke smiled, kissing her once more. Lips were pulled up into smiles as they attempted to kiss. Eventually, Lexa laughed and pulled back, hand going to Clarke’s stomach as she propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at Clarke. “You know, I’m warming up to the idea of having many more morning kisses with you.”

“Just morning kisses?”

“And afternoon kisses,” Lexa continued, yawning slightly before dropping her head to the pillow, looking at Clarke through sleepy, tired, but excited eyes. “And night kisses. And all the in betweens. I meant what I said last night.”

_You were the one. I love you. I missed you._

“Me too,” she said back, turning on her side to mirror Lexa’s position. “I’m just happy to have you back. And I’m sorry for everything, again. And Ontari–”

Lexa groaned and turned away. “God, don’t talk about Ontari right now.”

Clarke chuckled and reached out, pulling Lexa back to her. “I’m serious. She’s still a bitch but for a second there she helped me. I hate to admit it as much as you hate to hear it.”

“Just stop talking about her,” Lexa groaned again, burying her face in the pillow playfully. Clarke chuckled, running her hand over the shirt Lexa borrowed to wear to sleep. “I’m not forgiving her or anything.”

“I didn’t expect you to.”

“Good. Just wanted to put that out there.”

“I never expected anything less either,” Clarke chuckled, stretching forward and kissing Lexa on the cheek. “You’re adorable when you pout.”

“I guess that’s better than being called cute.”

“Still cute too.”

“CLARKE! LEXA!” a loud bang hit the door. They both jumped slightly, turning to glance at the noise. “Get up! Lexa, you need to get to your house to get ready for school.”

They heard Abby retreat down the stairs a few seconds later, both breathing a sigh of relief as they settled back into the mattress.

Lexa was the first to speak. “I guess I need to go. Indra is going to want me back to explain everything properly.”

Clarke frowned but nodded in understanding. “Can you give me a ride to school?”

“Let me get on Indra’s good graces first,” Lexa said back, giving her one last kiss before moving away. “I’ll text you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get much of a review in, so if anything was odd or off, please let me know :) Thank you guys!


	26. The Past, the Future, and some Black Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THOSE WHO WAITED FOR THIS. I know it's been a minute and I got some comments asking when the next chapter would go up. It took a while to figure out how I wanted to climax the story, taking in the comments and suggestions you guys leave me, and push towards an satisfying ending that I'm happy with, and I think I got it locked in so the next few chapters should go smoothly. Hope you enjoy :)

“You finally said I love you to each other?” Raven all but spit out pieces of chewed up pancake along with the question. Her eyebrows were high and confused. “Both of you?”

Octavia reached over, smacking Raven in the back of the head. “Swallow before you speak, Raven.”

She did swallow her food before smirking at her friend. “Is that what Lincoln tells you?”

Another smack.

“Ow! Okay!” she finally swallowed the pancakes, glaring at Octavia as she rubbed the back of her head. “You know, you need to get laid. You’re being a bitch.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, resisting to smack her one more time. Clarke, who was observing from the other side of the table in the small diner, just smiled at the stupidity that was her friends. But she loved them.

And she loved Lexa. Which was still weird to think but it was as true as the fact that grass is green and the ocean is blue.

She loved Lexa.

“Just shut up,” Octavia had said, turning her attention to Clarke. “So, you guys are good now? All that stuff with Costia?...”

“We actually called her last night after school, together. We all talked. It was good. Therapeutic, really,” Clarke answered honestly, pushing some of her hash browns around her plate as she talked. “It took a long time to talk it all through. A few hours at least. But the gist of the conversation was the same; we love each other. And it’s just nice to finally have it out in the open.”

“When you say out in the open, you mean…” Raven waved her hands in some gesture that Clarke raised an eyebrow out. So Raven rolled her eyes and continued. “I mean are we going to catch you guys in the halls shoving each other against lockers and making hickies?”

Clarke scoffed. “You wish. No.”

“What about Prom?” Octavia asked.

“I think it’s going to be a no go,” Clarke said softly, sipping her orange juice. “We talked about it, of course. And she said if I wanted to that she would but I could tell she wasn’t really that into it. And I think it was just that it scared her more than anything. But there’s always next year and, I mean, she has so much community service left and with my dad now home and my mom heading back to work I need to be around more and now is just not the time to try to plan all of this.”

Raven, for once, wasn’t sarcastic. “I get that. I only want to go to spike the drinks but Anya isn’t thrilled about the idea.”

“Might have to beat Ontari to the punch. She’s planning that with Murphy already." Clarke inquired.

Raven’s eyes widened with annoyance. “What? That bitch!”

Octavia, who wanted to smack her friend again, didn’t. “Don’t you dare spike anything. Bring your own drinks if you want to get wasted.”

“I have back up plans,” Raven smirked. “Never doubt me, Octavia.”

“I swear, if you ruin my Prom…”

Clarke smiled at her friends, chuckling as they started arguing back and forth. But that’s when she also started to look up, getting ready to say something else, and froze.

“Ray,” she spoke softly, almost warningly.

Raven didn’t hear her, still going on about putting confetti in the air vents at the venue.

“Raven,” Clarke hissed again, eyes still at the entrance to the diner.

“What?”

“Look, you moron.”

She did. She turned, and Clarke watched the realization dawn on her friend. They weren’t far from home but they weren’t downtown either, and sure enough, Finn himself had walked through the same diner they did.

He stood with two other guys, hands in his pockets and laughing about something one of the guys had said while pointing at his phone. Clarke watched while holding her breath as a waitress came up and Finn looked her up and down. Such a pig. She wasn’t sure what she saw in him but the waitress obviously blushed and showed them to a table on the other side of the diner. She and Raven both let out a breath when they realized that.

“You haven’t heard about him since the championship game before Christmas, right?” Clarke asked.

Raven nodded. “Yeah, when Niylah was our hero. God, what if he noticed us? Did he see us?”

Octavia reached her arm around an obviously concerned Raven, which was a rare sight. Clarke watched as Raven visibly relaxed, ever so slightly, at the touch. “I’d kick his ass, no problem. You’re safe.”

Clarke welcomed the distraction of her phone vibrating. She glanced down as Octavia comforted Raven.

_Hey, just finished Community Service. You guys still downtown? – Lexa_

_Yeah. And you’ll never guess who walked in the diner. – Clarke_

_Who? Ashton Kutcher? Ali Krieger? Kelley O’Hara? I heard that she was in town. Oh! David Beckham. – Lexa_

_I wish. Fucking Finn actually. – Clarke_

_Oh shit – Lexa_

_Are you okay? – Lexa_

_Yeah. He didn’t see us but it freaked me out. Made me wish you or Anya or Lincoln was here – Clarke_

_I can be there in thirty minutes. – Lexa_

_I think it’s fine. Hopefully. We’re leaving as soon as we get the check so I’ll see you tonight? – Clarke._

_Yeah. Let me know if you need me. Love you. – Lexa_

She swooned at that.

_Love you too. See you soon – Clarke_

“I hate him,” Raven grumbled, now poking the rest of her food around her plate, appetite gone. Clarke felt for her. “God, he ruined me. He’s a dick.”

“He didn’t ruin you,” Clarke pointed out.

“Yeah,” Octavia nodded along. “Come on, he isn’t going to stop you from getting to NASA or MIT. He fucked you guys emotionally but look at you now. It was over a year ago. He’s a dick. You don’t need to dwell on him anyway.”

“Still hate him,” Raven mumbled.

Clarke nodded but didn’t say anything when the waitress brought their individual checks. They quickly dropped cash so they could get out sooner and stood up, quickly making their way to the entrance.

Unfortunately for them, the entrance was right by the bathrooms, and that’s where Finn was heading.

Raven was almost out the door, Octavia already out, and Clarke right behind Raven when the blonde felt a hand wrap around her wrist. “Clarke?”

Raven froze. Clarke froze and looked down, quickly pulling her arm away from her before facing him. “Finn.”

“Raven,” he nodded in her direction, then his eyes drifted to her brace on one leg now. He looked… sad? No. “I heard about the accident. And I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what, exactly?” Raven shot back. “You’ve got quite a list that I’ll never forgive you for.”

She said it loud, catching the ears of a few of the diners. Finn glanced around, not realizing that she’d still be this upset. “Raven, I’m sorry but yes. For all of it. I wanted to talk to you for a long time now–”

“You don’t get a chance to explain,” Clarke interrupted, stepping between Raven and Finn now. She wanted to protect her friend. “So why don’t you move along, Finn.”

His eyes drifted from Raven’s to Clarke’s. “I heard you’re dating that Lexa Woods girl.”

“Your point?”

“Seems like a downgrade, that’s all.”

She felt a fire ignite at the insult. “Excuse me?”

Raven snuck her hand around Clarke’s wrist. “Clarke, come on, let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“I’m just saying, I’ve asked around the school. I’ve heard things. I still have friends there. Her parents didn’t even like her. I’m not sure what you see in her.”

Clarke’s fingers tightened into a fist. “Who the fuck have you been talking to?”

Suddenly, Clarke saw a wave of brown and a fist, and the next thing she knew she was being dragged by Octavia out of the diner muttering about how her knuckles were going to hurt and they better be grateful. Apologies were thrown to the staff by the Blake sibling and Raven and Clarke were pulled away from the confrontation before anything escalated.

But they both were still in the headspace of the moment.

And Clarke was pissed.

\-------------------------

“How can he just say that like he knows you? I mean, he’s lost his damn mind! He doesn’t know you. And he doesn’t have any right to keep up with my life, with my relationship. He fucked that up a long time ago and I was this close to ripping his head off. I swear to God.”

“Clarke–”

“If I see him again I swear he’s going to get what’s coming to him. If he thinks he can–”

“Clarke!”

The blonde paused in her pacing, turning to see her brunette girlfriend on her bed, eyeing her with concern in those beautiful brown orbs. The athlete was obviously worried, hands wrapped around her knees as she sat there, watching the blonde.

She stopped though, taking a deep breath. “I just - he makes me so mad.”

“I know, and I get that,” Lexa said, dropping her head to her knees. “If I ever saw him, I’d probably kill him. Not to defend me, but to get back at him for you.”

“I’d let you.”

“I know you would. But hey, come here.”

Lexa opened her arms and dropped her legs and Clarke did as asked. She slipped onto the bed, straddling Lexa’s hips and settling her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Strong hands wrapped around her, sliding under her shirt and smoothing the skin along her lower back. Clarke instantly relaxed, Lexa’s hands having that effect on her.

Clarke lifted her head after a few moments. She looked deeply into the brown eyes that were just as serious back at her. And she leaned in and kissed Lexa softly, conveying more than she thought she could with a touch.

But Lexa felt it, understood it. The brown headed goddess smiled into the kiss. “I love you too.”

They kissed for a while longer, Clarke’s heart picking up again from the feeling, not the frustration she felt with Finn. Instead, she focused on Lexa. Lexa’s lips. Lexa’s hands. What Lexa could probably do with those hands.

But it started to slow, and Lexa eventually pulled back with a kiss of finality to Clarke’s lips. “Although, I have a question.”

Clarke chased her lips but when Lexa leaned back more, hands going to Clarke’s hips to steady her, she sighed and gave in. “Okay, what?”

“It’s just a question.”

“Can you ask it so we can get back to not talking?”

“If I killed Finn and went to jail, would you still love me?”

Clarke raised an eyebrow but shook her head at her girlfriend. “Please don’t go to jail because I can’t kiss you through the glass.”

“That’s the only problem with that?”

“And I mean, I want kids and whatnot, you know? It’s hard enough to do that without an orange jumpsuit in the mix.”

Lexa paused, her hands freezing where they were rubbing circles into Clarke’s hips. “You – you want kids?”

She didn’t realize that she’d actually said that until she registered Lexa’s wide eyes and surprised expression. “Shit. That’s going to freak you out, isn’t it?”

“No,” Lexa shot back, shaking her head but obviously flustered. “I mean, I never thought about it. But it’s not a bad thing.”

“That’s way in the future though.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“We don’t need to think about it.”

“Nope, course not.”

“And, I mean, you do so well with Aden.”

“Yeah, well he’s a good kid, although he’s not a child. Not sure what you’re point is.”

They paused, both trying to read the other while not being too forward but eventually, Clarke dropped her forehead to Lexa’s. “Okay, I’m sorry. But yeah, I want kids someday. So that’s out in the open now. I didn’t mean to drop a bomb like that.”

Lexa shook her head, leaning up to kiss Clarke on the nose. The blonde smiled at the cheesy contact. “It’s fine. Maybe a bit of warning next time though?”

“Sure, yeah. And I’m sorry I freaked out earlier with Finn. I haven’t seen him in so long and I didn’t think it would bother me like it did. I was prepared at the State Championship to see him but then Niylah handled him so I was caught off guard and I just – I’m really sorry.”

Lexa smirked, gripped Clarke tightly, and flipped her over onto the bed. Clarke squealed, laughing when Lexa slid over here, her body now cradled between Clarke’s legs that wrapped around her hips, pulling her closer. Hands wrapped in Lexa’s shirt too, yanking her down as they laughed together.

“CLARKE! LEXA!” The front door burst open downstairs, causing them both to pause as she heard Jake’s cane on the hardwoods. “That door better be open!”

Clarke sighed as Lexa rolled off of her with defeat. The blonde cursed her family under her breath as she stood and said, “I can’t wait for college.”

\---------------------

“Good, Aden. Right block, left swing, duck and uppercut. Perfect. Keep it going, nice and smooth. Good.”

Clarke stood, sweating and wiping her forehead with a towel as she watched Lexa instruct. Anya and Aden were gloved up, going through smooth, fluid motions as Lexa pointed out elbows and hands and shoulders and feet and where they should be located. Anya was patient with the young freshmen, waiting for Lexa’s instruction before pointing out some of her own.

Raven, sweating and tired on the floor next to Clarke from her own rehab training, watched as well. “It’s like they just unofficially adopted him into their little bubble.”

The thought of her and Lexa’s conversation a few days ago popped into her head. Kids. She could see Lexa teaching young kids how to do play soccer, how to defend themselves, how to drink without a sippy cup, or how to swim for the first time. She blushed when she realized she was staring, looking down at Raven who was still staring at her own girlfriend.

“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked, deciding to change the subject. “Your leg?”

“Solid, actually. I’m tired with this regimen that Wick made up. Anya makes me follow every mark and don’t get me started on your mother yelling at me. Even Jake started pushing me now. Everyone is against me.”

“They just want you back at one hundred percent as soon as possible. You’ve got one brace down.”

“Yeah, one more to go. Although I’ll never be a hundred percent.”

“You’re crushing it, don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“Thanks, but it’s been like what? Five months? I’m tired of this thing. And my mother is being over encouraging which is just annoying.” She sat up, gripping the straps that were slick due to the sweat from the cardio workout they just did. “I just got to the point that I can shower fully without that damn chair in case I get tired. Anya or my mom had to always stay close by, made me feel like a child. I hate how long this is taking.”

“Anya doesn’t mind helping you shower though,” Clarke teased, kicking Raven from her spot on the bench above her. “Lexa said she never wants to use their shower again.”  
“If that’s the case, she may want to wash her sheets too.”

It took a moment before Clarke caught up with Raven’s teasing. “You–” Raven’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Raven! I’ve slept in that bed too!”

“Just wash your hands. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Anya has her own bed, Raven!”

“I know. It’s fun on different surfaces, you know? Lexa’s bed is a sleep number, Anya’s is memory foam. It’s like having sex on quick sand.”

Clarke sighed, dropping her head and pushing the sweaty stray baby hairs out of her face when she lifted it back up. “I hate you. That’s going to scar my girlfriend if she hears that you and her sister had sex on her bed. She’s going to lose all trust forever.”

“For the record, Anya didn’t want to. But I distracted her.” “Gross. Stop. Ugh.”

Raven did, but only because the door opened up a few seconds later. And in strolled two people they weren’t expecting.

Roan.

And Ontari.

Clarke watched as Ontari scanned the place, eyes landing on her and she winked in Clarke’s direction. Luckily, Clarke didn’t feel embarrassed this time, raising an eyebrow at her. Lexa, though, noticed. She turned from Aden, eyebrows going to her hairline when she saw who was there and mentioned something to Anya. Quickly, the sister took Aden towards the other side of the gym, keeping herself between Aden and Ontari the whole time.

Their agreement was to protect the kid. That protection instinct was extremely attractive, if Clarke was being honest with herself.

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asked, arms crossed as she stopped in from of the two unwelcomed siblings.

Roan sighed, gesturing to Ontari. “I’m trying to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself.”

Ontari rolled her eyes. “Thanks, big brother. But I’m here to talk to you,” she directed towards Lexa. “I heard you worked out at this gym, that it had martial arts to it.”

“What’s it to you?”

“Well, I want to spar with you.”

Lexa squinted her eyes at her. “No.”

“No? Are you scared?”

“Are you stupid?” Lexa shot back. “I’d kill you.”

Ontari scoffed. “Come on, let’s be real. You’ve wanted a crack at me. I’ve wanted a crack at you. The tension at community service is killing me. And not the good kind. So now, we can do it without getting into trouble. We can now get it out.”

“How’d you even find out about this place?”

Ontari smiled, glancing towards Clarke – who’s heart was slowly picking up at Lexa’s determined stance – and then around the rest of the place. “I overheard at school. There’s more than your gang that comes here, you know. It’s not some super-secret club. This isn’t the Never Back Down movie. It’s high school.”

Clarke stood, moving towards them as Raven moved opposite, going towards Anya and Aden at the far end of the gym. The blonde approached slowly, catching the eye of an emotionally exhausted looking Roan. He was obviously not a fan of this. He looked like he’d rather be anywhere but there right now.

“You’re not going to fight here, period,” Lexa stated with finality. She saw Clarke approach out of the corner of her eye, and she reached out to pull her slightly behind herself. Clarke slid back out though, noting Lexa’s frustration with her rebelliousness. “I want you to leave,” she directed back at Ontari.

“You don’t own the place. You can’t kick me out.” She smirked and used her hand to fling back the stray hairs in her face when Lexa’s glare hardened more. “We’d wear gloves, helmets, the whole nine yards,” Ontari continued to push. “Just one time, Lexa. I want to just prove to you that I could kick your ass.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “You can’t.”

Roan dropped his head in annoyance. “I tried to tell her.”

“This is completely unnecessary,” Clarke pointed out, hand going around Lexa’s forearm to calm the brunette who was steaming with aggravation.

“Maybe,” Ontari shot back. “But I want to do it.”

“I’m not buying it,” Lexa said with squinted eyes of distrust.

“How about a deal?”

Lexa’s eyebrow quirked up at that. Clarke knew she’d hate to admit it, but that intrigued her. “A deal?”

“Yeah,” Ontari smirked like a cat with a mouse. “You win and I leave your whole crew alone.”

“The whole gang? Jasper, Clarke. Aden.” Lexa’s hand slid into Clarke’s now, squeezing with possessiveness. “All of them.”

“Yeah, all of them. You’ll never see me bothering anyone again. I’ll practically be an angel.”

Clarke didn’t trust her. She never did. But Lexa’s hand in hers squeezed tighter for a small moment before Lexa said:

“I’ve been wanting to kick your ass. Let’s go.”

Clarke was surprised at the response. And how quickly it came. “Lexa?”

Ontari looked like she already won with that smug expression. “You’re missing the part where I get something when I win.”

“If. And you won’t,” Lexa corrected.

“No, when. And I will.”

“You won’t.”

“Either way,” Ontari stated with an eye roll, “I win, and I get to try out fairly for the soccer team next year. You talk to coach and the other players to give me a fair shot.”

Lexa tensed. “Why would you want to play?”

Ontari shrugged, stepping forward and crowding Lexa’s space as a challenge. “A chance to prove you wrong? I’m always looking for those opportunities.”

\-----------------------

“Care to explain what the hell you were thinking?”

Clarke sat on a stool in the kitchen of the Woods’ household with fear and worry flooding her veins. She watched as Indra, disappointed and angry, got out a bag of peas to hold on Lexa’s slowly swelling and purpling right eye. Clarke stayed quiet, scared any of Indra’s aggravation will be directed at her. Even if nothing was her fault, she didn’t want that chance.

Neither did the other siblings. Lincoln headed for Octavia’s house after the gym. Anya drove Raven home. Lexa dropped Aden off at his house but still had to come home to Indra who she knew would be pissed. Clarke was there for emotional support, not wanting Lexa to face Indra’s wrath alone.

But what they didn’t expect was Abby to be there upon their arrival, standing across the kitchen and eyeing Lexa’s face as well with a doctor’s gaze. When they had walked in and saw both mothers, both daughter’s knew that they weren’t going to win no matter the explanation. And based on the look on their faces upon realization of Lexa’s current state, they weren’t getting out of this easy.

“I saw an opportunity to get Ontari to leave Aden alone and I took it,” Lexa said, answering Indra’s earlier question. Clarke watched her mother’s reaction to the questions, obviously not happy any more than Indra was. “She’s been scaring Aden and even if she backed off some, I wanted to make sure he had nothing to worry about.”

“Did you sign a contract? Write up a script?” Indra asked incredulously, the lawyer in her coming out. “You realize that spoken words and a handshake aren’t exactly legally binding. This girl could easily go back to picking on that kid and all you’d have to show for it is a black eye and a split lip.”

Clarke dropped her head to her heads, elbows on the bar counter. She was too emotionally tired for this. First Finn recently, now this. She just needed a beach vacation. 

“Honestly, Lexa, you know better than this,” Indra continued. “What the hell got into you? I thought you were past fighting?”

Abby quirked a worried eyebrow at that statement. Apparently she never knew the extent that Lexa’s way of getting rid of frustration was more physical than some other teenagers. Clarke made a mental note to explain to her mom later.

“I was past it. I AM past it. Besides, we did everything by the book,” Lexa pointed out, taking the frozen peas off of her eye to show a ring of purple forming. “We wore the helmets and shit–”

“Language!”

“And we didn’t get seriously hurt. I had her pinned when she elbowed me in the eye. I still won. It was a cheap shot and that’s all. She’ll stand by the deal and Aden won’t have to look over his shoulder when I’m not around. It was worth it.”

“If you would’ve been caught, would it have been worth it?”

“To keep my people safe, everything is worth it,” she shot back.

Clarke felt pride flow through her chest at Lexa’s confidence, even under someone’s intensity as Indra. She never realized quite the extent that Lexa cared for others, but her expression could easily resemble “The Commander” that everyone at school says she acts like. Right now, she’s like a general defending her troops.

“Please, Lexa, stop being so dramatic.” Indra leaned her hands on the counter and dropped her head. She sighed, glancing back at Abby for help.

The doctor now stepped forward, arms crossed. “I understand that you did this to protect everyone, my daughter included, but you can’t go swinging fists to protect people in the future or throwing lamps when you and Clarke fight. There are better ways to go about these things, Lexa.”

She swallowed and nodded, looking towards Clarke who gave her an encouraging smile. Her mother wasn’t scolding them both, so that was good news.

“That being said,” Abby continued, “You prove to have a violent streak around my daughter, and you’re gone. You hear me? Gone. This isn’t coming from Jake either. This is coming from me. The one that actually likes you.”

Lexa’s eyes widened suddenly at the thought. She swallowed nervously, nodding once. “Ye – yes ma’am. It was just this one time–”

“That’s what they all say,” Abby continued, hand up to tell Lexa to silence herself. “I dated someone like you, you know. A guy, of course, years ago. It was brief, a time when Jake and I weren’t together, but he got into a lot of bar fights to defend people’s honor, mine included. He meant well, but people got hurt, I got hurt. Accident or not, it happened. So it ends now, today. You understand? My daughter gets hurt in any circumstance because of you, you’ll regret it. Understand?”

Clarke wanted to interrupted, to tell her mom to cool it with the threats, but she saw that look in her eyes. She watched Lexa nod one more time, glancing at Clarke with concern. The blonde smiled timidly back though, hoping to calm the nervous brunette but she was feeling just as nervous herself so it probably wasn’t very effective.

“Alright,” Indra announced, breaking the tension. “You two go upstairs, let us talk about a punishment for you. I have to call Gustus too, but he’s on a long shift. And when Jake gets home from rehab, he hears about this. So get going.”

They did. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s hand and practically drug her through the house and up the stairs, finally getting to her room and closing the door as discreetly as possible. Technically, they were supposed to have an open door policy but she just wanted some privacy now.

Clarke waited, sitting herself on the bed as Lexa sat next to her, biting her lip that had a slight cut to hit from another hit Ontari must have gotten through. Clarke, unable to help herself, reached over to touch it gently.

Lexa winced.

“Sorry,” Clarke whispered, her eyebrows pinching in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Your mom threatened to not let me see you anymore. Your dad already tried this too. So no, I’m not okay. He’s gonna light my ass on fire. All that progress, poof! Gone.”

“I meant your lip.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “That’s the least of my worries right now.”

“Hey, I’m still here, you know?” Clarke leaned over and kissed Lexa’s cheek lightly, just under the continuously bruising eye. “It just scared her to think I could’ve been collateral damage. That’s all. My mom didn’t mean it.”

Lexa rolled her eyes, disbelieving. “I think she did actually.”

“Hey, look at me,” Clarke demanded. She cupped Lexa’s cheeks, pulling the brown eyes to her blue ones with all seriousness. “I’m here for the long haul. I’m not going anywhere.” She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to Lexa’s to ease the tension on her face. Lexa hissed in response but kissed her back as best she could, hands coming to her arms to hold her still. “I love you.”

Lexa took a deep breath, nodding once. “I love you too.”

\----------------------

Clarke threw her helmet, jacket, and extra books in her locker and shut the door quickly. Kids bustled about her all over the hallway. She straightened her back, slipping both her arms through it and turned to head towards third period when she froze.

“What do you want?”

Ontari leaned up against the locker next to Clarke’s, a sling hanging off the side of her shoulder that held her arm in place. She was looking at the floor when Clarke saw her, and when she glanced up Clarke saw the busted lip, similar to Lexa’s but slightly worse based on the crusting of the cut and the extra bruising. “Hey, Clarke.” She glanced around quickly, probably looking to see if Lexa was coming around or anyone else. They weren’t, Clarke knew. This was the only break that she had where none of her friends were near her hallway.

Clarke pointed to the sling with her eyes. “It hurt?”

“Nothing broken. But yeah, honestly, it hurts. Arms don’t naturally bend that way without pain.”

Clarke nodded, wanting to rub it in that her girlfriend kicked her ass but Ontari already looked like a kicked puppy. Her shirt was larger than it should’ve been, probably belonged to Roan so it was easier to get on. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she looked just exhausted as she fixed up her bag on her good shoulder, leaning on her bad one.

It seems like she managed to tie her shoes properly though.

“So what do you want?” Clarke asked skeptically. “What are you doing here?”

She sighed, looking like she didn’t want to do this. “I – I came to…”

She arched an eyebrow. “You came to…”

“Apologize,” she said with distaste. Her eyes closed, her head bumping against the lockers loudly, causing some students to look their way.

That wasn’t what she was expecting. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t make me say it again,” Ontari mumbled back. “I can taste vomit in my mouth already.”

“You’re apologizing? To me?”

“Obviously,” Ontari said, finally opening her eyes. “I was an ass at the gym and yeah, I’m sorry. I just wanted to prove a point.”

Clarke crossed her arms now defensively. “What was that point exactly?”

“That I could get under Lexa’s skin.”

That had been obvious from the beginning. Anytime Ontari even looked at Clarke, Aden, Raven, anyone that Lexa cared about. Clarke’s girlfriend cared too much to the point that Ontari was easily able to bother her if she managed to get at anyone in their group of friends. That wasn’t new. So Clarke didn’t respond, looking at Ontari without amusement as she waited for the girl to elaborate. Ontari was a bitch but she wasn’t stupid. She knew Clarke wouldn’t believe that.

So she did continue. “I mean, I knew I could. But Lexa is so… composed. And I knew if I got to her at the gym, I’d finally get a crack at her.”

Clarke scoffed, eyeing the sling on her right shoulder again. “How’d that work out for you?”

“The black eye is pretty satisfying to see, honestly,” she shot back. “The split lip too.”

“You cheated.”

“We never established rules. It was a street fight.”

“There are rules with the gym. That’s obvious for anyone there. You walk in there, you follow the rules.”

Ontari brushed it off. “I never followed any rules anyway. Lexa should’ve known that before she bothered putting the gloves on.”

Clarke shook her head as the warning bell rang. “Honestly, Ontari, is there a point to this conversation or are you trying to piss me off?”

She looked actually offended. “I just wanted to apologize.”

“And you did. Congratulations. Now I have to go to class.” She brushed passed her, shoving her shoulder into Ontari’s with force as she moved towards her next class.

\----------------------------

_Do I have to practically break her arm to get it through her head? The deal was she leaves everyone alone. That includes you. – Lexa_

_All she did was talk and attempt to apologize. It was shitty though. And she needs to apologize to you, not to me. – Clarke_

_I don’t want her apology. – Lexa_

_I know. – Clarke_

_And I don’t want her talking to you. Period. I don’t care if she was nice to you when all that happened with Costia. I don’t care about her one moment of good intentions. – Lexa_

_I’m going to kill her. – Lexa_

_Not really. But you get the idea. She’s driving me crazy. – Lexa_

_Hey, calm down, okay? I can picture you fuming right now, steam coming out of your ears. You need to focus in Mr. Johnson’s class. I’m sorry I texted you. Just thought you should know. – Clarke_

_I should know. And I should bust her head on the wall. – Lexa_

_Lexa. Stop. – Clarke_

_Sorry. – Lexa_

_You’re not. But good try. – Clarke_

_I just don’t like her. – Lexa_

_Really? I never guessed. – Clarke_

_Why are you teasing me? Are you trying to piss me off too? – Lexa_

_What? No, come on. Be serious. – Clarke_

_I am. Doesn’t really seem like you’re on my side right now. – Lexa_

_What? You know I am. I told you what happened. Sorry I don’t want you to get suspended or do something stupid. My bad that I care about my girlfriend. – Clarke_

_Ugh, she just makes me crazy! – Lexa_

_Well stop letting her get to you so much. – Clarke_

_She just knows that no matter what we said, she can still do whatever the hell she wants. Should’ve known she wasn’t going to honor anything, and I pissed your mom off for nothing. – Lexa_

_Pretty much. – Clarke_

_I’m rolling my eyes, in case you couldn’t tell. – Lexa_

_I love you. – Clarke_

_Not helping. – Lexa_

_Come on. You know it helps. Say it back – Clarke_

_Or type it. Whatever – Clarke_

_Luv u 2 – Lexa_

_Doesn’t count. Come on. – Clarke_

_I – Lexa_

_Love – Lexa_

_You – Lexa_

_Only because you’re adorable and I didn’t really get a choice in the matter – Lexa_

_Are you saying that if you had a choice you wouldn’t be with me? – Clarke_

“Ms. Griffin?”

She looked up from her phone, her cheeks turning red when she realized the whole English class was looking at her, teacher including. She slowly slid her phone more in her lap, hoping to hide it.

“Care to focus for me, Clarke?” Ms. Anderson asked in a fake-polite tone. “Or is something else more important?”

“No, I’m sorry. I just – I got distracted.”

“I see that. Pay attention,” Ms. Anderson said before giving her a stern expression before looking back towards the whiteboard, marker in hand.

Clarke felt her lap buzz one more time and she chanced it. She pulled it back, ducking her head to look down and smiled.

_I’d always be with you. In any lifetime. – Lexa_

\---------------------

“You know, this studying thing is a lot less motivating when you refuse to kiss me for every right answer,” Lexa complained, dropping her head to her hands and looking at Clarke though her lashes. She pouted, her split lip obvious, red, and angry as she did. The pages of the books pushed up against her elbow on the counter.

Clarke didn’t let it faze her either, looking back towards the books lying out on the tile countertop, feet propped up on the stool as she sat by Lexa. “Whose fault is that? I’d kiss you but you wince every time.”

“I’m getting better though. It’s been a few days,” she mentioned.

“Maybe, but the moment you kiss me without hurting is the day I’ll kiss you back,” Clarke stated with finality, tapping her pens on the book in front of her. “Makes me feel like I’m a terrible kisser. Now do your stuff. I have to finish this tonight anyway, it’s due in first period and Octavia already finished hers. We’ve got a lot of stuff coming up in the next few weeks and we don’t have the excuse of going to Prom to let our grades slip. So get a move on.”

“But–”

“No ‘buts’, Lexa.”

“I see who’s the good influence and the bad one now, huh?”

They both paused, looking up as Jake limped in, cane in one hand, a decaf coffee in another. Clarke watched Lexa’s face as she registered what Jake meant and she blushed, sealing her lips shut.

“Dad,” Clarke scolded, watching her girlfriend sink in the invisible shell that got built every time Jake was around. “You promised you’d be nicer.”

“I didn’t say anything rude,” he complained, dropping the coffee and lifting one hand in defense. “Nothing was… meant by that comment. Scouts honor.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You’re not a boy scout.”

“Doesn't matter,” he shot back, leaning forward across the counter from them, looking at the books and then to the two girls. “So, what’s this I hear about you two skipping out on Prom? You don’t have any other ideas for that night, do you?”

His innuendo was not lost on Clarke who threw a pen at him.

“Hey, relax. It’s a simple question.”

“Be nice,” She scolded again. Her hand went to Lexa’s thigh to calm the girl who was still always on edge. “With everything going on, we just decided to skip Prom. There’s always next year, when we’re seniors.”

He nodded, biting the edge of the pen in thought, observing the two. “So,” he then gestured between them with the pen, back and forth, “You think you two will still be together this time next year?”

Clarke wanted to say yes with complete and utter certainty. But her father wasn’t looking for her answer. She knew that. He had this way of testing people sometimes, which is why he did so well in the company he’s in, even if it’s mainly engineer work. He knew who was worthwhile to stick around and who wasn’t. So Clarke took a breath, hoping Lexa would take the reins in the answer to earn some brownie points.

But Jake continued before the brunette got the courage. “I mean, high school relationships are hard. Sure, some are in it for the long run, but what makes you guys think you’ll stay together that long?”

Clarke squeezed Lexa’s leg when the girl tensed up, hand slowly dropping to Clarke’s to intertwine with her fingers. The blonde rolled her eyes at her dad, “You know we can’t answer that, Dad. We lo – we love each other. We’re leaving it at that for now. Don’t get all philosophical on us. It’s not like we’re planning a wedding.”

“What about college?” He asked, directing another question towards Lexa. “Lexa, have you thought about schools? A future? Clarke wants to be a doctor, knows what schools to apply for. What about you?”

Clarke swallowed a knot forming in her throat. They never talked much about school, about a future other than being together. This time, she couldn’t answer for her girlfriend.

But Lexa cleared her throat, her grip on Clarke’s hand tightening as she looked down. “I’ve considered a few schools in Atlanta, some in Florida. Georgia State, Jacksonville, Miami, Georgia Tech–”

“Georgia Tech? You want to be an engineer?” Jake interrupted.

“Well, no but–”

“What do you want to do then?” he asked again. Clarke started to get irritated with her father, who leaned over the counter to tower over there from their spots sitting down. She’d have felt better if Gustus was interrogating them at this point. Even though Jake was visibly skinny and weak and obviously tired, he was still her father and intimidating. “Octavia knows she wants to go into the military, so does that Lincoln kid, your brother. Raven goes on and on about NASA. Bellamy is going to try the police academy this summer after Graduation. Have you thought about a future outside of my daughter?”

“Dad!” Clarke stood now, frustration rising. “You said you’d start to cool it with Lexa. What the hell are you trying to pull right now?”

“Relax, I’m asking a question.”

“I haven’t–” Lexa’s voice cracked slightly so she cleared her throat before she continued. “I haven’t thought much passed teaching, actually.”

Both Griffins paused, glancing at her from their standing stare down. “Teaching?” Clarke asked, obviously not expecting that. “You never told me that. You never mentioned it.”

“Well, I’m obviously not built for school kind of stuff,” Lexa chuckled, pointing towards the books in front of them that she hated so much. “But maybe P.E., or coaching soccer or martial arts. But I wanted to try to get a business degree, maybe start my own training gym or something. Hopefully get some scholarships and play soccer in college too. Aden mentioned that I should play and then train people on the side for extra money, but Anya wants me to try it long term.” She shrugged, shrinking under the gaze of the Griffins. “But I get it if Mr. Griffin doesn’t find that feasible.”

Jake, for once, didn’t open his mouth immediately. He took a moment before one eyebrow arched up, intrigued by Lexa’s answer. “No, teaching is… a good profession. No matter what it is you’re technically coaching or whatever. It helps develop the next generation. There’s honor in that if your heart is in it too.”

Lexa looked down shyly, hands twisting together. “Well, coach pretty much lets me run practices as she thinks I need to anyway, so the team might have mentioned it before too.”

Clarke burst with pride at the confession. “I’m surprised Anya let your head get that big.”

“Believe it or not,” Lexa chuckled, looking up at her with a twinkle in her eyes now. Lexa was finally starting to relax some, Clarke noticed. That confidence was coming back.

Jake nodded, gently slapping his hands once on the counter like a judge ending a trial. “Well, alright then. Good to know.”

He gently put his coffee cup in the sink, limping his way out of the kitchen without another word and headed towards the living room. They heard the back door open and shut, where he spent most of his time outside on his computer for work. Being cooped up for so long made him want to spend every waking moment without rain out in the sunlight, no matter the time of day. Not to mention all the work he’s been trying to catch up on.

Clarke slowly settled back in her stool that she had hastily jumped out of, turning to fully face her girlfriend. “Teaching, huh?”

Lexa shrugged. “I’ve thought about it. And I know that Biology is not the thing I’m going to pass onto the next generation. And the politician thing is out.”

“I can see it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, teaching kids and making the world a better place. It’s hot.”

With a blush, Lexa shook her head and looked at Clarke through her lashes, the way she does that makes the blonde really want to kiss her. “How exactly is that hot? Do you have a thing for teachers? Should I be worried?”

“I'll explain when you're older.” Clarke leaned forward, her hand sliding through Lexa’s brown locks falling around her shoulders and rubbing the back of her neck. “If it wasn’t for your black eye and the split lip, I’d do some things to you right now to show you how hot it is.”

With a blush, Lexa rolled her eyes and shoved Clarke’s hand playfully. “Can we get back to studying, please? God forbid your parents walk in on us again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. As always, thanks for reading!


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